Haven for the Human Amoeba

There are people who most prefer to be alone most of the time. I am not one who wants to be alone most of the time. I do need a lot of alone time but I do not take any pleasure in being single. In the past this didn't bother me in the least. It seems I have been changing a lot as I age. It seems to just be my natural process of aging where someone else may have a different process.

I wonder how much of that is the need for security? At least that's the nagging worry in the back of *my* head. I don't mind being alone as long as I have my computer and a means of transportation, but stick me someplace where I don't have both and I get bored very quickly. It doesn't really matter if I'm with people, I get bored if there's neither one because I want to get away and type away madly on e-mail, or read the news, etc. <G>, and I enjoy shopping for food and other necessities.

However, I worry about myself a bit, and think it would be good to have someone around for safety reasons even if I'm not paying attention all the time...someone that we could watch out for each other.

Therese Shellabarger / The Roving Reporter - Civis Mundi tlshell@... / http://tlshell.cnc.net/

Some of you here probably would prefer this? (-;

The Ostrich ============

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. As he sits, the waitress comes over and asks for their orders.

The man says, "I'll have a hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?"

"I'll have the same," says the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That will be $6.40 please," and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, have a hamburger, fries and a coke," and the ostrich says, "I'll have the same."

Once again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change. This becomes a routine until late one evening, the two enter again. "The usual?" asks the waitress. "No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and salad," says the man, "same for me," says the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress comes with the order and says, "That will be $12.62." Once again the man pulls exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.

The waitress can't hold back her curiosity any longer.

"Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?"

"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes.

My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there."

"That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!"

That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man.

The waitress asks, "One other thing, sir, what's with the ostrich?"

The man sighs, pauses, and answers,

"My second wish was for a tall chick with long legs who agrees with everything I say."

Yes, but at one point your grandmother & grandfather DID have a sexual relationship with one another. I'm sure a lot of marriages become asexual after awhile. I'm talking about never did, never will, never wanted, never lusted after, never tried, never interested that way tho'.

To have a serious friendship, do lots of things together, go on trips together, laughing together when nosey-assed people keep asking when you're going to get married. Then he meets someone that sets his willy bouncing and he's like "well Cijay, it has been great for 21 years, I really had a great time but I found someone now who'll put out for me and I can't ever see you again. I may look you up if I should ever break up with her tho'." Sometimes it's like "but you can come along with us when we go places." Yup, just what I want to do, sit across the table with 2 people sniffin' each others' bums and snoodling all over each other. The new girl, she doesn't like doing any of the things he & I do together so she sits there making impatient little snorty noises throug her nose. Or, he and I go alone and she either calls every 15 minutes or he's preoccupied and 10 minutes after we get there he says "well, I gotta' go home now."

My relationship with him and her relationship with him don't intersect, they run parallel. I have no intention of trying to 'seduce him' (LOL if you could only see me and how much of a chance I'd have to seduce ANYone!).

This does happen with female friends, too when they "meet someone", all of a sudden I either don't get to see her, or he has to come along. (We're not in highschool, at 41 I'm about the youngest of my peers)...and again he isn't the least bit interested in anything she and I are talking about.

Why can't a very good friendship continue once they're getting their bangs elsewhere? Dunno', and at one point I'd've said it's do-able but, being always the one who ceases to exist I'm finally seeing that it just doesn't happen.

Well, not a fair one maybe. I'm fairly convinced that on my father's side, my grandmother had such a relationship with my grandfather after a certain period in their marriage, and the same seems to have happened to my father with my mom as well. If so, my father seems to be dealing with it by absorbing himself in hobbies and outdoor activities. I know my grandfather had a mistress as he once introduced me to her. (She seemed like a nice person, BTW.) This didn't stop either man from fathering several children by their wives.

---

Therese Shellabarger / The Roving Reporter - Civis Mundi tlshell@c... / http://tlshell.cnc.net/

Thanks for the feedback on the music.

I arrived at Sam's Goodies but they were completely sold out and closed.

Jen

jmnoble@... wrote: There's a store that is going out of business and selling their CD music for 80 and 90 % off. Please tell me what your favorite music style, songs, CD names and artists are.

I do not listen to music so I don't know what is a good thing to buy.

Don't worry about my taste being different. I have relatives of all ages that I could buy a nice gift for very little money.

Thanks so much, Jen

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I keep hearing so many stories of "pressure". Is it really not going to work to say "this isn't a big deal, leave me alone. period". Do people keep harrassing you after that? I'm surprised that there is so much hassling. I don't know anyone in my extended family who seriously bothers anyone about "getting some". Its none of their business, and they know it. I guess my family is pretty odd, in that they'll be quiet and mind their own business if told to do so? Pretty odd thing...

Save rainforest for free with a Planet-Save.com e-mail account: http://www.planet-save.com

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I guess my family is pretty odd, in that they'll be quiet and mind their own business if told to do so? Pretty odd thing...

My family long ago stopped asking when I would get married or anything, they know better than to ask such things! My mom says if I'm happy, then she's happy for me.

Therese Shellabarger / The Roving Reporter - Civis Mundi tlshell@... / http://tlshell.cnc.net/

Hi Everyone, These are my test results. I am wanting to find out what type of person would best suit me in friendships and that sort of thing.

Jen

With the above site my test resuls were as follows. MTBI Test Results Your personality type is INTJ.

Introverted (I) 68% Extraverted (E) 32% Intuitive (N) 55% Sensing (S) 45% Thinking (T) 65% Feeling (F) 35% Judging (J) 73% Perceiving (P) 27%

Note that if some of your results are near 50%, then you may not fall 100% into one personality type. For example, if you are an ENFJ but your Feeling and Thinking are almost 50/50, then you would more accurately be an ENxJ.

Introverted iNtuitive Thinking Judging by Marina Margaret Heiss

Profile: INTJ Revision: 2.4 Date of Revision: 20 Jul 03

To outsiders, INTJs may appear to project an aura of "definiteness", of self-confidence. This self-confidence, sometimes mistaken for simple arrogance by the less decisive, is actually of a very specific rather than a general nature; its source lies in the specialized knowledge systems that most INTJs start building at an early age. When it comes to their own areas of expertise -- and INTJs can have several -- they will be able to tell you almost immediately whether or not they can help you, and if so, how. INTJs know what they know, and perhaps still more importantly, they know what they don't know. INTJs are perfectionists, with a seemingly endless capacity for improving upon anything that takes their interest. What prevents them from becoming chronically bogged down in this pursuit of perfection is the pragmatism so characteristic of the type: INTJs apply (often ruthlessly) the criterion "Does it work?" to everything from their own research efforts to the prevailing social norms. This in turn produces an unusual independence of mind, freeing the INTJ from the constraints of authority, convention, or sentiment for its own sake.

INTJs are known as the "Systems Builders" of the types, perhaps in part because they possess the unusual trait combination of imagination and reliability. Whatever system an INTJ happens to be working on is for them the equivalent of a moral cause to an INFJ; both perfectionism and disregard for authority may come into play, as INTJs can be unsparing of both themselves and the others on the project. Anyone considered to be "slacking," including superiors, will lose their respect -- and will generally be made aware of this; INTJs have also been known to take it upon themselves to implement critical decisions without consulting their supervisors or co-workers. On the other hand, they do tend to be scrupulous and even-handed about recognizing the individual contributions that have gone into a project, and have a gift for seizing opportunities which others might not even notice.

In the broadest terms, what INTJs "do" tends to be what they "know". Typical INTJ career choices are in the sciences and engineering, but they can be found wherever a combination of intellect and incisiveness are required (e.g., law, some areas of academia). INTJs can rise to management positions when they are willing to invest time in marketing their abilities as well as enhancing them, and (whether for the sake of ambition or the desire for privacy) many also find it useful to learn to simulate some degree of surface conformism in order to mask their inherent unconventionality.

Personal relationships, particularly romantic ones, can be the INTJ's Achilles heel. While they are capable of caring deeply for others (usually a select few), and are willing to spend a great deal of time and effort on a relationship, the knowledge and self-confidence that make them so successful in other areas can suddenly abandon or mislead them in interpersonal situations.

This happens in part because many INTJs do not readily grasp the social rituals; for instance, they tend to have little patience and less understanding of such things as small talk and flirtation (which most types consider half the fun of a relationship). To complicate matters, INTJs are usually extremely private people, and can often be naturally impassive as well, which makes them easy to misread and misunderstand. Perhaps the most fundamental problem, however, is that INTJs really want people to make sense. :-) This sometimes results in a peculiar naivete', paralleling that of many Fs -- only instead of expecting inexhaustible affection and empathy from a romantic relationship, the INTJ will expect inexhaustible reasonability and directness.

Probably the strongest INTJ assets in the interpersonal area are their intuitive abilities and their willingness to "work at" a relationship. Although as Ts they do not always have the kind of natural empathy that many Fs do, the Intuitive function can often act as a good substitute by synthesizing the probable meanings behind such things as tone of voice, turn of phrase, and facial expression. This ability can then be honed and directed by consistent, repeated efforts to understand and support those they care about, and those relationships which ultimately do become established with an INTJ tend to be characterized by their robustness, stability, and good communications.

Functional Analysis by Joe Butt

Introverted iNtuition INTJs are idea people. Anything is possible; everything is negotiable. Whatever the outer circumstances, INTJs are ever perceiving inner pattern-forms and using real-world materials to operationalize them. Others may see what is and wonder why; INTJs see what might be and say "Why not?!" Paradoxes, antinomies, and other contradictory phenomena aptly express these intuitors' amusement at those whom they feel may be taking a particular view of reality too seriously. INTJs enjoy developing unique solutions to complex problems. Extraverted Thinking Thinking in this auxiliary role is a workhorse. Closure is the payoff for efforts expended. Evaluation begs diagnosis; product drives process. As they come to light, Thinking tends, protects, affirms and directs iNtuition's offspring, fully equipping them for fulfilling and useful lives. A faithful pedagogue, Thinking argues not so much on its own behalf, but in defense of its charges. And through this process these impressionable ideas take on the likeness of their master.

Introverted Feeling Feeling has a modest inner room, two doors down from the Most Imminent iNtuition. It doesn't get out much, but lends its influence on behalf of causes which are Good and Worthy and Humane. We may catch a glimpse of it in the unspoken attitude of good will, or the gracious smile or nod. Some question the existence of Feeling in this type, yet its unseen balance to Thinking is a cardinal dimension in the full measure of the INTJ's soul.

Extraverted Sensing Sensing serves with a good will, or not at all. As other inferior functions, it has only a rudimentary awareness of context, amount or degree. Thus INTJs sweat the details or, at times, omit them. "I've made up my mind, don't confuse me with the facts" could well have been said by an INTJ on a mission. Sensing's extraverted attitude is evident in this type's bent to savor sensations rather than to merely categorize them. Indiscretions of indulgence are likely an expression of the unconscious vengeance of the inferior.

Famous INTJs: Dan Aykroyd, actor (The Blues Brothers) Susan B. Anthony, suffragist Arthur Ashe, tennis champion Augustus Caesar (Gaius Julius Caesar Octavianus), Emperor of Rome Jane Austen, author (Pride and Prejudice) William J. Bennett, "drug czar" William F. Buckley, Jr., conservative political advocate Raymond Burr, actor (Perry Mason, Ironsides) Chevy Chase (Cornelius Crane), actor (Fletch) Phil Donahue, television talk show host Michael Dukakis, governor of Mass., 1988 U.S. Dem. pres. candidate Greg Gumbel, television sportscaster Hannibal, Carthaginian military leader Veronica Hamel, actor (Hill Street Blues) Orel Leonard Hershiser, IV, major league baseball pitcher Peter Jennings, television newscaster Charles Everett Koop, former U.S. surgeon general Ivan Lendl, tennis champion C. S. Lewis, author (The Chronicles of Narnia) Joan Lunden, television talk show host Edwin Moses, U.S. olympian (hurdles) Martina Navratilova, tennis champion Charles Rangel, U. S. Representative, D-N.Y. Pernell Roberts, actor (Bonanza) Maria Owens Shriver, television newscaster Josephine Tey (Elizabeth Mackintosh), mystery writer (Brat Farrar) Rudy Giuliani, New York City mayor Donald Rumsfeld, US Secretary of Defense General Colin Powell, US Secretary of State

U.S. Presidents: Chester A. Arthur Calvin Coolidge Thomas Jefferson John F. Kennedy James K. Polk Woodrow Wilson

Fictional:

Cassius (Julius Caesar) Mr. Darcy (Pride and Prejudice) Gandalf the Grey (J. R. R. Tolkein's Middle Earth books) Hannibal Lecter (Silence of the Lambs) Professor Moriarty, Sherlock Holmes' nemesis Ensign Ro (Star Trek--the Next Generation) Rosencrantz and Guildenstern (Hamlet) George Smiley, John le Carre's master spy Clarice Starling (Silence of the Lambs) Copyright © 1996-2003 by Marina Margaret Heiss and Joe Butt

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Also very similair story, besides not being interested in sex I also feel alienated from this era, other times in history seem much more my cup of tea... Alex, where do you live and do you mind older women? Wanne get married? ;)

Adrienne

I am a 27 years old guy, also with a similar story, good looking, and very deep in romance, I think I was born in a different time or place, I like all the old ways and I am not very interested in sex either, I have been pressure from girls to have sex with them and it was more to pleasure them than myself, maybe someday I might find ms right.

alex

Extrovert may not be the right title as I usually dont share much personal information and dont stand out much in a crowd. But at parties I go wild, I flirt like mad, love dancing and usually quite a few men are atracted to me. But I am like you, no dating or romancing. I have the sex drive of a brain dead paperclip ;)

adrienne

This is for the question, Is there an Extroverted Asexual? And I am here to say YES! There is! And I am one of them. I love being in large groups of people. Socializing at least 4 days per week. I hve lots of friends and always have room and time to meet more but sadly have a barely there sex drive. Men clammer around attracted to my extroverted energy and in my mind I think, "If you only knew the truth.." I never take anyone home. I never date. It's strange I know...

Yes me too! I know some drugs deminish the sex drive...perhaps I should slip that into some nice chaps drink at a bar...the opposite of a date-rape- drug! The amoeba drug! ;)

adrienne

Adrienne, this is a beautiful dream and I would love it to be fulfilled. I am not joking.

Jen

I think our main problem is todays society, today more then well maybe ever, sex is so important! Its everywhere and part of society, look at todays 'rolemodels'...sex, sex, sex. Because sex is important to the majority of people, it has always been part of society but usually it was not public property, not something you'd see all around you and probably not something you'd talk about in most cases. Ofcourse its good today that people are more free about their feelings, sexual or otherwise but I personally would feel much more at ease in a society or time when sex was something that didnt leave your bedroom and was only disgussed among people who were very close. Living in the Victorian era may have been a blessing to a amoeba...

adrienne

Cijay, my gosh you are so very right. Those sex loving people just can't live without it and can be very pushy.

I always wondered what the heck was wrong with me for most of my life and the truth is there is NOTHING wrong with me. I just don't feel like pulling my pants down and bumping uglies. I can't seem to find others to socialize with in town who feel and live the same way.

Jen

Cijay said:

You are the one who knows for sure. As for how your virginity happened, what that means is that you're sure of what you want and that you don't want to just hand yourself over to just any guy. You might just be looking for the right guy - but wanting a baby is a much stronger longing than any sex drive.

How did *I* know I'm an amoeba? Just that I don't experience any kind of sexual attraction and am nowhere near going out to look for Mr (or Ms) Right. I don't want a sexual relationship and at the moment I'm convinced it's not possible to HAVE an asexual relationship with a sexual person of the opposite gender.

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YESSSS!!! How nice would that be???

It would be heavenly. Is there a amoeba dating agency? ;)

Yes, you said it all... the older you are the more unlikely to have sex for the first time... even if I suddnely had a huge sex drive how could I tell him I'm still a virgin???

Well if I would fall in love with someone so much that I would just HAVE to be with him even if that would mean having sex I would probably cheat a bit and try and get some experience with a gigolo or something. Imagine doing it for the first time with someone you really love and it is a horrible experience? If you try it (a few times) with someone you really dont care about and who you know wont tell anyone the first time with HIM might be less troublesome. Ofcourse this is all hypothetical...I cant even afford a gigolo ;)

I'm still trying to figure out what's wrong with me - and IF there is something wrong with me... but it's very hard with this huge pressure of society to get a partner RIGHT NOW... it's like the world was made for couples, if you are single so there's something wrong with YOU...

Well I found a good excuse, one that I mean in a way. I always say that to me sex has to be part of love, so I have to be in love first to have sex, people dont fall in love that often. Another option would be to explain that you have had a bad experience or that you enjoy being single again ;) I find it funny that because of the way I behave (I love flirting and have a big mouth!) nobody would even dream of even thinking I am a virgin! They just automatically asume I have had lots of boyfriends. Another option again is saying that youre in love with a married man but you wont be 'the other woman', this happened to a friend of mine. She really loved him and had no eyes for other men for a very long time till she finally realised he wouldnt leave his wife for her. All that time there was no sex for her (shes very sexually active usually) but nobody seemed to mind.

and even worse, if you don't show a crazy interest in sex, oh my God... so there's DEFINETELY something wrong with you!

Yes that does seem to be a problem, it is such a normal topic of discussion these days! Its sickening! Even more boring then politics...

Sigh...

indeed!

adrienne

Why can't a very good friendship continue once they're getting their bangs elsewhere? Dunno', and at one point I'd've said it's do-able but, being always the one who ceases to exist I'm finally seeing that it just doesn't happen.

But they can! I have plenty of friends that I see very often who are all sexual, most even over-sexed ;) Some of the men at one stage even fancied me and tried to seduce me, ofcourse it didnt work. Yet we are still great friends even after they got girlfriends or even wives. Its extremely funny to realise that their girls see me as a threat...some of the chaps still secretly fancy me a bit and its nice to notice them flirt with me. I guess the secret is having a social life that works even if you dont date. For instance I have a local bar where I go to, i know everybody there, they know me, some of the locals have fancied me, etc. I can go there on my own without being bothered by anyone, just chat with my mates and get drunk. I have even brought men to that bar, everybody noticed me and it was fun hearing how the locas were gossiping about my new catch...not knowing he was just a friend... There are hobbies and sports where sex and romance can become part of whats going on but it doesnt have to be. You can get friends, do fun things but be left alone if you have rejected the men there or suggest that you may have a guy outside of the hobby or sport. I dont feel the pressure and dont really care what others think, but I like going out without being hassled too much or depending on a social life on my friends who are dating.

adrienne

That sure is a lot of work to invest in a falsehood!

If dishonesty is the course to be followed, why not just get and wear a wedding ring, and not say anything about it, and if anyone asks about your spouse, just change the subject?

Jim Sinclair jisincla@...

Yes I can see that being a problem. You may consider getting a girlfriend who lives in a far away country, you may even get a real girl to write with and send you pictures. That would give you some extra time, you could go on holiday to meet her and then tell your family or co workersthat you love her. She lives so far away that they probably wont expect to see her before your wedding... YOu can end this 'relationship' at any time and then start a new one much later, especially if you tell everybody that she was the real love of your live and that you wanted to marry her. It often happens that people say that they give up on love after such a experience... It will take some acting and someone to write with but this way you at least get some time to think about your situation and perhaps even in a few years you feel completely different.

adrienne

Agreed. There'r increasing resources on asexuality out there, and pretty good arguments that can be made as to why we're legit. You can also get really far just changing the subject, and changing the definition of "relationship."

That sure is a lot of work to invest in a falsehood!

If dishonesty is the course to be followed, why not just get and wear a wedding ring, and not say anything about it, and if anyone asks about your spouse, just change the subject?

Jim Sinclair jisincla@...

On 26 Dec 2003, adriennesis said:

Yes I can see that being a problem. You may consider getting a girlfriend who lives in a far away country, you may even get a real girl to write with and send you pictures. That would give you some extra time, you could go on holiday to meet her and then tell your family or co workersthat you love her. She lives so far away that they probably wont expect to see her before your wedding... YOu can end this 'relationship' at any time and then start a new one much later, especially if you tell everybody that she was the real love of your live and that you wanted to marry her. It often happens that people say that they give up on love after such a experience... It will take some acting and someone to write with but this way you at least get some time to think about your situation and perhaps even in a few years you feel completely different.

adrienne

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Hi, this is alex, I live in the United States, in Miami, the city here is beautiful and the weather too, I dont mind older women, well, I dont want a very old partner either, and yes, I would love married someday, and maybe having children, that would be the only chance in which I would have sex again...let me know about you, if you want write to my other mail

subiluliuma@...

Hi, this is alex, well, I live in the states, in Miami...I dont mind an older women, well, not tooooo old for me, and yes, I would love married someday, and I would love having children, I think that would be the only chance in which I would have sex again.

write me back to my other address

subiluliuma@...

alex

I suppose some day I'll see it happen again but at the moment I'm incredibly depressed about it. Guys trying to seduce me, fancying me or married men flirting with me are the ones that cause me to run like hell tho'. I do not want my best friend to see me as anything but 'one of the guys'. If I think for a second that he'd "do me if I'd go for it" then that's the end of it. They don't seem to understand that when I say I don't want a sexual relationship, that means not ever. Not "we'll start off as friends and see where it goes", not "now that we're good enough friends you can pinch my ass and I won't read anything into it" but not ever. I want a very good but purely platonic friend and they just don't seem to get that.

We used to have a great lounge here, like yours where you knew everyone, the music (was all '50s & '60s) was comfortable, no strobe lights or disco balls. Every now and again some reject from the disco clubs wandered in and figured he'd get lucky but then he'd see we really weren't the "hapnin' crowd" he'd bugger off again. That closed tho' (the DJ died and...hey, try to find someone else who was dj-ing in 1965 and has respect for the music and the time and don't play 1990s versions of 1960s songs). It was great 'coz I COULD go alone and meet up with, as you said, my mates and have a laugh and get drunk and even got a ride home without being expected to put out! That was nice, it just doesn't exist anymore here.

But they can! I have plenty of friends that I see very often who are all sexual, most even over-sexed ;) Some of the men at one stage even fancied me and tried to seduce me, ofcourse it didnt work. Yet we are still great friends even after they got girlfriends or even wives. Its extremely funny to realise that their girls see me as a threat...some of the chaps still secretly fancy me a bit and its nice to notice them flirt with me. I guess the secret is having a social life that works even if you dont date. For instance I have a local bar where I go to, i know everybody there, they know me, some of the locals have fancied me, etc. I can go there on my own without being bothered by anyone, just chat with my mates and get drunk. I have even brought men to that bar, everybody noticed me and it was fun hearing how the locas were gossiping about my new catch...not knowing he was just a friend... There are hobbies and sports where sex and romance can become part of whats going on but it doesnt have to be. You can get friends, do fun things but be left alone if you have rejected the men there or suggest that you may have a guy outside of the hobby or sport. I dont feel the pressure and dont really care what others think, but I like going out without being hassled too much or depending on a social life on my friends who are dating.

adrienne

Changing the subject, or saying "this is not your business" won't work if you're dealing with snoopy co-workers. Why would a heterosexual man say "it's not your business" if he has nothing to hide? I can say things like this for people I don't have to talk much, but when it comes to people whom I have to be with 8 hours a day and even go to a bar with them afterwards, I need to have at least a silver ring in one of my fingers.

For now, my strategy is to stay away from snoopy&#92;hyper-sexual&#92;insecure people - and it works pretty well. But in a work environment, I will have to be little more social than that.

Changing the subject, or saying "this is not your business" won't work if you're dealing with snoopy co-workers. Why would a heterosexual man say "it's not your business" if he has nothing to hide? I can say things like this for people I don't have to talk much, but when it comes to people whom I have to be with 8 hours a day and even go to a bar with them afterwards, I need to have at least a silver ring in one of my fingers.

For now, my strategy is to stay away from snoopy&#92;hyper- sexual&#92;insecure people - and it works pretty well. But in a work environment, I will have to be little more social than that.

I use humour to defuse the situation if someone gets too nosy. I tell people that I'm single and leave it at that. If they respond with something like "Oh, that will change" or some other pithy comment, I'll reply with something like "Oh, I don't know... I've been lucky so far".

And if someone directly asks why I'm still single at age 41, I answer "No one's been able to catch me yet".

glenn

I know I would never have a "fake boyfriend" so I could please family members. But, I know that I could never explain, or talk about being asexual.

How would I go about finding an asexual guy? I mean, there aren't many ways to do that...online, for instance. I've been to the asexuality.org message board...but haven't really seen anything like a chat, or ways to communicate through email or whatever.

Just wondering...

Im more like my Idol Marlene Dietrich then I thought...

"On romance: Marlene Dietrich hated sex. But she was the most romantic human being in the world. Her diaries at 16 and in her 60s reflect the same romanticism."

Incredible, a sex godess who hated sex... ;)

a.

I think having a foreign friend that you write with is less false then wearing a wedding ring. Besides your close friends will notice the ring and ask even more.

That sure is a lot of work to invest in a falsehood!

If dishonesty is the course to be followed, why not just get and wear a wedding ring, and not say anything about it, and if anyone asks about your spouse, just change the subject?

Jim Sinclair jisincla@m...

On 26 Dec 2003, adriennesis said:

Yes I can see that being a problem. You may consider getting a girlfriend who lives in a far away country, you may even get a real girl to write with and send you pictures. That would give you some extra time, you could go on holiday to meet her and then tell your family or co workersthat you love her. She lives so far away that they probably wont expect to see her before your wedding... YOu can end this 'relationship' at any time and then start a new one much later, especially if you tell everybody that she was the real love of your live and that you wanted to marry her. It often happens that people say that they give up on love after such a experience... It will take some acting and someone to write with but this way you at least get some time to think about your situation and perhaps even in a few years you feel completely different.

adrienne

Same here. I call myself the eternal bachelor or the ultimate spinster and proud of it (although I cant spin...). One thing I also say (and its true) is that to me sex has to be part of love, many people agree with that idea although most have the occasional one night stand. If you only have sex during a loving relationship people will find it a lot less amazing that you dont talk about sex and men all the time. They actually become less obsessive about the subject themself...you seem to have the moral highground and they often dont feel comfortable talking about their one night stands and flings... And then 'i havent found the right guy yet' or 'i thought I met him but he was married' works to keep friends and family happy every so often.

I use humour to defuse the situation if someone gets too nosy. I tell people that I'm single and leave it at that. If they respond with something like "Oh, that will change" or some other pithy comment, I'll reply with something like "Oh, I don't know... I've been lucky so far".

And if someone directly asks why I'm still single at age 41, I answer "No one's been able to catch me yet".

glenn

When people ask me why I'm not seeing anyone or married I just tell them it's 'coz I'm a real bitch. Takes them off-guard and they change the topic pretty damn quickly.

But - I've been in the work force for 25 years and nobody knows I'm asexual. If they bring up sex talk I just tell them it's private and none of their business. *I* don't change the topic, I don't have to because once I've given my answer, if they ask me again I'll just tell them I already told them and remind them that I don't pry into their life. It will work if you let it but you have to be prepared to smile politey and walk away.

So, I guess the choices for you when you enter the work force is to (a) let them think you're straight and try to fix you up with a bazillion prospects that you don't want to be fixed up with. (B) let them think you're gay and chastise you (c) tell them you're asexual and they'll chastise you

those are the choices you've given yourself.

Same here. I call myself the eternal bachelor or the ultimate spinster and proud of it (although I cant spin...). One thing I also say (and its true) is that to me sex has to be part of love, many people agree with that idea although most have the occasional one night stand. If you only have sex during a loving relationship people will find it a lot less amazing that you dont talk about sex and men all the time. They actually become less obsessive about the subject themself...you seem to have the moral highground and they often dont feel comfortable talking about their one night stands and flings... And then 'i havent found the right guy yet' or 'i thought I met him but he was married' works to keep friends and family happy every so often.

I use humour to defuse the situation if someone gets too nosy. I tell people that I'm single and leave it at that. If they respond with something like "Oh, that will change" or some other pithy comment, I'll reply with something like "Oh, I don't know... I've been lucky so far".

And if someone directly asks why I'm still single at age 41, I answer "No one's been able to catch me yet".

glenn