Im more like my Idol Marlene Dietrich then I thought...
"On romance: Marlene Dietrich hated sex. But she was the most romantic human being in the world. Her diaries at 16 and in her 60s reflect the same romanticism."
Incredible, a sex godess who hated sex... ;)
a.
LOL. Hey, lookit all the girls who lusted after Rock Hudson. A lady my mum worked with was so disappointed that she ran home, found her scrapbook from when she was a teenie bopper of all her Rock Hudson memorabilia and threw it away. That's a bit drastic don't you think? I mean, it's not like she meant anything to him to begin with.
Im more like my Idol Marlene Dietrich then I thought...
"On romance: Marlene Dietrich hated sex. But she was the most romantic human being in the world. Her diaries at 16 and in her 60s reflect the same romanticism."
Incredible, a sex godess who hated sex... ;)
a.
When people ask me why I'm not seeing anyone or married I just tell them it's 'coz I'm a real bitch. Takes them off-guard and they change the topic pretty damn quickly.
But - I've been in the work force for 25 years and nobody knows I'm asexual. If they bring up sex talk I just tell them it's private and none of their business. *I* don't change the topic, I don't have to because once I've given my answer, if they ask me again I'll just tell them I already told them and remind them that I don't pry into their life. It will work if you let it but you have to be prepared to smile politey and walk away.
So, I guess the choices for you when you enter the work force is to (a) let them think you're straight and try to fix you up with a bazillion prospects that you don't want to be fixed up with. (B) let them think you're gay and chastise you (c) tell them you're asexual and they'll chastise you
those are the choices you've given yourself.
adriennesis said:Same here. I call myself the eternal bachelor or the ultimate spinster and proud of it (although I cant spin...). One thing I also say (and its true) is that to me sex has to be part of love, many people agree with that idea although most have the occasional one night stand. If you only have sex during a loving relationship people will find it a lot less amazing that you dont talk about sex and men all the time. They actually become less obsessive about the subject themself...you seem to have the moral highground and they often dont feel comfortable talking about their one night stands and flings... And then 'i havent found the right guy yet' or 'i thought I met him but he was married' works to keep friends and family happy every so often.
I use humour to defuse the situation if someone gets too nosy. I tell people that I'm single and leave it at that. If they respond with something like "Oh, that will change" or some other pithy comment, I'll reply with something like "Oh, I don't know... I've been lucky so far".
And if someone directly asks why I'm still single at age 41, I answer "No one's been able to catch me yet".
glenn
When people ask me why I'm not seeing anyone or married I just tell them it's 'coz I'm a real bitch. Takes them off-guard and they change the topic pretty damn quickly.
That's what I call a |bold| technique! lol
But that will work just the opposite way if you are a man.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
This text contains no questions, except for the title: it's basically a provocation about the eternal question of this group.
"Mark is a man who is attracted to females, both physically and by personality (also called "romantic" by some). He feels pretty aroused, may I say - erect -, whenever he meets someone who fits in his physical and personality requirements, though he doesn't have any thoughts concerning genitals while excited. He loves blondes, but he may be seen with brunettes sometimes, just to add some variety. He also loves big boobs, as most men do. The feminine personalities he likes the most are those very submissive, kinda dumb girls - he will /not/ accept women who doesn't fit this requirement. He does french kissing, neck kissing, long hugs, etc. Mark says he's asexual, whenever he's asked about it."
This text contains no questions, except for the title: it's basically a provocation about the eternal question of this group.
"Mark is a man who is attracted to females, both physically and by personality (also called "romantic" by some). He feels pretty aroused, may I say - erect -, whenever he meets someone who fits in his physical and personality requirements, though he doesn't have any thoughts concerning genitals while excited. He loves blondes, but he may be seen with brunettes sometimes, just to add some variety. He also loves big boobs, as most men do. The feminine personalities he likes the most are those very submissive, kinda dumb girls - he will /not/ accept women who doesn't fit this requirement. He does french kissing, neck kissing, long hugs, etc. Mark says he's asexual, whenever he's asked about it."
Wherever the line is, that's over it.
He feels pretty aroused, may I say - erect -, whenever he meets someone who fits in his physical and personality requirements, though he doesn't have any thoughts concerning genitals while excited.
It's the *feeling*, and the physiological reactions (aroused/erect), not the thoughts, that that makes it sexual. I can think all sorts of thoughts concerning genitals (and in fact I've been encouraged to do so, by therapists trying to get me to "discover" my sexuality). I don't get any feeling of arousal or excitement from such thoughts. Thinking or not thinking about genitals is not what defines sexuality.
He also loves big boobs, as most men do.
I don't have enough data to be sure about "most," but I would say that it sounds like you're describing a *sexual* interest in women's breasts.
He does french kissing, neck kissing, long hugs, etc.
As far as I know, french kissing is a sexual act. I don't know about neck kissing. Long hugs? I guess it depends on what's going on during the hug--what body parts are being concentrated on for contact, and what type of feeling is going along with it.
Mark says he's asexual, whenever he's asked about it."
I don't believe Mark is asexual. No asexual person that I've ever known would get sexually aroused by meeting a certain type of person, or be attracted to a certain size of breasts, or french kiss or neck kiss (unless xe were going along with it just to please the other person).
I used to know a man who claimed to be asexual. What he really meant was that he did not want to have intercourse. (And even that, according to something I once heard him say, was not because he didn't have feelings of sexual arousal. It was because those feelings were so intense that intercourse and orgasm would be too overwhelming for him.) Not wanting to have intercourse is NOT the same thing as not having sexual feelings. Sexual feelings can be expressed in *many* other ways besides intercourse.
I'd also be suspicious of a person who engaged in the kinds of behavior you describe, and then claims to be asexual. The man I used to know, by claiming to be asexual, would put women off-guard and encourage them to lower their boundaries around him. In this way he got some women to undress in his presence, and he bragged that he even had some women agree to sleep with him, under the pretense that he was asexual.
The thing is, he also had this habit of grabbing or fondling or otherwise finding ways to make contact with women's breasts. And if a woman would quite rightfully object, he would say that it was just an accident, or just an act of simple affection, because of course he was asexual. And then the woman might get confused and think perhaps she really imagined the whole thing, or certainly she misinterpreted it and overreacted, and maybe she would feel guilty about misjudging him, and hurry to offer a hug or other physical affection by way of apology for misjudging him and hurting his feelings, and of course that would give him yet another opportunity for groping.... It's disgusting. This guy was not asexual. He was exploitative, and just using asexuality as a pretense to make it easier to exploit people.
I am not saying that Mark is like this. I *am* saying that there *is* a line between people who are asexual and people who are not, and the mere fact that a person *says* xe is asexual does not automatically mean it's true.
Jim Sinclair jisincla@...
When people ask me why I'm not seeing anyone or married I just tell them it's 'coz I'm a real bitch. Takes them off-guard and they change the topic pretty damn quickly.
But - I've been in the work force for 25 years and nobody knows I'm asexual. If they bring up sex talk I just tell them it's private and none of their business. *I* don't change the topic, I don't have to because once I've given my answer, if they ask me again I'll just tell them I already told them and remind them that I don't pry into their life. It will work if you let it but you have to be prepared to smile politey and walk away.
So, I guess the choices for you when you enter the work force is to (a) let them think you're straight and try to fix you up with a bazillion prospects that you don't want to be fixed up with. (B) let them think you're gay and chastise you (c) tell them you're asexual and they'll chastise you
those are the choices you've given yourself.
adriennesis said:Same here. I call myself the eternal bachelor or the ultimate spinster and proud of it (although I cant spin...). One thing I also say (and its true) is that to me sex has to be part of love, many people agree with that idea although most have the occasional one night stand. If you only have sex during a loving relationship people will find it a lot less amazing that you dont talk about sex and men all the time. They actually become less obsessive about the subject themself...you seem to have the moral highground and they often dont feel comfortable talking about their one night stands and flings... And then 'i havent found the right guy yet' or 'i thought I met him but he was married' works to keep friends and family happy every so often.
I use humour to defuse the situation if someone gets too nosy. I tell people that I'm single and leave it at that. If they respond with something like "Oh, that will change" or some other pithy comment, I'll reply with something like "Oh, I don't know... I've been lucky so far".
And if someone directly asks why I'm still single at age 41, I answer "No one's been able to catch me yet".
glenn
So, I guess the choices for you when you enter the work force is to (a) let them think you're straight and try to fix you up with a bazillion prospects that you don't want to be fixed up with. (B) let them think you're gay and chastise you (c) tell them you're asexual and they'll chastise you
those are the choices you've given yourself.
Maybe it's different for men. For most of my work-world life, I publicly presented myself as straight, but single and wanting to keep it that way. And no one ever tried to fix me up with a prospect. (My public image was "straight; single and intent on keeping it that way.)
I now work in a workplace that is openly gay-friendly, and have come out as bisexual. So now my public image is "bi, prefer women; single, and intent on keeping it that way." And no one gives me any trouble over that.
I've had a few female co-workers think I'm gay. I'm mild- mannered and soft-spoken in real life. When I talk to people, I maintain eye contact. I give no indication that I'm the least bit interested in sex with women. (I'm not interested in sex at all... and even if I was, the workplace would be the last place I'd look for it.) I often wear clear nail polish on my fingernails. And I have a fondness for purple. So more than one woman has, based on the above, come to the conclusion that I'm gay. Which is no big deal, considering that there are a great huge number of gay people where I work. (I work in a call centre.) A few people know that my headspace is one of "Relationships are more trouble than they are worth"; some think it's a little odd, but again, no one bothers me about it.
Happy new year, all!
Glenn
This text contains no questions, except for the title: it's basically a provocation about the eternal question of this group.
"Mark is a man who is attracted to females, both physically and by personality (also called "romantic" by some). He feels pretty aroused, may I say - erect -, whenever he meets someone who fits in his physical and personality requirements, though he doesn't have any thoughts concerning genitals while excited. He loves blondes, but he may be seen with brunettes sometimes, just to add some variety. He also loves big boobs, as most men do. The feminine personalities he likes the most are those very submissive, kinda dumb girls - he will /not/ accept women who doesn't fit this requirement. He does french kissing, neck kissing, long hugs, etc. Mark says he's asexual, whenever he's asked about it."
This text contains no questions, except for the title: it's basically a provocation about the eternal question of this group.
"Mark is a man who is attracted to females, both physically and by personality (also called "romantic" by some). He feels pretty aroused, may I say - erect -, whenever he meets someone who fits in his physical and personality requirements, though he doesn't have any thoughts concerning genitals while excited. He loves blondes, but he may be seen with brunettes sometimes, just to add some variety. He also loves big boobs, as most men do. The feminine personalities he likes the most are those very submissive, kinda dumb girls - he will /not/ accept women who doesn't fit this requirement. He does french kissing, neck kissing, long hugs, etc. Mark says he's asexual, whenever he's asked about it."
Sounds a bit like me. Except I prefer brunettes, I prefer smaller breasts, and I like the "quiet intellectual types" who have an IQ measured in three digits. (I joke with people that when it comes to women I have a minimum height requirement, a minimum age requirement, and a minimum IQ requirement.)
I'm not into kissing at all, but I love long hugs...
Okay, for those who are curious: - Height 5'8" or higher (I'm 6'3") - Age, someone born in a year beginning with the numbers "196-". I was born in 1962, and would want someone closer to my own age. - IQ above average.
The last woman I dated was born in 1972, but otherwise fit the above parameters. (And she was a small-breasted brunette.) Didn't work out, though. For reasons that had absolutely nothing to do with sex.
Me, I'd be perfectly satisfied if a relationship got to the "holding hands" stage and stayed there...
glenn
Wherever the line is, that's over it.
On , *Nargothic* said:He feels pretty aroused, may I say - erect -, whenever he meets someone who fits in his physical and personality requirements, though he doesn't have any thoughts concerning genitals while excited.
It's the *feeling*, and the physiological reactions (aroused/erect), not the thoughts, that that makes it sexual. I can think all sorts of thoughts concerning genitals (and in fact I've been encouraged to do so, by therapists trying to get me to "discover" my sexuality). I don't get any feeling of arousal or excitement from such thoughts. Thinking or not thinking about genitals is not what defines sexuality.
He also loves big boobs, as most men do.
I don't have enough data to be sure about "most," but I would say that it sounds like you're describing a *sexual* interest in women's breasts.
He does french kissing, neck kissing, long hugs, etc.
As far as I know, french kissing is a sexual act. I don't know about neck kissing. Long hugs? I guess it depends on what's going on during the hug--what body parts are being concentrated on for contact, and what type of feeling is going along with it.
Mark says he's asexual, whenever he's asked about it."
I don't believe Mark is asexual. No asexual person that I've ever known would get sexually aroused by meeting a certain type of person, or be attracted to a certain size of breasts, or french kiss or neck kiss (unless xe were going along with it just to please the other person).
I used to know a man who claimed to be asexual. What he really meant was that he did not want to have intercourse. (And even that, according to something I once heard him say, was not because he didn't have feelings of sexual arousal. It was because those feelings were so intense that intercourse and orgasm would be too overwhelming for him.) Not wanting to have intercourse is NOT the same thing as not having sexual feelings. Sexual feelings can be expressed in *many* other ways besides intercourse.
I'd also be suspicious of a person who engaged in the kinds of behavior you describe, and then claims to be asexual. The man I used to know, by claiming to be asexual, would put women off-guard and encourage them to lower their boundaries around him. In this way he got some women to undress in his presence, and he bragged that he even had some women agree to sleep with him, under the pretense that he was asexual.
The thing is, he also had this habit of grabbing or fondling or otherwise finding ways to make contact with women's breasts. And if a woman would quite rightfully object, he would say that it was just an accident, or just an act of simple affection, because of course he was asexual. And then the woman might get confused and think perhaps she really imagined the whole thing, or certainly she misinterpreted it and overreacted, and maybe she would feel guilty about misjudging him, and hurry to offer a hug or other physical affection by way of apology for misjudging him and hurting his feelings, and of course that would give him yet another opportunity for groping.... It's disgusting. This guy was not asexual. He was exploitative, and just using asexuality as a pretense to make it easier to exploit people.
I am not saying that Mark is like this. I *am* saying that there *is* a line between people who are asexual and people who are not, and the mere fact that a person *says* xe is asexual does not automatically mean it's true.
Jim Sinclair jisincla@...
It's the *feeling*, and the physiological reactions aroused/erect), not the thoughts, that that makes it sexual.
"Asexual" is a state of mind. Physiological reactions governed by the autonomic nervous system are another matter entirely.
I don't believe Mark is asexual. No asexual person that I've ever known would get sexually aroused by meeting a certain type of person, or be attracted to a certain size of breasts,
For me, saying that I prefer smaller breasts is about as meaningful as saying that I prefer black cats over white ones. One can have an aesthetic sense without it being sexual.
I used to know a man who claimed to be asexual. What he really meant was that he did not want to have intercourse.
What's the difference?
I'd also be suspicious of a person who engaged in the kinds of behavior you describe, and then claims to be asexual. The man I used to know, by claiming to be asexual, would put women off-guard and encourage them to lower their boundaries around him. In this way he got some women to undress in his presence, and he bragged that he even had some women agree to sleep with him, under the pretense that he was asexual.
Okay, now this is someone who is making a claim in order to get somewhere. I do not publicly claim to be asexual -- it is only within the confines of a like-minded community such as this one that I make the "I am asexual" claim. In fact, in the offline world my public persona is "I am bisexual". But I also give no indication that I am even the least bit interested in sex. So people who know me in real life, if they've figured out that I'm not interested in sex, it's because of my actions.
(One lesbian friend of mine, a very close friend who is aware of my near-total lack of sex drive, once described me as "bisexual in theory, asexual in practice".)
or other physical affection by way of apology for misjudging him and hurting his feelings, and of course that would give him yet another opportunity for groping.... It's disgusting. This guy was not asexual. He was exploitative, and just using asexuality as a pretense to make it easier to exploit people.
Sounds like.
glenn
(One lesbian friend of mine, a very close friend who is aware of my near-total lack of sex drive, once described me as "bisexual in theory, asexual in practice".)
Since realising my asexuality, i've said I'm asexual in theory, heterosexual in practice. I have no interest in sex at all, but it is a part of the relationship I am currently in.
so i'm just a bit opposite of you :) -S
Sarae Montgomery We're all mad here!
(One lesbian friend of mine, a very close friend who is aware of my near-total lack of sex drive, once described me as "bisexual in theory, asexual in practice".)
Since realising my asexuality, i've said I'm asexual in theory, heterosexual in practice. I have no interest in sex at all, but it is a part of the relationship I am currently in.
so i'm just a bit opposite of you :) -S
Sarae Montgomery We're all mad here!
If I had to define asexuality as "No attraction of any type for no gender at all", I would count on my fingers how many asexuals really exist! Impressive!
or we could go with the textbook definition: one that is capable of reproduction asexually
From Webster's Revised Unabridged Dictionary (1913) : In asexual reproduction (gemmation, fission, etc.), the detached portions of the organism develop into new individuals without the intervention of other living matter.
How many true asexuals would exist then? :P -s
Sarae Montgomery We're all mad here!
If I had to define asexuality as "No attraction of any type for no gender at all", I would count on my fingers how many asexuals really exist! Impressive!
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Jim Sinclair said:It's the *feeling*, and the physiological reactions aroused/erect), not the thoughts, that that makes it sexual.
"Asexual" is a state of mind. Physiological reactions governed by the autonomic nervous system are another matter entirely.
I don't believe Mark is asexual. No asexual person that I've ever known would get sexually aroused by meeting a certain type of person, or be attracted to a certain size of breasts,
For me, saying that I prefer smaller breasts is about as meaningful as saying that I prefer black cats over white ones. One can have an aesthetic sense without it being sexual.
I used to know a man who claimed to be asexual. What he really meant was that he did not want to have intercourse.
What's the difference?
I'd also be suspicious of a person who engaged in the kinds of behavior you describe, and then claims to be asexual. The man I used to know, by claiming to be asexual, would put women off-guard and encourage them to lower their boundaries around him. In this way he got some women to undress in his presence, and he bragged that he even had some women agree to sleep with him, under the pretense that he was asexual.
Okay, now this is someone who is making a claim in order to get somewhere. I do not publicly claim to be asexual -- it is only within the confines of a like-minded community such as this one that I make the "I am asexual" claim. In fact, in the offline world my public persona is "I am bisexual". But I also give no indication that I am even the least bit interested in sex. So people who know me in real life, if they've figured out that I'm not interested in sex, it's because of my actions.
(One lesbian friend of mine, a very close friend who is aware of my near-total lack of sex drive, once described me as "bisexual in theory, asexual in practice".)
or other physical affection by way of apology for misjudging him and hurting his feelings, and of course that would give him yet another opportunity for groping.... It's disgusting. This guy was not asexual. He was exploitative, and just using asexuality as a pretense to make it easier to exploit people.
Sounds like.
glenn
"Asexual" is a state of mind. Physiological reactions governed by the autonomic nervous system are another matter entirely.
If you're talking about an erection caused solely by mechanical stimulation (which can happen even when the person has a severed spinal cord and can feel neither the stimulation nor the erection), then that has nothing to do with asexuality. But erections/arousal caused by seeing or thinking about a person? I think that's part of sexuality.
For me, saying that I prefer smaller breasts is about as meaningful as saying that I prefer black cats over white ones. One can have an aesthetic sense without it being sexual.
True. I also prefer black cats over white cats, as a matter of aesthetics. But I don't feel any particular physiological arousal--certainly none whatsoever in the region where erections would occur--upon seeing or petting any cat, regardless of the cat's physical characteristics.
I used to know a man who claimed to be asexual. What he really meant was that he did not want to have intercourse.
What's the difference?
Ask Bill Clinton. :-/
Intercourse is *one* possible way of expressing sexuality. It's not the only way. Sexuality can be expressed through many other acts. And sexuality can be part of a person even if it isn't being expressed through any overt act at all (for example, if a person is celibate).
Asexuality is not having any sexuality to express.
Jim Sinclair jisincla@...
or we could go with the textbook definition: one that is capable of reproduction asexually
From Webster's Revised Unabridged Dictionary (1913) : In asexual reproduction (gemmation, fission, etc.), the detached portions of the organism develop into new individuals without the intervention of other living matter.
How many true asexuals would exist then? :P -s
Sarae Montgomery We're all mad here!
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- Wednesday, December 31, 2003 2:45 PM
- Subject
- Re: [Haven for the Human Amoeba] Where's the line?
If I had to define asexuality as "No attraction of any type for no gender at all", I would count on my fingers how many asexuals really exist! Impressive!
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or we could go with the textbook definition: one that is capable of reproduction asexually
From Webster's Revised Unabridged Dictionary (1913) : In asexual reproduction (gemmation, fission, etc.), the detached portions of the organism develop into new individuals without the intervention of other living matter.
How many true asexuals would exist then? :P
Probably several billion, since you did not specify that you were only counting humans. There's a humongous number of asexual microorganisms. :-P
Jim Sinclair jisincla@...
If I had to define asexuality as "No attraction of any type for no gender at all", I would count on my fingers how many asexuals really exist! Impressive!
If I had to define asexuality as "No attraction of any type for no gender at all"
That's how I define it. That's how it makes sense to define it. The "A-" prefix means *NO*. Having a *low* sex drive would probably be called hyposexuality. Or maybe people with low sex drives would want to come up with a different term that doesn't carry the connotation of having something wrong or inadequate. But asexuality means no sexuality. And I have met at least some others who are asexual by that definition. I thought I would meet more here.
Jim Sinclair jisincla@...
How many true asexuals would exist then? :P
Probably several billion, since you did not specify that you were only counting humans. There's a humongous number of asexual microorganisms. :-P
smartass. I knew just seconds after hitting "send" someone was gonna say that :P
Sarae Montgomery We're all mad here!
How many true asexuals would exist then? :P
Probably several billion, since you did not specify that you were only counting humans. There's a humongous number of asexual microorganisms. :-P
smartass. I knew just seconds after hitting "send" someone was gonna say that :P
Sarae Montgomery We're all mad here!
How many true asexuals would exist then? :P
Probably several billion, since you did not specify that you were only counting humans. There's a humongous number of asexual microorganisms. :-P
smartass. I knew just seconds after hitting "send" someone was gonna say that :P
Hey, it's an amoeba list. Somebody *had* to say that. :-)
Jim Sinclair jisincla@...
But asexuality means no sexuality. And I have met at least some others who are asexual by that definition. I thought I would meet more here.
you can have no sex drive (and no sexuality as well) yet still participate in sexual activity. We do lots of things every day that we're not interested in, why couldn't sex be added to the list for some people? (ie: no interest in sex, no sex drive but be in a relationship with someone who does... and sex just becomes a compromised situation... person 2 gets off and person 1 doesn't have to deal with getting groped and humped and pleaded with for another day or so)
But asexuality means no sexuality. And I have met at least some others who are asexual by that definition. I thought I would meet more here.
you can have no sex drive (and no sexuality as well) yet still participate in sexual activity. We do lots of things every day that we're not interested in, why couldn't sex be added to the list for some people? (ie: no interest in sex, no sex drive but be in a relationship with someone who does... and sex just becomes a compromised situation... person 2 gets off and person 1 doesn't have to deal with getting groped and humped and pleaded with for another day or so)
But asexuality means no sexuality. And I have met at least some others who are asexual by that definition. I thought I would meet more here.
you can have no sex drive (and no sexuality as well) yet still participate in sexual activity. We do lots of things every day that we're not interested in, why couldn't sex be added to the list for some people? (ie: no interest in sex, no sex drive but be in a relationship with someone who does... and sex just becomes a compromised situation... person 2 gets off and person 1 doesn't have to deal with getting groped and humped and pleaded with for another day or so)
Agreed, one can be asexual and go through the motions of performing sexual acts for someone else's gratification. Just like one can be gay and go through the motions of heterosexual sex, and that doesn't make the person heterosexual. I don't think it makes for a very honest or authentic relationship, but that's a different issue. This is just the other side of the "doing is not the same as being" coin: It's possible to have sexuality (sex drive, sexual arousal, sexual feelings) even if you don't engage in any overt sexual acts (as in celibacy); and it's possible to engage in sexual acts even if you don't have sexuality.
I expect, though, that a person who is participating in sexual activity under the circumstances you describe, who is nonetheless asexual, is *not* experiencing sexual arousal and excitement during the sexual activity. If the person *is* experiencing sexual arousal and sexual excitement and sexual gratification while participating in sexual activity, I have no idea how that could possibly be construed as being asexual!
Jim Sinclair jisincla@...
Agreed, one can be asexual and go through the motions of performing sexual acts for someone else's gratification. Just like one can be gay and go through the motions of heterosexual sex, and that doesn't make the person heterosexual. I don't think it makes for a very honest or authentic relationship, but that's a different issue.
I dunno, it can be part of an honest relationship.. but it's hard to explain. I guess it's mostly in that sex is not a major part of the relationship between the two people.. it's kind of like dinner. Some people have no problem going to bed without dinner and can eat only one meal a day, but others can't do that... their stomach will growl and they'll be hungry and edgy until they either fall asleep or get something to eat. It's hard to cook dinner for one.. and it's certainly no fun to eat dinner alone.. so both parties have dinner together. (And if one cooks something the other has no interest in eating, the other often acts as though they do... just to keep the peace and not start a "you don't like anything i cook for you" war)
I dunno, it's a bad metaphor, but it's the best i've got right now (and *I*'m starving!). What I mean is that the relationship isn't based on sex, it's on other connections between the two people.
I expect, though, that a person who is participating in sexual activity under the circumstances you describe, who is nonetheless asexual, is *not* experiencing sexual arousal and excitement during the sexual activity. If the person *is* experiencing sexual arousal and sexual excitement and sexual gratification while participating in sexual activity, I have no idea how that could possibly be construed as being asexual!
right. body parts react 'naturally' as they should to a certain degree, but there's no gratification and no personal excitement. yay for being anorgasmic and asexual both. :P
i should shut up before I get myself in trouble (or more trouble) -s
On , kilraven62 said:"Asexual" is a state of mind. Physiological reactions governed by the autonomic nervous system are another matter entirely.
If you're talking about an erection caused solely by mechanical stimulation (which can happen even when the person has a severed spinal cord and can feel neither the stimulation nor the erection), then that has nothing to do with asexuality. But erections/arousal caused by seeing or thinking about a person? I think that's part of sexuality.
For me, saying that I prefer smaller breasts is about as meaningful as saying that I prefer black cats over white ones. One can have an aesthetic sense without it being sexual.
True. I also prefer black cats over white cats, as a matter of aesthetics. But I don't feel any particular physiological arousal--certainly none whatsoever in the region where erections would occur--upon seeing or petting any cat, regardless of the cat's physical characteristics.
I used to know a man who claimed to be asexual. What he really meant was that he did not want to have intercourse.
What's the difference?
Ask Bill Clinton. :-/
Intercourse is *one* possible way of expressing sexuality. It's not the only way. Sexuality can be expressed through many other acts. And sexuality can be part of a person even if it isn't being expressed through any overt act at all (for example, if a person is celibate).
Asexuality is not having any sexuality to express.
Jim Sinclair jisincla@...
If you're talking about an erection caused solely by mechanical stimulation (which can happen even when the person has a severed spinal cord and can feel neither the stimulation nor the erection), then that has nothing to do with asexuality. But erections/arousal caused by seeing or thinking about a person? I think that's part of sexuality.
Yes, /but/ - there's a gender issue here: and how would a /woman/ find out she's aroused? The signs are much more subtle, or there may be none. A woman can perfectly be deceiving herself about what gets her excited pure and simply because of the lack of explicit physical signs.
If you're talking about an erection caused solely by mechanical stimulation (which can happen even when the person has a severed spinal cord and can feel neither the stimulation nor the erection), then that has nothing to do with asexuality. But erections/arousal caused by seeing or thinking about a person? I think that's part of sexuality.
Yes, /but/ - there's a gender issue here: and how would a /woman/ find out she's aroused? The signs are much more subtle, or there may be none. A woman can perfectly be deceiving herself about what gets her excited pure and simply because of the lack of explicit physical signs.
If you're talking about an erection caused solely by mechanical stimulation (which can happen even when the person has a severed spinal cord and can feel neither the stimulation nor the erection), then that has nothing to do with asexuality. But erections/arousal caused by seeing or thinking about a person? I think that's part of sexuality.
Yes, /but/ - there's a gender issue here: and how would a /woman/ find out she's aroused? The signs are much more subtle, or there may be none.
Well, I've never been a woman, but I'm told women *do* know when they're aroused. There are subjective sensations, for one thing: They know they're aroused because they *feel* aroused. And there are physiologic reactions such as lubrication and, yes, erection. The clitoris is made out of exactly the same tissue as the penis (both organs develop from the same embryonic bud), and, like the penis, it also becomes engorged with blood during sexual arousal.
Jim Sinclair jisincla@...
On , *Nargothic* said:If I had to define asexuality as "No attraction of any type for no gender at all"
That's how I define it. That's how it makes sense to define it. The "A-" prefix means *NO*. Having a *low* sex drive would probably be called hyposexuality. Or maybe people with low sex drives would want to come up with a different term that doesn't carry the connotation of having something wrong or inadequate. But asexuality means no sexuality. And I have met at least some others who are asexual by that definition. I thought I would meet more here.
Jim Sinclair jisincla@...
But asexuality means no sexuality. And I have met at least some others who are asexual by that definition. I thought I would meet more here.
I don't know. Normally, I have no interest in sex or relationships but I do respond to physical touch. So much so, in fact, that it makes me uncomfortable. I don't know what to make of this. I mean, I get aroused and feel rather warm, but I still don't want to have sex. I just feel aroused. I think it's only women that affect me that way though because I'm pretty sure that a man touching me would make me feel annoyed. It's probably rather comical now that I think about it.
(-:
Therese Shellabarger / The Roving Reporter - Civis Mundi tlshell@... / http://tlshell.cnc.net/
If you're talking about an erection caused solely by mechanical stimulation (which can happen even when the person has a severed spinal cord and can feel neither the stimulation nor the erection), then that has nothing to do with asexuality. But erections/arousal caused by seeing or thinking about a person? I think that's part of sexuality.
Yes, /but/ - there's a gender issue here: and how would a /woman/ find out she's aroused? The signs are much more subtle, or there may be none. A woman can perfectly be deceiving herself about what gets her excited pure and simply because of the lack of explicit physical signs.
Yes, /but/ - there's a gender issue here: and how would a /woman/ find out she's aroused? The signs are much more subtle, or there may be none. A woman can perfectly be deceiving herself about what gets her excited pure and simply because of the lack of explicit physical signs.
***annnndddd....ummmm....how would you know this?
I would say Mark is about as asexual as I am Chinese. Asexuals don't get aroused, grope (he'd only do that once to me and get his nose broken...if he's LUCKY it'd just be his nose), discuss what does and doesn't get him horny etc. I'm the same as Glenn, my asexuality only becomes a matter of discussion in closed company. (VERY closed).
Mark is a pervert. There is nothing amusing or harmless about grabbing and groping anyone. ANYone. It's invasive, it's rude and it IS against the law.
When people ask me why I'm not seeing anyone or married I just tell them it's 'coz I'm a real bitch. Takes them off-guard and they change the topic pretty damn quickly.
That's what I call a |bold| technique! lol
But that will work just the opposite way if you are a man.
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That's what I call a |bold| technique! lol
But that will work just the opposite way if you are a man.
***no it won't, you just have to change the last word. A friend of mine (not asexual, just very discouraged by the opposite sex) just says "Because I'm too picky."
Hey, how about finding (I'm not kidding here, people do this) a lesbian who is in the closet? A relationship of convenience. Hell, there's marriages of convenience but you don't have to go that far. Start combing the net or placing ads using just your e-mail or a post office box.
Yes, /but/ - there's a gender issue here: and how would a /woman/ find out she's aroused? The signs are much more subtle, or there may be none. A woman can perfectly be deceiving herself about what gets her excited pure and simply because of the lack of explicit physical signs.
***annnndddd....ummmm....how would you know this?
I would say Mark is about as asexual as I am Chinese. Asexuals don't get aroused, grope (he'd only do that once to me and get his nose broken...if he's LUCKY it'd just be his nose), discuss what does and doesn't get him horny etc. I'm the same as Glenn, my asexuality only becomes a matter of discussion in closed company. (VERY closed).
Mark is a pervert. There is nothing amusing or harmless about grabbing and groping anyone. ANYone. It's invasive, it's rude and it IS against the law.
***annnndddd....ummmm....how would you know this?
I'm a male. Though I have an erection every morning I wake up (it happens every time a man is holding his urine for long), I would know if I had an erection for some reason other than that.
I would say Mark is about as asexual as I am Chinese. Asexuals don't get aroused, grope (he'd only do that once to me and get his nose broken...if he's LUCKY it'd just be his nose), discuss what does and doesn't get him horny etc. I'm the same as Glenn, my asexuality only becomes a matter of discussion in closed company. (VERY closed).
Don't worry, it was just a "trap test".
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So...how do you find someone else of the opposite sex that is asexual? I mean, other than being on this list and all?
I mean, there aren't any matching services online for asexuals that I've seen.
And how do you explain it to your friends and parents? Damn, it feels like you "come out".
ANYONE?
Cheers,
Meegan sXe
"All growth is a leap in the dark, a spontaneous unpremeditated act without the benefit of experience."-- Henry Miller
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