Haven for the Human Amoeba

Sorry, I meant how did you know that a woman has subtle or no symptoms of arousal even to herself? (Please don't tell me you read it somewhere...it'd be an insult to your own intelligence). And, yes, I do know what causes erections other than sexual reasons, thanks.

Trap test or not, there ARE thousands of "Marks" out there, which is why my preference for physical company these days is that of other women.

"(Please don't tell me you read it somewhere...it'd be an insult to your own intelligence). "

The other gender is an eternal mistery. Of course I can only tell things by myself. As for others, I can only deduct and believe what the others tell - which in any case doesn't guarantee the certainty of my assumptions, but for certain my means to reach these were valid, so that I accept all criticism of my conclusions, but not about my means.

"Trap test or not, there ARE thousands of "Marks" out there, which is (...)"

I'm not pointing fingers to anyone. It's about the subject, not about someone. 8-]

All people here who go on dates, who fall in love, have personality attraction, etc should read this:

http://www.glandscape.com/celibate.html#p1

* There are people who regard sex as simply not worth the hassle, often because they have happen to have low sex drives. Included in this category are people who are happy to go on dates, have emotional relationships and even marry, but who don't have sex. In some parts of the US, this kind of relationship is known as the "Lover Lite", or "Platonic Plus". As concerns grow over AIDS and as women feel more confident to say "no" to sex, this category is on the increase (see quote below). * The numbers of people with a low basic interest in sex are much higher than you would think, probably because of the social pressure not to admit to it. In a survey of women in the UK in 1999, nearly 20% claimed not to be interested in sex. A large survey published in JAMA (Journal of the American Medical Association) using data collected in 1992 reported that 15% of men aged 18-59, and 30% of women have a low sex drive

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Please help stop the suffering of cows that can't stand or walk due to mad cow's disease...it's not to late!

DOWNED ANIMAL PROTECTION ACT: Vote Expected Monday; Calls Urgently Needed!

The U.S. House of Representatives is expected to vote on Monday, July 14, on a version of the Downed Animal Protection Act. Representative Gary Ackerman (D-NY) plans to introduce an amendment to the House Agriculture Appropriations bill on the floor to prevent downed animal abuse. If passed, the Ackerman Downed Animal Protection Amendment to the Agriculture Appropriations bill will help curtail some of the most egregious abuses inflicted upon farmed animals by modifying the agriculture industry's treatment of "downed" animals - those who are too sick or injured to walk or even stand. Right now, these animals are routinely shocked, beaten, dragged with chains, and even bulldozed, to move them to slaughter. The Ackerman Amendment would prohibit downed animals from entering the food supply - thereby creating a financial incentive for farmers to treat animals more humanely to prevent them from becoming downed in the first place. Legislators should also feel compelled to support this bill because it will protect public health, since downed animals are among the most likely to be afflicted with "Mad Cow Disease" or other illnesses that could endanger people. In fact, just last month in Canada, a downed animal was diagnosed with Mad Cow Disease!

WHAT YOU CAN DO:

Contact your U.S. Representative and urge him or her to co- sponsor the Downed Animal Protection Act and to support the Ackerman Downed Animal Protection Amendment to the House Agriculture Appropriations bill.

All federal legislators can be reached through the Capitol switchboard at 202-224-3121, and you can identify the name fo your representative at http://www.Congress.org.

For more information on the Downed Animal Protection Act, see: http://www.nodowners.org

The other gender is an eternal mistery. Of course I can only tell things by myself. As for others, I can only deduct and believe what the others tell - which in any case doesn't guarantee the certainty of my assumptions, but for certain my means to reach these were valid, so that I accept all criticism of my conclusions, but not about my means.

***Good, as long as it was your own thoughts and you weren't misled by some brilliant act of BS in a book. It'd be the same book that says PMS doesn't exist and menopause isn't a problem. That was my only concern. If you yourself feel that women don't have physical signs of arousal, you're in the company of many men and that's cool, as long as you're not falling for something someone told someone else that they heard from somebody and they don't remember who kinda' thing.***

"Trap test or not, there ARE thousands of "Marks" out there, which is (...)" ***gropers, feelers, people who help themselves to another person's body or who like to discuss their turn ons/offs with people who aren't really that interested in hearing about it just so they can get their own jollies****

Where do you live?

Okay, for those who are curious: - Height 5'8" or higher (I'm 6'3") - Age, someone born in a year beginning with the numbers "196-". I was born in 1962, and would want someone closer to my own age. - IQ above average.

The last woman I dated was born in 1972, but otherwise fit the above parameters. (And she was a small-breasted brunette.) Didn't work out, though. For reasons that had absolutely nothing to do with sex.

Me, I'd be perfectly satisfied if a relationship got to the "holding hands" stage and stayed there...

glenn

I dont think any of us are 100% asexual, we all have some sort of sexual feelings in our lives but we may not reconaize it or care for it to act on. I have been in love, ive enjoyed hugging and kissing but thats about it. Sex is part of life, even in small biological and hormon functions inside our bodies. Our minds may say no to sex but often our bodies dont agree if they see someone they like or if they smell a certain smell. Even butterflies in your tummy are sex-related.

Webster has 3 defititions for asexual, no3 is; 3 : devoid of sexuality <an asexual relationship>

Now thats getting a bit closer to what we are!

or we could go with the textbook definition: one that is capable of reproduction asexually From Webster's Revised Unabridged Dictionary (1913) : In asexual reproduction (gemmation, fission, etc.), the detached portions of the organism develop into new individuals without the intervention of other living matter.

How many true asexuals would exist then? :P -s

---

Sarae Montgomery We're all mad here!

From

"*Nargothic*" <nargothic@y...>

To

<[email protected]>

Sent

Wednesday, December 31, 2003 2:45 PM

Subject

Re: [Haven for the Human Amoeba] Where's the line?

If I had to define asexuality as "No attraction of any type for no gender at all", I would count on my fingers how many asexuals really exist! Impressive!

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Well I know that I have no atraction to women at all, but some atraction to men. Its just that I dont want to have sex with any of them. Just like I dont want to play football or or watch paint dry. I am just not interested in it.

On 31 Dec 2003, *Nargothic* said:

If I had to define asexuality as "No attraction of any type for no gender at all"

That's how I define it. That's how it makes sense to define it. The "A-" prefix means *NO*. Having a *low* sex drive would probably be called hyposexuality. Or maybe people with low sex drives would want to come up with a different term that doesn't carry the connotation of having something wrong or inadequate. But asexuality means no sexuality. And I have met at least some others who are asexual by that definition. I thought I would meet more here.

Jim Sinclair jisincla@m...

I dont think any of us are 100% asexual, we all have some sort of sexual feelings in our lives but we may not reconaize it or care for it to act on.

***I'm gonna' go out on a limb here and say that I know myself well enough to know that there are no sexual feelings. My butterflies are from long plane trips or eating bad deli meat. One of the things that has kept me out of the social scene is that nobody believes that I am the only one with 100% insight into what my body feels, sees, hears, does and perceives. I have as many sexual feelings as I have the desire to jump into a volcano. I don't think people understand that.

Sex is part of life, even in small biological and hormon functions inside our bodies. ***what if there is a malfunction?***

Our minds may say no to sex but often our bodies dont agree if they see someone they like or if they smell a certain smell.

***my mind, body, resoning, brain and every other part of me isn't remotely interested. I can't make people believe me, I've learned that.***

adriennesis said:

I dont think any of us are 100% asexual, we all have some sort of sexual feelings in our lives but we may not reconaize it or care for it to act on.

***I'm gonna' go out on a limb here and say that I know myself well enough to know that there are no sexual feelings.

Thank you, Cijay. This was one place where I had hoped I would *not* have people telling me that I don't really know how I feel, or that the kind of person I am does not exist. :-(

Sex is part of life, even in small biological and hormon functions inside our bodies. ***what if there is a malfunction?***

Or just a NON-function. I don't consider my lack of sexuality to be a malfunction or a dysfunction. I do have a pretty good idea of what happened abnormally in my biological and hormone functions (weird prenatal hormone environment, plus autism, plus or including some sort of weird brain activity in the temporal lobes, which just happen to be a critical area for sexuality), but I don't think of those abnormalities as being "defects." Migraines, asthma, joint pain--*those* I consider to be malfunctions. Those I would change or cure if I could. But being asexual isn't a problem, it's just the way I am.

***my mind, body, resoning, brain and every other part of me isn't remotely interested. I can't make people believe me, I've learned that.***

Annoying, isn't it? :-(

I have a friend who does believe me, but has explained that sexuality is such a core part of most people's being that they simply cannot imagine not having it, nor imagine what it's like to not have it.

I don't know if this analogy would help, but I think about a university professor I once worked with, who was blind. He was very outspoken about prevailing attitudes and stereotypes about blindness, and very indignant about the idea that blindness is some terrible, life-destroying tragedy that needs to be "fixed." In particular, he was outraged by attempts to raise sensitivity in sighted people by blindfolding them to "simulate" blindness. He said that doesn't show people what it's like to be blind. It only makes them think that blindness is frightening.

Now, I've had vision all my life. It's always been part of how I relate to the world. I happen to be considerably less visually-oriented than most people (maybe I am hypovisual?); but still, even with relatively weak eye-to-brain connection, the amount of visual input and visual processing that I do are inextricable components of just about *all* my life experiences.

I can temporarly "turn off" visual input by closing my eyes, using a blindfold, or turning out the lights. But even then, my brain is incorporating visual processing into the experience: I can find my way around a familiar room in the dark because I have visual memories of where things are; I can identify a familiar object by feel because I have a visual memory to associate with that tactile input, etc. I, having a brain that's wired to process and respond to visual input, truly cannot imagine what it's like to live with absolutely *no* vision, to have *never* had any vision, and to have no idea of what it even means to see. It's beyond my capacity to separate out the embedded visual parts of my own experience and get an accurate feel for how a congenitally blind person experiences things. Even if I were to become blind today, my brain has spent the last 42 years incorporating vision into its functioning. It would eventually adjust to the absence of visual input, but it would never lose its visual orientation, and would continue to use visual concepts in it processing.

But--even though I can't experience it, and I can't imagine it, I can--and should--believe what blind people tell me about how they experience things. I can and should recognize that their experience of life is very different from mine. I can and should refrain from projecting my own "sighted" experience onto them (concluding, for example, that they must be frightened, or helpless, or confused, or dependent, just because *I* would have those problems if I suddenly lost my ability to see). I can, and most certainly should, acknowledge the simple fact that they really *are* blind--I should refrain from telling them that they really must have *some* vision, and perhaps they just don't recognize it! These are all things I can do and should do when encountering blind people, just as a matter of simple respect and human dignity.

Jim Sinclair jisincla@...

Where do you live?

In my house. :)

(Seriously: Edmonton, Alberta, Canada.)

Just get a boyfriend/girlfriend in a box...seems like much less effort ;)

http://www.salon.com/mwt/fgm/1997/12/05fgm.html

I think having a foreign friend that you write with is less false then wearing a wedding ring. Besides your close friends will notice the ring and ask even more.

Jim Sinclair said:

That sure is a lot of work to invest in a falsehood!

If dishonesty is the course to be followed, why not just get and wear a wedding ring, and not say anything about it, and if anyone asks about your spouse, just change the subject?

Jim Sinclair jisincla@m...

On 26 Dec 2003, adriennesis said:

Yes I can see that being a problem. You may consider getting a girlfriend who lives in a far away country, you may even get a real girl to write with and send you pictures. That would give you some extra time, you could go on holiday to meet her and then tell your family or co workersthat you love her. She lives so far away that they probably wont expect to see her before your wedding... YOu can end this 'relationship' at any time and then start a new one much later, especially if you tell everybody that she was the real love of your live and that you wanted to marry her. It often happens that people say that they give up on love after such a experience... It will take some acting and someone to write with but this way you at least get some time to think about your situation and perhaps even in a few years you feel completely different.

adrienne

How would I go about finding an asexual guy? I mean, there aren't many ways to do that...online, for instance. I've been to the asexuality.org message board...but haven't really seen anything like a chat, or ways to communicate through email or whatever.

Just wondering...

***This is the code we're all trying to crack!***

And how do you explain it to your friends and parents? Damn, it feels like you "come out".

ANYONE?

---

Cheers,

Meegan sXe

***The only person I have 'come out' to is my mum and it really wasn't a big deal to her. I still don't think that she 'gets' it, seems to think I'm just not interested in a sexual relationship (tho' I think she heard very clearly that I like gay men because they're safe for me). I was just very depressed and was saying that there is nowhere for asexual people to go, nowhere to meet others.

When my friend went into heat and dumped all of his friends except for the one who'd lie down for him, a lot of people figured I was the jilted lover. They weren't viewing it as a lost friend but as a jealous love or something. Mum is the only one who realises exactly where this hurt me, everyone else sees it as a romantic break up.***

---

Get advanced SPAM filtering on Webmail or POP Mail ... Get Lycos Mail! http://login.mail.lycos.com/r/referral?aid=27005

Yeah, but not really...I mean, not ALL asexuals want to remain by themselves.

That's definitely not true. I'm sure, if you saw the AVEN definition of asexuality...or asexual...that it doesn't mean that the asexual person would want to be alone without companionship.

***I agree, Plenty of asexuals would like serious companionship and even 'dating' (movies, dinner, plays, vacations, dancing etc).***

How would I go about finding an asexual guy? I mean, there aren't many ways to do that...online, for instance. I've been to the asexuality.org message board...but haven't really seen anything like a chat, or ways to communicate through email or whatever.

I guess you could do it in a "Personals" ad locally, if it's accessible to you.

Therese Shellabarger / The Roving Reporter - Civis Mundi tlshell@... / http://tlshell.cnc.net/

And how do you explain it to your friends and parents? Damn, it feels like you "come out".

If anyone asks, just tell them you're not interested in sexual relationships but platonic friendships are OK.

Therese Shellabarger / The Roving Reporter - Civis Mundi tlshell@... / http://tlshell.cnc.net/

Check out www.asexualpals.com . They have a large size of members and it's not free..a small fee is required. Best of luck in finding your soulmate.

Hi, I've been helping a neighbor organize, pack, move, unpack, clean the old apartment and so on. Then this same neighbor had some emotional and health crisis's. This is the reason I have not been participating in much of anything.

I am beyond exhausted. In between all of this the 2 of us interviewed with a family who has had 2 deaths in the last month or 2. This left 2 women in their fifties who are severely handicapped by schizophrenia alone. They had been with their mother until she died 2 weeks ago at the age of 83.

I have worked with the mentally ill in the past but the woman who is going to do this with me has never worked with the mentally ill and is very afraid. So it has been trying to say the least to get this woman to just accept that if Mom at the age of 83 years old was safe so will she be safe.

Anyway, I am trying to recuperated from all of this hard labor so I can care for these women 2 or 3 days per week. We don't do shifts but rather days at a time. So if I do 2 days it is for 48 hours. Of course I can sleep at night but I know myself. At first it will be hard for me to sleep just because I don't sleep well in a new place.

Well, I think I will start looking at all of these emails of over 100. Let's see if I stay sane in between emails.

By the way, it is likely that I will soon change internet servers, therefore my email address will change when I do this.

Smile, Jen

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Dang Mr. Glenn, you lost 169 pounds in about 18 months. You did this by avoiding carbs?

This means no bread or no sandwiches. I can't cook worth a damn so I eat sandwiches. I need to lose weight too. I gained a ton of weight before the foot surgery I had. I am struggling with motivation right now but I am going to push myself.

I do have one more surgery. After the surgery I am unable to do anything except sit or lay down and I am in terrible pain during this time. The good news is that as far as I know I only have one more surgery to do.

I'll have to think about this no carb thing of yours.

It seems to me that you must want to live or you wouldn't have done all of this.

I know that a huge part of my answer is to become active and busy again.

Big CHUNK OF PRAISE TO YA MR. GLENN.

Jen

Hi Glenn, I understand the reason you stay away from the blueberries but why to you avoid carbohydrates?

Jen

To lose weight. In the summer of 2002 I was about 425 pounds. Last time I was at my doctor's (which was only last week), I weighed in at 256. I'm trying to see how close I can get to 200.

glenn

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Therese, you got me here. LOL Well, you are right and those were some cute responses. I liked them.

Jen

Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?

Hey, some *is* square. If you don't believe me, go to the store and look! And the cheese is square too!

(-:

A bigger question is why there is a mismatch between the number of wieners in a package and the number of hot dog buns!!! A conspiracy perhaps? Even the vegetarian dogs are the wrong number!

Therese Shellabarger / The Roving Reporter - Civis Mundi tlshell@... / http://tlshell.cnc.net/

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Therese, these are good questions. I do think security has some important but there is more than security for me. I love to laugh with others and in the same room too. I enjoy sharing meals with another that I am relaxed with his/her company. The computer is a good part of my life but it is not enough. I have both transportation and a computer and it is just not enough for me. I like to do activities with someone I am very comfortable with their presence. I like to reflect, make future plans and so on too. I do have 2 cats and this does help.

Jen

There are people who most prefer to be alone most of the time. I am not one who wants to be alone most of the time. I do need a lot of alone time but I do not take any pleasure in being single. In the past this didn't bother me in the least. It seems I have been changing a lot as I age. It seems to just be my natural process of aging where someone else may have a different process.

I wonder how much of that is the need for security? At least that's the nagging worry in the back of *my* head. I don't mind being alone as long as I have my computer and a means of transportation, but stick me someplace where I don't have both and I get bored very quickly. It doesn't really matter if I'm with people, I get bored if there's neither one because I want to get away and type away madly on e-mail, or read the news, etc. <G>, and I enjoy shopping for food and other necessities.

However, I worry about myself a bit, and think it would be good to have someone around for safety reasons even if I'm not paying attention all the time...someone that we could watch out for each other.

Therese Shellabarger / The Roving Reporter - Civis Mundi tlshell@... / http://tlshell.cnc.net/

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Jim, this was sort of funny when I read it only because I do exactly this. I wear a wedding ring. I must say I don't think it works the way I would like it too because I never seem to remember to mention my husband or anything like that.

Jen

That sure is a lot of work to invest in a falsehood!

If dishonesty is the course to be followed, why not just get and wear a wedding ring, and not say anything about it, and if anyone asks about your spouse, just change the subject?

Jim Sinclair jisincla@...

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Cijay, I really hate it too. I don't know how people can act like they don't get it. I have had both male and female friends that are supposed to be of normal intelligence but I fail to see it. They act like never doesn't exist.

When I made it clear that I did not date nor did I want too then I was a lesbian. My neighbors all assume I am a lesbian because I don't date and have told me so. Can you imagine the NERVE and how BOLD these nosey people are? I have responded with.... WeLLL, ya know lesbians have sex and you have NOT seen any women spending the night at my apartment have you? In fact you almost never see anyone but a family member come over so what is going on? Oh I know, I sneak out at 3 am do a fast F*** with a stranger woman and run home before you notice I have left. These type of people really get on my nerves.

I found if I started asking them very personal and inappropriate questions they shut up faster. So if they inquire in some fashion if I am a lesbian, I often answer with the following... Oh you want to know if I have sex? Oh you want to know when or how often I have sex? You want to know if I have sex with both men and women?

The one I like the most is to pretend I think they are coming on to me. And I tell the woman.... Look if you are that way that is fine but I'm not. I am sorry but I am not interested and please don't ask me out again. I can be friends with most anyone but that is not something I am interested in doing with another woman.

Oh let me tell you.... Women are so embarrassed if you turn it back on them. It's something they don't expect and I maintain the conversation as though I am fully convinced she wanted to roll in the hay with me.

Men seem to be less intrusive with me for some reason.

Jen

I suppose some day I'll see it happen again but at the moment I'm incredibly depressed about it. Guys trying to seduce me, fancying me or married men flirting with me are the ones that cause me to run like hell tho'. I do not want my best friend to see me as anything but 'one of the guys'. If I think for a second that he'd "do me if I'd go for it" then that's the end of it. They don't seem to understand that when I say I don't want a sexual relationship, that means not ever. Not "we'll start off as friends and see where it goes", not "now that we're good enough friends you can pinch my ass and I won't read anything into it" but not ever. I want a very good but purely platonic friend and they just don't seem to get that.

We used to have a great lounge here, like yours where you knew everyone, the music (was all '50s & '60s) was comfortable, no strobe lights or disco balls. Every now and again some reject from the disco clubs wandered in and figured he'd get lucky but then he'd see we really weren't the "hapnin' crowd" he'd bugger off again. That closed tho' (the DJ died and...hey, try to find someone else who was dj-ing in 1965 and has respect for the music and the time and don't play 1990s versions of 1960s songs). It was great 'coz I COULD go alone and meet up with, as you said, my mates and have a laugh and get drunk and even got a ride home without being expected to put out! That was nice, it just doesn't exist anymore here.

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Adrienne, I think this is hysterical and I love it. I also enjoy romance but I don't enjoy ANYTHING that comes close to sexuality.

Jen

Im more like my Idol Marlene Dietrich then I thought...

"On romance: Marlene Dietrich hated sex. But she was the most romantic human being in the world. Her diaries at 16 and in her 60s reflect the same romanticism."

Incredible, a sex godess who hated sex... ;)

a.

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Adrienne, I find this amazing. I did fall in love with ONE man in high school. I have NEVER fallin in love with another man ever. We NEVER kissed or anything like it but we had a very long relationship. He changed though. He runs around having sex and doesn't want to marry just have sex and no kids either. He gave up his faith too. It's like sex took over his mind. I think it messed him up. He is not the man I knew and I don't like who he became. Needless to say, I don't speak to him anymore.

Jen

Same here. I call myself the eternal bachelor or the ultimate spinster and proud of it (although I cant spin...). One thing I also say (and its true) is that to me sex has to be part of love, many people agree with that idea although most have the occasional one night stand. If you only have sex during a loving relationship people will find it a lot less amazing that you dont talk about sex and men all the time. They actually become less obsessive about the subject themself...you seem to have the moral highground and they often dont feel comfortable talking about their one night stands and flings... And then 'i havent found the right guy yet' or 'i thought I met him but he was married' works to keep friends and family happy every so often.

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