Haven for the Human Amoeba

Cijay, OMG, I've never heard of anyone so darn insecure. Wow, they don't even know each other. I bet she had a relationship in her own mind with him. Haaaaaaaa this woman is just unbelievable. Well, I suppose she is fearful she might get some homo on her or aids. She is laughable.

Jen

LOL. Hey, lookit all the girls who lusted after Rock Hudson. A lady my mum worked with was so disappointed that she ran home, found her scrapbook from when she was a teenie bopper of all her Rock Hudson memorabilia and threw it away. That's a bit drastic don't you think? I mean, it's not like she meant anything to him to begin with.

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Hand holding, hugging or cuddling without an eretion touching or directed towards me. If the irection is there I am gone. END of story.

Jen

PS. BTW this is so sexualized it is sickening!

Me, I'd be perfectly satisfied if a relationship got to the "holding hands" stage and stayed there...

glenn

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Sarae, I understand what you are saying and I know some people are able to do this. I just can't. I think I would be one of the angriest people in town if I had to let someone hump me. It's just too much to ask for in my life.

Jen

But asexuality means no sexuality. And I have met at least some others who are asexual by that definition. I thought I would meet more here.

you can have no sex drive (and no sexuality as well) yet still participate in sexual activity. We do lots of things every day that we're not interested in, why couldn't sex be added to the list for some people? (ie: no interest in sex, no sex drive but be in a relationship with someone who does... and sex just becomes a compromised situation... person 2 gets off and person 1 doesn't have to deal with getting groped and humped and pleaded with for another day or so)

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Cijay, agreed, in fact he'd be the newest form of a female there ever was in the year 2004, a severely disabled one at that too.

Jen

Yes, /but/ - there's a gender issue here: and how would a /woman/ find out she's aroused? The signs are much more subtle, or there may be none. A woman can perfectly be deceiving herself about what gets her excited pure and simply because of the lack of explicit physical signs.

***annnndddd....ummmm....how would you know this?

I would say Mark is about as asexual as I am Chinese. Asexuals don't get aroused, grope (he'd only do that once to me and get his nose broken...if he's LUCKY it'd just be his nose), discuss what does and doesn't get him horny etc. I'm the same as Glenn, my asexuality only becomes a matter of discussion in closed company. (VERY closed).

Mark is a pervert. There is nothing amusing or harmless about grabbing and groping anyone. ANYone. It's invasive, it's rude and it IS against the law.

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Cijay, RIGHT ON!!!

Jen

Sorry, I meant how did you know that a woman has subtle or no symptoms of arousal even to herself? (Please don't tell me you read it somewhere...it'd be an insult to your own intelligence). And, yes, I do know what causes erections other than sexual reasons, thanks.

Trap test or not, there ARE thousands of "Marks" out there, which is why my preference for physical company these days is that of other women.

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Dang Mr. Glenn, you lost 169 pounds in about 18 months. You did this by avoiding carbs?

Yes.

This means no bread or no sandwiches.

No bread, no cereal, no potatoes... in short, no sugar and no starch.

I can't cook worth a damn so I eat sandwiches.

Ah. I can cook rather well, myself. But even if I don't feel like cooking, I can do simple things. Example, instead of a sandwich with meat, cheese, and tomatoes, I take the cheese and tomatoes and roll them up inside a slice or two of deli meat (ham and/or turkey).

glenn

Cijay, I believe Jim Sinclaire said the same thing just in different words. I think he believes you and I know I believe you.

I have had sensations for some odd reason but I DO NOT WANT ANY FORM of sexuality directed towards me.

NONE NONE NONE

It's very hard to live in a world of sex. I truly hate it and I do wish there was a country or island or somethingn of this nature where WE Asexuals could live in peace, harmony with lots of laughter.

Jen

I dont think any of us are 100% asexual, we all have some sort of sexual feelings in our lives but we may not reconaize it or care for it to act on.

***I'm gonna' go out on a limb here and say that I know myself well enough to know that there are no sexual feelings. My butterflies are from long plane trips or eating bad deli meat. One of the things that has kept me out of the social scene is that nobody believes that I am the only one with 100% insight into what my body feels, sees, hears, does and perceives. I have as many sexual feelings as I have the desire to jump into a volcano. I don't think people understand that.

Sex is part of life, even in small biological and hormon functions inside our bodies. ***what if there is a malfunction?***

Our minds may say no to sex but often our bodies dont agree if they see someone they like or if they smell a certain smell.

***my mind, body, resoning, brain and every other part of me isn't remotely interested. I can't make people believe me, I've learned that.***

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Jim, I can't thank you enough!!!!!!

Geeze, someone finally gets it. I have been Dx'd Asperger Syndrome aka High Functioning Autism therefore my brain is wired differently. I am so over stimulated by sounds it is crazy making. I can't even tolerated just looking at a TV if there is a face with a mouth that never stops moving cuz I know that face is talking non-stop and I want to make it shut up so I turn the channel.

I use ear molds that are actually used for not the hard of hearing but the deaf. They are solid and block a lot of sounds and still I can hear and understand conversation most of the time. I am so sensitive it is sickening. I prefer visual stimuli which apparently is the opposite of you. Although it may be that you are auditory and I am visual in our preferences it seems much the same or quite similar.

I never had sexual feelings growing up. I never understood the desire for sex or sexual stimulation either. I was an adult and in a therapeutic situation it was pushed on me. Yes, I learned what the sexual sensation is but it did not cause me to want to be sexual. I tried to force myself to be sexual in my 20's but it's just not something I enjoy. Pushing this towards me now makes me very angry not friendly. Society has been the problem not my Asexuality.

Yes, I have asthma too. I would love to get rid of it. I have nerve abnormalities in my feet and would love to get rid of this too. This doesn't mean I want that sexual garbage. It's a waste of time. I'd rather learn something, do something worth while or have fun.

Jen

adriennesis said:

***I'm gonna' go out on a limb here and say that I know myself well enough to know that there are no sexual feelings.

Thank you, Cijay. This was one place where I had hoped I would *not* have people telling me that I don't really know how I feel, or that the kind of person I am does not exist. :-(

Or just a NON-function. I don't consider my lack of sexuality to be a malfunction or a dysfunction. I do have a pretty good idea of what happened abnormally in my biological and hormone functions (weird prenatal hormone environment, plus autism, plus or including some sort of weird brain activity in the temporal lobes, which just happen to be a critical area for sexuality), but I don't think of those abnormalities as being "defects." Migraines, asthma, joint pain--*those* I consider to be malfunctions. Those I would change or cure if I could. But being asexual isn't a problem, it's just the way I am.

Jim Sinclair jisincla@...

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Go to this website. If you read the profiles you will know who is celibate as a LIFESTYLE meaning forever no sex and those who are obstaining till they are in a relationship or married.

Jen

http://www.your-designs.net/crw/homepage.html

Celibate Relationship Profiles View Profiles Welcome!

This is a FREE service for anyone seeking a non-sexual relationship. Please complete a Membership Profile if you are interested in meeting other men and women to begin a non-sexual relationship. After completing the questionnaire you will have the opportunity to upload a photo that will be added to your profile.

I know I would never have a "fake boyfriend" so I could please family members. But, I know that I could never explain, or talk about being asexual.

How would I go about finding an asexual guy? I mean, there aren't many ways to do that...online, for instance. I've been to the asexuality.org message board...but haven't really seen anything like a chat, or ways to communicate through email or whatever.

Just wondering...

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Meegan, try the following website.

Jen

http://www.your-designs.net/crw/homepage.html

So...how do you find someone else of the opposite sex that is asexual? I mean, other than being on this list and all?

I mean, there aren't any matching services online for asexuals that I've seen.

And how do you explain it to your friends and parents? Damn, it feels like you "come out".

ANYONE?

Cheers,

Meegan sXe

"All growth is a leap in the dark, a spontaneous unpremeditated act without the benefit of experience."-- Henry Miller

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Cijay, My heart goes out to you. I think this is a deeper loss than most anyone can understand. A jilted lover is quite different and can be replaced without much effort.

This has to be such a crushing blow. I am sorry for you and also wish I had a friend who was more like us too.

I do have one friend in town who is Asexual but she lies all of the time and does other things that make friendship a real trial rather than a real joy.

Jen

And how do you explain it to your friends and parents? Damn, it feels like you "come out".

ANYONE?

---

Cheers,

Meegan sXe

***The only person I have 'come out' to is my mum and it really wasn't a big deal to her. I still don't think that she 'gets' it, seems to think I'm just not interested in a sexual relationship (tho' I think she heard very clearly that I like gay men because they're safe for me). I was just very depressed and was saying that there is nowhere for asexual people to go, nowhere to meet others.

When my friend went into heat and dumped all of his friends except for the one who'd lie down for him, a lot of people figured I was the jilted lover. They weren't viewing it as a lost friend but as a jealous love or something. Mum is the only one who realises exactly where this hurt me, everyone else sees it as a romantic break up.***

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Hmm, I've been noticing an interesting thing here - its not just that you're not interested in sex, it seems you're really seriously upset (maybe, possibly, even enraged?) at the simple thought that someone might direct sexual thoughts or desires toward you. I'm trying to get a comparison in my own mind here to better understand. Well... I seem oddly popular with gay guys (unfortunate, as I'm not at all gay, in any form at all, and don't see any form of attraction in men... the idea of kissing a guy is not one I'd like to entertain, even). But I can't imagine becoming angry at guys simply expressing an interest. I see it as a compliment - how could it be something else, despite my feelings about the whole issue? Its one I don't care for, but, that's their life and I can't expect them not to try. So anti-sexuals (or whatevfer the semantics are) are going beyond normal disinterest. I'm one of those rare people that can't stand so many foods that other people simply adore (like the weird turkey fetish the rest of the country suddenly developes with a ravenous desire that actually exceeds sexual frenzy ... must... have... turkey ...). I think its the craziest thing I've ever seen, and I can't stand thanksgiving dinners. Repulsive. No pizza in sight. ;) My family can't begin to understand me (they adore turkey like a religion one day a year). I don't care for being harrassed about my supposedly odd eating habits. But... anyway, I don't get mad. I just shrug, say "nope" and simply move on - I do that will all my traits considered eccentric. So I'm really wondering where all the apparent rage is coming from. To summarize, is an asexual so different from a straight guy that keeps getting hit on by gay guys? Its not that everyone understands the straight guy and not the asexual. The tactics of refusal are still the same - "nope".

Save rainforest for free with a Planet-Save.com e-mail account: http://www.planet-save.com

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The following service is FREE for those who want to live a celibate life. Some of these people are Asexual, low sex drive, some have a genital disorder that creates pain if engaged in arrousal or sexual activities, some had bad experiences and don't want to do it again, some are gay and believe it is wrong to engage sexually and therefore live a celibate life and lastly there are the sexual ones UNlike us that are celibate till they get the right person.

http://www.your-designs.net/crw/homepage.html

Jen

Check out www.asexualpals.com . They have a large size of members and it's not free..a small fee is required. Best of luck in finding your soulmate.

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When someone is interested in me, and I sense it, I feel oppressed. I feel like the air around me just got several pounds of pressure added to it. Being noticed is extremely stressful in my case.

Hmm, I've been noticing an interesting thing here - its not just that you're not interested in sex, it seems you're really seriously upset (maybe, possibly, even enraged?) at the simple thought that someone might direct sexual thoughts or desires toward you.

this was sort of funny when I read it only because I do exactly this. I wear a wedding ring. I must say I don't think it works the way I would like it too because I never seem to remember to mention my husband or anything like that.

***I have my aunt's old wedding ring to wear when I go on holidays but keep forgetting to***

Message

1

Date

Fri, 26 Dec 2003 09:12:54 -0500 (EST)

From

Jim Sinclair <jisincla@m...>

Subject

Re: Re: Fake Girlfriend/Boyfriend

That sure is a lot of work to invest in a falsehood!

If dishonesty is the course to be followed, why not just get and wear a wedding ring, and not say anything about it, and if anyone asks about your spouse, just change the subject?

Jim Sinclair jisincla@m...

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Cijay, I really hate it too. I don't know how people can act like they don't get it. I have had both male and female friends that are supposed to be of normal intelligence but I fail to see it. They act like never doesn't exist.

*** When someone asks me 'do you think s/he's gay/lesbian?' I ask them "fancy him/her do you? Did you want me to go find out?"***

Not to mention, it was 30 years before it that she had MADE her little scrap book. I still have mine in my trunk. Every now and again I look through it and laugh about all the pictures I saved.

New Year's Eve my cousin, her kids and my niece and I were watching "Pirates of the Carribbean". My 11yr old niece looked at one of the other kids and pointed to Orlandon Bloom and said "he's soooo hot!" I laughed and said yes, I thought he is cute. My cousin said "a bit young for you, isn't he?" Uh, yeah, and that's the only thing keeping he and I from sharing a lifetime together.

Cijay, OMG, I've never heard of anyone so darn insecure. Wow, they don't even know each other. I bet she had a relationship in her own mind with him. Haaaaaaaa this woman is just unbelievable. Well, I suppose she is fearful she might get some homo on her or aids. She is laughable.

Jen

Message

2

Date

Wed, 31 Dec 2003 08:56:28 -0000

From

"Cijay" <cijaym@y...>

Subject

Re: I love my idol...

LOL. Hey, lookit all the girls who lusted after Rock Hudson. A lady my mum worked with was so disappointed that she ran home, found her scrapbook from when she was a teenie bopper of all her Rock Hudson memorabilia and threw it away. That's a bit drastic don't you think? I mean, it's not like she meant anything to him to begin with.

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We do lots of things every day that we're not interested

in, why couldn't sex be added to the list for some people? (ie: no interest in sex, no sex drive but be in a relationship with someone who does... and sex just becomes a compromised situation... person 2 gets off and person 1 doesn't have to deal with getting groped and humped and pleaded with for another day or so)

**** I'd never say you can't do it, just saying I wouldn't. I guess it depends on how high "no sex" is on you check list of a relationship. If it's something you don't mind, go for it. A lot of people do. Most people in highschool to be truthful.***

***I'm going to give my answer tho' I know you're talking to Jen and she can give hers, we may differ. (BTW, I'm with you on the turkey!) In my case, the anger is not that I'm being hit on or approached, it's the fact that 'nope' doesn't appease the approacher. I've noticed with most gay guys, when someone says 'nope', they accept that and look elsewhere or still would like a platonic friendship with another guy. I haven't encountered too many straight guys who have been happy with 'nope'. They follow you around, grope, grab, get really obnoxious and make it their personal challenge to bed you. They think that sitting in a park writing a letter, walking on a river valley trail or sitting enjoying KFC in a shopping mall is a CFM message and it's directed at them personally. I don't have a problem with people approaching me and being interested (tho' they should have their eyes checked!) but their shitty little lines that border "come here often" type things are far from original and...they seem to think they know all about me because they're looking at the top of my head as I sit there and write a letter. OR, if it's someone who I've been in a platonic relationship with and they start talking about taking the relationship to the next level, that's when it pisses me off. Also makes me sad because I know at that moment that I've lost another platonic friend.

People constantly trying to fix me up with their brother, cousin, uncle, grandfather (well, okay, that's a stretch). People sticking their nose in my personal business, asking me how old I was when I lost my virginity, where I like doing it, how many I've had etc etc are about as rude as the day is long. They're rude questions for anyone to ask, let alone someone who doesn't know me. Then of course are the ones who tell me I'm not interested in sex because I haven't had it. Then are the ones who know I'm not interested but like to describe their practices. Remember, I have lived 41 years of the above so it's probably more frustration than anything else. Kinda' like when the 12th person in a 5 minute span asks why you're not married. It's like "haven't you heard a bloody thing I SAID???" Jen may have some other points of view, these are just mine.

Hi Steven,

I am or was simply Asexual. I did not start out angry, upset or with rage. At one time sexuality did not repulse me either. I think through my experiences of having it pushed on me so much over my life time that I have become less than tolerant. Yes, now it does make me sick.

I was pissed off at this being a game but referred to as a test. I suppose I don't appreciated headgames for one and especially not concerning sexuality and even more so in a group like this.

The last 5 places I have lived during the past 15 years has taken a toll on my perception and tolerance. When people don't accept "nope" as you put it and this is over and over and over and over to the point that it is more than a complement, more than an intrusion and so on it just can bring a person to the point of some fairly strong anger.

It is also frustrating that there is almost no music these days that doesn't involve humping. Most commercials are what other address as sexualized or humpized. LOL

There is almost no where people can go unless they are deep in the mountains to not see or hear constant sex. I'm sick of it.

My suspicion is that you are much younger than I am and have not come to that place where you have just had it with peoples crap. Also, if you feel anything like that little Mark story then we don't have Asexuality in common. That is hardly Asexual. That is incredibly sexual simply without intercourse. The difference is so vast that it would be a waste of time to discuss it any further.

I can tell you that romance even with some sexuality doesn't anger me. In fact I can see a lot of beauty or what I would call loveliness and a wonderful dance of love. If you will notice, I was not upset nor angered during the first 10 emails or more. Finally that did change. The games with this story did really piss me off but then you already know that.

Jen

Hmm, I've been noticing an interesting thing here - its not just that you're not interested in sex, it seems you're really seriously upset (maybe, possibly, even enraged?) at the simple thought that someone might direct sexual thoughts or desires toward you. I'm trying to get a comparison in my own mind here to better understand. Well... I seem oddly popular with gay guys (unfortunate, as I'm not at all gay, in any form at all, and don't see any form of attraction in men... the idea of kissing a guy is not one I'd like to entertain, even). But I can't imagine becoming angry at guys simply expressing an interest. I see it as a compliment - how could it be something else, despite my feelings about the whole issue? Its one I don't care for, but, that's their life and I can't expect them not to try. So anti-sexuals (or whatevfer the semantics are) are going beyond normal disinterest. I'm one of those rare people that can't stand so many foods that other people simply adore (like the weird turkey fetish the rest of the country suddenly developes with a ravenous desire that actually exceeds sexual frenzy ... must... have... turkey ...). I think its the craziest thing I've ever seen, and I can't stand thanksgiving dinners. Repulsive. No pizza in sight. ;) My family can't begin to understand me (they adore turkey like a religion one day a year). I don't care for being harrassed about my supposedly odd eating habits. But... anyway, I don't get mad. I just shrug, say "nope" and simply move on - I do that will all my traits considered eccentric. So I'm really wondering where all the apparent rage is coming from. To summarize, is an asexual so different from a straight guy that keeps getting hit on by gay guys? Its not that everyone understands the straight guy and not the asexual. The tactics of refusal are still the same - "nope".

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ROFL Cijay, I love this response, just love it.

Jen

*** When someone asks me 'do you think s/he's gay/lesbian?' I ask them "fancy him/her do you? Did you want me to go find out?"***

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I am not afraid to talk about sex, but a lot of it does make me cringe...oral sex for example. I wouldn't be afraid to kiss or touch a man, but beyond that...uh...to be quite the little 6 year old: Ewww.

I don't mind watching movies that have sex in it, because I think about the romantic aspect of it...but the act does make me cringe.

I guess I'm just a romantic, that's all. Anyone else that way here?

Cheers,

Meegan sXe

"All growth is a leap in the dark, a spontaneous unpremeditated act without the benefit of experience."-- Henry Miller

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Yes 'n no. Oral sex repulses me yes, case closed. The sex in movies wouldn't be so bad if it was restricted to romance movies or just a little part in the movie but you almost have to go see a Disney movie in order to avoid SOMEwhere in the movie two people humping and quite often they have to show it. It's like, when you read the credits in the beginning you can play a game about who is going to get boned by whom. And to show the whole thing in the movie, unless it's a porn movie of course is a waste of film and time in the movie. I mean, if they just close the door, we know what they're doing in there. No wonder asexuals often think all sexual people do is eat, slep and screw. Yes I'm aware the movies aren't real life but if that's all there is to entertaining people I wonder how far away from real life it is.

I am not afraid to talk about sex, but a lot of it does make me cringe...oral sex for example. I wouldn't be afraid to kiss or touch a man, but beyond that...uh...to be quite the little 6 year old: Ewww.

I don't mind watching movies that have sex in it, because I think about the romantic aspect of it...but the act does make me cringe.

I guess I'm just a romantic, that's all. Anyone else that way here?

---

Cheers,

Meegan sXe

"All growth is a leap in the dark, a spontaneous unpremeditated act without the benefit of experience."-- Henry Miller

---

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I do believe that we shouldn't try to force our experiences on other people, and that if someone beleives something to be true you can pretty much bet that it is at least true for them.

I do however find a comfort in someone stating not all of use are %100 asexual. I do not find myself 100% asexual and I find comfort in hearing that someone else finds the same for themselfs at least.

I don't condone anyone forcing their beliefs onto others.

Autumn

[email protected] wrote: Message: 1 Date: Fri, 2 Jan 2004 12:11:22 -0500 (EST) From: Jim Sinclair Subject: Re: Where's the line?

adriennesis said:

I dont think any of us are 100% asexual, we all have some sort of sexual feelings in our lives but we may not reconaize it or care for it to act on.

***I'm gonna' go out on a limb here and say that I know myself well enough to know that there are no sexual feelings.

Thank you, Cijay. This was one place where I had hoped I would *not* have people telling me that I don't really know how I feel, or that the kind of person I am does not exist. :-(

Sex is part of life, even in small biological and hormon functions inside our bodies. ***what if there is a malfunction?***

Or just a NON-function. I don't consider my lack of sexuality to be a malfunction or a dysfunction. I do have a pretty good idea of what happened abnormally in my biological and hormone functions (weird prenatal hormone environment, plus autism, plus or including some sort of weird brain activity in the temporal lobes, which just happen to be a critical area for sexuality), but I don't think of those abnormalities as being "defects." Migraines, asthma, joint pain--*those* I consider to be malfunctions. Those I would change or cure if I could. But being asexual isn't a problem, it's just the way I am.

***my mind, body, resoning, brain and every other part of me isn't remotely interested. I can't make people believe me, I've learned that.***

Annoying, isn't it? :-(

I have a friend who does believe me, but has explained that sexuality is such a core part of most people's being that they simply cannot imagine not having it, nor imagine what it's like to not have it.

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I have both transportation and a computer and it is just not enough for me. I like to do activities with someone I am very comfortable with their presence. I like to reflect, make future plans and so on too. I do have 2 cats and this does help.

I used to have a motorcycle and then I didn't mind going out in the evening, so I went to occasional Deaf cultural events, and also on Friday nights I went to Shabbat services at a (hearing) temple that focuses on Jewish mysticism. None of that is in my life now and I miss them. I used to have a cat, too, and I miss having that as well, but where I live now is small and without independent transportation, I don't feel comfortable getting a pet that might sometimes need to go to the vet. It's OK for me, but I can't put an animal at that kind of risk.

I guess that for now, I have learned to live without a lot of things that I would like to have. I don't think it will be for the rest of my life, otherwise I might object more. Someday, I will have a small dog, at least one cat, and maybe other animals depending on my circumstances...and I think it would be good to have another person around if the place I was living in was big enough for two. I don't think I could live with more than that though because two or more people are hard for me to live with unless they can keep themselves amused and happy without my input.

I notice you said you can't cook well. I can cook although most of the time I tend to make stews that I can make in large batches so I can freeze individual servings to heat up in the microwave. I also like to make desserts, which are my weakness along with chocolate of any kind. I had to tell my parents to stop giving me chocolate candy as gifts because I'd eat all of it in a few days. I need to lose weight too, and mostly that's because I don't get enough exercise. /-:

Therese Shellabarger / The Roving Reporter - Civis Mundi tlshell@... / http://tlshell.cnc.net/