Re: How I Define myself as asexual
Cijay, I love your responses. Ya know, I wish I owned a business. I would only want hire TRUE Asexuals. We are much more productive people. I think I would like to create a sign stating "Groin Grippers Need NOT Apply."
Jen
- Message
- 7
- Date
- Sun, 04 Jan 2004 17:20:20 -0000
- From
- "Cijay" <cijaym@...>
- Subject
- Re: How I Define myself as asexual
Yes 'n no. Oral sex repulses me yes, case closed. The sex in movies wouldn't be so bad if it was restricted to romance movies or just a little part in the movie but you almost have to go see a Disney movie in order to avoid SOMEwhere in the movie two people humping and quite often they have to show it. It's like, when you read the credits in the beginning you can play a game about who is going to get boned by whom. And to show the whole thing in the movie, unless it's a porn movie of course is a waste of film and time in the movie. I mean, if they just close the door, we know what they're doing in there. No wonder asexuals often think all sexual people do is eat, slep and screw. Yes I'm aware the movies aren't real life but if that's all there is to entertaining people I wonder how far away from real life it is.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
hi, new here
Hi, My name is Deidre. I'm 20 yrs old, and I live in Central Ohio. Lately I wonder if asexuality is my best bet... I've recently discovered that I am HPV Positive. (HPV being genital warts.) I feel like a broken doll, no one wants me anymore. Everything is so sexually based anymore... From the media, to television, to people intentions. I can't say I don't have sexual urges. But sex has led to every traumatizing thing to happen in my life... If anyone would like to chat feel free to IM me at CowgirlDeebop on either Yahoo! or AOL. -Deidre
Re: [Haven for the Human Amoeba] Where's the line? - The Explanation
There is still no common agreement regarding what "asexual" means because this group is populated with celibates. You must be blind or celibate to not perceive that.
hey now.. we're not all celibates. but yeah, i followed the thread and wasn't offended.. so i guess your point sorta stands. There is no ultimate definition for "asexual" ... None of us can point fingers and say "s/he isn't asexual!" because none of us know everyone inside out. Hell, there are probably members of this group who are unsure if they themselves are asexual or not.
It seems that some members are not simply asexual, they're anti-sex (personally, not quite as militantly as others have been) and are offended by the thought of anyone acting in any way sexual to them.. or someone mentioning sexual/intimate acts (erections, 'swapping spit', etc.)
IMO there's a bit of overreaction around here lately and closed-mindedness has made me want to crawl back into my hole until it all blows over. -s
IMO there's a bit of overreaction around here lately and closed- mindedness has made me want to crawl back into my hole until it all blows over.
***I just don't think it's acceptable to come to a board for asexuality and have to wade through someone's fictional account of some guy getting off. (this wasn't a brief description, this was a novel and I didn't even read the whole damn thing). There are a zillion boards out there for that, why is it necessary to post it on this board if not for just the shock value or for the sake of being a troll? I don't know about anyone else but I'm really tired of going places (physically & over the internet) only to find out that one more time I've been duped into thinking it's safe from pervs and cyberflashers (someone who likes to describe acts over the internet). It's like finding out a coach is a paedophile, you think the kids are in somewhere good and you find out they're only there so some filthy old fart can get off on feed his sick fantasies. That's all.
Re: [Haven for the Human Amoeba] Where's the line? - The Explanation
IMO there's a bit of overreaction around here lately and closed- mindedness has made me want to crawl back into my hole until it all blows over.
***I just don't think it's acceptable to come to a board for asexuality and have to wade through someone's fictional account of some guy getting off. (this wasn't a brief description, this was a novel and I didn't even read the whole damn thing). There are a zillion boards out there for that, why is it necessary to post it on this board if not for just the shock value or for the sake of being a troll? I don't know about anyone else but I'm really tired of going places (physically & over the internet) only to find out that one more time I've been duped into thinking it's safe from pervs and cyberflashers (someone who likes to describe acts over the internet). It's like finding out a coach is a paedophile, you think the kids are in somewhere good and you find out they're only there so some filthy old fart can get off on feed his sick fantasies. That's all.
***I just don't think it's acceptable to come to a board for asexuality and have to wade through someone's fictional account of some guy getting off. (this wasn't a brief description, this was a novel and I didn't even read the whole damn thing).
I don't think the situation described above is acceptable either. But I'm not sure it's exactly what happened here. I'm not entirely certain what *did* happen here. I'm not too thrilled about the "Mark" vignette either (and, please note, I am not female and do not consider myself to be "celibate," but rather asexual). But I hope people aren't confusing the fictitional(?) Mark with the person I posted about, who is real, and who does call himself asexual, and is a habitual groper of women. My point in describing that person was to point out that there *is* a difference between an asexual person and a person who simply doesn't want to have intercourse; and also that I don't agree with the idea that "asexual" means whatever somebody decides they want it to mean, and anyone who chooses to call him/herself asexual should be accepted as such. Accepting a self-description of asexuality at face value, even if the person consistently engages in sexual groping, doesn't make any sense. That's why I posted the response I did to the message about "Mark."
I don't know about anyone else but I'm really tired of going places (physically & over the internet) only to find out that one more time I've been duped into thinking it's safe from pervs and cyberflashers
There is no place that is automatically safe. That's what moderators are for. Does this list have one?
Jim Sinclair jisincla@...
Re: [Haven for the Human Amoeba] Where's the line? - The Explanation
On , Cijay said:***I just don't think it's acceptable to come to a board for asexuality and have to wade through someone's fictional account of some guy getting off. (this wasn't a brief description, this was a novel and I didn't even read the whole damn thing).
I don't think the situation described above is acceptable either. But I'm not sure it's exactly what happened here. I'm not entirely certain what *did* happen here. I'm not too thrilled about the "Mark" vignette either (and, please note, I am not female and do not consider myself to be "celibate," but rather asexual). But I hope people aren't confusing the fictitional(?) Mark with the person I posted about, who is real, and who does call himself asexual, and is a habitual groper of women. My point in describing that person was to point out that there *is* a difference between an asexual person and a person who simply doesn't want to have intercourse; and also that I don't agree with the idea that "asexual" means whatever somebody decides they want it to mean, and anyone who chooses to call him/herself asexual should be accepted as such. Accepting a self-description of asexuality at face value, even if the person consistently engages in sexual groping, doesn't make any sense. That's why I posted the response I did to the message about "Mark."
I don't know about anyone else but I'm really tired of going places (physically & over the internet) only to find out that one more time I've been duped into thinking it's safe from pervs and cyberflashers
There is no place that is automatically safe. That's what moderators are for. Does this list have one?
Jim Sinclair jisincla@...
There is no place that is automatically safe.
***I wasn't expecting "automatically safe", call me naive but I thought there'd be a bit of class and understanding and, you're right, moderation.***
Where's the line? Positive Suggestion....
Hello All, I have noticed that this kind supportive group who freely expressed their thoughts, feelings, experiences and difference in a productive and supportive way has changed due to one intentional email to create havoc and was stated so later but not in these exact terms.
How about if we drop the subject since we do not appear to have an active moderator at this time. We are adults so why don't we just put an end to it.
I see us now attacking each other and we didn't do this prior to this provocation.
I would love to go back to a pleasurable supportive email group.
Whatcha think?
Jen
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Re: [Haven for the Human Amoeba] Where's the line? Positive Suggestion....
Hello All, I have noticed that this kind supportive group who freely expressed their thoughts, feelings, experiences and difference in a productive and supportive way has changed due to one intentional email to create havoc and was stated so later but not in these exact terms.
How about if we drop the subject since we do not appear to have an active moderator at this time. We are adults so why don't we just put an end to it.
I see us now attacking each other and we didn't do this prior to this provocation.
I would love to go back to a pleasurable supportive email group.
Whatcha think?
Jen
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
How about if we drop the subject since we do not appear to have an active moderator at this time. We are adults so why don't we just put an end to it.
I see us now attacking each other and we didn't do this prior to this provocation.
I would love to go back to a pleasurable supportive email group.
Whatcha think?
Yeah, no problem. I'll ignore the guy too. This is what people do on Usenet when they want a troll to go away (or learn a lesson.)
Therese Shellabarger / The Roving Reporter - Civis Mundi [email protected] / http://tlshell.cnc.net/
Re: [Haven for the Human Amoeba] Where's the line? Positive Suggestion....
I don't know what's going on here... are people's identities being mixed up? All I know is that there are some negative opinions of me going around. I've tried to apologize, but was met with more condescending and insults. I'll try again. Look, I'm sorry for upsetting people. I didn't mean it. I just goofed and said something that I didn't think would bother people - my mistake, its not the first time I've slipped up, I'm sure. I'll be more careful in the future. I admit, I have no idea what set this off, at least to this degree. I have no idea why people think this badly of me, that I'm "not even worth paying attention to". But I'm sorry anyway. I'm not trolling, I'm not provoking, at least not deliberately. I asked one thing, and that was why "nope" wasn't good enough. I must have asked it in a manner which was awful. I got an answer to the question though, and I understand now. That's not a crime. Lets all go back to being nice and just pretend I never asked that question in an offensive manner. I'm going to assume that this is all just a mix up and misunderstanding.
Save rainforest for free with a Planet-Save.com e-mail account: http://www.planet-save.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I'm tired of the trolling too.
Cijay is right. There is board after board on the internet and chat rooms that cater to all those wanting to get off or describe getting off. It blows me away that any sexual would waste his or her time trying to change people here. Whoever's moderating should remove their messages. There's nothing to be gained when you're grossed out.
Re: hi, new here
Hi, My name is Deidre. I'm 20 yrs old, and I live in Central Ohio. Lately I wonder if asexuality is my best bet... I've recently discovered that I am HPV Positive. (HPV being genital warts.) I feel like a broken doll, no one wants me anymore. Everything is so sexually based anymore... From the media, to television, to people intentions. I can't say I don't have sexual urges. But sex has led to every traumatizing thing to happen in my life... If anyone would like to chat feel free to IM me at CowgirlDeebop on either Yahoo! or AOL. -Deidre
Hi, My name is Deidre. I'm 20 yrs old, and I live in Central Ohio. Lately I wonder if asexuality is my best bet... I've recently discovered that I am HPV Positive. (HPV being genital warts.) I feel like a broken doll, no one wants me anymore. Everything is so sexually based anymore... From the media, to television, to people intentions. I can't say I don't have sexual urges. But sex has led to every traumatizing thing to happen in my life... If anyone would like to chat feel free to IM me at CowgirlDeebop on either Yahoo! or AOL. -Deidre
Thanx for coming here! I hope that your condition can be treated successfully, and I hope you can live without pain. You can desirable to another person in ways other than sexual, and I hope you find that out soon!
[Haven for the Human Amoeba] Re: Where's the line?
When someone is interested in me, and I sense it, I feel oppressed. I feel like the air around me just got several pounds of pressure added to it. Being noticed is extremely stressful in my case.
Gelf@p... said:Hmm, I've been noticing an interesting thing here - its not just that you're not interested in sex, it seems you're really seriously upset (maybe, possibly, even enraged?) at the simple thought that someone might direct sexual thoughts or desires toward you.
When someone is interested in me, and I sense it, I feel oppressed. I feel like the air around me just got several pounds of pressure added to it. Being noticed is extremely stressful in my case.
Gelf@p... said:Hmm, I've been noticing an interesting thing here - its not just that you're not interested in sex, it seems you're really seriously upset (maybe, possibly, even enraged?) at the simple thought that someone might direct sexual thoughts or desires toward you.
Yes, I find my sensation of another person's interest upsetting, stressful and difficult to deal with. I become defensive and I want my space, some distance away from the person and the situation in which the attraction happened. I don't feel anything like bitter rage. My inclinations are more defensive than aggressive. I would not strike out at anyone who was interested in my, but I would brush a hand away. I cringe or wince often when I'm touched. The people who are acquainted with me and become friendly sense my need for distance. There are times when a friend will say to me, "I want to give you a hug." And I answer, "That's all right, go ahead." And then I get a hug and that's so nice. Nice from beginning, from being asked to getting it. I don't like silent and facile violations of my personal space, of my body. Kissing is a violation. Yes it is, to me. I don't hate people, but I want them to understand that. And really, the vast majority, men and women, do.
Re: [Haven for the Human Amoeba] Where's the line? - The Explanation
On , Cijay said:***I just don't think it's acceptable to come to a board for asexuality and have to wade through someone's fictional account of some guy getting off. (this wasn't a brief description, this was a novel and I didn't even read the whole damn thing).
I don't think the situation described above is acceptable either. But I'm not sure it's exactly what happened here. I'm not entirely certain what *did* happen here. I'm not too thrilled about the "Mark" vignette either (and, please note, I am not female and do not consider myself to be "celibate," but rather asexual). But I hope people aren't confusing the fictitional(?) Mark with the person I posted about, who is real, and who does call himself asexual, and is a habitual groper of women. My point in describing that person was to point out that there *is* a difference between an asexual person and a person who simply doesn't want to have intercourse; and also that I don't agree with the idea that "asexual" means whatever somebody decides they want it to mean, and anyone who chooses to call him/herself asexual should be accepted as such. Accepting a self-description of asexuality at face value, even if the person consistently engages in sexual groping, doesn't make any sense. That's why I posted the response I did to the message about "Mark."
I don't know about anyone else but I'm really tired of going places (physically & over the internet) only to find out that one more time I've been duped into thinking it's safe from pervs and cyberflashers
There is no place that is automatically safe. That's what moderators are for. Does this list have one?
Jim Sinclair jisincla@...
Sorry for my delayed response. I didn't have access to the board for a few days.
Truth be told...it takes a lot to offend me when it comes to sexually or otherwise explicit content. I read the little Mark vingette and I don't even see how it got much in the line of responses. I can see how people would say "He's not asexual" and <gasp!> I'd feel comfortable even arguing that he IS asexual. I don't think it was explicit or offensive. This board has dealt with all kinds of sexually-related topics but I don't recall any other topic coming under as much fire as our poor friend (or rather nemesis) Mark.
Sex exists. That doesn't mean that we have to have sex, but we can't shelter ourselves and avoid people who dare have sex. To be so deeply repulsed by it will only cause personal anguish. There are anti- sexuals, and that's ok...but I believe asexuals are simply people who either a) have no sexual desire or b)no desire to have sex (I hope that makes sense).
Anyway, I hope the ugliness of this discussion is over and that people have at least learned something about themselves. Hmm.
Re: I'm tired of the trolling too.
Cijay is right. There is board after board on the internet and chat rooms that cater to all those wanting to get off or describe getting off. It blows me away that any sexual would waste his or her time trying to change people here. Whoever's moderating should remove their messages. There's nothing to be gained when you're grossed out.
Cijay is right. There is board after board on the internet and chat rooms that cater to all those wanting to get off or describe getting off. It blows me away that any sexual would waste his or her time trying to change people here. Whoever's moderating should remove their messages. There's nothing to be gained when you're grossed out.
I'm not deleting anything for reasons I stated in my previous posts. There wasn't anything that should have grossed anyone out. I saw sex ed videos in 6th grade that were far more explicit. There have been no "descriptions of some guy getting off" and certainly no one trying to "change" anyone (and yes...attempts at "changing" have been done on this board). I can understand someone having an aversion to sex, but that would make one anti-sexual, and that's not what this board says, correct? There's no way to make everyone happy here, so I'm just going to go with my own judgement here.
Re: [Haven for the Human Amoeba] Where's the line? - The Explanation
Thank you. I agree with everything you've said, I just couldn't say it myself.
Sarae Montgomery We're all mad here!
- From
- "drksparkle" <[email protected]>
- To
- <[email protected]>
- Sent
- Tuesday, January 06, 2004 11:52 PM
- Subject
- Re: [Haven for the Human Amoeba] Where's the line? - The Explanation
Sorry for my delayed response. I didn't have access to the board for a few days.
Truth be told...it takes a lot to offend me when it comes to sexually or otherwise explicit content. I read the little Mark vingette and I don't even see how it got much in the line of responses. I can see how people would say "He's not asexual" and <gasp!> I'd feel comfortable even arguing that he IS asexual. I don't think it was explicit or offensive. This board has dealt with all kinds of sexually-related topics but I don't recall any other topic coming under as much fire as our poor friend (or rather nemesis) Mark.
Sex exists. That doesn't mean that we have to have sex, but we can't shelter ourselves and avoid people who dare have sex. To be so deeply repulsed by it will only cause personal anguish. There are anti- sexuals, and that's ok...but I believe asexuals are simply people who either a) have no sexual desire or b)no desire to have sex (I hope that makes sense).
Anyway, I hope the ugliness of this discussion is over and that people have at least learned something about themselves. Hmm.
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Re: [Haven for the Human Amoeba] hi, new here
Welcome to the group. Please don't let the recent emotional uprisings scare you away. I'm 20 (soon to be 21) and from Southern Indiana, but I spend a good deal of time in Cincy. I'm sarae135 on AIM if you ever want to talk :) -S
Sarae Montgomery We're all mad here!
- From
- "cowgirldeebop" <cowgirldeebop@...>
- To
- <[email protected]>
- Sent
- Monday, January 05, 2004 8:06 PM
- Subject
- [Haven for the Human Amoeba] hi, new here
Hi, My name is Deidre. I'm 20 yrs old, and I live in Central Ohio. Lately I wonder if asexuality is my best bet... I've recently discovered that I am HPV Positive. (HPV being genital warts.) I feel like a broken doll, no one wants me anymore. Everything is so sexually based anymore... From the media, to television, to people intentions. I can't say I don't have sexual urges. But sex has led to every traumatizing thing to happen in my life... If anyone would like to chat feel free to IM me at CowgirlDeebop on either Yahoo! or AOL. -Deidre
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Re: [Haven for the Human Amoeba] hi, new here
Welcome to the group. Please don't let the recent emotional uprisings scare you away. I'm 20 (soon to be 21) and from Southern Indiana, but I spend a good deal of time in Cincy. I'm sarae135 on AIM if you ever want to talk :) -S
Sarae Montgomery We're all mad here!
- From
- "cowgirldeebop" <cowgirldeebop@...>
- To
- <[email protected]>
- Sent
- Monday, January 05, 2004 8:06 PM
- Subject
- [Haven for the Human Amoeba] hi, new here
Hi, My name is Deidre. I'm 20 yrs old, and I live in Central Ohio. Lately I wonder if asexuality is my best bet... I've recently discovered that I am HPV Positive. (HPV being genital warts.) I feel like a broken doll, no one wants me anymore. Everything is so sexually based anymore... From the media, to television, to people intentions. I can't say I don't have sexual urges. But sex has led to every traumatizing thing to happen in my life... If anyone would like to chat feel free to IM me at CowgirlDeebop on either Yahoo! or AOL. -Deidre
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Haha, thank you for the reply Sarae, and thank you to anyone else who sent me a reply. I live in Westerville. I won't let the drama scare me away, this is mild compared to some of what I see... I'll just wait till it blows over and not even try to understand it ;-) It's just better that way. Thank you again all of you for welcoming me to the group. I appreciate it, and can't wait to start chatting with everybody!
Sarae Montgomery <sarmnstr@...> wrote:Welcome to the group. Please don't let the recent emotional uprisings scare you away. I'm 20 (soon to be 21) and from Southern Indiana, but I spend a good deal of time in Cincy. I'm sarae135 on AIM if you ever want to talk :) -S
Sarae Montgomery We're all mad here!
- From
- "cowgirldeebop" <cowgirldeebop@...>
- To
- <[email protected]>
- Sent
- Monday, January 05, 2004 8:06 PM
- Subject
- [Haven for the Human Amoeba] hi, new here
Hi, My name is Deidre. I'm 20 yrs old, and I live in Central Ohio. Lately I wonder if asexuality is my best bet... I've recently discovered that I am HPV Positive. (HPV being genital warts.) I feel like a broken doll, no one wants me anymore. Everything is so sexually based anymore... From the media, to television, to people intentions. I can't say I don't have sexual urges. But sex has led to every traumatizing thing to happen in my life... If anyone would like to chat feel free to IM me at CowgirlDeebop on either Yahoo! or AOL. -Deidre
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Re: [Haven for the Human Amoeba] Re: Where's the line?
elizabeth_burns2003 said:When someone is interested in me, and I sense it, I feel oppressed. I feel like the air around me just got several pounds of pressure added to it. Being noticed is extremely stressful in my case.
Gelf@p... said:Hmm, I've been noticing an interesting thing here - its not just that you're not interested in sex, it seems you're really seriously upset (maybe, possibly, even enraged?) at the simple thought that someone might direct sexual thoughts or desires toward you.
Yes, I find my sensation of another person's interest upsetting, stressful and difficult to deal with. I become defensive and I want my space, some distance away from the person and the situation in which the attraction happened. I don't feel anything like bitter rage. My inclinations are more defensive than aggressive. I would not strike out at anyone who was interested in my, but I would brush a hand away. I cringe or wince often when I'm touched. The people who are acquainted with me and become friendly sense my need for distance. There are times when a friend will say to me, "I want to give you a hug." And I answer, "That's all right, go ahead." And then I get a hug and that's so nice. Nice from beginning, from being asked to getting it. I don't like silent and facile violations of my personal space, of my body. Kissing is a violation. Yes it is, to me. I don't hate people, but I want them to understand that. And really, the vast majority, men and women, do.
I've discovered that all my bad experiences sexually related to my current place in life has caused me to lash out agressively at anyone who shows sexual or romantic interest in me. It could be attributed to a lot of things.. my grandpa raping my cousin, being cheated on or otherwise vexed in every attempted romantic relationship, being diagnosed with HPV. I associate the affection with the bad. And thus instantly recoil and become aggressive, and at times defensive, often getting sick to my stomach. I've even recoiled from my own mothers touch before, and felt horrible for doing it after seeing the look on her face...
elizabeth_burns2003 <burnsei@...> wrote:--- In [email protected], "elizabeth_burns2003"
When someone is interested in me, and I sense it, I feel oppressed. I feel like the air around me just got several pounds of pressure added to it. Being noticed is extremely stressful in my case.
Gelf@p... said:Hmm, I've been noticing an interesting thing here - its not just that you're not interested in sex, it seems you're really seriously upset (maybe, possibly, even enraged?) at the simple thought that someone might direct sexual thoughts or desires toward you.
Yes, I find my sensation of another person's interest upsetting, stressful and difficult to deal with. I become defensive and I want my space, some distance away from the person and the situation in which the attraction happened. I don't feel anything like bitter rage. My inclinations are more defensive than aggressive. I would not strike out at anyone who was interested in my, but I would brush a hand away. I cringe or wince often when I'm touched. The people who are acquainted with me and become friendly sense my need for distance. There are times when a friend will say to me, "I want to give you a hug." And I answer, "That's all right, go ahead." And then I get a hug and that's so nice. Nice from beginning, from being asked to getting it. I don't like silent and facile violations of my personal space, of my body. Kissing is a violation. Yes it is, to me. I don't hate people, but I want them to understand that. And really, the vast majority, men and women, do.
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Re: [Haven for the Human Amoeba] Re: Where's the line?
I've discovered that all my bad experiences sexually related to my current place in life has caused me to lash out agressively at anyone who shows sexual or romantic interest in me. It could be attributed to a lot of things.. my grandpa raping my cousin, being cheated on or otherwise vexed in every attempted romantic relationship, being diagnosed with HPV. I associate the affection with the bad. And thus instantly recoil and become aggressive, and at times defensive, often getting sick to my stomach. I've even recoiled from my own mothers touch before, and felt horrible for doing it after seeing the look on her face...
elizabeth_burns2003 <burnsei@...> wrote:--- In [email protected], "elizabeth_burns2003"
burnsei@n... said:When someone is interested in me, and I sense it, I feel oppressed. I feel like the air around me just got several pounds of pressure added to it. Being noticed is extremely stressful in my case.
Gelf@p... said:Hmm, I've been noticing an interesting thing here - its not just that you're not interested in sex, it seems you're really seriously upset (maybe, possibly, even enraged?) at the simple thought that someone might direct sexual thoughts or desires toward you.
Yes, I find my sensation of another person's interest upsetting, stressful and difficult to deal with. I become defensive and I want my space, some distance away from the person and the situation in which the attraction happened. I don't feel anything like bitter rage. My inclinations are more defensive than aggressive. I would not strike out at anyone who was interested in my, but I would brush a hand away. I cringe or wince often when I'm touched. The people who are acquainted with me and become friendly sense my need for distance. There are times when a friend will say to me, "I want to give you a hug." And I answer, "That's all right, go ahead." And then I get a hug and that's so nice. Nice from beginning, from being asked to getting it. I don't like silent and facile violations of my personal space, of my body. Kissing is a violation. Yes it is, to me. I don't hate people, but I want them to understand that. And really, the vast majority, men and women, do.
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Some of your recent posts defining asexuality make me wonder if I'm not in the wrong place... I did look for groups under anti-sexual, and anti-sex but none were found. That seems to be what it is emerging that I will be defined as.
"Deidre R." <cowgirldeebop@...> wrote:I've discovered that all my bad experiences sexually related to my current place in life has caused me to lash out agressively at anyone who shows sexual or romantic interest in me. It could be attributed to a lot of things.. my grandpa raping my cousin, being cheated on or otherwise vexed in every attempted romantic relationship, being diagnosed with HPV. I associate the affection with the bad. And thus instantly recoil and become aggressive, and at times defensive, often getting sick to my stomach. I've even recoiled from my own mothers touch before, and felt horrible for doing it after seeing the look on her face...
elizabeth_burns2003 <burnsei@...> wrote:--- In [email protected], "elizabeth_burns2003"
When someone is interested in me, and I sense it, I feel oppressed. I feel like the air around me just got several pounds of pressure added to it. Being noticed is extremely stressful in my case.
Gelf@p... said:Hmm, I've been noticing an interesting thing here - its not just that you're not interested in sex, it seems you're really seriously upset (maybe, possibly, even enraged?) at the simple thought that someone might direct sexual thoughts or desires toward you.
Yes, I find my sensation of another person's interest upsetting, stressful and difficult to deal with. I become defensive and I want my space, some distance away from the person and the situation in which the attraction happened. I don't feel anything like bitter rage. My inclinations are more defensive than aggressive. I would not strike out at anyone who was interested in my, but I would brush a hand away. I cringe or wince often when I'm touched. The people who are acquainted with me and become friendly sense my need for distance. There are times when a friend will say to me, "I want to give you a hug." And I answer, "That's all right, go ahead." And then I get a hug and that's so nice. Nice from beginning, from being asked to getting it. I don't like silent and facile violations of my personal space, of my body. Kissing is a violation. Yes it is, to me. I don't hate people, but I want them to understand that. And really, the vast majority, men and women, do.
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Re: [Haven for the Human Amoeba] Re: Where's the line?
fairly similar story here... molested by grandfather at 2 and 8, didn't trust anyone until i was 17... then the guy he went and tried the exact same shit my grandfather did (he was recently accused of rape and is quite a dangerous figure in my life, but he's realising that I won't put up with any of that anymore. Being used 3 times is 3 times too many and it ended there with him). I'm still learning how to trust, but i'm about to just give up hope. I've been in the same relationship for over 2 years... and if we could just remove the whole sex thing, it would be damn near perfect. If only. I feel bad, but still recoil even at close friends and relatives. it's no wonder. there will be times that i can't stand the touch/sound of someone making contact with me and I just want to crawl out of my skin... I don't know how to assure them that it's not them, it's their actions and my sometimes over-sensitive senses... the drawing away is not because I don't like them as a whole. if only this life thing were easier. -s
Sarae Montgomery We're all mad here!
- From
- "Deidre R." <cowgirldeebop@...>
- To
- <[email protected]>
- Sent
- Wednesday, January 07, 2004 12:29 AM
- Subject
- Re: [Haven for the Human Amoeba] Re: Where's the line?
I've discovered that all my bad experiences sexually related to my current place in life has caused me to lash out agressively at anyone who shows sexual or romantic interest in me. It could be attributed to a lot of things.. my grandpa raping my cousin, being cheated on or otherwise vexed in every attempted romantic relationship, being diagnosed with HPV. I associate the affection with the bad. And thus instantly recoil and become aggressive, and at times defensive, often getting sick to my stomach. I've even recoiled from my own mothers touch before, and felt horrible for doing it after seeing the look on her face...
elizabeth_burns2003 <burnsei@...> wrote:--- In [email protected], "elizabeth_burns2003"
burnsei@n... said:When someone is interested in me, and I sense it, I feel oppressed. I feel like the air around me just got several pounds of pressure added to it. Being noticed is extremely stressful in my case.
Gelf@p... said:Hmm, I've been noticing an interesting thing here - its not just that you're not interested in sex, it seems you're really seriously upset (maybe, possibly, even enraged?) at the simple thought that someone might direct sexual thoughts or desires toward you.
Yes, I find my sensation of another person's interest upsetting, stressful and difficult to deal with. I become defensive and I want my space, some distance away from the person and the situation in which the attraction happened. I don't feel anything like bitter rage. My inclinations are more defensive than aggressive. I would not strike out at anyone who was interested in my, but I would brush a hand away. I cringe or wince often when I'm touched. The people who are acquainted with me and become friendly sense my need for distance. There are times when a friend will say to me, "I want to give you a hug." And I answer, "That's all right, go ahead." And then I get a hug and that's so nice. Nice from beginning, from being asked to getting it. I don't like silent and facile violations of my personal space, of my body. Kissing is a violation. Yes it is, to me. I don't hate people, but I want them to understand that. And really, the vast majority, men and women, do.
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[Haven for the Human Amoeba] Re: carbohydrates
As far as I know, some 7th Day Adventists are and others aren't.
Cijay said:Are 7th Day Adventists vegetarian? There's my new thing I've learned today. I'm very loyal to learning a new thing every day.
tlshell@c... said:On , kilraven62 said:I suppose one can go low-carb using soy-based protein products instead of meat, but what would be the point? Better off to eat the real thing -- it's better for you. :)
No it's not, it's got too much of the bad kind of fat and there's now the issue of "Mad Cow" to worry about. I'm glad I don't eat meat as all that stuff is moot to me.
There's a bazillion Asians, Buddhists, Seventh Day Adventists and Vegans who can tell you that a vegetarian diet is an excellent one.
Therese Shellabarger / The Roving Reporter - Civis Mundi tlshell@c... / http://tlshell.cnc.net/
As far as I know, some 7th Day Adventists are and others aren't.
There does, however, appear to be a disproportionate percentage of 7DAs who are vegetarians when compared with Christianity as a whole. And they are often perceived by the general public as being vegetarian...
glenn
Re: [Haven for the Human Amoeba] Re: Where's the line?
fairly similar story here... molested by grandfather at 2 and 8, didn't trust anyone until i was 17... then the guy he went and tried the exact same shit my grandfather did (he was recently accused of rape and is quite a dangerous figure in my life, but he's realising that I won't put up with any of that anymore. Being used 3 times is 3 times too many and it ended there with him). I'm still learning how to trust, but i'm about to just give up hope. I've been in the same relationship for over 2 years... and if we could just remove the whole sex thing, it would be damn near perfect. If only. I feel bad, but still recoil even at close friends and relatives. it's no wonder. there will be times that i can't stand the touch/sound of someone making contact with me and I just want to crawl out of my skin... I don't know how to assure them that it's not them, it's their actions and my sometimes over-sensitive senses... the drawing away is not because I don't like them as a whole. if only this life thing were easier. -s
Sarae Montgomery We're all mad here!
- From
- "Deidre R." <cowgirldeebop@...>
- To
- <[email protected]>
- Sent
- Wednesday, January 07, 2004 12:29 AM
- Subject
- Re: [Haven for the Human Amoeba] Re: Where's the line?
I've discovered that all my bad experiences sexually related to my current place in life has caused me to lash out agressively at anyone who shows sexual or romantic interest in me. It could be attributed to a lot of things.. my grandpa raping my cousin, being cheated on or otherwise vexed in every attempted romantic relationship, being diagnosed with HPV. I associate the affection with the bad. And thus instantly recoil and become aggressive, and at times defensive, often getting sick to my stomach. I've even recoiled from my own mothers touch before, and felt horrible for doing it after seeing the look on her face...
elizabeth_burns2003 <burnsei@...> wrote:--- In [email protected], "elizabeth_burns2003"
burnsei@n... said:When someone is interested in me, and I sense it, I feel oppressed. I feel like the air around me just got several pounds of pressure added to it. Being noticed is extremely stressful in my case.
Gelf@p... said:Hmm, I've been noticing an interesting thing here - its not just that you're not interested in sex, it seems you're really seriously upset (maybe, possibly, even enraged?) at the simple thought that someone might direct sexual thoughts or desires toward you.
Yes, I find my sensation of another person's interest upsetting, stressful and difficult to deal with. I become defensive and I want my space, some distance away from the person and the situation in which the attraction happened. I don't feel anything like bitter rage. My inclinations are more defensive than aggressive. I would not strike out at anyone who was interested in my, but I would brush a hand away. I cringe or wince often when I'm touched. The people who are acquainted with me and become friendly sense my need for distance. There are times when a friend will say to me, "I want to give you a hug." And I answer, "That's all right, go ahead." And then I get a hug and that's so nice. Nice from beginning, from being asked to getting it. I don't like silent and facile violations of my personal space, of my body. Kissing is a violation. Yes it is, to me. I don't hate people, but I want them to understand that. And really, the vast majority, men and women, do.
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I agree. My recent decision to become celibate has been based on all of those events in my life. One I failed to mention was being with the man who gave me HPV for a year and half before finding out he was married, before I knew what hit me he was in California with his wife. I put two and two together... They were married 3 years, he was making me his mistress without my knowledge or permission for half of his marriage. He was also sleeping with half of Central Ohio during that last year and a half as well. My next fear is that no one will accept my decision, or want have any sort of relationship with me because of my celibacy. Not only do I have to struggle with the acceptance of my HPV, and my disability, (I'm on disability for bipolar, ADHD, borderline personality disorder, and agoraphobia.) but I'm also a big girl, or BBW as we like to say, Big Beautiful Woman. So all in all, I'm not exactly every Ken's Barbie.
Sarae Montgomery <sarmnstr@...> wrote:fairly similar story here... molested by grandfather at 2 and 8, didn't trust anyone until i was 17... then the guy he went and tried the exact same shit my grandfather did (he was recently accused of rape and is quite a dangerous figure in my life, but he's realising that I won't put up with any of that anymore. Being used 3 times is 3 times too many and it ended there with him). I'm still learning how to trust, but i'm about to just give up hope. I've been in the same relationship for over 2 years... and if we could just remove the whole sex thing, it would be damn near perfect. If only. I feel bad, but still recoil even at close friends and relatives. it's no wonder. there will be times that i can't stand the touch/sound of someone making contact with me and I just want to crawl out of my skin... I don't know how to assure them that it's not them, it's their actions and my sometimes over-sensitive senses... the drawing away is not because I don't like them as a whole. if only this life thing were easier. -s
Sarae Montgomery We're all mad here!
- From
- "Deidre R." <cowgirldeebop@...>
- To
- <[email protected]>
- Sent
- Wednesday, January 07, 2004 12:29 AM
- Subject
- Re: [Haven for the Human Amoeba] Re: Where's the line?
I've discovered that all my bad experiences sexually related to my current place in life has caused me to lash out agressively at anyone who shows sexual or romantic interest in me. It could be attributed to a lot of things.. my grandpa raping my cousin, being cheated on or otherwise vexed in every attempted romantic relationship, being diagnosed with HPV. I associate the affection with the bad. And thus instantly recoil and become aggressive, and at times defensive, often getting sick to my stomach. I've even recoiled from my own mothers touch before, and felt horrible for doing it after seeing the look on her face...
elizabeth_burns2003 <burnsei@...> wrote:--- In [email protected], "elizabeth_burns2003"
burnsei@n... said:When someone is interested in me, and I sense it, I feel oppressed. I feel like the air around me just got several pounds of pressure added to it. Being noticed is extremely stressful in my case.
Gelf@p... said:Hmm, I've been noticing an interesting thing here - its not just that you're not interested in sex, it seems you're really seriously upset (maybe, possibly, even enraged?) at the simple thought that someone might direct sexual thoughts or desires toward you.
Yes, I find my sensation of another person's interest upsetting, stressful and difficult to deal with. I become defensive and I want my space, some distance away from the person and the situation in which the attraction happened. I don't feel anything like bitter rage. My inclinations are more defensive than aggressive. I would not strike out at anyone who was interested in my, but I would brush a hand away. I cringe or wince often when I'm touched. The people who are acquainted with me and become friendly sense my need for distance. There are times when a friend will say to me, "I want to give you a hug." And I answer, "That's all right, go ahead." And then I get a hug and that's so nice. Nice from beginning, from being asked to getting it. I don't like silent and facile violations of my personal space, of my body. Kissing is a violation. Yes it is, to me. I don't hate people, but I want them to understand that. And really, the vast majority, men and women, do.
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[Haven for the Human Amoeba] Re: Where's the line?
Some of your recent posts defining asexuality make me wonder if I'm not in the wrong place... I did look for groups under anti-sexual, and anti-sex but none were found. That seems to be what it is emerging that I will be defined as.
"Deidre R." <cowgirldeebop@...> wrote:I've discovered that all my bad experiences sexually related to my current place in life has caused me to lash out agressively at anyone who shows sexual or romantic interest in me. It could be attributed to a lot of things.. my grandpa raping my cousin, being cheated on or otherwise vexed in every attempted romantic relationship, being diagnosed with HPV. I associate the affection with the bad. And thus instantly recoil and become aggressive, and at times defensive, often getting sick to my stomach. I've even recoiled from my own mothers touch before, and felt horrible for doing it after seeing the look on her face...
elizabeth_burns2003 <burnsei@...> wrote:--- In [email protected], "elizabeth_burns2003"
burnsei@n... said:When someone is interested in me, and I sense it, I feel oppressed. I feel like the air around me just got several pounds of pressure added to it. Being noticed is extremely stressful in my case.
Gelf@p... said:Hmm, I've been noticing an interesting thing here - its not just that you're not interested in sex, it seems you're really seriously upset (maybe, possibly, even enraged?) at the simple thought that someone might direct sexual thoughts or desires toward you.
Yes, I find my sensation of another person's interest upsetting, stressful and difficult to deal with. I become defensive and I want my space, some distance away from the person and the situation in which the attraction happened. I don't feel anything like bitter rage. My inclinations are more defensive than aggressive. I would not strike out at anyone who was interested in my, but I would brush a hand away. I cringe or wince often when I'm touched. The people who are acquainted with me and become friendly sense my need for distance. There are times when a friend will say to me, "I want to give you a hug." And I answer, "That's all right, go ahead." And then I get a hug and that's so nice. Nice from beginning, from being asked to getting it. I don't like silent and facile violations of my personal space, of my body. Kissing is a violation. Yes it is, to me. I don't hate people, but I want them to understand that. And really, the vast majority, men and women, do.
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Some of your recent posts defining asexuality make me wonder if I'm not in the wrong place... I did look for groups under anti-sexual, and anti-sex but none were found. That seems to be what it is emerging that I will be defined as.
I myself am not anti-sexual. I am simply indifferent to sex. Sex doesn't interest me. I have an extremely low sex drive. Depictions, descriptions, etc., of sex do not gross me out, nor do they offend me. On the other hand, they don't interest me much either. I've often said that I find watching people having sex to be about as interesting as watching people eating.
(I know I've posted the above before, but since Diedre is new, I thought I'd toss it back in, if for no other reason than to show her the range of who defines themselves as "asexual". I, too, am a little concerned that many of the people in this group lean more towards "anti-sexual"...)
glenn
Re: [Haven for the Human Amoeba] Re: Where's the line?
Deidre R. said:Some of your recent posts defining asexuality make me wonder if I'm not in the wrong place... I did look for groups under anti-sexual, and anti-sex but none were found. That seems to be what it is emerging that I will be defined as.
I myself am not anti-sexual. I am simply indifferent to sex. Sex doesn't interest me. I have an extremely low sex drive. Depictions, descriptions, etc., of sex do not gross me out, nor do they offend me. On the other hand, they don't interest me much either. I've often said that I find watching people having sex to be about as interesting as watching people eating.
(I know I've posted the above before, but since Diedre is new, I thought I'd toss it back in, if for no other reason than to show her the range of who defines themselves as "asexual". I, too, am a little concerned that many of the people in this group lean more towards "anti-sexual"...)
glenn
Thank you I appreciate your post. I also find a lot of what you said very interesting. I guess definition of our sexuality or non sexuality I suppose does have a much broader range at second glance.. I was however a bit concerned I might not be welcomed since celibacy seems to be so aggressively segregated against in some of these posts.
kilraven62 <kilraven@...> wrote:--- In [email protected], "Deidre R."
Some of your recent posts defining asexuality make me wonder if I'm not in the wrong place... I did look for groups under anti-sexual, and anti-sex but none were found. That seems to be what it is emerging that I will be defined as.
I myself am not anti-sexual. I am simply indifferent to sex. Sex doesn't interest me. I have an extremely low sex drive. Depictions, descriptions, etc., of sex do not gross me out, nor do they offend me. On the other hand, they don't interest me much either. I've often said that I find watching people having sex to be about as interesting as watching people eating.
(I know I've posted the above before, but since Diedre is new, I thought I'd toss it back in, if for no other reason than to show her the range of who defines themselves as "asexual". I, too, am a little concerned that many of the people in this group lean more towards "anti-sexual"...)
glenn
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Re: [Haven for the Human Amoeba] Where's the line? - The Explanation
Sorry for my delayed response. I didn't have access to the board for a few days.
Truth be told...it takes a lot to offend me when it comes to sexually or otherwise explicit content. I read the little Mark vingette and I don't even see how it got much in the line of responses. I can see how people would say "He's not asexual" and <gasp!> I'd feel comfortable even arguing that he IS asexual. I don't think it was explicit or offensive. This board has dealt with all kinds of sexually-related topics but I don't recall any other topic coming under as much fire as our poor friend (or rather nemesis) Mark.
Sex exists. That doesn't mean that we have to have sex, but we can't shelter ourselves and avoid people who dare have sex. To be so deeply repulsed by it will only cause personal anguish. There are anti- sexuals, and that's ok...but I believe asexuals are simply people who either a) have no sexual desire or b)no desire to have sex (I hope that makes sense).
Anyway, I hope the ugliness of this discussion is over and that people have at least learned something about themselves. Hmm.
Sex exists. That doesn't mean that we have to have sex, but we can't shelter ourselves and avoid people who dare have sex. To be so deeply repulsed by it will only cause personal anguish. There are anti- sexuals, and that's ok...but I believe asexuals are simply people who either a) have no sexual desire or b)no desire to have sex (I hope that makes sense).
Your last statement is circular. Asexuality means not just a lack of sexual desire, but a lack of attraction to the sexual act and its associated preparations. If you are not attracted to something, then what are you feeling toward it? Are you feeling just indifference? In that case, when someone approaches you sexually, or has been God forbid, obssessed with you sexually, when you feel that you are in the center of their attentions, what do you feel? Indifference? Then you won't leave the room, you don't care or react in any way, because you feel nothing inappropriate to your life and identity is going on. I think that it's impossible for people to feel indifferent to very much where their bodies and emotions are concerned. And in sexual expression or in the lack thereof, your body and emotions are involved. You can't disengage them.
I've had a few bad experiences, I'll admit it. But the problem is that even when I'd forgotten most of them, the more I was kissed and touched the less I wanted to be kissed and touched. Period. I was nineteen years old, and I didn't want any sex at all. I could deal with most other forms of human contact and sought them out, but I didn't seek sex. The only people who understood me or even gave a damn about my differences were gay.
Among people identifying as asexual, this kind of repulsion is not strange or freakish. It would be anti-sexual if they perhaps organized and burned porn shops or tried to destroy the lives of sexual people. My repulsion doesn't hurt anyone, it has caused me no anguish because I have never derived pleasure from sexual contact. It's a fact of my life. Like sex, it exists.