Haven for the Human Amoeba

Actually, I think that was Groucho . . .

Yeah, I try not to think of anybody based on their gender or sexuality or race and everyone is just a person to me with their own quirks and thoughts and I hate to "group" people based on one attribute they have. Having said that - I love being IN groups ^o^ but as Karl Marx said, "I wouldn't want to belong to any group that accepted me as a member." Heehee.

Thank you for that assessment of my condition. While I am also appalled by marginalization of our type, however, I can't say that that accounts for my reaction to displays of love and tenderness, which is an involuntary response to stimuli. That is a different case than moral outrage--although you might well be onto something that I have internalized this moral disgust at affectionate dependency on others, which I began perceiving as a sign of weakness in early childhood, to the extent that is now ingrained in my subconscious...

I'll think about it and get back with you. ;-)

kp

katarina procell said:

In my case, I not only lack sexual desire but am utterly repelled by sex.

I pretty much fit that category too.

Also, I cannot stand to be touched affectionately and feel a sort of visceral rage whenever I see other people (strangers, relatives, people on television--it doesn't matter) displaying affection through touch, voice, gaze, etc. A very deep rage, almost violent at times.

We "asexuals" are constantly reminded by others that we are supposed to be either bonking with somebody, or trying to find somebody to bonk with. This causes a "visceral rage" with me too. I can't say that it makes me violent. But it is disconcerting that we are viewed as pathologically skewed just because we don't want to connect our genitals to somebody else.

If you, katarina, are allowed to be recognized by people without regard to your capacity to provide sexual pleasure to others, then your rage will likely subside. You might then enjoy affectionate hugs too. SMILE

I hope that nobody gets too hung up on which pigeon hole of sexuality that each of us belongs.

It depends on the context... For alliance building between asexuals, of course, we must concentrate on our commonalities.

Personally, however, I am fascinated by differences and do not find them trivial at all. For example, there is, I believe, an important distinction between sexual apathy (lack of sex drive) and sexual aversion. I fall into the extreme latter group myself. Where do others here stand, if you don't mind my asking?

I think it is best to recognize that: ---The lives of *most* humans are apparently incomplete without having somebody for genital gratifaction in a manner known as "missionary style". Let us call them Missionary Men & Women. ---There are a significant number of humans (SUCH AS US!!!)who can have a complete existence without genital gratifaction in some manner with another person. ---Those who fit in the Missionary Men & Women mode *expect* everybody to be exactly like them, and oftentimes demand conformity. Those who do not fit in the Missionary Men & Women mode have lots of variations and differences, but the common tie is: no need for Missionary style gratification!

I repeat: There is a wide variety among we who are not Missionary Men & Women.

I'm chiming in with sexual apathy. So much so, that the mere thought of it isn't worth the energy.

I hope that nobody gets too hung up on which pigeon hole of sexuality that each of us belongs.

It depends on the context... For alliance building between asexuals, of course, we must concentrate on our commonalities.

Personally, however, I am fascinated by differences and do not find them trivial at all. For example, there is, I believe, an important distinction between sexual apathy (lack of sex drive) and sexual aversion. I fall into the extreme latter group myself. Where do others here stand, if you don't mind my asking?

I think it is best to recognize that: ---The lives of *most* humans are apparently incomplete without having somebody for genital gratifaction in a manner known as "missionary style". Let us call them Missionary Men & Women. ---There are a significant number of humans (SUCH AS US!!!)who can have a complete existence without genital gratifaction in some manner with another person. ---Those who fit in the Missionary Men & Women mode *expect* everybody to be exactly like them, and oftentimes demand conformity. Those who do not fit in the Missionary Men & Women mode have lots of variations and differences, but the common tie is: no need for Missionary style gratification!

I repeat: There is a wide variety among we who are not Missionary Men & Women.

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WHY DID THE MODERATOR OF THIS GROUP DECIDED TO STOP ACCEPTING POSTS AFTER THE GROUP GOT SOME MEDIA ATTENTION? MAY THE MODERATOR CAN EXPLAIN??? HOW ARE WE EVER GOING TO GET OUT MESSAGE HEARD? HOW ARE WE EVER GOING TO BE ACCEPTED IF WE DON'T PUT OURSELVES OUT THERE FOR ALL TO SEE?????????

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There are 25 messages in this issue.

Topics in this digest:

1. Re: Where is my post? From: "fyre_fliy" <fyre_fliy@...> 2. Re: Where is my post? From: "fyre_fliy" <fyre_fliy@...> 3. Newbie! From: "Rany" <yasm0002@...> 4. Re: Digest Number 473 From: "fyre_fliy" <fyre_fliy@...> 5. new guy here. From: space_explorer74050 6. Heeeeeey! From: "Shahida Huddleston-Zabo" <LoyalFriend@...> 7. hailing from north carolina us and or turkey From: "lamia" <betterunborn666@...> 8. Re: Re: Where is my post? From: Blissfully Alone <Goddessatplay@...> 9. Hello and Welcome From: Blissfully Alone <Goddessatplay@...> 10. Re: Newbie! From: Blissfully Alone <Goddessatplay@...> 11. Re: Digest Number 473 From: Blissfully Alone <Goddessatplay@...> 12. Greetings From: "katarina procell" <philo_xiii@...> 13. Re: new guy here. From: Blissfully Alone <Goddessatplay@...> 14. Re: Heeeeeey! From: Blissfully Alone <Goddessatplay@...> 15. Re: hailing from north carolina us and or turkey From: Asexual Lady <Goddessatplay@...> 16. Re: Greetings From: Asexual Lady <Goddessatplay@...> 17. Re: Re: Where is my post? From: Charlotte Dustin Leffler <charleff7@...> 18. Re: Re: Where is my post? From: Asexual Lady <Goddessatplay@...> 19. Re: Greetings From: Charlotte Dustin Leffler <charleff7@...> 20. One Time Approval For All From: Asexual Lady <Goddessatplay@...> 21. Re: Crossing the street From: "Craig Andrews" <craig.andrews@...> 22. Wowza From: "Justina" <jameta4all@...> 23. Re: Wowza From: Asexual Lady <Goddessatplay@...> 24. Hello From: "becky" <maine-coon-cat@...> 25. Re: Greetings From: "katarina procell" <philo_xiii@...>

---

---

Message

1

Date

Thu, 11 Nov 2004 14:09:09 -0000

From

"fyre_fliy" <fyre_fliy@...>

Subject

Re: Where is my post?

Hi Charlotte. Sounds like you found the right place. I am a guy who also has no interest in a sexual relationship. There are lots of us out there.

Charlotte said:

I was real happy to find this group, joined it several days ago, and thought I posted a message. But it's not here. So, here is this one. Have lost all interest in sex about 10 years ago. So now I am free, and happy to be free of those drives, but I notice that nothing else is as bright as it used to be. I'm not unhappy about it, quite relieved actually. I am very available to my family, my grandchildren, can come and go as I please, do anything I want to, when I want to. I know I could probably take hormones to revert back to a woman searching for someone, but I really don't want to. Too much hassle. I used to pray for this day, and now it's here, and I love it. The only thing I get lonely for occasionally, is to belong to someone who loves me and is always in my corner. But then, I might have to cook and do his laundry and be home "on time", might have to ask his opinion on buying something, blah, blah. I not only don't have the urge to look, I actually "cross the street" to avoid any circumstance that might tempt me.....as I remember what that feels like. Delicious, but very time consuming and annoying. I must have joined something else last week too by following links and groups. But I like the name of this one for some reason. So, hello everyone.

---

---

Message

2

Date

Sun, 14 Nov 2004 01:59:03 -0000

From

"fyre_fliy" <fyre_fliy@...>

Subject

Re: Where is my post?

My post got lost also. Plus no one has posted in a couple of weeks here. Something up? Good for you Charlotte, to live free of sex. I have no desires either. I could take hormones, viagra, or whatever, but that would just be stupid as far as I am concerned. My main loss of desire is due to the failure to feel the earth move during the act.

I actually "cross the street" to avoid any circumstance that might tempt me.....as I remember what that feels like. Delicious, but very time consuming and annoying.

Funny !!!! How true!

=== message truncated ===

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No One,

Thanks for posting your question.

I am the co-moderator here (as of only a few days ago), I agree with your question and can understand your frustration at not being able to express yourself at such an opportune time.

The group owner is a college student who has other stresses to deal with in life in addition to making sure this newly revived group runs smoothly. As you may or may not have noticed, this group has been around awhile (since 2000). Media attention to the newest sexual orientation (asexuality) has only just recently become a major topic of discussion, especially on the asexual online communities.

The general public is abuzz with questions, comments (some not so nice) and concerns about this newest asexual revolution. Unfortunately, spammers are also taking advantage of such popular topics and are hitting asexual websites with uncommon vigor. The owner of this group, in an effort to protect the sanctity and the integrity of the content of this group made decisions and acted upon them in order to make sure the site was not sabotaged in any way.

Issues that have been expressed in this group lately, have been addressed and all members should see an increased level of participation and encouragement from the moderators here. Any suggestions for improvement/change should be sent to the owner/moderators.

Once again, No One, thanks for your input. Your concern and frustration is understood by the owner/moderators, and we are making changes to relieve some of the stress all members have been feeling lately because of the latest media attention and subsequent increase in group membership.

Thank you for the patience you have displayed so far. We only hope you will be as patient in the future, as we work through making this group a fun and informative place for asexuals and others desiring information in order to know more about asexuals and asexuality.

Staci

WHY DID THE MODERATOR OF THIS GROUP DECIDED TO STOP ACCEPTING POSTS AFTER THE GROUP GOT SOME MEDIA ATTENTION? MAY THE MODERATOR CAN EXPLAIN??? HOW ARE WE EVER GOING TO GET OUT MESSAGE HEARD? HOW ARE WE EVER GOING TO BE ACCEPTED IF WE DON'T PUT OURSELVES OUT THERE FOR ALL TO SEE?????????

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/havenforthehumanamoeba http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Oregon-Asexuals

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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Asexual= no desire , it does not mean no attraction. Once there is a holy-union/spouse in my life my desire will differ. I'm not a weak woman, I illustrate mind over matter, I prefer being in control, I'm not a lose control being, unless I chose to. Asexual gives me peace of mind that others try to rob.

Shahida(Shyi)

MY BIO's (multimedia creativity) http://members.blackplanet.com/Shahida http://members.blackplanet.com/0Shyi http://www.geocites.com/shahida1999

GuestBook http://guestbook.blackplanet.com/Members/MyPage/guestbk_view html?MEMBER=Shahida

I-N-F-O-R-M-A-T-I-V-E:

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-------Original Message-------

News of the weird

Compiled by Chuck Shepherd

Weird science: New Scientist magazine reported in October that psychologists seem to be reclassifying people who are permanently uninterested in sex, from the old notion that such behavior was a disorder to the emerging position that it is merely a sexual preference of ''none of the above.'' (Asexuals profess no sexual attraction at all, encompassing loners reluctant to associate with people and gregarious, caring people whose natural inclination is to relate to others nonsexually.) Recent research estimated that 1 percent of the population is asexual, and in previous research, 40 percent of asexuals described themselves as ''extremely'' or ''very'' happy. An asexuality support group (AVEN) touts its best-selling T-shirt, ' Asexuality: It's not just for amoebas anymore.''

© Copyright 2004, The Salt Lake Tribune.

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Hi Shyi, I have no desire for the weak either. I also don't want to "bump uglies" but I do want a companion.

Jen

Asexual= no desire , it does not mean no attraction. Once there is a holy-union/spouse in my life my desire will differ. I'm not a weak woman, I illustrate mind over matter, I prefer being in control, I'm not a lose control being, unless I chose to. Asexual gives me peace of mind that others try to rob.

Shahida(Shyi)

i couldn't help but notice our simularites. im a college student in north carolina as well. im music obsessed (hey there are worse things to get obsessed over!) im a rather dark and gloomy person myself. ok, so im not that way all the time. i'm tempramental but im an artist and thats my excuse.

myself, i found out that i was asexual one day simply surfing the web as i always do. a friend of mine posted something about it on her livejournal and i just HAD to look it up. i found the aven site and joined after about a week of lurking. it was great to find out that there were other people like me. i had feigned sexual interest for so long (im 21) and it was growing so tiresome. fidning out that i didnt have to because i wasnt a freak freed me.

i understand where youre coming from with the bit about friends ditching you for so's. im very close with my best friend and im terrified that one day (even though shes my age and it hasnt happened yet) she'll start dating some guy and i'll be put in the background. i don't want that. part if that too is that i love her intenesly and i dont want to see her get hurt.

finally, i want to ask a question. i read your post and it really prompted me to ask this because of our simularities. would you possibly like to have a penpal? online if you prefer. i just want to get to know you is all. you seem interesting.

drop me a line if you are so inclined: beautyinconstantdying@...

iris

There's a difference? ;-)

Actually, I think that was Groucho . . .

I've known I was an amoeba forever, just didn't know there was a term for it. Got married with trepidation to someone I love. Whoops- the desire for sex that I was sure would follow didn't. (It wasn't just pre-wedding jitters. I was a virgin.) Some 18 years later I live with a non-amoeba husband who remains frustrated but resigned to the fact that sex just ain't going to happen. Anyone with similar experience? Would love to know how you deal with it.

-Lani

Hello everyone,

I'm new to this group - just joined! A few words of introduction: I'm 48 years old, female, Af-Am, have been strictly celibate since 1986. At first I was reactive; now, I'm proactive. I embraced celibacy for a complex of reasons that don't translate well to a brief post. I'm very happy and satisfied with my choice.

Reading the material on the AVEN site, it has occurred to me that perhaps "asexual" might be a better self-description than "celibate."

Looking forward to participating in the group.

LL&P, WireWoman

Thank you so much for the wonderful introduction so soon after joining us. Welcome to the haven. I'm also an Af-Am female in the Pacific Northwest. It is great to see such a diverse population identifying the asexual sexual orientation.

I have only embraced asexuality as my sexual orientation since May 2003. I look forward to sharing and reading about the experiences of asexuals who have embraced their sexual orientation for several years, such as yourself.

Staci

Hello everyone,

I'm new to this group - just joined! A few words of introduction: I'm 48 years old, female, Af-Am, have been strictly celibate since 1986. At first I was reactive; now, I'm proactive. I embraced celibacy for a complex of reasons that don't translate well to a brief post. I'm very happy and satisfied with my choice.

Reading the material on the AVEN site, it has occurred to me that perhaps "asexual" might be a better self-description than "celibate."

Looking forward to participating in the group.

LL&P, WireWoman

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/havenforthehumanamoeba http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Oregon-Asexuals

Do you Yahoo!? The all-new My Yahoo! – Get yours free!

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Lani,

I too was a married amoeba. Infact, I have a 19 yr old daughter. Like you, I assumed that the "urge" would hit me and like you, I discovered that it didn't. After a number of battle scarred years and being forced to wear a badge called frigid, I am a happy amoeba. Said husband and I are no longer together and I no longer feel the need to hide the fact that I am what I am. All of my co-workers know that I am an asexual and accept me for who and what I am. I hope your happily ever afters find you too.

Debbie

I've known I was an amoeba forever, just didn't know there was a term for it. Got married with trepidation to someone I love. Whoops- the desire for sex that I was sure would follow didn't. (It wasn't just pre-wedding jitters. I was a virgin.) Some 18 years later I live with a non-amoeba husband who remains frustrated but resigned to the fact that sex just ain't going to happen. Anyone with similar experience? Would love to know how you deal with it.

-Lani

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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Debbie,

Thanks for sharing this asexual experience with us. I think it is important for young asexuals to hear stories like yours so they will know what they may be up against if they decide to get into a relationship/marriage with a sexual. It really can prove to be a trumatic experience.

I am a single asexual after having endured 16 years of marriage to a controlling sexual who happened to have a strong libido. I have been divorced for 6 1/2 years and am only just now starting to think about having a relationship with another asexual. I guess a man with erectile dysfunction would work also, but only if he has a very low sex drive.

It really is amazing how many people are starting to come out of the closet to admit that they are asexual, but they never had a name to put to their lack of sexual desire.

Once again, thanks Debbie for sharing your experience with us. I can only hope that some of the members here can use your experience to help them make sound decisions to avoid some of the pain involved with being an asexual in a relationship/marriage with a sexual.

Staci

Lani,

I too was a married amoeba. Infact, I have a 19 yr old daughter. Like you, I assumed that the "urge" would hit me and like you, I discovered that it didn't. After a number of battle scarred years and being forced to wear a badge called frigid, I am a happy amoeba. Said husband and I are no longer together and I no longer feel the need to hide the fact that I am what I am. All of my co-workers know that I am an asexual and accept me for who and what I am. I hope your happily ever afters find you too.

Debbie

I've known I was an amoeba forever, just didn't know there was a term for it. Got married with trepidation to someone I love. Whoops- the desire for sex that I was sure would follow didn't. (It wasn't just pre-wedding jitters. I was a virgin.) Some 18 years later I live with a non-amoeba husband who remains frustrated but resigned to the fact that sex just ain't going to happen. Anyone with similar experience? Would love to know how you deal with it.

-Lani

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/havenforthehumanamoeba http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Oregon-Asexuals

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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

I just wanted to send a short thank you to all the new members who have posted to introduce themselves to the group.

To all the new members who have joined and who have not posted, please feel free to lurk for as long as you feel comfortable, but please be aware, that your messages will be moderated until you post an acceptable message.

To all the continuing members, your moderated status should have been changed to unmoderated, to find out, just send a short hello to the group. If your message appears on the group after a few minutes, your posts are not moderated, but if after 15 minutes your post has not appeared, your moderated status may have been accidentally overlooked, but it will quickly be changed after your post is approved.

Thanks to everyone for the posts and for keeping this group alive and informative.

Staci

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/havenforthehumanamoeba http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Oregon-Asexuals

Do you Yahoo!? The all-new My Yahoo! – Get yours free!

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Welcome wire woman, ROFL where the heck did you come up with that nick name? Btw, does Af-Am mean African American? That is a new acronym for me. I've been celibate most of my life and have not engaged for over 20 years if I recall correctly.

Bumping uglies is a turn off, a bore and seems like a nightmarish demand.

Jen

Hello everyone,

I'm new to this group - just joined! A few words of introduction: I'm 48 years old, female, Af-Am, have been strictly celibate since 1986. At first I was reactive; now, I'm proactive. I embraced celibacy for a complex of reasons that don't translate well to a brief post. I'm very happy and satisfied with my choice.

Reading the material on the AVEN site, it has occurred to me that perhaps "asexual" might be a better self-description than "celibate."

Looking forward to participating in the group.

LL&P, WireWoman

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Hey there! Glad to meet you. As you can imagine, I am procrastinating work and am perusing the internet instead:) It's already the end of semester where I go to school but that only means more final papers in a shorter period of time. and the resulting desire to procrastinate:) I'm sure you're familiar with these yourself. By the way, I cannot help but remark on your nick-it definitely reflects the true gloom and doom spirit! as for music, what kind of music do you like? goth/doom?? As for me, I tend to think that the music that I listen to is somehow correlated with my asexuality. Most of the pop songs out there have annoying lyrics like "I want you baby etc" and the currently popular genres of hip hop (no offense, anyone) are worse in that regard. I prefer darkness in my lyrics but beyond that they're usually on non-sex related topics. If love is mentioned, it's usually in an abstract and somehow mystical sense. and yeah, I would love a penpal and my yahoo id is also betterunborn66 . happy thanksgiving! lamia

i couldn't help but notice our simularites. im a college student in north carolina as well. im music obsessed (hey there are worse things to get obsessed over!) im a rather dark and gloomy person myself. ok, so im not that way all the time. i'm tempramental but im an artist and thats my excuse.

myself, i found out that i was asexual one day simply surfing the web as i always do. a friend of mine posted something about it on her livejournal and i just HAD to look it up. i found the aven site and joined after about a week of lurking. it was great to find out that there were other people like me. i had feigned sexual interest for so long (im 21) and it was growing so tiresome. fidning out that i didnt have to because i wasnt a freak freed me.

i understand where youre coming from with the bit about friends ditching you for so's. im very close with my best friend and im terrified that one day (even though shes my age and it hasnt happened yet) she'll start dating some guy and i'll be put in the background. i don't want that. part if that too is that i love her intenesly and i dont want to see her get hurt.

finally, i want to ask a question. i read your post and it really prompted me to ask this because of our simularities. would you possibly like to have a penpal? online if you prefer. i just want to get to know you is all. you seem interesting.

drop me a line if you are so inclined: beautyinconstantdying@y...

iris

Cool for you that you are in a marriage without sex.

Some 18 years later I live with a non-amoeba husband who remains frustrated but resigned to the fact that sex just ain't going to happen.

Ah hahaha. That is funny. You are not battling anybody or anything. You are clear that sex is not, and so is your husband. Maybe, just maybe, he loves you more than if you had sex with him? Ya suppose?

I've known I was an amoeba forever, just didn't know there was a term for it. Got married with trepidation to someone I love. Whoops- the desire for sex that I was sure would follow didn't. (It wasn't just pre-wedding jitters. I was a virgin.) Some 18 years later I live with a non-amoeba husband who remains frustrated but resigned to the fact that sex just ain't going to happen. Anyone with similar experience? Would love to know how you deal with it.

-Lani

Your friend thought you should see this article on New Scientist.com today. Follow the link below for the full story:

Feature: Glad to be asexual http://www.newscientist.com/news/news.jsp?id=ns99996533

Their message: This is the article that started the massive membership explosion on the asexual websites.

New Scientist.com is the world's leading online science and technology news service, with a global network of award-winning journalists. Visit www.newscientist.com now for constantly updated and authoritative reporting that's both fast and fascinating.

Asexuality and the Future by Anders Porter

With all this sex everywhere, it’s no wonder that not wanting it, not liking it, and plain old just not having it can create such a fuss. Yet the number of individuals who call themselves asexuals appears to be rising rapidly. Is it? Probably not. As long as people have been having sex, people have been not having sex. But thanks to the internet, chat rooms and websites catering to this sexual orientation are popping up all over, giving a once “taboo” topic a place to live and thrive.

Asexuality. What a daunting word. Capturing the essence of its meaning is difficult, because its spectrum of definition is so broad. Basically, ‘asexuals’ could possibly agree on this: asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction and the absence of a desire to form physical sexual relationships. (It also obviously applies to the physical absence of sex organs, but that’s ‘something else’--not the subject matter of this particular discussion.) But beyond that, asexuality is open for interpretation. And since there are such differing degrees of heterosexuality, homosexuality and bisexuality, it makes perfect sense that asexuality should consist of varying degrees as well. Some asexual people want to have children, some don’t. Some experience sexual drive, some don’t. Some have sexual fantasies, some don’t. Some masturbate, some don’t. The list goes on and on.

Come to think of it, why would a person want to have sex anyhow? If its biological purpose is procreation, it’s fair to say that there’s a bit more emotional involvement at this stage in the game. A simple act of sex can turn a bachelor into a groom overnight. The emotional implications in combination with the ever-increasing risk of unwanted pregnancies and sexually transmitted diseases can render sex as rather inefficient and cumbersome with respect to baby-making. Given that, if you’re ‘doing it’ for other reasons, a brief encounter in the sack can lead to a sometimes less than desirable lifestyle change; a tendency towards asexuality is therefore quite comprehensible.

So let’s have another look at the world of Zachary90210 or whatever his name is. While this futuristic outlook may seem a bit extreme, Zachary obviously lives in a world where efficiency reigns supreme. (There’s a little rhyme for you.) Additionally, for whatever reasons, the society around him has deemed sex to be unnecessary and impractical. While we don’t know exactly how reproduction occurs in this world, we might imagine that it involves very medical techniques of gathering sperm and eggs and producing embryos in pristine laboratories. But Zachary429 still has sexual desires. Does this disqualify him from being asexual? Hardly. In fact, this is an issue that has apparently led to the development of the so-called SymEneX module! And this allows individuals like Zachary429 the opportunity to get their thrills. In ten seconds, no less.

Copyright © 2003 ZoraMagazine

http://zoramagazine.com/Civilties-Future3.htm

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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Hello everyone,

I am looking for a partner, and I dream of a romantic, serious, loving relationship. Being asexual, that seems to be an impossible goal. It is extremely difficult to find other likeminded asexuals. But I still have hope.

I'm a 31 yo. female. My physical description is: Light brown hair, olive green eyes, tall, normal build. I don't smoke. I have many hobbies and interests, for instance pets, reading, computers, travelling, training (gym, jogging, swimming), plants, cars, animals etc. I am very flexible. So if it's important to you that we have common interests, then I'm sure we can find something we both like. I'm very cuddly and affectionate. So a relationship completely without physical contact is unthinkable for me. However I can of course adapt to a less affectionate partner. My other "inner qualities": Honest, kind, reliable, friendly, caring, supportive, serious, loyal, helpful, focused, straightforward. I appreciate if my partner has similar inner qualities. I currently work as a caretaker.

I found this site yesterday, and that made me very happy. Finally a site where I can find love! I've belonged to the Yahoo celibacy site for a long time, but the people there are not very interested in being with someone.:-(

My address is: andersson_320@... (Sometimes hotmail doesn't work. f you don't hear from me for a while, try mailing again).

I keep my fingers crossed that someone will write. Take care, Nickie.

Nickie,

Welcome to the Haven. Thanks for the wonderful introduction and for letting the group know about your asexuality and what you are looking for in a future relationship/marriage.

While there are many members here looking for asexual partners, distance is a large factor in preventing like-minded members from forming strong bonds.

Although the number of people who identify as asexual is growing as more asexuals are becoming aware that the new word being used to describe their lack of sexual attraction is asexuality, we are still few enough in number, that the possibility of meeting up with another asexual in your city is almost non-existant. Therefore, it is in the best interest of the members here and others who identify as asexuals to try to get the word out about asexuality.

There are probably a large number of people within many populations who would indentify as asexual, if they were exposed either to asexual literature or learned about asexuality from someone who is asexual.

Even though asexuality describes one's sexual orientation, it really should not be a basis for feeling superior over those who are sexual in nature. When approaching others about your asexual orientation, doing so in a non-confrontational, non-arrogant/smug, or condescending manner can go far in helping others understand and be accepting of the newest sexual orientation. Even though they may not agree with the lifestyle when you are telling them about it, it will give them new information to chew on the next time they have a few idle moments in their minds, and believe me they WILL. These folks then may be able to act as ambassadors of asexuality also if they happen to meet up with someone who they think displays the asexual traits you shared with them.

The more we can get the word out about our asexual orientation, the better our chances of connecting with others who are asexual, but don't know of this newest orientation.

Nickie, good luck to you in your efforts to find a suitable asexual relationship/marriage. Make sure you help yourself along by gently sharing your asexual orientation with close, trusting friends (women and men), who may happen to know someone you don't know of who displays asexual traits and may possibly identify as an asexual once they learn about this newest orientation.

Staci

Hello everyone,

I am looking for a partner, and I dream of a romantic, serious, loving relationship. Being asexual, that seems to be an impossible goal. It is extremely difficult to find other likeminded asexuals. But I still have hope.

I'm a 31 yo. female. My physical description is: Light brown hair, olive green eyes, tall, normal build. I don't smoke. I have many hobbies and interests, for instance pets, reading, computers, travelling, training (gym, jogging, swimming), plants, cars, animals etc. I am very flexible. So if it's important to you that we have common interests, then I'm sure we can find something we both like. I'm very cuddly and affectionate. So a relationship completely without physical contact is unthinkable for me. However I can of course adapt to a less affectionate partner. My other "inner qualities": Honest, kind, reliable, friendly, caring, supportive, serious, loyal, helpful, focused, straightforward. I appreciate if my partner has similar inner qualities. I currently work as a caretaker.

I found this site yesterday, and that made me very happy. Finally a site where I can find love! I've belonged to the Yahoo celibacy site for a long time, but the people there are not very interested in being with someone.:-(

My address is: andersson_320@... (Sometimes hotmail doesn't work. f you don't hear from me for a while, try mailing again).

I keep my fingers crossed that someone will write. Take care, Nickie.

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/havenforthehumanamoeba http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Oregon-Asexuals

Do you Yahoo!? Meet the all-new My Yahoo! – Try it today!

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

A is for Asexuality

There are those that insist that it's all about sex. Here's a group to prove those people wrong.

Date 10 Nov 2004 Writer Fresnik Tan SGBOY Article

To some, they would be the perfect partner. These people build their relationships almost completely upon their affections for another and you won't ever have to worry about them sleeping around with somebody else - because they wouldn't want to sleep with anyone in the first place. Let us welcome the newest orientation to join the public fray - the asexual.

"In a world where lust can be bought in a pill and skin is the marketing tool du jour, being David Jay cannot be easy. At the age of 22 he has never had sex. He has never experienced sexual attraction towards another person and does not believe it will ever happen.

There are many others who have similar stories to tell. They talk about growing up not being able to understand why everyone else seemed so interested in dating, kissing and touching; in experiencing the ritual of mating."

- New Scientist Print Edition, 14 October '04

It's only in recent times, with growing acceptance and education of varying sexual orientations, that the asexual has been able to come forward and begin making their presence felt in the society. Overseas, they are coming out to their family and friends, declaring their asexuality to be as valid an orientation as being straight or gay. Locally it's almost unheard of and some even consider it an urban legend, but little-publicised studies of rodents and sheep suggest that asexual behaviour in mammals is not so uncommon. This August, a researcher in human sexuality also published the first tentative figures for the number of asexual people in the population, which suggested that there might be almost as many asexual people as there are gay individuals. In fact, in a study of sexual practices, published in 1994, that surveyed more than 18,000 people in the UK, a surprisingly high 1% of respondents had chosen the 'I am not sexually attracted to anyone at all' option - close to the rate for same-sex attraction, now believed to be running at about 3%.

Most of us would balk at this idea, especially when the gay culture seems to be heavily steeped in sexual tones. Some of us might even go tsk tsk and just think that the asexuals are a bunch of cowards who are afraid to come out of their closet, or are losers who just can't get laid. Jadedness aside, the whole process of discovering one's sexuality is such an integral focus of growing up that to not have it exist at all makes an asexual person seem less than a whole individual. If a doctor were to find out that a person has waning interest in sex, they would advise us to seek help from a therapist.

So unsurprisingly, convincing other people that you are not suffering from some sexual issue is one of the main obstacles an asexual individual has, on top of the shocked and pitying looks. Similar to the gay community, society has imposed an equal, if not greater, pressure in keeping the asexuals in their own little closet. Elizabeth Abbot, Dean of Women at Trinity College, University of Toronto, Canada, comments, "They have to hide themselves because we are in a highly sexed society. Imagine someone who doesn't even want it and who isn't having a problem if they're not getting it." Indeed, the idea of seeing Brad Pitt all naked and glistening in Troy not turning anyone on does sound quite impossible.

To debunk the usual myths about someone who dares not confront their true sexual nature, there's a 40-year-old writer in Massachusetts, who has never had sex in her life, and she refers the concept of sex to algebra - she understands it but she doesn't like it much. As for the other rumour that they are sad people who just can't get laid, David Jay from St. Louis lays (pardon the pun) that to rest with his debonair, tall and slender stature, warm liquid eyes and the mouth of a 'Greek God'. He is living proof that it is absolutely wrong to assume asexuals shun sex simply because they can't get any.

Indeed "A" pride is attracting more attention and there's even a forum and online store called AVEN (for Asexual Visibility and Education Network at www.asexuality.org).

Ultimately, the world we live in was built big enough for everyone to share their affections with and most of us have the basic desire to find a "mate" with whom we can share interests and spend time with. Sex optional. ;)

COPYRIGHT 1999 - 2004 SGBOY http://www.sgboy.com/articles/111004T01.php

Hi everyone..just joined. I'm a bit on the shy side, so please do not take it personally if I don't respond much. I suppose when I start to feel more comfortable here, then I will be able to post more. I am needing clarification on the difference between asexual and celibate.

Thanks, Shadow