Haven for the Human Amoeba

Holly,

Welcome to the Haven, where you will find like-minded individuals and will feel normal. We have all thought we were wierd also until we finally started speaking out about and sharing our asexual lifestyles.

Thanks for the introduction so soon after joining and thanks for sharing your asexual experiences with us. It is through this sharing of experiences that we start to learn how unique and special we all are as asexuals.

Staci

Hi everyone, I thought I was strange for so long and must need therapy because I have no sexual desire and don't care to have it. I am with someone who knows nothing of this. It was such a relief to find out that there are other people out there who feel the same way. If anyone wants to write me or start a chat, I would love to speak with others who have the same feelings. Thanks for reading. :) Holly

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/havenforthehumanamoeba http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Oregon-Asexuals

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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

How nice to hear all the testimonies by people who don't desire sex. I believe that there are many men who would love to have a relationship without the sex act.

I am not religious, but I thought that Catholics are supposed to want sex only for procreative purposes. If true, then all a person should have to find is a woman or man who adheres to that precept.

I am skeptical that a gay person would make a good lover, although I suspect that many "gays" are bisexual and capable of loving either sex. Maybe a lot of gay people are really people who are like us; just can't stand the idea of having sex the way that "heterosexuals" do? I have wondered whether I am gay, and that would explain why intercourse is something that I do not want. The problem with that theory is that I have always been attracted to members of the opposite sex and never with members of my sex.

I would also think that the older a woman gets the more likely that she will find a man that is physically unable to have sex.

I do like physical contact. That is intimate to me, and even erotic. So I guess I would have to say that I like some "petting". To get or be erotic does not mandate having the sex act though. What is the matter with just getting turned on?

I agree with those who ask what the big deal is with intercourse. For most people it is something that only takes a minute or so. How can it be that awesome?

Do they still use that word "frigid" ?

Frye,

Perhaps I can explain a few things to you. Celibate, means choosing to abstain from sex. Whether for religious or personal means. An asexual doesn't choose. The sex drive is either so low that it is easily ignored or not there at all.

I am not religious, but I thought that Catholics are supposed to want sex only for procreative purposes. If true, then all a person should have to find is a woman or man who adheres to that precept.

Catholics, by precept are only suppose to have sexual intercourse for the means of procreation, however in practice, that is not always so. And the odds of finding a partner who follows this precept are slim to none.

I am skeptical that a gay person would make a good lover, although I suspect that many "gays" are bisexual and capable of loving either sex. Maybe a lot of gay people are really people who are like us; just can't stand the idea of having sex the way that "heterosexuals" do? I have wondered whether I am gay, and that would explain why intercourse is something that I do not want. The problem with that theory is that I have always been attracted to members of the opposite sex and never with members of my sex.

If you are attracted to members of the opposite sex, you are not gay.

I would also think that the older a woman gets the more likely that she will find a man that is physically unable to have sex.

Were that true Anna Nicole Smith wouldn't be where she is today. All joking aside, the aging of the baby boomers has brought on a resistance to accepting what used to be considered the natural aging process. That has ushered in the age of botox and viagra. In short, we, as a society, don't want to look old or act old.

Hope this has helped shed some light on things for you.

Debbie

How nice to hear all the testimonies by people who don't desire sex. I believe that there are many men who would love to have a relationship without the sex act.

I am not religious, but I thought that Catholics are supposed to want sex only for procreative purposes. If true, then all a person should have to find is a woman or man who adheres to that precept.

I am skeptical that a gay person would make a good lover, although I suspect that many "gays" are bisexual and capable of loving either sex. Maybe a lot of gay people are really people who are like us; just can't stand the idea of having sex the way that "heterosexuals" do? I have wondered whether I am gay, and that would explain why intercourse is something that I do not want. The problem with that theory is that I have always been attracted to members of the opposite sex and never with members of my sex.

I would also think that the older a woman gets the more likely that she will find a man that is physically unable to have sex.

I do like physical contact. That is intimate to me, and even erotic. So I guess I would have to say that I like some "petting". To get or be erotic does not mandate having the sex act though. What is the matter with just getting turned on?

I agree with those who ask what the big deal is with intercourse. For most people it is something that only takes a minute or so. How can it be that awesome?

Do they still use that word "frigid" ?

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There seems to be a bit of an increase in people looking for partnerships where being asexual is understood and respected. I'm wondering if it worthwhile suggesting there be some central place (ie., this email group) where all the messages can be displayed, easily reviewed and also time-limited so that the messages are reasonably fresh and valid.

Isn't there something like that on AVEN?

J8

If not I'd be more than happy to host one if someone wants to design it.

-AVENguy

On 30 Nov 2004, Craig Andrews said:

There seems to be a bit of an increase in people looking for partnerships where being asexual is understood and respected. I'm wondering if it worthwhile suggesting there be some central place (ie., this email group) where all the messages can be displayed, easily reviewed and also time-limited so that the messages are reasonably fresh and valid.

Isn't there something like that on AVEN?

J8

Yahoo! Groups Links

Perhaps I can explain a few things to you. Celibate, means choosing to abstain from sex. Whether for religious or personal means. An asexual doesn't choose. The sex drive is either so low that it is easily ignored or not there at all.

The more I read on this list, the more uncomfortable I become with the lumping together of "low sex drive" with "no sex drive." There *is* a critical difference between *some* (however little) and *none*. I suspect that the difference between "some" (low sex drive) and "more" (average or high sex drive) may be related to chemical factors like hormones or brain chemistry--things that can change over time or with experience--while the difference between "none" (no sex drive AT ALL) and "any" seems more likely to be related to the neural hard-wiring of the brain.

More pragmatically: I am someone with *no* sex drive. Never felt sexually attracted to anyone of any gender. Never had the slightest interest in any form of sexual contact, intercourse or otherwise. As it happens, I am not looking for a partner. But if I were, I would *not* be happy to invest lots of time and energy in cultivating a partnership with an "asexual" person who turns out to just have a "low" sex drive--but one that, when it does happen to trigger some arousal, will trigger it in my direction! Nor would I be pleased to discover that my "asexual" partner, while uninterested in intercourse, still expected or wanted some other sort of sexual/erotic contact with me. I'd want it to be clear that "asexual" means NO sex drive, NO sexual arousal, NO desire for sexual contact of any kind.

Catholics, by precept are only suppose to have sexual intercourse for the means of procreation, however in practice, that is not always so. And the odds of finding a partner who follows this precept are slim to none.

Additionally, even if a sexual person is choosing not to have sex (for whatever reason, religious or otherwise), the sex drive is still there. This would be abstinence, not asexuality. And maintaining abstinence for someone who has a sex drive can be difficult, and probably requires some procedural safeguards (such as refraining from cuddling or other non-sexual contact because they might trigger sexual arousal), and often results in physiological and/or emotional stress that can easily be taken out as resentment against whoever/whatever is encouraging the abstinence.

I would also think that the older a woman gets the more likely that she will find a man that is physically unable to have sex.

Were that true Anna Nicole Smith wouldn't be where she is today. All joking aside, the aging of the baby boomers has brought on a resistance to accepting what used to be considered the natural aging process. That has ushered in the age of botox and viagra. In short, we, as a society, don't want to look old or act old.

It also comes back to the basic fact that sexuality happens in the brain, not in the genitals. There is no such thing as a person who has a brain wired to be sexual but is "physically unable" to be sexual. Physically unable to have intercourse--yes. Physically unable to feel sexual arousal and to experience erotic sensation and gratification--no. Old-style eunuchs could still be sexual. Impotent men can still be sexual. People whose genitals have been destroyed, by injury or cancer or surgery or whatever, can still be sexual. People with completely severed spinal cords, leaving no sensory connections whatsoever between the genitals and the brain, can still be sexual. Sexuality does not depend on genital functioning, or even on genital sensation. It's in the brain.

J8, thinking it's probably about time to re-introduce myself formally in another post

Basic facts about me:

1) I'll be 43 in a month.

2) I'm autistic. I was born autistic; it's not a result of anything that happened post-natally. In fact it's probably genetic: My father had Asperger syndrome.

I think autism is relevant to my asexuality because, in my experience with other autistic people, it seems that asexuality is somewhat more common among autistic people than among neurotypicals. (That is not to say that all, or even a majority, of autistic people are asexual. In fact the majority of autistic people are sexual. But asexual autistics, while a minority among autistic people, still seem to be a *larger* minority than asexual neurotypical people among the general population of NTs.) Then again, possibly it's not asexuality itself that is more common in autistic people, but simply the willingness to acknowledge it.

Some of my autism-related writings can be found on my web site: www.jimsinclair.org.

3) I am intersexed, most likely as a result of prenatal exposure to several different types of hormones and other drugs that are no longer prescribed for pregnant women. I don't have any gonads or external genitals. For a long time I thought that was why I don't have a sex drive, I have learned that the vast majority of intersexed people *do* have sex drives, regardless of what genital equipment they do or do not have. (Again: Sexuality happens in the brain, not in the genitals.)

When I was born without a penis (in late 1961, before people had figured out that giving certain drugs to pregnant women can cause intersexed babies), I was simply assumed to be female. I never identified as a girl and could never envision myself growing up to be a woman. When I was about twelve, I quit trying to go along with it and began to insist that I was not a girl. At first people though I was transsexual, but then puberty didn't happen. I was evaluated at the Johns Hopkins clinic when I was sixteen. They concluded that I had never developed a "core female identity" and there was no way I was going to accept being a girl, so I should be reassigned as a boy, and given injections of testosterone. I was given a lot of information about how I could be sexually active and satisfy a partner even without a penis. At one point I told one of the psychologists that I wasn't interested in being sexually active. She assured me that I would become interested after I started taking testosterone. But that didn't happen. (Remember, sexuality happens in the brain. Testosterone can make the difference between "some" and "more" libido, but it can't create brain wiring that isn't there.)

I didn't like the testosterone. I didn't want to be a boy, any more than I wanted to be a girl. Anatomically, I am neuter, not male or female. It didn't make sense to me to try to pretend to be something I wasn't. I identify as neuter. I stopped taking testosterone as soon as I turned 18.

There's a section about intersexuality on my web site: www.jimsinclair.org. (Don't be fooled by the "Jim." It's just a pen name, not even my real name. And it should not be taken to indicate a male identity.) Scroll down past the various autism-related sections to get to the intersexuality part. The "Personal definition of sexuality" article relates a lot to asexuality as well as intersexuality.

4) I've never had any interest in dating, kissing, petting, or anything related, much less intercourse, so have never bothered to experiment with them.

Having always heard that "intimacy" automatically equates with "sexuality," I had never expected to have any kind of intimate relationship. I was therefore surprised and unprepared when, in my twenties, I discovered that people could fall in love with me and that I could love them back; that I could experience deep emotional intimacy; and that I could even tolerate--and, under the right circumstances, appreciate!--physical contact such as hugging and cuddling. And it still did not feel the least bit sexual to me. I have learned, though, that when a sexual person says, "I value this relationship enough that I'm happy to go without sex," it's most likely a temporary thing. If someone's brain is wired to respond sexually when emotional and/or physical intimacy is happening, then sooner or later that's going to get in the way. :-(

5) I started trying to find other asexual people during the late 1980s, and even tried to run a snail-mail newsletter for a while. What I learned from that, as well as from more recent perusal of messages here and on AVEN, is that there are a lot of people who adopt the term "asexual" when they really mean "low [but still existing] sex drive," "has a sex drive but doesn't want to act on it," or "not interested in intercourse but likes other, non-intercourse-oriented sexual contact." I don't think there's anything "wrong" with any of those situations, but they're not what I think the word "asexual" means.

6) Assorted other facts about me: I'm vegan, Jewish, have lots of dogs and cats (who are also vegan), live in upstate New York, and am currently staying with my mother in metropolitan Detroit.

J8

Hi All,

Name here is Sue, and I have read quite a few, but not all of the past posts on here. It's really a relief to find others like me out there. I am asexexual, and have known it for quite some time, but I never knew that there was a non-derogatory name for it. I have always craved for deep friendship, and affection from men, but when they want to have sex (which these days it's usually right away), and I tell them I don't want sex, they label me a lesbian, then tell everyone else in that circle of people I know "She's a lesbian, stay away from her" then I end up loosing all my friends. This is a repeating pattern that I have been cursed with all of my life.

To make matters worse, I have a lot of unusual hobbies and passions that make me different than everyone else. How many girls play with electricity? And the real stomach turner: Amateur Mycology anyone? (Ewwwwww fungus!). All of my hobbies are related to nature and science. So, besides being asexual, I am a geek. There is a group out there for all of my passions and interests, but when they find out about my other interests, I become an outcast. The worst complication of all is that there is always an angry man (who is of course "madly in love with me") that becomes my enemy because I would not have sex with him, that always makes trouble for me. It seems like the guys that are attracted to me are the ones that have trouble getting dates to begin with, so they are already frustrated from the start. They are usually horny as hell too, just the opposite of the kind of friendship I desire. I wish there was some way of letting them know that I am not interested in sex right from the start, where I could develop friendships with the right people, and discourage the wrong people from working to try and win me over, and then getting frustrated and angry.

I wonder if there are any women on here that have had similar experiences?

Are there any guys on here that like hiking, being outdoors, Electronic Music (Berlin School), don't want sex, don't want kids, and live on Long Island? You don't have to be a science geek :-)

Sue

It occured to me upon reading everyone's introductions that my former introduction left much to be desired. As such, it is my intention to correct that error.

My name is Debbie. I am 47 yrs old and have never embraced netpeak. Prior to 9-11, I was a project manager living in NJ and commuting to Manhattan each day. Post 9-11, I am living in a small town along Lake Superior and selling appliances. In my spare time, I act in community theater and am a freelance horror writer. I enjoy bad movies and rock & roll and my politics, like my views on religion are slightly left of center.

The events that changed the country, also changed my life. Call it a re-assessment of priorities or whatever you please. I escaped the habittrail and am now doing what I like. Part of that was acknowledging that I am an asexual. It's not who I am, though it is part of what defines me. As such, I stopped pretending to be sexual in 2001.

Am I looking for anything? No, I'm not here to hook-up. I don't hope to find a mate/partner. It's just nice to know there are other like minded individuals in the world. And no matter how different we all are, we do share a common thread.

So there you have it. My two cents. It's a pleasure to meet you all.

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

J,

Thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing such a unique, fact-filled, eye-opening, asexual testimony.

I am always eager to read about experiences like your's because it helps me increase my knowledge of and expand my definition of what asexuality means to me. I really learned a lot just reading your email and my definition of asexuality now has to be refined even further in light of the information yoy shared in your post.

I would like to think there is plenty of room to include many different forms ( and working definitions) of asexuality, just as there are differing degrees of and types of sexuality.

Once again, thanks for such an information packed, personal testimony, I appreciate you sharing this with the group.

Staci

Basic facts about me:

1) I'll be 43 in a month.

2) I'm autistic. I was born autistic; it's not a result of anything that happened post-natally. In fact it's probably genetic: My father had Asperger syndrome.

I think autism is relevant to my asexuality because, in my experience with other autistic people, it seems that asexuality is somewhat more common among autistic people than among neurotypicals. (That is not to say that all, or even a majority, of autistic people are asexual. In fact the majority of autistic people are sexual. But asexual autistics, while a minority among autistic people, still seem to be a *larger* minority than asexual neurotypical people among the general population of NTs.) Then again, possibly it's not asexuality itself that is more common in autistic people, but simply the willingness to acknowledge it.

Some of my autism-related writings can be found on my web site: www.jimsinclair.org.

3) I am intersexed, most likely as a result of prenatal exposure to several different types of hormones and other drugs that are no longer prescribed for pregnant women. I don't have any gonads or external genitals. For a long time I thought that was why I don't have a sex drive, I have learned that the vast majority of intersexed people *do* have sex drives, regardless of what genital equipment they do or do not have. (Again: Sexuality happens in the brain, not in the genitals.)

When I was born without a penis (in late 1961, before people had figured out that giving certain drugs to pregnant women can cause intersexed babies), I was simply assumed to be female. I never identified as a girl and could never envision myself growing up to be a woman. When I was about twelve, I quit trying to go along with it and began to insist that I was not a girl. At first people though I was transsexual, but then puberty didn't happen. I was evaluated at the Johns Hopkins clinic when I was sixteen. They concluded that I had never developed a "core female identity" and there was no way I was going to accept being a girl, so I should be reassigned as a boy, and given injections of testosterone. I was given a lot of information about how I could be sexually active and satisfy a partner even without a penis. At one point I told one of the psychologists that I wasn't interested in being sexually active. She assured me that I would become interested after I started taking testosterone. But that didn't happen. (Remember, sexuality happens in the brain. Testosterone can make the difference between "some" and "more" libido, but it can't create brain wiring that isn't there.)

I didn't like the testosterone. I didn't want to be a boy, any more than I wanted to be a girl. Anatomically, I am neuter, not male or female. It didn't make sense to me to try to pretend to be something I wasn't. I identify as neuter. I stopped taking testosterone as soon as I turned 18.

There's a section about intersexuality on my web site: www.jimsinclair.org. (Don't be fooled by the "Jim." It's just a pen name, not even my real name. And it should not be taken to indicate a male identity.) Scroll down past the various autism-related sections to get to the intersexuality part. The "Personal definition of sexuality" article relates a lot to asexuality as well as intersexuality.

4) I've never had any interest in dating, kissing, petting, or anything related, much less intercourse, so have never bothered to experiment with them.

Having always heard that "intimacy" automatically equates with "sexuality," I had never expected to have any kind of intimate relationship. I was therefore surprised and unprepared when, in my twenties, I discovered that people could fall in love with me and that I could love them back; that I could experience deep emotional intimacy; and that I could even tolerate--and, under the right circumstances, appreciate!--physical contact such as hugging and cuddling. And it still did not feel the least bit sexual to me. I have learned, though, that when a sexual person says, "I value this relationship enough that I'm happy to go without sex," it's most likely a temporary thing. If someone's brain is wired to respond sexually when emotional and/or physical intimacy is happening, then sooner or later that's going to get in the way. :-(

5) I started trying to find other asexual people during the late 1980s, and even tried to run a snail-mail newsletter for a while. What I learned from that, as well as from more recent perusal of messages here and on AVEN, is that there are a lot of people who adopt the term "asexual" when they really mean "low [but still existing] sex drive," "has a sex drive but doesn't want to act on it," or "not interested in intercourse but likes other, non-intercourse-oriented sexual contact." I don't think there's anything "wrong" with any of those situations, but they're not what I think the word "asexual" means.

6) Assorted other facts about me: I'm vegan, Jewish, have lots of dogs and cats (who are also vegan), live in upstate New York, and am currently staying with my mother in metropolitan Detroit.

J8

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/havenforthehumanamoeba http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Oregon-Asexuals

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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Sue,

Welcome to the haven. Thanks for the introduction so soon after joining us.

I'm glad you found our group and hope that we will be able to help you with having others accept your asexual orientation.

Even though the men I work with don't understand my asexuality, they do accept and respect it. I made it very clear that even though I am asexual, I would be open to developing a long term asexual friendship with the possiblity of marrige, if I could be assured that seperate bedrooms would be accepted without issue or future negotiation.

Because I am a loner by nature, I am comfortable with the prospect of not meeting anyone and continuing to live alone, but if I meet the right asexual person, I would be willing to share a part of my life with such an individual.

I am quickly coming to the realization that an "impotent" man or a man with a low sex drive, or a man with erectile dysfunction (which now encompasses the word impotency) is not going to be an acceptable partner for me, because in my experience, such men still WANT to be sexual, and they will go to great lengths (viagra and other sex enhancing drugs) to make it happen.

Sue, please feel free to post future asexual experiences you care to share with us and I am sure that someone who may have a similiar experince will chime in to share information and possibly offer advice, support or other words of wisdom.

Best of luck to you in your efforts to find an acceptable, asexual partner to share life with.

Staci

Hi All,

Name here is Sue, and I have read quite a few, but not all of the past posts on here. It's really a relief to find others like me out there. I am asexexual, and have known it for quite some time, but I never knew that there was a non-derogatory name for it. I have always craved for deep friendship, and affection from men, but when they want to have sex (which these days it's usually right away), and I tell them I don't want sex, they label me a lesbian, then tell everyone else in that circle of people I know "She's a lesbian, stay away from her" then I end up loosing all my friends. This is a repeating pattern that I have been cursed with all of my life.

To make matters worse, I have a lot of unusual hobbies and passions that make me different than everyone else. How many girls play with electricity? And the real stomach turner: Amateur Mycology anyone? (Ewwwwww fungus!). All of my hobbies are related to nature and science. So, besides being asexual, I am a geek. There is a group out there for all of my passions and interests, but when they find out about my other interests, I become an outcast. The worst complication of all is that there is always an angry man (who is of course "madly in love with me") that becomes my enemy because I would not have sex with him, that always makes trouble for me. It seems like the guys that are attracted to me are the ones that have trouble getting dates to begin with, so they are already frustrated from the start. They are usually horny as hell too, just the opposite of the kind of friendship I desire. I wish there was some way of letting them know that I am not interested in sex right from the start, where I could develop friendships with the right people, and discourage the wrong people from working to try and win me over, and then getting frustrated and angry.

I wonder if there are any women on here that have had similar experiences?

Are there any guys on here that like hiking, being outdoors, Electronic Music (Berlin School), don't want sex, don't want kids, and live on Long Island? You don't have to be a science geek :-)

Sue

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/havenforthehumanamoeba http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Oregon-Asexuals

Do you Yahoo!? Yahoo! Mail - You care about security. So do we.

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Debbie,

That was a nice soul-filled re-introduction. Once again, welcome to the Haven.

Thanks for taking the time to send this re-introduction to us. It is always educational and helpful to be able to read about other's asexual experiences in life.

Online communities like this offer a type of therapy that is not usually available for lifestyles as diverse as asexuality is becoming. There is just not enough information on asexuality to enable psycologists (and other medical professionals) to effectively deal with what asexuals face day in and day out.

Staci

It occured to me upon reading everyone's introductions that my former introduction left much to be desired. As such, it is my intention to correct that error.

My name is Debbie. I am 47 yrs old and have never embraced netpeak. Prior to 9-11, I was a project manager living in NJ and commuting to Manhattan each day. Post 9-11, I am living in a small town along Lake Superior and selling appliances. In my spare time, I act in community theater and am a freelance horror writer. I enjoy bad movies and rock & roll and my politics, like my views on religion are slightly left of center.

The events that changed the country, also changed my life. Call it a re-assessment of priorities or whatever you please. I escaped the habittrail and am now doing what I like. Part of that was acknowledging that I am an asexual. It's not who I am, though it is part of what defines me. As such, I stopped pretending to be sexual in 2001.

Am I looking for anything? No, I'm not here to hook-up. I don't hope to find a mate/partner. It's just nice to know there are other like minded individuals in the world. And no matter how different we all are, we do share a common thread.

So there you have it. My two cents. It's a pleasure to meet you all.

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/havenforthehumanamoeba http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Oregon-Asexuals

Do you Yahoo!? Take Yahoo! Mail with you! Get it on your mobile phone.

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Staci,

Thanks for the warm welcome, and thanks for providing this haven by doing such a great job of moderating this list! I just browsed some of the other Yahoo asexual, and celebacy groups, and they are nothing more than useless spam magnets, even the private ones believe it or not! Such a shame. I am sure that they must have started out with very good intentions, but they probably didn't have the time to keep up with it.

I think this is the only one with real people on it.

Sue

Hello I'm a little new here as well. I can relate to a lot of what you said. I'm a very shy and quiet person and the fact I have never had a girlfriend. Some people think I'm gay as well. I'm just now finding out that I'm asexual as well. But as for your post.

"Are there any guys on here that like hiking, being outdoors, Electronic Music (Berlin School), don't want sex, don't want kids, and live on Long Island? You don't have to be a science geek :-)"

I like to go camping from time to time I like electronic music and I'm a little into manned space flight. The only down side is that I'm not from Lone Island.I'm not looking for sex and i don't want any kids.

Hi All,

Name here is Sue, and I have read quite a few, but not all of the past posts on here. It's really a relief to find others like me out there. I am asexexual, and have known it for quite some time, but I never knew that there was a non-derogatory name for it. I have always craved for deep friendship, and affection from men, but when they want to have sex (which these days it's usually right away), and I tell them I don't want sex, they label me a lesbian, then tell everyone else in that circle of people I know "She's a lesbian, stay away from her" then I end up loosing all my friends. This is a repeating pattern that I have been cursed with all of my life.

To make matters worse, I have a lot of unusual hobbies and passions that make me different than everyone else. How many girls play with electricity? And the real stomach turner: Amateur Mycology anyone? (Ewwwwww fungus!). All of my hobbies are related to nature and science. So, besides being asexual, I am a geek. There is a group out there for all of my passions and interests, but when they find out about my other interests, I become an outcast. The worst complication of all is that there is always an angry man (who is of course "madly in love with me") that becomes my enemy because I would not have sex with him, that always makes trouble for me. It seems like the guys that are attracted to me are the ones that have trouble getting dates to begin with, so they are already frustrated from the start. They are usually horny as hell too, just the opposite of the kind of friendship I desire. I wish there was some way of letting them know that I am not interested in sex right from the start, where I could develop friendships with the right people, and discourage the wrong people from working to try and win me over, and then getting frustrated and angry.

I wonder if there are any women on here that have had similar experiences?

Are there any guys on here that like hiking, being outdoors, Electronic Music (Berlin School), don't want sex, don't want kids, and live on Long Island? You don't have to be a science geek :-)

Sue

No sex please, we're Japanese Sexless marriages in Japan are becoming so popular that building firms are putting up houses with saparate bedrooms for newlyweds.

Condom sales have also slumped as more and more couples opt for marriages without conjugal relations, reports the South China Morning Post.

Psychiatrist Dr Teruo Abe has coined the term sekusuresu, or sexless marriage, because more and more married couples are coming to see him over not having sex.

"If husband and wife are not sleeping together, wouldn't they be better off divorced?" Dr Abe asked.

Now nearly a third of houses put up by building firm Mitsui Home are designed to incorporate separate main bedrooms.

When the company asked buyers why they wanted the modification, the replies included: because the husband is having an affair; the wife does not want the husband to see her without make-up; and the wife doesn't want the husband to touch her.

Condom manufacturers say sales stood at 624 million condoms in 1989, but fell to 576 million in 1999. The industry complains that sexless couples are one reason for the slump.

Copyright © 2004 Ananova Ltd

http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_102698.html?nav_src=newsIndexHeadline

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Hi Space E., "Lone Island"! Hmm..., sounds like you've been here! That's a good description of it. This place has one of the highest densities of people in the United States, but it seems like the loneliest place to be. I find that it is easier to start conversations with people when I visit other places away from here! People seem to be more closed off here, less friendly.

Too crowded=less friendly, the lab rats seem to agree!

Hello I'm a little new here as well. I can relate to a lot of what you said. I'm a very shy and quiet person and the fact I have never had a girlfriend. Some people think I'm gay as well. I'm just now finding out that I'm asexual as well. But as for your post.

"Are there any guys on here that like hiking, being outdoors, Electronic Music (Berlin School), don't want sex, don't want kids, and live on Long Island? You don't have to be a science geek :-)"

I like to go camping from time to time I like electronic music and I'm a little into manned space flight. The only down side is that I'm not from Lone Island.I'm not looking for sex and i don't want any kids.

sparkwielder said:

Asexual mystery

Sid Billington

According to both the Times and the Independent, an "asexual revolution" is occurring right under our very noses.

That's right. Just as we're coming to terms with what exactly a 'metrosexual' is, we're told that thousands of people have decided on a life of celibacy.

Isn't life too short for all that nonsense?

"A report in New Scientist, published today, reveals that several studies now suggest there might be almost as many asexuals as there are gay individuals," the Times informs us.

Goodness, this thing really is rife, isn't it?

And we're not just talking about people like Cliff Richard either. 'Young' people have decided that it's just not worth the effort, and they're even setting up websites to promote their way of thinking.

"Although some might simply have extremely low libidos, others claim to represent a distinct category of sexual orientation.

"Although they have sex drives, they say, they are not remotely attracted to either gender. They are capable of being aroused but never experience an impulse to do anything sexual with another person."

We're sure their mothers are busy saying that they just haven't 'met the right person yet'.

"The asexual can be somebody's husband or wife. They may have to hide themselves because we are in a highly sexed society," Elizabeth Abbott, Dean of Women at Trinity College, University of Toronto, told the Independent.

"Imagine someone who doesn't even want it and who isn't having a problem if they're not getting it. There's not really anyone for them to talk to."

Er, no, sorry, we just can't imagine it.

© MegaStar.co.uk Limited 2004. All rights reserved. http://www.megastar.co.uk/world/news/2004/10/14/sMEG01MTA5Nzc0NDMzODA

Do you Yahoo!? Express yourself with Y! Messenger! Free. Download now. --- End forwarded message ---

it makes me sick to my stomach that we live in such an overly sexual society. sex is not nearly that important. there is so much going on in the world, but everyone prefers to just focus on sex.

i think i would not be asexual, if sex just seemed like something natural, but everywhere i look sex seems like something filled with silicone, some bobbling, frantic display of pitiable emotions.

<sigh>no one understands how they are just wasting their lives and their energy away on some futile activity, that no longer is used for its primary purpose, that being procreation.

many of those sexuals out there, just seem to spend their whole day thinking about having sex. or who they have a chance to have sex with. or who they wish to have sex with. isnt there a better use for your brain matter than that? animals dont even think that way. some people spend so much time thinking about how to have an orgasm, that they waste their whole life away.

i am nvr going to be like one of those people.

nik

Asexual mystery

Sid Billington

According to both the Times and the Independent, an "asexual revolution" is occurring right under our very noses.

That's right. Just as we're coming to terms with what exactly a 'metrosexual' is, we're told that thousands of people have decided on a life of celibacy.

Isn't life too short for all that nonsense?

"A report in New Scientist, published today, reveals that several studies now suggest there might be almost as many asexuals as there are gay individuals," the Times informs us.

Goodness, this thing really is rife, isn't it?

And we're not just talking about people like Cliff Richard either. 'Young' people have decided that it's just not worth the effort, and they're even setting up websites to promote their way of thinking.

"Although some might simply have extremely low libidos, others claim to represent a distinct category of sexual orientation.

"Although they have sex drives, they say, they are not remotely attracted to either gender. They are capable of being aroused but never experience an impulse to do anything sexual with another person."

We're sure their mothers are busy saying that they just haven't 'met the right person yet'.

"The asexual can be somebody's husband or wife. They may have to hide themselves because we are in a highly sexed society," Elizabeth Abbott, Dean of Women at Trinity College, University of Toronto, told the Independent.

"Imagine someone who doesn't even want it and who isn't having a problem if they're not getting it. There's not really anyone for them to talk to."

Er, no, sorry, we just can't imagine it.

© MegaStar.co.uk Limited 2004. All rights reserved. http://www.megastar.co.uk/world/news/2004/10/14/ sMEG01MTA5Nzc0NDMzODA

---

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How ignorant and rude is Sid! ...

C MegaStar.co.uk Limited 2004. All rights reserved.

http://www.megastar.co.uk/world/news/2004/10/14/sMEG01MTA5Nzc0NDMzODA

Do you Yahoo!? Express yourself with Y! Messenger! Free. Download now. --- End forwarded message ---

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"sex is a worthless activity and a waste of time"

LOL. I love your attitude. I am not sure that I would go as far as saying what you do, but I pretty much agree !

I have to tell you that I would love to have a woman like you for the love of my life.

it makes me sick to my stomach that we live in such an overly sexual society. sex is not nearly that important. there is so much going on in the world, but everyone prefers to just focus on sex.

i think i would not be asexual, if sex just seemed like something natural, but everywhere i look sex seems like something filled with silicone, some bobbling, frantic display of pitiable emotions.

<sigh>no one understands how they are just wasting their lives and their energy away on some futile activity, that no longer is used for its primary purpose, that being procreation.

many of those sexuals out there, just seem to spend their whole day thinking about having sex. or who they have a chance to have sex with. or who they wish to have sex with. isnt there a better use for your brain matter than that? animals dont even think that way. some people spend so much time thinking about how to have an orgasm, that they waste their whole life away.

i am nvr going to be like one of those people.

nik

Asexual Lady said:

Asexual mystery

Sid Billington

According to both the Times and the Independent, an "asexual revolution" is occurring right under our very noses.

That's right. Just as we're coming to terms with what exactly a 'metrosexual' is, we're told that thousands of people have decided on a life of celibacy.

Isn't life too short for all that nonsense?

"A report in New Scientist, published today, reveals that several studies now suggest there might be almost as many asexuals as there are gay individuals," the Times informs us.

Goodness, this thing really is rife, isn't it?

And we're not just talking about people like Cliff Richard either. 'Young' people have decided that it's just not worth the effort, and they're even setting up websites to promote their way of thinking.

"Although some might simply have extremely low libidos, others claim to represent a distinct category of sexual orientation.

"Although they have sex drives, they say, they are not remotely attracted to either gender. They are capable of being aroused but never experience an impulse to do anything sexual with another person."

We're sure their mothers are busy saying that they just haven't 'met the right person yet'.

"The asexual can be somebody's husband or wife. They may have to hide themselves because we are in a highly sexed society," Elizabeth Abbott, Dean of Women at Trinity College, University of Toronto, told the Independent.

"Imagine someone who doesn't even want it and who isn't having a problem if they're not getting it. There's not really anyone for them to talk to."

Er, no, sorry, we just can't imagine it.

© MegaStar.co.uk Limited 2004. All rights reserved. http://www.megastar.co.uk/world/news/2004/10/14/ sMEG01MTA5Nzc0NDMzODA

---

Do you Yahoo!? Express yourself with Y! Messenger! Free. Download now. --- End forwarded message ---

Has anybody figured out a dating site for celibates? Seems like there are asexuals here and there, but no place for people to meet who are interested in a relationship. The aven site does not offer anything along those lines does it? One problem I have with lots of people who post here, or in aven, is to determine the age. I am in my 50s and there are few and far between women who are in my age range who get on the internet---and who are asexual. My peeve is: people don't post age & gender---wish they did.

<So far I think this article has the most definitive definition of asexuals, and have a nice concise categories, that are all inclusive. I have done little to none research on this topic, and would like it if anyone has a book on the subject.>

http://www.slweekly.com/editorial/2004/feat_2004-09-16.cfm "Researchers have managed to establish a few loose facts, including a classification system that breaks asexuality into four categories:

Type A—Do not experience romantic attraction, but are able to get aroused. They have no drive to engage in sex. In other words, they're stuck in neutral.

Type B—Experience romantic attraction, but have no sex drive. They want to explore, but the stick shift is jacked.

Type C—Capable of both arousal and romantic attraction, but have no drive to put the two together. There just isn't enough gas.

Type D—Feel neither attraction nor arousal. This is the most common type of asexual. These people prefer to avoid driving altogether.

While the system is helpful for identifying different levels of asexuality, it doesn't explain how those conditions surfaced. Most researchers can only describe asexuality through better-established conditions.

Donald Strassberg, a University of Utah psychology professor whose research interests include sexual function and sexual dysfunction, thinks asexuality could be explained by two different—but likely related—disorders. The first one, hypoactive sexual desire disorder (HSDD), pertains to individuals who, given the opportunity to have sex, will either pass or take it without applause.

"These people don't seem to get horny," he said. "

Those afflicted by HSDD don't fantasize about sex, however they might consider getting frisky if it means pleasing their romantic partner. When it comes to HSDD, sex is the taste equivalent of Top Ramen noodles—a cheap, low-nutrition option that will do in a pinch. Sexual Aversion Disorder (SAD), on the other hand, describes those who go out of their way to avoid intercourse. In this case, sex and pleasure exist as polar opposites. There is no middle ground, no occasional hanky-panky for the sake of others.

SExual Aversion Disorder???!?!??!?!?!

How Dare they!!!!! An aversion to sex is NOT a disorder!!!!!!!!!! Their definititions, while seeming useful, are Horribly biased. The author assumes that there is something wrong because a person does not want to have sex. How wrong!!!

~Kt.

Just remember, they thought the same way about homosexuality fifty years ago. A disorder that needed to be fixed or could be explained away somehow. Perhaps in another fifty years, they won't be looking at asexuals and thinking the same.

SExual Aversion Disorder???!?!??!?!?!

How Dare they!!!!! An aversion to sex is NOT a disorder!!!!!!!!!! Their definititions, while seeming useful, are Horribly biased. The author assumes that there is something wrong because a person does not want to have sex. How wrong!!!

~Kt.

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Hahahahaha. Nicely said.

kweenkmatt@a... wrote:

SExual Aversion Disorder???!?!??!?!?!

How Dare they!!!!! An aversion to sex is NOT a disorder!!!!!!!!!! Their definititions, while seeming useful, are Horribly biased. The author assumes that there is something wrong because a person does not want to have sex. How wrong!!!

~Kt.