Haven for the Human Amoeba

I think it's based on general research where the findings were that men's life expectancy is higher if they're in a 'significant-other' relationship while women's is lower when they are.

Sometimes I wonder if (unbeknown to the researchers) there isn't an inherent problem with the research that 'significant-other' relationship which in their minds would include sex, is largely the "problem".

In a commonly understood 'significant-other' relationship where sexual behaviour is par for the course, then I suspect/wonder if you introduce sexual relations, you're introducing power relations, and therefore all the usual shit of domestic violence; STDs; pregnancy; children; childbirth; and on it goes.

I doubt that asexual relationships would have crossed the researchers mind - as a viable, healthy, desirable, 'one-of-many' options for 'significant other' relationships.

Besides, most male children in societies are bought up (ie., taught to) to rely on someone else to satisfy their physical, sexual, emotional needs while female children are bought up to satisfy their own and their significant-others. Males for the most part, it is true, are independent creatures when it comes to "action-figure" type activities - males are the more likely to be the ones who 'go off' and start their own existence separate to where they were raised. But they usually suck at meeting their own emotional needs, if not their own physical and sexual needs.

Craig

"dastraube1" <dastraube@...> wrote: Probably because men benefit from being in a relationship and women usually don't.

Oh? How do men benefit more then women? What's the difference?

I'm getting your messages.

Jen

None of my messages are going through ... Posted a couple aof messages a few days ago and still not showing in the messages ..

Blast

Yahoo! Groups Links

Do you and Nickie know each other in real life? Awenydd

Nickie, I am probably the most serious and honest and least picky person you'll never meet . I don't know why you keep putting me down... I never said a single thing wrong or dishonest to you , but you keep accusng me of being dishonest . That would piss anyone off ! And now you post it in the board. I assure everyone here that I have no clue where her accusations come from, but she feels the need to continuously accuse me of things that never happened ... I say " Hi , I like your eyes" and have been acused of everything on the planet since .Your reply was " Try to be honest and grow up " ... I think someone here has serious problems. I think you should look in the mirror more often Nickie.

Blastido

P.S. Please don't reply to my messages and I won't reply to yours ... sound fair Nickie ?

blastido said:

Maybe it would help if you were less picky, and tried to be serious and honest...? Just a tip.

Nickie

Hi , I know this group is for independent asexuals , but I haven't had any luck on the asexual singles boards so figured I would try here . I'm a 37 year old asexual male who's in decent shape and looking for someone who wants an asexual relationship. I am very into cuddling and showing of afection, just not into genital sex.I didn't think it would be so hard to find a woman with similar interests ... I usually have no trouble getting a date , just ending a date .. Most women I've met look at me weird when I don't take advantage of their advances .Some have even gone as far as to question my sexuality !! Sorry , I'm not gay , not in the slightest . If you share my same feelings , GREAT !! Its a start !! Contact me and lets see where it goes !

(There are 2 pics of me on my Yahoo profile ... I have just let my hair grow in for the second time to donate to Locks Of Love , so don't get scared off if you're not into long hair )

Blastido

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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

That came out wrong, I understand from your post that you are saying that you dont know her-(person you will never meet), but what I am meaning is did you both email each other off list or something? Because I am not seeing on the posts what has to do with I like your eyes or where she Keeps accusing you. (I only saw one post from her) Awenydd

Do you and Nickie know each other in real life? Awenydd

Nickie, I am probably the most serious and honest and least picky person you'll never meet . I don't know why you keep putting me down... I never said a single thing wrong or dishonest to you , but you keep accusng me of being dishonest . That would piss anyone off ! And now you post it in the board. I assure everyone here that I have no clue where her accusations come from, but she feels the need to continuously accuse me of things that never happened ... I say " Hi , I like your eyes" and have been acused of everything on the planet since .Your reply was " Try to be honest and grow up " ... I think someone here has serious problems. I think you should look in the mirror more often Nickie.

Blastido

P.S. Please don't reply to my messages and I won't reply to yours ... sound fair Nickie ?

blastido said:

Maybe it would help if you were less picky, and tried to be serious and honest...? Just a tip.

Nickie

Hi , I know this group is for independent asexuals , but I haven't had any luck on the asexual singles boards so figured I would try here . I'm a 37 year old asexual male who's in decent shape and looking for someone who wants an asexual relationship. I am very into cuddling and showing of afection, just not into genital sex.I didn't think it would be so hard to find a woman with similar interests ... I usually have no trouble getting a date , just ending a date .. Most women I've met look at me weird when I don't take advantage of their advances .Some have even gone as far as to question my sexuality !! Sorry , I'm not gay , not in the slightest . If you share my same feelings , GREAT !! Its a start !! Contact me and lets see where it goes !

(There are 2 pics of me on my Yahoo profile ... I have just let my hair grow in for the second time to donate to Locks Of Love , so don't get scared off if you're not into long hair )

Blastido

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Shifting to Neutral

No interest in sex is nothing to get worked up about.

By Amy Sohn

In a culture glutted with sexual imagery, it is no wonder that the least visible sexual minority is asexuals, who do not experience sexual attraction at all. But in recent years, through the Asexual Visibility and Education Network (AVEN) and its Website, asexuality.org, asexuals have come together to share stories, get information, and make their presence known. One study estimates that asexuals make up just one percent of the population, and are more often women than men, though research is nascent and one of the biggest problems facing them is that so little is known. But one thing is certain: Now that they are discovering they’re not alone, asexuals are beginning to view their identity as an orientation that is not freakish, temporary, or defective.

Amanda, 19, is a sophomore at NYU with short, kinky dark hair and almond-shape glasses. She wears T-shirts, jeans, and sneakers and has an intense, often overserious air. She has never had any sexual interaction with anyone, not even kissing; has never masturbated; and has never been in a relationship. Still, she considers herself heterosexually inclined and hopes someday to fall in love.

As a self-described “jock and theater geek” teenager growing up in New Jersey, she had platonic crushes on boys, but when her friends began coupling off, she wasn’t interested. Over tea at Teany on Rivington Street, she tells me about when she realized she was different. “In a sociology class senior year of high school, my teacher said, ‘Some people are asexual. They’re just not motivated by sex.’ I raised my hand. I got a couple strange looks, including from him. It was a room full of 16-to-18-year-olds, so this was totally incomprehensible to them.”

But she didn’t realize she was part of a much larger group until a few months ago, when she read an article about asexuals online and found her way to AVEN. She learned that many asexuals are in happy but nonsexual relationships and that most identify themselves as either “gay-A” or “straight-A,” homosexual or heterosexual in their albeit nonsexual attraction. Though they don’t experience sexual attraction, most asexuals do have romantic attraction and a desire for emotional intimacy.

“I had thought, I don’t really want to have sex with anyone. Guess I’ll be alone for the rest of my life. That sucks,” says Amanda. “So it made me really happy to know that there were other people like this and that being asexual does not mean you can’t be in love. And it doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. You look for excuses—being a late bloomer, or maybe you just haven’t met the right person, or Catholic guilt. You can blame it on any number of things. But ultimately you just are the way you are.”

So far Amanda has come out to her college and hometown friends. One friend from home told her, “No offense, but we’re not exactly surprised.” And she plans to tell her parents, but isn’t sure yet how to work it into the conversation.

These are the kinds of stories that make David Jay, the 22-year-old founder of AVEN, happy. A bisexual asexual, Jay began thinking of himself as asexual when he was 15 and came out as asexual while a student at Wesleyan. “By the time I got to college, I decided that I more or less had come to terms with it and became frustrated that there weren’t any resources out there.”

He launched asexuality.org in 2002, and the site now has about 3,000 registered users from all over the world. Visitors to the site can get educational pamphlets or buy T-shirts that say ASEXUALITY: IT’S NOT JUST FOR AMOEBAS ANY MORE. In an effort to help asexuals meet, Jay recently linked to a dating site, asexualove.net.

Though there are obvious similarities between asexuals and other sexual minorities like gays and lesbians, both Jay and Amanda are quick to point out the differences. “The whole idea of pride is different for us,” says Jay, “because we’re not being told to be ashamed of being asexual. We’re not told it’s dirty or wrong. We’re told it’s impossible.”

“I don’t think we’re ever going to have a parade,” says Amanda. “This is something people want to know for themselves because it explains who you are to you. It offers such an amazing peace of mind to know there’s a reason that I feel the way I feel. To know that I am different, but other people are different in the same way.”

Copyright © 2004 , New York Metro, Llc.

http://www.newyorkmetro.com/nymetro/nightlife/sex/columns/mating/11243/

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/havenforthehumanamoeba http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Oregon-Asexuals

Celebrate Yahoo!'s 10th Birthday! Yahoo! Netrospective: 100 Moments of the Web

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

but every message I would send , she would misconstrew and for some reason call me a liar or immature ... no clue why .. I would reread my messages to her and her replies made no sense .... I actually doubt that "she" is really who she says at all ... it seems more like a child playing games , but I could be wrong . I don't want to start anything , just want peace , that's why I just asked to be forgotten by her.

If she's really a she and an adult, then it might be someone with a personality disorder. I'd suggest killfiling this person. You should be able to adjust your filters for the group accordingly.

Therese Shellabarger / The Roving Reporter - Civis Mundi tlshell@... / http://tlshell.cnc.net/

On 3/2/2005 8:48:45 PM, [email protected] wrote:

Uhhh.. what's "killfiling" ??

Sounds bad .. wouldn't want to do anything that bad to her ..

It's nothing bad, just means that you add her e-mail address to a list so that your e-mail client or spam filter will automatically delete any messages that come from her.

The opposite of killfiling is whitelisting. These days, both are essential to me.

Therese Shellabarger / The Roving Reporter - Civis Mundi tlshell@... / http://tlshell.cnc.net/

Blastido/Pete (whatever), I haven't accused you of anything. YOU ASKED FOR ADVICE. So I just reminded you what you did wrong with me. If you don't want advice, don't ask for it. I don't understand why I terrify you so much. Is it because I know what you are, and you're afraid I'll tell the group...? Since you talk untrue crap about me, maybe I should tell the truth. The other women here should know, I think. I think you're searching for a partner in the wrong place. You are likely to hurt both her and yourself because of this. Again no accusation, just friendly advice. You have other options than hitting on asexuals. If I remember correctly I mentioned a few other ways, and there must be more that I didn't think of. Sure, it's a deal. If you stop talking about me behind my back I won't bother with you. And you don't have to be so afraid of me! Not only do I accept your decision, I totally agree with you from my part. I'm also sorry to hear you are completely blind to yourself. That's really, really sad.

Nickie

Uhhh.. what's "killfiling" ??

Sounds bad .. wouldn't want to do anything that bad to her .. Especially if she's having her own emotional problems ..

Blast

tlshell@c... said:

On 1 Mar 2004, 03:35 +00:00, blastido said:

but every message I would send , she would misconstrew and for some reason call me a liar or immature ... no clue why .. I would reread my messages to her and her replies made no sense .... I actually doubt that "she" is really who she says at all ... it seems more like a child playing games , but I could be wrong . I don't want to start anything , just want peace , that's why I just asked to be forgotten by her.

If she's really a she and an adult, then it might be someone with a personality disorder. I'd suggest killfiling this person. You should be able to adjust your filters for the group accordingly.

---

Therese Shellabarger / The Roving Reporter - Civis Mundi tlshell@c... / http://tlshell.cnc.net/

blastido said:

Blastido/Pete (whatever), I haven't accused you of anything. YOU ASKED FOR ADVICE. So I just reminded you what you did wrong with me.

If you have a problem, take it to private e-mail. This list is not for airing complaints and slandering people.

Therese Shellabarger / The Roving Reporter - Civis Mundi tlshell@... / http://tlshell.cnc.net/

Maybe I should have more of an open mind, but I have to admit, when I do read something like this, it does tend to make me leary. Awenydd

Blastido/Pete (whatever), I haven't accused you of anything. YOU ASKED FOR ADVICE. So I just reminded you what you did wrong with me. If you don't want advice, don't ask for it. I don't understand why I terrify you so much. Is it because I know what you are, and you're afraid I'll tell the group...? Since you talk untrue crap about me, maybe I should tell the truth. The other women here should know, I think. I think you're searching for a partner in the wrong place. You are likely to hurt both her and yourself because of this. Again no accusation, just friendly advice. You have other options than hitting on asexuals.

Nope, sorry...I can't keep quiet any longer. If he hurts someone it'll feel like it's my fault. I can't have that on my conscience.

Firstly, I'm not trying to prevent Blastido from having a girlfriend. Of course he can have one - a straight girlfriend.

Blastido is not asexual or permanently celibate. He is a "normal" heterosexual, with an (at least) "normal" sex drive.

I will leave out the details for now. I hope Blastido will explain by himself how things are with him (so I don't have to, I'd rather skip that part).

This is extreme, I would never do this otherwise. But my loyalites are primarliy with other asexuals (women in particular), and not heteros.

Nickie

PS: Can someone please explain why a "die-hard" asexual (me) should be thrown out of the group, while a "straightie" (Blastido) should stay? I must have missed something, because I thought this group was for asexuals. I don't get it.

I think you should both be thrown out. It sounds like you two were made for each other.

Have you two tried the passive-aggressive group?

So what does everyone make of this "Bird flu" pandemic?

Nope, sorry...I can't keep quiet any longer. If he hurts someone it'll feel like it's my fault. I can't have that on my conscience.

Firstly, I'm not trying to prevent Blastido from having a girlfriend. Of course he can have one - a straight girlfriend.

Blastido is not asexual or permanently celibate. He is a "normal" heterosexual, with an (at least) "normal" sex drive.

I will leave out the details for now. I hope Blastido will explain by himself how things are with him (so I don't have to, I'd rather skip that part).

This is extreme, I would never do this otherwise. But my loyalites are primarliy with other asexuals (women in particular), and not heteros.

Nickie

PS: Can someone please explain why a "die-hard" asexual (me) should be thrown out of the group, while a "straightie" (Blastido) should stay? I must have missed something, because I thought this group was for asexuals. I don't get it.

Do You Yahoo!? Tired of spam? Yahoo! Mail has the best spam protection around http://mail.yahoo.com

What group booted you?

Jen

Nope, sorry...I can't keep quiet any longer. If he hurts someone it'll feel like it's my fault. I can't have that on my conscience.

Firstly, I'm not trying to prevent Blastido from having a girlfriend. Of course he can have one - a straight girlfriend.

Blastido is not asexual or permanently celibate. He is a "normal" heterosexual, with an (at least) "normal" sex drive.

I will leave out the details for now. I hope Blastido will explain by himself how things are with him (so I don't have to, I'd rather skip that part).

This is extreme, I would never do this otherwise. But my loyalites are primarliy with other asexuals (women in particular), and not heteros.

Nickie

PS: Can someone please explain why a "die-hard" asexual (me) should be thrown out of the group, while a "straightie" (Blastido) should stay? I must have missed something, because I thought this group was for asexuals. I don't get it.

Yahoo! Groups Links

What group booted you?

Jen

Hi Jen, No one, as far as I've noticed. But several people in this group wants me to be "killfiled", or "blacklisted", or whatever. So I guess this group is'nt for asexuals as I thought it was. I don't know who this group is for then.

It's very unpleasant that this Blastido guy hates me so much. I tried my best to help him out and give him advice. But he just got more and more aggressive and hostile. I tried not talking to him for a while, so he'd cool down and become normal, but that didn't help either. I have tried to get rid of him but failed. He keeps writing personal notes to me even though I've said goodbye. That's really strange, because HE dumped ME. (I didn't mind, it saved me the trouble of dumping him). So why won't he leave me alone? I don't want a crazy man like that, not even as an email aquaintance. I guess I do the wrong thing when I try to help him out, so I'll stop doing that. I guess I'm too nice sometimes. I hope someone else will talk to him. It should be a man, beacuse he does'nt listen to women. Seems he keeps telling lies. He's now saying he's had no sex drive for years. That's not what he told me. I'm seriously worried he will hurt someone else. But I guess I have done almost all I can to prevent that now.

Nickie

From

"nickieand" <ezj544f@t...>

To

<[email protected]>

Sent

Thursday, March 03, 2005 4:13 PM

Subject

[Haven for the Human Amoeba]

Nope, sorry...I can't keep quiet any longer. If he hurts someone it'll feel like it's my fault. I can't have that on my conscience.

Firstly, I'm not trying to prevent Blastido from having a girlfriend. Of course he can have one - a straight girlfriend.

Blastido is not asexual or permanently celibate. He is a "normal" heterosexual, with an (at least) "normal" sex drive.

I will leave out the details for now. I hope Blastido will explain by himself how things are with him (so I don't have to, I'd rather skip that part).

This is extreme, I would never do this otherwise. But my loyalites are primarliy with other asexuals (women in particular), and not heteros.

Nickie

PS: Can someone please explain why a "die-hard" asexual (me) should be thrown out of the group, while a "straightie" (Blastido) should stay? I must have missed something, because I thought this group was for asexuals. I don't get it.

Yahoo! Groups Links

Hi Nickie

When the lady posted for killfiling, I think she meant just for Blastido to do that in your regards for himself. I don't think she meant for others in the group to do so concerning you. So, I think that yes, this group is for asexuals and no one plans on booting you out or blacklisting you.

Awenydd

J Noble said:

What group booted you?

Jen

Hi Jen, No one, as far as I've noticed. But several people in this group wants me to be "killfiled", or "blacklisted", or whatever. So I guess this group is'nt for asexuals as I thought it was. I don't know who this group is for then.

It's very unpleasant that this Blastido guy hates me so much. I tried my best to help him out and give him advice. But he just got more and more aggressive and hostile. I tried not talking to him for a while, so he'd cool down and become normal, but that didn't help either. I have tried to get rid of him but failed. He keeps writing personal notes to me even though I've said goodbye. That's really strange, because HE dumped ME. (I didn't mind, it saved me the trouble of dumping him). So why won't he leave me alone? I don't want a crazy man like that, not even as an email aquaintance. I guess I do the wrong thing when I try to help him out, so I'll stop doing that. I guess I'm too nice sometimes. I hope someone else will talk to him. It should be a man, beacuse he does'nt listen to women. Seems he keeps telling lies. He's now saying he's had no sex drive for years. That's not what he told me. I'm seriously worried he will hurt someone else. But I guess I have done almost all I can to prevent that now.

Nickie

From

"nickieand" <ezj544f@t...>

To

<[email protected]>

Sent

Thursday, March 03, 2005 4:13 PM

Subject

[Haven for the Human Amoeba]

Nope, sorry...I can't keep quiet any longer. If he hurts someone it'll feel like it's my fault. I can't have that on my conscience.

Firstly, I'm not trying to prevent Blastido from having a girlfriend. Of course he can have one - a straight girlfriend.

Blastido is not asexual or permanently celibate. He is a "normal" heterosexual, with an (at least) "normal" sex drive.

I will leave out the details for now. I hope Blastido will explain by himself how things are with him (so I don't have to, I'd rather skip that part).

This is extreme, I would never do this otherwise. But my loyalites are primarliy with other asexuals (women in particular), and not heteros.

Nickie

PS: Can someone please explain why a "die-hard" asexual (me) should be thrown out of the group, while a "straightie" (Blastido) should stay? I must have missed something, because I thought this group was for asexuals. I don't get it.

Yahoo! Groups Links

Welcome Blastido! Glad you are here! Don't let your first impression of us keep you away. We need as many members are possible...

------------------------ Yahoo! Groups Sponsor --------------------~--> Dying to be thin? Anorexia. Narrated by Julianne Moore .

http://us.click.yahoo.com/Dtf6vA/gsnJAA/d1hLAA/82ZolB/TM

--------------------------------------------------------------------~->

There are 6 messages in this issue.

Topics in this digest:

1. Re: Re: Hi From: tlshell@... 2. Its a new day ... From: blastido 3. Re: Hi From: "sidhetmkennels" <sidhetmkennels@...> 4. From: "nickieand" <ezj544f@...> 5. awww common !! From: blastido 6. Re: From: "J Noble" <jmnoble@...>

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1

Date

Thu, 03 Mar 2005 05:40:59 -0800

From

tlshell@...

Subject

Re: Re: Hi

On 2 Mar 2004, 10:41 +00:00, nickieand said:

blastido said:

Blastido/Pete (whatever), I haven't accused you of anything. YOU ASKED FOR ADVICE. So I just reminded you what you did wrong with me.

If you have a problem, take it to private e-mail. This list is not for airing complaints and slandering people.

---

Therese Shellabarger / The Roving Reporter - Civis Mundi tlshell@... / http://tlshell.cnc.net/

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2

Date

Thu, 03 Mar 2005 16:13:14 -0000

From

blastido

Subject

Its a new day ...

Hi !! How's everyone doing ?

I have been exchanging e-mails with a few of you and am (99%) happy I joined this board ... Its great to meet other people like me , I was starting to feel so alone , even tho I have many friends ... I guess knowing there are other's like me is a big relief ,even if only a friendship comes from it .

Blast

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Message

3

Date

Thu, 03 Mar 2005 16:52:40 -0000

From

"sidhetmkennels" <sidhetmkennels@...>

Subject

Re: Hi

Maybe I should have more of an open mind, but I have to admit, when I do read something like this, it does tend to make me leary. Awenydd

nickieand said:

Blastido/Pete (whatever), I haven't accused you of anything. YOU ASKED FOR ADVICE. So I just reminded you what you did wrong with me. If you don't want advice, don't ask for it. I don't understand why I terrify you so much. Is it because I know what you are, and you're afraid I'll tell the group...? Since you talk untrue crap about me, maybe I should tell the truth. The other women here should know, I think. I think you're searching for a partner in the wrong place. You are likely to hurt both her and yourself because of this. Again no accusation, just friendly advice. You have other options than hitting on asexuals.

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Message

4

Date

Fri, 04 Mar 2005 00:13:13 -0000

From

"nickieand" <ezj544f@...> Subject:

Nope, sorry...I can't keep quiet any longer. If he hurts someone it'll feel like it's my fault. I can't have that on my conscience.

Firstly, I'm not trying to prevent Blastido from having a girlfriend. Of course he can have one - a straight girlfriend.

Blastido is not asexual or permanently celibate. He is a "normal" heterosexual, with an (at least) "normal" sex drive.

I will leave out the details for now. I hope Blastido will explain by himself how things are with him (so I don't have to, I'd rather skip that part).

This is extreme, I would never do this otherwise. But my loyalites are primarliy with other asexuals (women in particular), and not heteros.

Nickie

PS: Can someone please explain why a "die-hard" asexual (me) should be thrown out of the group, while a "straightie" (Blastido) should stay? I must have missed something, because I thought this group was for asexuals. I don't get it.

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Message

5

Date

Fri, 04 Mar 2005 00:32:51 -0000

From

blastido

Subject

awww common !!

Can you believe she's at it again !?!?!?

=== message truncated ===

Celebrate Yahoo!'s 10th Birthday! Yahoo! Netrospective: 100 Moments of the Web http://birthday.yahoo.com/netrospective/

I tried talking about the next black plague (bird flu) but my messages never get through!!

Hi Cidalrain ! Thanks for the welcome ... I didn't plan on leaving any time soon . I don't let much get me down . Sure wish someone would start a new conversation topic tho !

Blast

No One said:

Welcome Blastido! Glad you are here! Don't let your first impression of us keep you away. We need as many members are possible...

[email protected] said:

------------------------ Yahoo! Groups Sponsor --------------------~--> Dying to be thin? Anorexia. Narrated by Julianne Moore .

http://us.click.yahoo.com/Dtf6vA/gsnJAA/d1hLAA/82ZolB/TM

---

-~->

There are 6 messages in this issue.

Topics in this digest:

1. Re: Re: Hi From: tlshell@c... 2. Its a new day ... From: blastido 3. Re: Hi From: "sidhetmkennels" <sidhetmkennels@y...> 4. From: "nickieand" <ezj544f@t...> 5. awww common !! From: blastido 6. Re: From: "J Noble" <jmnoble@b...>

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Message

1

Date

Thu, 03 Mar 2005 05:40:59 -0800

From

tlshell@c...

Subject

Re: Re: Hi

On 2 Mar 2004, 10:41 +00:00, nickieand said:

blastido said:

Blastido/Pete (whatever), I haven't accused you of anything. YOU ASKED FOR ADVICE. So I just reminded you what you did wrong with me.

If you have a problem, take it to private e-mail. This list is not for airing complaints and slandering people.

---

Therese Shellabarger / The Roving Reporter - Civis Mundi tlshell@c... / http://tlshell.cnc.net/

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Message

2

Date

Thu, 03 Mar 2005 16:13:14 -0000

From

blastido

Subject

Its a new day ...

Hi !! How's everyone doing ?

I have been exchanging e-mails with a few of you and am (99%) happy I joined this board ... Its great to meet other people like me , I was starting to feel so alone , even tho I have many friends ... I guess knowing there are other's like me is a big relief ,even if only a friendship comes from it .

Blast

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Message

3

Date

Thu, 03 Mar 2005 16:52:40 -0000

From

"sidhetmkennels" <sidhetmkennels@y...>

Subject

Re: Hi

Maybe I should have more of an open mind, but I have to admit, when I do read something like this, it does tend to make me leary. Awenydd

nickieand said:

Blastido/Pete (whatever), I haven't accused you of anything. YOU ASKED FOR ADVICE. So I just reminded you what you did wrong with me. If you don't want advice, don't ask for it. I don't understand why I terrify you so much. Is it because I know what you are, and you're afraid I'll tell the group...? Since you talk untrue crap about me, maybe I should tell the truth. The other women here should know, I think. I think you're searching for a partner in the wrong place. You are likely to hurt both her and yourself because of this. Again no accusation, just friendly advice. You have other options than hitting on asexuals.

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It's very unpleasant that this Blastido guy hates me so much. I tried my best to help him out and give him advice. But he just got more and more aggressive and hostile.

It sounds like you misunderstood each other. Killfile him. If both of you ignore each other, I'm pretty sure peace will reign.

Therese Shellabarger / The Roving Reporter - Civis Mundi [email protected] / http://tlshell.cnc.net/

I hope I don't appear like a mean person for what I'm about to write. I'm here after all to try to find a nice woman with whom I can spend my life. However, I've noticed a couple of unpleasant interactions between Nickie and other members of this forum and I think there is a pattern. Some time ago I met Nickie on the MedCel site. She had a nice ad placed there (like she does here) and it stated that she preferred remaining in Europe but was open to relocating. She's early thirties (31?) and I was 38 at the time. She lives in Sweden and I live in America. Still, I thought it was worth emailing her. She sent me a sarcastic reply back, something like "Have you forgotten already that we've emailed each other a few weeks back? We can't be friends. Goodbye." I thought either that she wasn't very nice or that someone had made her upset; I thought I'd assume the latter. I replied that I hadn't written her previously and that she must have me confused with someone else. Nickie replied and informed me that she thought I was someone from Scotland who had been writing her. She was interested to know who I was. I answered her how old I was, that I was from America, and that I assumed she probably wouldn't be open to moving from Europe but that her ad had interested me. I didn't want to appear presumptious. She replied "I was lucky to be born in the best place on Earth, Europe. I wouldn't take a downtrade, especially for an older man". We emailed a couple of times after that...I accusing her of not being nice and she asserting that she was. You folks can judge. Nickie had made up a medical condition in order to join MedCel. By the time I joined, it had been opened up to asexuals. From Laura, the MedCel owner, I understand that she and Nickie exchanged much unpleasant correspondence and accusations. My feeling is that interaction with Nickie led to Laura's decision to split the group into MedCels and asexuals.

Is this the Asexual group or the 'Blastido and Nickie" group? Or neither. None of my messages are getting through.

Well ... its good to hear its not just me ... was starting to doubt myself ... thought i was going crazy or something...

Blast

dastraube1 said:

I hope I don't appear like a mean person for what I'm about to write. I'm here after all to try to find a nice woman with whom I can spend my life. However, I've noticed a couple of unpleasant interactions between Nickie and other members of this forum and I think there is a pattern. Some time ago I met Nickie on the MedCel site. She had a nice ad placed there (like she does here) and it stated that she preferred remaining in Europe but was open to relocating. She's early thirties (31?) and I was 38 at the time. She lives in Sweden and I live in America. Still, I thought it was worth emailing her. She sent me a sarcastic reply back, something like "Have you forgotten already that we've emailed each other a few weeks back? We can't be friends. Goodbye." I thought either that she wasn't very nice or that someone had made her upset; I thought I'd assume the latter. I replied that I hadn't written her previously and that she must have me confused with someone else. Nickie replied and informed me that she thought I was someone from Scotland who had been writing her. She was interested to know who I was. I answered her how old I was, that I was from America, and that I assumed she probably wouldn't be open to moving from Europe but that her ad had interested me. I didn't want to appear presumptious. She replied "I was lucky to be born in the best place on Earth, Europe. I wouldn't take a downtrade, especially for an older man". We emailed a couple of times after that...I accusing her of not being nice and she asserting that she was. You folks can judge. Nickie had made up a medical condition in order to join MedCel. By the time I joined, it had been opened up to asexuals. From Laura, the MedCel owner, I understand that she and Nickie exchanged much unpleasant correspondence and accusations. My feeling is that interaction with Nickie led to Laura's decision to split the group into MedCels and asexuals.

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Nickie replied and informed me that she thought I was someone from Scotland who had been writing her. She was interested to know who I was. I answered her how old I was, that I was from America, and that I assumed she probably wouldn't be open to moving from Europe but that her ad had interested me. I didn't want to appear presumptious. She replied "I was lucky to be born in the best place on Earth, Europe. I wouldn't take a downtrade, especially for an older man". We emailed a couple of times after that...I accusing her of not being nice and she asserting that she was. You folks can judge.

Sounds very anti-American to me, and not unusual either.

Nickie had made up a medical condition in order to join MedCel. By the time I joined, it had been opened up to asexuals. From Laura, the MedCel owner, I understand that she and Nickie exchanged much unpleasant correspondence and accusations. My feeling is that interaction with Nickie led to Laura's decision to split the group into MedCels and asexuals.

Hmm, making up a medical condition? That's sheer dishonesty. There are many, many websites devoted to dating which also include platonic relationships, there's no need to be a faker. However, the Internet does make it much easier for people to lie about themselves.

Therese Shellabarger / The Roving Reporter - Civis Mundi tlshell@... / http://tlshell.cnc.net/

Any way we could stop filling up each other's inboxes with this? How about a new topic... Anyone?

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Hi,

Firstly I don't mind what you write, I also get angry when someone I want doesn't want me. So I understand you.

However, I thought YOU were extremely rude to me, when you said you wanted to relocate me. Your attitude towards me was not nice. It seemed you thought I was a cheap object you were buying. I was not rude back, I simply gave you a direct answer. I believe it's better to settle things quickly. I don't understand why you feel honesty is rude. It saves a lot of time, I think. How would you have felt if I had lied and said I wanted to be with you, when I didn't? You would have been a lot more angry then. Yes, to Americans like you I'm negative. Luckily there are good Americans. And again, I'm not being rude, just honest. And what are you then, anti-European...?

*Sigh*...I have not made up anything. Like I told Laura I have all the symtoms of vestibulitis. I just don't want to waste time and money on a doctor since I don't want to be "cured". I will not get an expensive diagnose simply to belong to a tiny web site. It's not worth it. (If some nice, possible partner asks that of me, I'll do it though). Laura understood me fine and accepted me, right up until I said I might try a female partner. Then she went nuts. So I don't think her problem with me was any medical condition. I have certainly NOT been rude to her in any way, or accused her, (unless she thinks being with a woman is rude). I didn't mind leaving her group either, that was fine with me. I can be a match with another medcel, but it must be combined with asexualism or celibacy. Otherwise it won't work. Since I am asexual, a female partner will in theory be just as good as a male partner. I keep as many doors open as possible. It's hard enough to find someone. I would probably prefer a man though.

Dastraube, I can sympathise with you. You're upset I didn't want you. Unfortunately that's a risk you take whenever you contact someone. It has happened to me several times, and I know it can sometimes be painful. So I actually know quite well how you feel. I can't really say anything more to comfort you, other than I'm sure you'll find a better match.

Nickie

I hope I don't appear like a mean person for what I'm about to write. I'm here after all to try to find a nice woman with whom I can spend my life. However, I've noticed a couple of unpleasant interactions between Nickie and other members of this forum and I think there is a pattern. Some time ago I met Nickie on the MedCel site. She had a nice ad placed there (like she does here) and it stated that she preferred remaining in Europe but was open to relocating. She's early thirties (31?) and I was 38 at the time. She lives in Sweden and I live in America. Still, I thought it was worth emailing her. She sent me a sarcastic reply back, something like "Have you forgotten already that we've emailed each other a few weeks back? We can't be friends. Goodbye." I thought either that she wasn't very nice or that someone had made her upset; I thought I'd assume the latter. I replied that I hadn't written her previously and that she must have me confused with someone else. Nickie replied and informed me that she thought I was someone from Scotland who had been writing her. She was interested to know who I was. I answered her how old I was, that I was from America, and that I assumed she probably wouldn't be open to moving from Europe but that her ad had interested me. I didn't want to appear presumptious. She replied "I was lucky to be born in the best place on Earth, Europe. I wouldn't take a downtrade, especially for an older man". We emailed a couple of times after that...I accusing her of not being nice and she asserting that she was. You folks can judge. Nickie had made up a medical condition in order to join MedCel. By the time I joined, it had been opened up to asexuals. From Laura, the MedCel owner, I understand that she and Nickie exchanged much unpleasant correspondence and accusations. My feeling is that interaction with Nickie led to Laura's decision to split the group into MedCels and asexuals.

Thanks Jen + Avenydd + Therese,

Oh, I wasn't aware I could block a single member. That won't matter much though, because I don't worry about myself. I know who he is, so he can never trick me into meeting him. I'm worried about other women. He seems more dangerous than I thought at first.

Blastido is a straight man with a temporary erection problem, who according to his doctor, will get back his previous functions. He still wants other forms of sex in the meantime. So at best he will break an asexual woman's heart. At worst, it'll be worse.

I have contacted Celibatepassions and asked if they have saved the correspondence between Blastido and me. I have saved some of his messages.

Nickie

"Firstly I don't mind what you write, I also get angry when someone I want doesn't want me. So I understand you."

Actually, you don't. I was only angry at the wording you used. I am glad you haven't disputed that.

"However, I thought YOU were extremely rude to me, when you said you wanted to relocate me. Your attitude towards me was not nice. It seemed you thought I was a cheap object you were buying."

Your ad stated willingness on your part to relocate. I am unable to relocate because I am only licensed to work in several states within the United States. As I stated in my initial post, I chose my wording to not appear presumptious.

"I was not rude back, I simply gave you a direct answer."

No, it was rude. Telling me that you would not take a downtrade [America] for an older man is rude.

"Yes, to Americans like you I'm negative. Luckily there are good Americans. And again, I'm not being rude, just honest. And what are you then, anti-European...?"

Why would you ask if I'm anti-European? I did after all contact you (a European). I did also mention that I had been to Sweden and how I thought it must be a very nice place to live. But, I think you are anti-American if you call this country a downtrade.

"Dastraube, I can sympathise with you. You're upset I didn't want you. Unfortunately that's a risk you take whenever you contact someone. It has happened to me several times, and I know it can sometimes be painful. So I actually know quite well how you feel. I can't really say anything more to comfort you, other than I'm sure you'll find a better match."

Well, I had about 15 minutes invested with you up to that point. Do you yourself experience pain with that little amount of investment in a person? I don't and didn't.

To the group, I think Nickie's personality comes through pretty easily if you read through her posts. I spoke up because she has been attacking Blastido and if you read through those posts one-by- one, you may form the conclusion (as I have) that Nickie is not a very nice person. I expect Nickie will reply again and unless she has new inventions, I plan to ignore them; our interaction was brief after all. You can refer to my previous post and this one on the matter. You may also check with Laura if you want corroboration.