Haven for the Human Amoeba

Hello

Whats going on? I stumbled across the group, and I

have, since my divorce 3 years ago, steadily lost

interest in sex, to now I have almost zero sex drive.

I'm 30 now, and I just can't relate to most people

because of this. I am just wondering if there are

people I can relate to. Ok take care --RP

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Hello ,

Whats going on? I stumbled across the group, and I

have, since my divorce 3 years ago, steadily lost

interest in sex, to now I have almost zero sex drive.

I'm 30 now, and I just can't relate to most people

because of this. I am just wondering if there are

people I can relate to. Ok take care --RP

Yahoo! Messenger Show us what our next emoticon should look like. Join the fun. http://www.advision.webevents.yahoo.com/emoticontest

Hello

How are you? I just joined the group looking for

people that could relate to my experiences. I have

pretty much zero sex drive now, starting with an

emotional divorce from a brief marraige I had 3 years

ago. Drop a lone when you get a chance take care --RP

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Hello to the group,

I just joined, I have lost almost all interest in sex over the last

3 years, and I just don't know what to make of it. I'm glad to

know there are other people with somewhat similar feelings. If

anybody would like to discuss this more, please email me at your

convenience. Thank you -- RP

hey rp. welcome to the group. there is a website you should check out if you have not done so. it's the AVEN website and it's www.asexuality.org i'll talk to you later.

Hello to the group,

I just joined, I have lost almost all interest in sex over the last

3 years, and I just don't know what to make of it. I'm glad to

know there are other people with somewhat similar feelings. If

anybody would like to discuss this more, please email me at your

convenience. Thank you -- RP

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I've been wondering whether the main reason for asexuality is personality disorder? For example, schizoids are known to have a low interest in personal relationships, especially sexual ones. Avoidants have an interest but are too shy to initiate them.

Although I am quite outgoing, I suspect I do have schizoid traits so this is probably why I have no interest in relationships. I prefer casual friendships - e.g. I enjoy socializing in bars but dislike close friends. I hate it when somebody comes round to my house but need to go out nearly every day to be in the community.

Do most of you prefer doing things on your own? Do you have a fantasy world?

By the way, it's though that the cause of schizoid PD is a lack of/inadequate fathering. My dad died when I was five. Does that fit with the rest of you?

Incidentally, whilst I have no desire to have a sexual relationship, when one comes along (accidentally!) I think I perform as well as the next guy (and enjoy it). I just don't go looking for it when I don't have it. How does that square with the rest of you out there?

Chris

Sorry, Chris there's no schizoid or avoidant personality disorder to explain away my disinterest in sex. I grew up with a hetro father, bi-mother and her significant other. And that was as abnormal as it got. We lived in an average middle class neighborhood, small town America. We went to church every sunday and during the summer months took a month at the shore and a month in the country.

I've always been friendly and outgoing whether it is at work, at home or within the community. I am not disinterested in personal ( emotional ) relationships, just in sex. While hugs are fine, I feel you can achieve greater intimacy through open and honest conversation than you can through intercouse. But that's just my opinion.

Debbie

I've been wondering whether the main reason for asexuality is personality disorder? For example, schizoids are known to have a low interest in personal relationships, especially sexual ones. Avoidants have an interest but are too shy to initiate them.

Although I am quite outgoing, I suspect I do have schizoid traits so this is probably why I have no interest in relationships. I prefer casual friendships - e.g. I enjoy socializing in bars but dislike close friends. I hate it when somebody comes round to my house but need to go out nearly every day to be in the community.

Do most of you prefer doing things on your own? Do you have a fantasy world?

By the way, it's though that the cause of schizoid PD is a lack of/inadequate fathering. My dad died when I was five. Does that fit with the rest of you?

Incidentally, whilst I have no desire to have a sexual relationship, when one comes along (accidentally!) I think I perform as well as the next guy (and enjoy it). I just don't go looking for it when I don't have it. How does that square with the rest of you out there?

Chris

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Count me in. I do everything solitarily. I just went to see Sin City by myself. My asexuality goes hand-in-hand with my asociableness. I have no interest in any type of relationship. I'm not the least bit outgoing. I'm rather introverted and borderline misanthropic.

I've been wondering whether the main reason for asexuality is personality disorder? For example, schizoids are known to have a low interest in personal relationships, especially sexual ones. Avoidants have an interest but are too shy to initiate them.

Although I am quite outgoing, I suspect I do have schizoid traits so this is probably why I have no interest in relationships. I prefer casual friendships - e.g. I enjoy socializing in bars but dislike close friends. I hate it when somebody comes round to my house but need to go out nearly every day to be in the community.

Do most of you prefer doing things on your own? Do you have a fantasy world?

By the way, it's though that the cause of schizoid PD is a lack of/inadequate fathering. My dad died when I was five. Does that fit with the rest of you?

Incidentally, whilst I have no desire to have a sexual relationship, when one comes along (accidentally!) I think I perform as well as the next guy (and enjoy it). I just don't go looking for it when I don't have it. How does that square with the rest of you out there?

Chris

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I just read several articles at asexuality.org, and I've decided that I am ready to accept my asexuality, and to try to embrace it. My parents keep telling me I'm just too young to know, but I don't agree with them. I've always thought I was either going through a phase, or that there was something seriously wrong with me. I am still very confused about this, but it's great to know that I'm not alone. Almost none of my friends/peers believe that I'm asexual, and they think it's a joke, so I've been doubting myself. How do you all deal with that? Thanks -India

India,

Welcome to the group. I can't say I have the same problem, but I am likely of a different age group than you are. None of my friends, co-workers or even my room mate (who is a sexual) have a problem believing my assertion that I am an asexual.

Debbie

I just read several articles at asexuality.org, and I've decided that I am ready to accept my asexuality, and to try to embrace it. My parents keep telling me I'm just too young to know, but I don't agree with them. I've always thought I was either going through a phase, or that there was something seriously wrong with me. I am still very confused about this, but it's great to know that I'm not alone. Almost none of my friends/peers believe that I'm asexual, and they think it's a joke, so I've been doubting myself. How do you all deal with that? Thanks -India

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Do most of you prefer doing things on your own? Do you have a fantasy world?

I prefer doing things on my own but I don't have a fantasy world.

By the way, it's though that the cause of schizoid PD is a lack of/inadequate fathering. My dad died when I was five. Does that fit with the rest of you?

No, my dad's still alive and was more involved than most I think because my first mom died when I was 3. He remarried less than a year later so there wasn't much of a gap in that area. I've read that losing a parent so early makes it difficult to form attachments to others because one is afraid of losing the other person. I've also read that many people's lives are "messed up" because of such loss, but I've managed to avoid becoming a drug addict, alcoholic, etc. so I guess I'm pretty lucky overall.

If you need an explanation, I'd say you have that as your second problem, not schizoid personality disorder. Not everything has to have an explanation. Why don't you just focus on learning to live with yourself?

Therese Shellabarger / The Roving Reporter - Civis Mundi tlshell@... / http://tlshell.cnc.net/

Hi RP, Due to the lack of sex drive we do think and relate differently in many ways conerning the sexuals.

I think we are normal. Just look how different they are to us and we do not suggest they are in need of a doctor, although I often wonder how they get much of anything done with this focus they have on themselves just under the belt line.

Take care, Jen

Hello man,

Whats going on? I stumbled across the group, and I

have, since my divorce 3 years ago, steadily lost

interest in sex, to now I have almost zero sex drive.

I'm 30 now, and I just can't relate to most people

because of this. I am just wondering if there are

people I can relate to. Ok take care buddy.

-RP

---

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Hi Chris, I am from a family of 6 additional siblings. There were 7 of us born within 10 years and 9 days. I believe I am the only one who does NOT want sex. I have a combinations of being very social and then switching to needing to being to myself. This is due to a seperate condition that is unrelated to Asexuality. I just need down time from the stimulation of noise and others. An example is being able to live in the same house but watching TV alone or being on the computer alone. I may do this for a few hours and then come out and engage someone.

Anyw, it sounds like you are normal.

Jen

I've been wondering whether the main reason for asexuality is personality disorder? For example, schizoids are known to have a low interest in personal relationships, especially sexual ones. Avoidants have an interest but are too shy to initiate them.

Although I am quite outgoing, I suspect I do have schizoid traits so this is probably why I have no interest in relationships. I prefer casual friendships - e.g. I enjoy socializing in bars but dislike close friends. I hate it when somebody comes round to my house but need to go out nearly every day to be in the community.

Do most of you prefer doing things on your own? Do you have a fantasy world?

By the way, it's though that the cause of schizoid PD is a lack of/inadequate fathering. My dad died when I was five. Does that fit with the rest of you?

Incidentally, whilst I have no desire to have a sexual relationship, when one comes along (accidentally!) I think I perform as well as the next guy (and enjoy it). I just don't go looking for it when I don't have it. How does that square with the rest of you out there?

Chris

India, if you are Asexual and want to get along in society without stress simply pay attention to what the sexuals can cope with and can't with. I think sexuals often entwine their sexuality in most things in their lives just as we Asexuals entwine different kinds of thinking or feelings that are not sexual.

Therese, is right. Get comfy with yourself cuz it's important to be at peace with yourself.

Jen

I just read several articles at asexuality.org, and I've decided that I am ready to accept my asexuality, and to try to embrace it. My parents keep telling me I'm just too young to know, but I don't agree with them. I've always thought I was either going through a phase, or that there was something seriously wrong with me. I am still very confused about this, but it's great to know that I'm not alone. Almost none of my friends/peers believe that I'm asexual, and they think it's a joke, so I've been doubting myself. How do you all deal with that? Thanks -India

From what I've seen over the years, the spectrum from hypersexuality asexuality is separate from the spectrum from extreme extraversion to extreme introversion. In statistical terms, they vary independently.

A person who is low in both sexual and social desires would have little interest in relationsips of any kind, *or* in sexual stimuation of any kind, including solitary stimulation such as sexual fantasies, reading/viewing erotica, or masturbation.

A peson who is high in both sexual and social desires would want to have lots of relationships and lots of sexual contact. Such a person might still be monogamous, and want sex only with one partner. But xe would also want lots of emotional and social togetherness with that partner in *addition* to sex, and would also want to have lots of *social* (not necessarily sexual) contact with other people besides the partner.

A person who is high in sexual desires but low in social desires (which might include people with schizoid or avoidant personality disorders, but could also include people who have no "disorder" at all, simply low social interest) would still desire sexual gratification. Xe might settle for simple masturbation and other solitar sexual pursuits to avoid the social entanglements of a relationship, or might go for relationships with casual sex and little to no other personal involvement. Or, some people who have little interest in relating to people-in-general might still find it rewarding to have a close personal relationship with just one person-in-particular, and that relationship could include sex.

A person who is low in sexual desire (or completey asexual) but high in social desires would want to have friendships, emotional closeness, maybe physical closeness (like hugging and cuddling), maybe even an intimate partnership with a special significant other, but would have little to no sexual feeings or desire for sexual contact in xyr relationships.

And there are also people falling everywhere in between the extremes on both sexual and social drive.

J8

Hello,

How are you? Thanks for the tip, I looked at the AVEN

site, a lot of info there.

I would like to keep in touch, if you would like to,

please reply. Just a bit of background, I am from

Southern CA and am a pharmacist here in L.A. About 4

years ago, I got enagaged to a girl, and a year later

we married, and the marriage was anulled after about

6 months. Sex, or lack of it, was a factor.

Anyways, thats a bit about me. Take care

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I am from a family of 6 additional siblings. There were 7 of us born within 10 years and 9 days. I believe I am the only one who does NOT want sex. I have a combinations of being very social and then switching to needing to being to myself. This is due to a seperate condition that is unrelated to Asexuality. I just need down time from the stimulation of noise and others. An example is being able to live in the same house but watching TV alone or being on the computer alone. I may do this for a few hours and then come out and engage someone.

I think my family might have something genetic going on on my father's side; I have one gay sibling, two heterosexual, and me, with a bit of uncertainty, tending more to gay preference but not really wanting the sex part. My paternal grandmother had no difficulty giving up sex after she had a hysterectomy, leaving my grandfather to find a girlfriend on the side to satisfy his sexual needs. My grandparents slept in twin beds in the same room and I just thought that's how old people were, without ever realizing until I was much older that it was a bit odd. I suspect my dad might be bisexual, which I think got him in trouble with my second mom at one point, but if so, it appears that he's stayed pretty much on the straight side since then.

That bit about needing time alone sounds familiar; when I come home from work, I usually feel exhausted if I've been working around people much that day, but as soon as I get home in familiar surroundings by myself, I can feel myself perking right up again, it's really amazing. I might make a great zen monk...and if I ever had to go to prison, "solitary" might be my favorite place.

Therese Shellabarger / The Roving Reporter - Civis Mundi tlshell@... / http://tlshell.cnc.net/

Thanks everybody for your replies. I'm surprised at the number of you that are or have been married. I would have thought a married asexual would have been an oxymoron! What made you decide to do this? Was it social pressure? How come your spouse didn't figure something was up while you were dating?

I'm single and to be honest could not ever imagine being married. The longest relationship I managed was about 3 years, but that was a long time ago. Recently 6 months is nearer the limit. I have no desire at all now.

I guess some of us are happy in our asexuality while for some it's brought problems and the wish to break out of it. I'm personally quite content but would like to understand why I'm different from most other people. I do think it's interesting to speculate about causes, by the way.

Chris

Chris,

When I was younger and dating, the average shelf life of a relationship was one month. It took about that long for the "s word" to become an issue. Rather than compromise, I'd walk away.

Eventually I married, mostly because that was what was expected. Sex was always a roadblock in that relationship except when my biological clock started ticking. I'm likely one of the few people on this list who has a biological child. While I am no longer with my daughter's father, I fully believe she is the one blessing to come out of that relationship.

As to why my spouse didn't figure out something while we were dating, he was ten years older than I was and had a different set of morals than the others I'd dated before him. Sex didn't become an issue until after the wedding.

I don't look for reasons as to why I am the way I am anymore. I left that person behind 20 years ago. Instead, I accept that I am an asexual and take a certain comfort in knowing that it's not the anomaly I previously thought it to be. I'm glad for AVEN, this group and the articles being written these days.

Debbie

Thanks everybody for your replies. I'm surprised at the number of you that are or have been married. I would have thought a married asexual would have been an oxymoron! What made you decide to do this? Was it social pressure? How come your spouse didn't figure something was up while you were dating?

I'm single and to be honest could not ever imagine being married. The longest relationship I managed was about 3 years, but that was a long time ago. Recently 6 months is nearer the limit. I have no desire at all now.

I guess some of us are happy in our asexuality while for some it's brought problems and the wish to break out of it. I'm personally quite content but would like to understand why I'm different from most other people. I do think it's interesting to speculate about causes, by the way.

Chris

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Me again... I wanted to emphasize that I find sex pleasurable and often when I'm in a relationship (especially in the early days) I'm quite horny. It's just that if I'm not in a relationship I don't seem to have any desire for it. This is really what caused me to join the forum - to me it seemed very paradoxical, and I'm starting to get the feeling that a lot of you have paradoxical feelings! In fact, I have the impression that every one of us is quite different.

Anybody else have the same manifestation of asexuality that I'm describing?

Chris

I have never been 'horny' nor have I ever found sex pleasurable. Doing the act itself disgusts me and for years I did it to satisfy the other person as I have been married twice and I didn't think I could live without being in a relationship at the time. I am a little older now (32 in case anyone wondered) and have not been in a relationship in over 6 years and quite satisfied with myself and my life as a single/unattached person. Yes, we are all different and I have seen on here and other asexual forums different 'degrees' of asexuality but this makes sense as we all are individual. BTW, can't remember who it was but I was working a stream of double shifts and had to sleep for the next double shift, but someone not long ago posted about introversion/extroversion and asexuality and wondered how others here are. One person (sorry, again I can't remember who) said they prefer their home to be theirs and leave to socialize, they don't have ppl over. This is also me. I am with ppl all day and at work (I work directly with the homeless) and when I come home I want to be alone. Alone time is also as important as "getting out", or to me anyway. If I had many days alone, I would not have a problem with it. Hope all are having a good day....

Me again... I wanted to emphasize that I find sex pleasurable and often when I'm in a relationship (especially in the early days) I'm quite horny. It's just that if I'm not in a relationship I don't seem to have any desire for it. This is really what caused me to join the forum - to me it seemed very paradoxical, and I'm starting to get the feeling that a lot of you have paradoxical feelings! In fact, I have the impression that every one of us is quite different.

Anybody else have the same manifestation of asexuality that I'm describing?

Chris

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I'm 33 and have never been in any kind of relationship.

I can go for months with no social interaction outside of work. Usually when I do socialize it's because I get invited out for a couple of beers after work by my co-workers. I'm not saying that I'm "Mr. Popularity", but I tend to get along with most anyone. Don't know why but a lot of people take a liking to me.

Speaking of socializing, I'm going golfing on Saturday with some co-workers. I guess there are about 5 of us going. I'm not big on golf, but it might do me some good to smack some white balls around the course.

Did I mention I went to see Motrhead in Omaha a little over a week ago?

I have never been 'horny' nor have I ever found sex pleasurable. Doing the act itself disgusts me and for years I did it to satisfy the other person as I have been married twice and I didn't think I could live without being in a relationship at the time. I am a little older now (32 in case anyone wondered) and have not been in a relationship in over 6 years and quite satisfied with myself and my life as a single/unattached person. Yes, we are all different and I have seen on here and other asexual forums different 'degrees' of asexuality but this makes sense as we all are individual. BTW, can't remember who it was but I was working a stream of double shifts and had to sleep for the next double shift, but someone not long ago posted about introversion/extroversion and asexuality and wondered how others here are. One person (sorry, again I can't remember who) said they prefer their home to be theirs and leave to socialize, they don't have ppl over. This is also me. I am with ppl all day and at work (I work directly with the homeless) and when I come home I want to be alone. Alone time is also as important as "getting out", or to me anyway. If I had many days alone, I would not have a problem with it. Hope all are having a good day....

kirtleymd said:

Me again... I wanted to emphasize that I find sex pleasurable and often when I'm in a relationship (especially in the early days) I'm quite horny. It's just that if I'm not in a relationship I don't seem to have any desire for it. This is really what caused me to join the forum - to me it seemed very paradoxical, and I'm starting to get the feeling that a lot of you have paradoxical feelings! In fact, I have the impression that every one of us is quite different.

Anybody else have the same manifestation of asexuality that I'm describing?

Chris

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I think you are in the wrong group.

Jen

Me again... I wanted to emphasize that I find sex pleasurable and often when I'm in a relationship (especially in the early days) I'm quite horny. It's just that if I'm not in a relationship I don't seem to have any desire for it. This is really what caused me to join the forum - to me it seemed very paradoxical, and I'm starting to get the feeling that a lot of you have paradoxical feelings! In fact, I have the impression that every one of us is quite different.

Anybody else have the same manifestation of asexuality that I'm describing?

Chris

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Eventually I married, mostly because that was what was expected. Sex was always a roadblock in that relationship except when my biological clock started ticking.

I'm beginning to wonder if this proverbial "biological clock" isn't another sociological obligation that is put upon us by others rather than something everyone has to have. I certainly didn't feel biologically obliged to reproduce. I would have been just as happy if things had turned out that I could raise someone else's child, but at least so far, my life didn't work out that way. In fact, if anyone mentions the word "pregnancy" to me, I would rather run the opposite direction!

Therese Shellabarger / The Roving Reporter - Civis Mundi tlshell@... / http://tlshell.cnc.net/

hatsandsoxqueen, It's obvious that kirtleymd is not Asexual. On'es sex drive being calm when there is no partner has no relationship to asexuality.

On to real topics.

I would like to be married or in a relationship with an Asexual. If there ever was any confusion, this means a NON-sexual relationship. I've been single for what seems like an eternity. As much as I need down time I still like someone in the house and I like sharing life with someone too.

Jen

I have never been 'horny' nor have I ever found sex pleasurable. Doing the act itself disgusts me and for years I did it to satisfy the other person as I have been married twice and I didn't think I could live without being in a relationship at the time. I am a little older now (32 in case anyone wondered) and have not been in a relationship in over 6 years and quite satisfied with myself and my life as a single/unattached person. Yes, we are all different and I have seen on here and other asexual forums different 'degrees' of asexuality but this makes sense as we all are individual. BTW, can't remember who it was but I was working a stream of double shifts and had to sleep for the next double shift, but someone not long ago posted about introversion/extroversion and asexuality and wondered how others here are. One person (sorry, again I can't remember who) said they prefer their home to be theirs and leave to socialize, they don't have ppl over. This is also me. I am with ppl all day and at work (I work directly with the homeless) and when I come home I want to be alone. Alone time is also as important as "getting out", or to me anyway. If I had many days alone, I would not have a problem with it. Hope all are having a good day....

kirtleymd said:

Me again... I wanted to emphasize that I find sex pleasurable and often when I'm in a relationship (especially in the early days) I'm quite horny. It's just that if I'm not in a relationship I don't seem to have any desire for it. This is really what caused me to join the forum - to me it seemed very paradoxical, and I'm starting to get the feeling that a lot of you have paradoxical feelings! In fact, I have the impression that every one of us is quite different.

Anybody else have the same manifestation of asexuality that I'm describing?

Chris