Haven for the Human Amoeba

Well, its not very simple, I just discovered asexuality one year ago, up to that day I did not know what to think about my low sex drive, it was really frustrating, I did have some sexual encounters, but all of them were more to please my partner than to please myself, now I just want stop pretending, but I do still pretend...is so stressful!, living in Miami, with a latino background, its like a you have to be sexual!, I would like to find that person who loves me for who I am, for other things beyond the sex part...after all there are so many others ways to prove love!...now that I have identified myself with asexuality...(I used to think I was a closeted gay because I did not think of girls in sexual way) might be easier but I still hope to find my soulmate, wherever she is...I sure she is out there.

bye

clients--discussing their masturbation with me (either individually, or in a peer forum like this where I am a participant), I find that it does make me uncomfortable. I do not understand why it is important for me to be hearing about peers' masturbation behavior. I especially expect an

Then you are free not to talk about it :)

labels such as 'public' or 'private' exist in order to facilitate communication, not to prohibit or prevent someone to talk about something he doesn't mind about talking. After all the question wanted only affirmative or negative answers, not 'hows' or details, and was of course, 'optional'

My diary (if I kept one) would be private but it's my topic whether, where, when and with what kind of people i feel right talking about its contents. Some persons feel right talking about such things with their buds or mates, or with anonymous people (such as we are) they don't know and aren't ever going to meet

I understand and respect the fact that perhaps for some reasons, like moral, religious or whatever, such topics offend you or others. I also respect your position, education and job and I understand that what I say sounds maybe complete nonsense to you (my IQ is below average)

asexuality forum to be a place where people are not going to be talking to me about sexual activities. And masturbation as a sexual activity can be either completely

asexuality is a vague and misunderstood term. Asexuality can be either the lack of libido where of course masturbation (I think) doesn't have a place, or asexuality can be only the lack of attraction towards men or women, but perhaps likes the emotions and effects of orgasm, in which case masturbation is maybe explainable.

Maybe one definition is right and the other is wrong? maybe both are right and are just two sides of the same coin? maybe we have a misunderstanding of terms? This discussion will help clearing it up

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I discovered asexual not to long ago either actually this year. I didn't lose my virginity intill right before I turned 21 and that was should I say boyfriend and trying to be normal pressure that made me go threw with it. After that I always told the person I'm with that I much to do with sex. They of course always said something long the lines of "well you haven't been with me then" whatever.......I'm biasexual which means I like both girls and boys but I'v by far dated more men......and the only girl lover I ever had was let say not the nicest person around.

Amber

Well, its not very simple, I just discovered asexuality one year ago, up to that day I did not know what to think about my low sex drive, it was really frustrating, I did have some sexual encounters, but all of them were more to please my partner than to please myself, now I just want stop pretending, but I do still pretend...is so stressful!, living in Miami, with a latino background, its like a you have to be sexual!, I would like to find that person who loves me for who I am, for other things beyond the sex part...after all there are so many others ways to prove love!...now that I have identified myself with asexuality...(I used to think I was a closeted gay because I did not think of girls in sexual way) might be easier but I still hope to find my soulmate, wherever she is...I sure she is out there.

bye

sorry didn't realize I made a gram. error...."I'm not much into sex".....lol

I discovered asexual not to long ago either actually this year. I didn't lose my virginity intill right before I turned 21 and that was should I say boyfriend and trying to be normal pressure that made me go threw with it. After that I always told the person I'm with that I much to do with sex. They of course always said something long the lines of "well you haven't been with me then" whatever.......I'm biasexual which means I like both girls and boys but I'v by far dated more men......and the only girl lover I ever had was let say not the nicest person around.

Amber

bigbanlover said:

Well, its not very simple, I just discovered asexuality one year ago, up to that day I did not know what to think about my low sex drive, it was really frustrating, I did have some sexual encounters, but all of them were more to please my partner than to please myself, now I just want stop pretending, but I do still pretend...is so stressful!, living in Miami, with a latino background, its like a you have to be sexual!, I would like to find that person who loves me for who I am, for other things beyond the sex part...after all there are so many others ways to prove love!...now that I have identified myself with asexuality...(I used to think I was a closeted gay because I did not think of girls in sexual way) might be easier but I still hope to find my soulmate, wherever she is...I sure she is out there.

bye

Hello,

I simply want to tell that it's not easy to find a partner who is asexual. When I tell that I'm not interested in sex most of Women say that it's OK but they simply mean that they simply prefer to have sex only in a while. They are not asexual. I didn't found such a group here in Belgium. Have a nice day. Michael.

Kelly, There is a much wider deffinition. We just have not talked about it in a while.

You sound very normal to me.

JenAsexual

<So far I think this article has the most definitive definition of asexuals, and have a nice concise categories, that are all inclusive. I have done little to none research on this topic, and would like it if anyone has a book on the subject.>

http://www.slweekly.com/editorial/2004/feat_2004-09-16.cfm "Researchers have managed to establish a few loose facts, including a classification system that breaks asexuality into four categories:

Type A-Do not experience romantic attraction, but are able to get aroused. They have no drive to engage in sex. In other words, they're stuck in neutral.

Type B-Experience romantic attraction, but have no sex drive. They want to explore, but the stick shift is jacked.

Type C-Capable of both arousal and romantic attraction, but have no drive to put the two together. There just isn't enough gas.

Type D-Feel neither attraction nor arousal. This is the most common type of asexual. These people prefer to avoid driving altogether.

While the system is helpful for identifying different levels of asexuality, it doesn't explain how those conditions surfaced. Most researchers can only describe asexuality through better-established conditions.

Donald Strassberg, a University of Utah psychology professor whose research interests include sexual function and sexual dysfunction, thinks asexuality could be explained by two different-but likely related-disorders. The first one, hypoactive sexual desire disorder (HSDD), pertains to individuals who, given the opportunity to have sex, will either pass or take it without applause.

Those afflicted by HSDD don't fantasize about sex, however they might consider getting frisky if it means pleasing their romantic partner. When it comes to HSDD, sex is the taste equivalent of Top Ramen noodles-a cheap, low-nutrition option that will do in a pinch. Sexual Aversion Disorder (SAD), on the other hand, describes those who go out of their way to avoid intercourse. In this case, sex and pleasure exist as polar opposites. There is no middle ground, no occasional hanky-panky for the sake of others.

"An asexual is someone who does not experience sexual attraction."

---

I would like to propose additional definitions to "asexual""

Someone who experiences sexual attraction but doesn't act upon it.

and

Someone who is approached by sexual attraction from others and is unreceptive or refuses sexual advances from others.

This best describes me.

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I'm almost 50 years old. This single crap due to not wanting any sexual contact is rediculous. There are many more people who are openly Asexual online now days.

Jen

Hey everyone! Just an introduction. I'm new to the group, been looking for a place like this for a long time. I'm a 25 y.o. male who recently discovered the existance of asexuality. It explained so much in my life. I love meeting new people so if you ever want to chat...hit me up!!

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Hi bluecollargirlie, There are a lot of people on different lists and the best part is that there are more people in your age range than mine. I wish you many blessings, hope and success in finding a mate.

Jen

First of all, let me just say how happy I am to have found this group. I'm relieved to know that I'm not the only one out there with this preference.

I'm a 31 year old female living in Matawan, New Jersey. I was wondering if there are any people that meet up in the NYC/NJ area (I'll even consider PA and CT) and engage in group activities (dinner, drinks, museums) every once in a while. I would love to be able to meet people that I can relate to.

I'm still trying to come to terms with being an asexual person. This society puts so much emphasis and importance on sex, so this isn't easy for me. I WANT to want sex, but it just doesn't happen. Nothing turns me on. I am extremely attracted to men, but not in a sexual way ... does that make sense at all? I love affection, I love a warm body wrapped around me while I sleep, I love hugs and kisses ... but the thought of sex does not turn me on. In the past, when I've had boyfriends, I'd pretend to like sex, just for the sake of saving the relationship. But now I realize ... how is that fair? It's not fair to me because I am allowing someone to do something to me that I loathe. It's not fair to him because he deserves a woman that can be honest about her feelings.

So here I am ... sexless, partnerless, and lonely. I do go on dates, but I don't know why I bother because these meetings don't lead to anything more than kissing and cuddling on the couch. That's fine with me, but no testosterone-driven male is going to be patient with such an arrangement for long.

I guess what I'm saying is that I want a partner. I want to bond with a person and not feel like I have to have sex with them. Any nice males out there, 25 to 40 interested in meeting a funny, cute, nutty, Jersey girl? :-)

Hi Karin, I want to marry an Asexual. I think it's quite normal to be Asexual. I could not live in a sexualized marriage. I think I would end up arrested. ROFL

Jen

Hi,

I am 51, and finally trying to be true to myself. I find that I act how I think I should be. I'm married and I hate it. He feels he has certain rights over me, and I am not a normal woman. LOL, nothing normal about me, thank you!

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Can you please take me off this email list

Thank you

Hi Karin, I want to marry an Asexual. I think it's quite normal to be Asexual. I could not live in a sexualized marriage. I think I would end up arrested. ROFL

Jen

Hi,

I am 51, and finally trying to be true to myself. I find that I act how I think I should be. I'm married and I hate it. He feels he has certain rights over me, and I am not a normal woman. LOL, nothing normal about me, thank you!

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i think you have to do that yourself hun, try aven (www.asexuality.org) they are a bigger group and have some more mature members. TTFN Renee'

Can you please take me off this email list

Thank you

Hi Karin, I want to marry an Asexual. I think it's quite normal to be Asexual. I could not live in a sexualized marriage. I think I would end up arrested. ROFL

Jen

Hi,

I am 51, and finally trying to be true to myself. I find that I act how I think I should be. I'm married and I hate it. He feels he has certain rights over me, and I am not a normal woman. LOL, nothing normal about me, thank you!

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Hi everybody! I am girl from Finland. I am asexual( of course in this website. Do you believe there is true love in this humans world or am I living for nothing good?

Hi Mike, You have to go to your YAHOO groups controls, and where it says Manage, well click on that and then under options, opt to read the messages on the site (not forward to your email address) Hope that helps.

--- In [email protected], mike larceny

Can you please take me off this email list

Thank you

J Noble said:

Hi Karin, I want to marry an Asexual. I think it's quite normal to be Asexual. I could not live in a sexualized marriage. I think I would end up arrested. ROFL

Jen

From

"Karin" <iamnotfiona@...>

To

<[email protected]>

Sent

Wednesday, February 22, 2006 4:26 PM

Subject

[Haven for the Human Amoeba] I think I am old

Hi,

I am 51, and finally trying to be true to myself. I find that I act how I think I should be. I'm married and I hate it. He feels he has certain rights over me, and I am not a normal woman. LOL, nothing normal about me, thank you!

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Just introducing myself...

I've thought I might be asexual for about about nine months now. I'm 17. I know a lot of people think you don't know your sexuality 'til later, but I honestly think I would have had some indication by now, were I sexual. I started and ended puberty very early (my consultant confirmed this for me) which means also my brain would have sexually matured early, which in turn should have made me experience sexual attraction before most others, not much later.

Don't know if people here use AVEN's old classification system, but I think I'm either Type A or Type C. I discovered my sex drive at about seven or eight years of age, and the thought or sight of people's bodies has never aroused it. I've never understood why people want to kiss, for example. I can understand intercourse, as just another physical way of getting pleasure, but if I'd never seen anyone kiss, it wouldn't naturally occur to me as a course of action. I suppose the pleasure in it is psychological, and bodies and interactions with them aren't psychological triggers of mine.

The reason I don't know if I'm type A or C is that I'm not entierely clear what is meant by romantic attraction. Was hoping that might be one of the things I could learn from here.

At my age, sex-related issues frequently feature in conversation, so it should be a nice change to be in the majority for once. I'm the only person I know at the moment who seems to find sexual relationships the least interesting subject going. Seems that most here are older and wiser than me too, which'll be nice.

Look forward to learning/discussing/sharing/lurking or whatever I end up doing here with you all [:)]

I know too even tough I am sixten. It feels that everyone else wants sex but I don`t..but I am glad there is some people like me.

Hello,

I simply want to tell that it's not easy to find a partner who is asexual. When I tell that I'm not interested in sex most of Women say that it's OK but they simply mean that they simply prefer to have sex only in a while. They are not asexual. I didn't found such a group here in Belgium. Have a nice day. Michael.

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Always, it seems, people want to define, categorize, pigeon-hole and classify sexual orientations and desires. I enjoy intellectual exercises as much as (or more than) the next person, but It is mostly a waste of time squabble over whether you is or you aint an asexual; whether celibacy is asexuality, etc.

Suppose that a "sexual" is someone who seeks sex. If a person does not seek sex seven days, 24 hours a day, is s/he a "sexual", in the purest sense of the word? Is such a person only a part-sexual or sometimes sexual? Is there really such a thing as a pure sexual?

Similarly, let us suppose that an "asexual" is someone who does not seek or desire sex. If a person does not seek sex seven days, 24 hours a day, is s/he an "asexual", in the purest sense of the word? Is such a person only a part-asexual or a sometimes asexual? Is there really such a thing as a pure asexual?

My simple definition---that applies for me---is that I do not desire intercourse, genital penetration of another, screwing, etc. I do not desire such activity period. I have not had such activity in circa 20 years. I will never have it in the future.

I do have an attraction for women. I do get erotically aroused. I do like cuddling, "petting" and and physical contact. Nevertheless, I no more want to have sex with a woman, than Arnie Schwartzenegger (sp?) wants to have sex with another man.

Hi everybody! I am girl from Finland. I am asexual( of course in this website. Do you believe there is true love in this humans world or am I living for nothing good?

Yes there is. At least I have seen it among couples.

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I went to put my gardening group on daily digest and lo and behold,I arrived here! I'm 53 and I've been celibate for the past 10 yrs. I love men and think their conversatiions are stellar. Maybe I'll get a good penpal from here...........Anybody ever heard of Saskatchhewan, Canada? It's snowing like mad today so I'm reaching out for human contact via the computer Take care all...........Carol

Ok. Thanks a lot for cheering me up

> Hi everybody! I am girl from Finland. I am asexual(

of course in this website. Do you believe there is true love in this humans world or am I living for nothing good?

Yes there is. At least I have seen it among couples.

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I'm looking for that special someone to make my life complete. Whether he's a he, she's a she, he wants to be a she, or she wants to be a he........lol Lets face it I HATE BEING ALONE..........:(

You should not waste your time looking for someone to complete you, feeling complete should come from within YOU!! Take this time that you are alone in life & do some soul searching within yourself. Surround yourself with positive people, do things that fullfill you, & be complete within, before searching for another human to do it for you. Good Luck, eventually, it will all come together.

I'm looking for that special someone to make my life complete. Whether he's a he, she's a she, he wants to be a she, or she wants to be a he........lol Lets face it I HATE BEING ALONE..........:(

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TIFFANY

Well, I am 23 yrs old, and I think that I am asexual. I feel no sexual desire toward no one. Neither do I feel attraction toward any sex (male/female). I have no desire of getting married in the future. I just dream of finding a guy best friend, who have my same condition and share as couples, but without sex, or those romanticism that could have....I am very confuse still, about this, but my desire doesn't have anything to do with sex, but to have a partner to share with...I am Spanish, Dominican, living in NJ haft of my life in this country actually, and I would accept any suggestion about asexuality because I am still about it...think u all...!

So do I...it is so boring and it brokes me slowly...at least it feels like it

I'm looking for that special someone to make my life complete. Whether he's a he, she's a she, he wants to be a she, or she wants to be a he........lol Lets face it I HATE BEING ALONE..........:(

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Ok thanks for advice. But I don`t really have even friends except couple of living so far I can`t see the...well I just have to go on..alone (maybe little bit pitiful but I am who I am)

You should not waste your time looking for someone to complete you, feeling complete should come from within YOU!! Take this time that you are alone in life & do some soul searching within yourself. Surround yourself with positive people, do things that fullfill you, & be complete within, before searching for another human to do it for you. Good Luck, eventually, it will all come together.

I'm looking for that special someone to make my life complete. Whether he's a he, she's a she, he wants to be a she, or she wants to be a he........lol Lets face it I HATE BEING ALONE..........:(

TIFFANY

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I live in the MD/DC area and have posted before about liking cerebral stimulation rather than physical. I am eager to meet others who are into cerebral, psychological stimulation. I used to actually visit chatrooms and engaged in online relationships with women that were more meaningful than real life situations. It made me realized that I could be in love with someone I never met physically, and desire someone but only for the psychological and mental stimulation I was receiving. I long to have such a relationship again. The feelings I felt seemed so deep for my online partner that I did want to go further but accepted that online probably worked much better for us. I have even had higher quality relationships with men. I don't feel as pressured, I know I can back away anytime I want. I know a lot of people feel that online relationships are not healthy, or that the people involve are out of touch with reality. That could be true to a degree. But I have to admit I actually felt whole again, and really enjoyed time spent. I decided to back off for a while from my online life cause my offline life needed more tending to, and I was getting bored/burntout. I am thinking about trying it again though. So give me a shout-out if you have had similar experiences or just want to comment on what I've wrote.

An Amoeba Waiting To Happen

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