Haven for the Human Amoeba

I came here to understand. Not to be convinced, but understand why you think it is normal and how you think it is not affecting you or others.

Sorry, but it appears to me that you came here with--or possibly adopted, at some point after coming here--some agenda to convince *us* that we are *not* normal and that our natural way of being is pathological. It certainly does not appear to me that you are very open to understanding. If you want to understand someone whose experience is significantly different from your own, then you need to be able to step outside your own experience and acknowledge simply *that* the other person is not "like you," before you can have any hope of understanding *how* xe's not like you.

So what are you getting out of coming into our space and telling us that we are abnormal, ill, damaged, and harming ourselves? What's it do for you? You aren't likely to convince anyone here, because we *know* what it's really like to be asexual, and we *know* that it isn't at all the way you're portraying it. But even if you did manage to convince someone here--suppose that I would read one of your messages and say, "Wow, in all my 44 years of life, in all my very meaningful relationships, in all my study and research, in all my communications with other asexual people as well as with sexual people, in all that, I just never realized before what VLB has just made clear to me! Yes, I'm damaged, I'm ill, my life is incomplete! I get it now! I need to have sex! Then my life will be so much better!"--even if you could convince me of that, what difference would it make to *you* with *your* partner?

What are you getting out of this?

Jim Sinclair jisincla@... www.jimsinclair.org

Hi Jim

You are talking with somebody that is very hurted by your concept. In a sexual world, you cannot expect that your ideas are just easy to be accepted. I do hope to interact with people that are confused about their own sexuality, on my side, I was taken by that and lost myself on the way . If I do touch somebody here, some teenager, lonely, or dispaired, I will get an imensous reward , just for dismistify what this cold culture of ours are doing to our psyches. Sex is life. What I'm saying here in fact , is to myself first. I'm also listening to all of you, do not think I'm stuburn, I'm not. Knowing ourselves is the most important thing, I'm also asking how and why I got into this mess, and when this feeling of lost of time that I cannot recover is going away?? and so many more things... I've been a target here, to enter in your sacred place, and just break all your bottles. I don't mind. Your concept is killing me also. This is having a repercussion.

I came here to understand. Not to be convinced, but understand why you think it is normal and how you think it is not affecting you or others.

Sorry, but it appears to me that you came here with--or possibly adopted, at some point after coming here--some agenda to convince *us* that we are *not* normal and that our natural way of being is pathological. It certainly does not appear to me that you are very open to understanding. If you want to understand someone whose experience is significantly different from your own, then you need to be able to step outside your own experience and acknowledge simply *that* the other person is not "like you," before you can have any hope of understanding *how* xe's not like you.

So what are you getting out of coming into our space and telling us that we are abnormal, ill, damaged, and harming ourselves? What's it do for you? You aren't likely to convince anyone here, because we *know* what it's really like to be asexual, and we *know* that it isn't at all the way you're portraying it. But even if you did manage to convince someone here--suppose that I would read one of your messages and say, "Wow, in all my 44 years of life, in all my very meaningful relationships, in all my study and research, in all my communications with other asexual people as well as with sexual people, in all that, I just never realized before what VLB has just made clear to me! Yes, I'm damaged, I'm ill, my life is incomplete! I get it now! I need to have sex! Then my life will be so much better!"--even if you could convince me of that, what difference would it make to *you* with *your* partner?

What are you getting out of this?

Jim Sinclair jisincla@... www.jimsinclair.org

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Sorry Art, was not my intention really.

Thanks again for your suggestions. Later I will explain will not work, it is not for the last 16 yrs, and will be more pain to leave him. I do really love him, and what you called sacrifice and see as dysfunction relationship.

Best Regards VLB

You say you do not want to insult. Yet there you go again. I was very much inlove with my last two 'partners'. But in the end we came to the same conclusion; we were not sexally compatable. This was all before I knew asexuality existed as an orientation. Now that I know I am not alone in how I feel a new sence of belonging. A new contemtmemt. A new happiness. My last boyfriend and I are still very close. He is the one who introduced me to the fact that there were many many others out there like myself. My head in the ground? Are you assuming I have never been given the chance to experence this...coupling of bodies? Believe me, I have. But I did not -want- to do 'it'. It does not feel right to me. Such as sex with the same gender does not feel right to a hetrosexual. Or vise-versa. I have engaged in, and enjoyed, what you would call forplay. But it did not go beyond that. I do not wish to go into any further detail on the subject. I hope there is no 'bad blood' between us. I do not enjoy arguing, or belittling. I have said my piece. I hope I have gotten my side accross.

Communication. Calm comunication, is the key. That and trusting the one you love. Speak to him again about this, but reasure him about how you feel about him. I wish you both well.

Still Art, if you asking me to not be closed to this concept, try not to be also about what is heppenning to you.

Sexuality is a big part of our emotional life. If you are comfortable with that fine, but do not let fear of exploring interfere with your grow. Nobody is asexual per se. We are all sexual beings.

I like the metaphors. Mine is that: There is a goose with the neck stuck in the ground. He cannot look around and the only thing that he can sees is the darkness so he thinks that is all that there is to be seen.

artcatuk said:

It is not fear that has lead me to realize what I am. I have always felt this way. As for young, I am flattered. Actually I turn 25 this year. Even if there were no risks involved in the act of sex, I would not wish to partake in it. I can not understand what is so hard about that concept to grasp. I understand the thrill some get from say.... skydiving. I might even wonder how it feels to free-fall like that with the reasuring knowledge that the parachoute will help me land safely. The adrenalyn rush must be unbelievable! But I would never wish to do it. I would be physicly capable of it, yes. But I never wish to try it.

Verylost Baby said:

I do not want to insult, but we see things 360o ...

If I insult by saying what I think, it is for you to think why sounds an insult to you...

You said one thing that I realized already: fear.

Your "syndrome" has fear involved. Do you have many of them??

Why is important to you to avoid diseases, I mean, of course nobody wants that, but there are ways and ways to avoid it. What you personally are afraid of??

You started not to want to have sex because of fear of being sick, contracting AIDS or something?

Do you see that your mind is not separated from your body??

You are very young, not to want to express yourself sexually.

Why this is so damned wrong, ugly , bad, how come you get these feelings?

Love has no bounderies...Of course you get excited, and then, what you do?? Where goes your desires??

The relationship with my partner is a sick one, I told you already, I'm sick too. I can see that.

And you , can see that asexuality is just a word and in fact we are sexual beings??

VLB

artcatuk said:

I hope you are not intentionally insulting asexuals. How are we harming our bodies exactly? Surely it is the act of sex itself that causes more harm than good. Without engaging in that act the risk of contracting STDs is zero. The risk of 'tearing' down there is near zero. Our minds still get stimulated, but by things that are not sexual. Many of us (I include myself) are able to feel very deeply romanticly attracted to another. Simply...without there being any sex involved. So long as both involved understand the bounderies before the ralationship goes too far I see no harm being done.

Is the relationship you have with your partner not worth the sacrifice? That is not for me to judge. Just as it is not for you to judge how others feel and live thier lives.

verylostbaby said:

I do not want to be harsh, it is difficult for me to be in the relationship that I am for so long and have to read that it is just the way it is. I have to accept or leave him. I came here to understand. Not to be convinced, but understand why you think it is normal and how you think it is not affecting you or others. Harsh is to say to you the very truth, that maybe some studies can corroborate ( I did not research this yet) , that someway somehow, your response to the word is radical, definitive, and final, and you are doing more harm than good to your body. Your mind is the key , of course, and everybody is diferent, but what you have in common is getting you apart from the world, your disease is bitter cold and I really feel for you. Without accepting this, I'm being abstinent for the past years, and confused, it is not enough to have a wonderful partner without kisses, hugs, romance, sex and the whole deal. This does not make me less or more than anybody, just human. Best of luck to us all. VLB

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In a message dated 3/13/2006 11:01:15 P.M. Eastern Standard Time, jeshurritto@... writes:

Hey there, I'm one of the mods on AVEN so perhaps I can help-- I'll let DJ know about the problem with image confirmation. There's a chatroom at Dykal: _www.dykal.net_ (http://www.dykal.net/) but it's not used too frequently.

We have meetups every once in a while, especially in the NJ/NY area (which is where I am, too) because we've got a solid group of people here. Some of us will be at Rutgers on Thursday the 23rd, I'll get a link to the thread if you like. :)

-Jesh

Dear Jesh:

Thank you SO much for responding! And could you please send me the thread for the Rutgers event? I'd be very grateful! Thanks again.

For Them, Just Saying No Is Easy

By MARY DUENWALD

Published: June 9, 2005

BIRDS do it, bees do it. But not necessarily all of them. Among bees the sisters of queens do not engage in sex. And in certain species of birds - Florida scrub jays, for one - some individuals, known as helpers, do not breed but only help the breeders raise their offspring.

Skip to next paragraph Randi Lynn Beach for The New York Times WHERE TO FIT? Asexuals want relationships, says David Jay of the Asexual Visibility Network.

Ian Jackson for The New York Times NOT INTERESTED: Cijay Morgan doesn't want to have her asexuality fixed.

Read this complete article here: http://www.nytimes.com/2005/06/09/fashion/thursdaystyles/09asexual.html?pagewanted=1&ei=5088&en=520063b1b0fd9ad7&ex=1275969600&partner=rssnyt&emc=rss

Lack of sexual interest

Dear Annie: My husband, "Ted," and I are having a serious problem. Ted never touches or kisses me. We had sex only twice last year, and both of those times happened when we were away on vacation.

"Ted" is a healthy 42-year-old man who would rather have sex with himself than with me. I have asked him if he was having an affair. He said no. I asked him if he was just trying to drive me to get a divorce. He said he doesn't want a divorce. One day, I phoned him at work and said I missed him. He said he missed me, too, and that we would get together that night. At 7 p.m., I suggestively told him, "I'm going into the bedroom now." I waited two hours. When Ted finally came up, he was carrying the newspaper. He said, "I thought I'd read for a while." Since then, he has slept in the guest room. We've gone for marriage counseling in the past, but it hasn't worked. I am currently seeing a counselor alone because of the depression and loneliness. I am an attractive woman in my 40s, and I don't understand this. If I don't have sex soon, I'm going to explode. What are my options? -- Significantly Not Getting Any in Central Alabama Dear Alabama: You could try taking more vacations, but that doesn't seem practical. Ted apparently is not asexual, since he is having sex -- although not with you. You asked him if he was having an affair, but you didn't ask if he was gay, looking at pornography or sexually interested in something other than adult females, any of which could explain his lack of interest in you. Ask your husband to try counseling again, but if he refuses, or if it doesn't help, you need to decide whether you want to continue like this, finding sexual release some other way. The counselor you are currently seeing should help you work through your choices.

Copyright 2001 ~ 2005 Herald Media INC. http://www.koreaherald.co.kr/SITE/data/html_dir/2006/03/09/200603090027.asp

Ok let's put in this way...Asexuality is a word. Created by culture. If we are here now talking through these screens is because of the same thing you are denying...sex, withouth it no evolutive process no humanity , no culture or anything...Am I just crazy here or this makes sense to you???

You need an education about SCIENCE, lost woman. Because you are ignorant and need to learn.

Anyway, the discussion isn't about us, it's about you talking to your man by talking to us. But it's not going to work because we're not your husband. So go talk to HIM, he's the one on your mind, not us.

And stop bothering people here who aren't in your life and don't want to be. You don't belong here, you are just a TROLL.

Therese Shellabarger - Civis Mundi - tlshell@...

This poem was written by a sexual person, who was in a non-sexual intimate relationship with an asexual person (me). Shared with permission of the author:

The brave ones ask directly, "But what do you *do* together? I mean, you know, sexually?" The shy ones pretend we aren't there and chatter when we leave "Well," they speculate, "What do you think they do together? I mean, you know, sexually?"

Either way, I respond with kindness; they don't know that the questions show lack and limitations in their own lives.

They assume that two people so loving must make love - and of course we do - but not in any of the ways expected by those who ask, "What do you do together? I mean, you know, sexually?"

The really brave ones with no sense of privacy ask "Well, do you do anything, you know, genitally?"

The worst ones, though, ask, "Isn't it sad that you can't make love?"

Sometimes I want to laugh. Usually I want to rant.

What's sad is that they pry without understanding

It's so redundant.

Again and again I say - insofar as making love loving very intensely touching very deeply - We do. As for sex - We don't.

We touch each other in ways that are meaningful to us.

And to the ones who cluck in sympathy, I have nothing more to say.

Written by Kiesa Kay

Jim Sinclair jisincla@... www.jimsinclair.org

We have meetups every once in a while, especially in the NJ/NY area

Ever anywhere remotely near upstate NY?

Jim Sinclair jisincla@... www.jimsinclair.org

Welcome :) I class myself as an asexual. Though your deffinition seems very accurate to some (yes there are people on AVEN who can tick all those boxes) you don't seem to realize the VAST grey area surrounding this. I can tick all, BUT the romantic part, and to an extent the kissing. I hate using anything more than the lips, but it's still kissing for one's lips to touch the skin or lips of another. So say none of us experiance romantic attraction is the very statement that attracts so much predjudice and misunderstanding. As for the bi/hetro/homo part, some are ROMANTICLY attracted to both genders, or just one gender. Open your mind. We are all different. What would YOU call those asexuals who still DO feel romantic attraction but NOT sexual? NEVER wanting to engage in sex with ANYONE. I am very curious to know. All that said, welcome again. :)

Hi, I am 21 year old male living in a dump people call Georgia (I am really a New Yorker, but I moved to this dump about two years ago). I am nonlibidoist, and to those who go to the asexuality.org (the Aven group), I would like to say that I do not believe in the following definition of a nonlidoist( same as asexual): "A sexual person is someone who does not experience sexual attraction." I think it's more than that. No sexual fantasies, no sexual drive, no sexual attraction, not into romantic relationships, no kissing, no masturbation ("Masturbater aka Solo Sexual"), none of that. I do not believe in bi-asexual or homo-asexual. It does not exist. Anyway, I hope I will be able to meet people here. ARE THERE EVER PEOPLE IN THE CHAT ROOM? THAT'S very important to me.

True. Some do engage in the act. But as a compramise: A way of staying with and pleasing the one they love, if he/she is sexual and finds it too hard to be the one to make the sacrifice.

I can't find my post I wrote two hours ago, so I will post again. Hi, I am a 21 year old male who is nonlibidoist(asexual). I do not believe in bi-asexual or homo-asexual and believe that in order to be completely asexual, one must not have a sexual drive, sexual fantasy, sexual arousal, sexual attraction, no romantic relationships and, especially, must not masturbation ("Masturbator aka Solo Sexual"). Anyone can come here and say he or she is an asexual, but does it neccessarily mean that person is? Anyway, I have noticed that sign with an X on the word sex on homepage. Yeah, I also belive an asexual does not have sex. However, even though some "asexuals" have sex, they still consider themselves asexuals. Doesn't make sense at all. I hope to meet people here. I hope the chat room works.

Thanks

Ok this has definitely got to stop. I enjoy reading the articles and contributions that I get from Haven for the Human Amoeba but occassionally we do get a troll in our group.

Lets not kid oursevles Verylost Baby is a troll. What kind of job or social life does she have if she is able to respond to posts almost immediately and I have counted she has posted ten just today.

Blaming asexuals for why your relationship doesn't work is immature and all it shows is that you are good at deflecting the blame. If you want to have sex what is stopping you? Why don't you talk to your partner about this problem rather than ramble on with this proganda about how asexuality is against nature? If that doesn't work then you need to get out of this relationship while you still can. Of course breaking up is hard but staying in a relationship that isn't working is worse in the long term (that is just common sense). However I don't think that is your problem at all I think even if you were in a healthy and sexually active relationship you would still be unhappy and be out there making life miserable for some group of people who you could target for why your life is messed up.

For the most part I was amused by your antics since your words fell on deaf ears but now after having my mail box filled with your self important opinions and dollar store philosophy I am irritated enough to respond to your posts. I don't know how you have come to the conclusion that asexuality is associated with mental illness. I think its about time we got some proof rather than opinions. Charles Guiteau was part of a sex cult and he assasinated President Garfield and almost every serial killer in history from Ted Bundy to John Gacy killed for sexual pleasure. Couldn't I make the case that sexuality leads to mental illness and violent behavior and have a better leg to stand on than you since I have made a few factual examples?

It doesn't matter since you have already made up your mind and you can't change a person's thinking from a debate anyways. I am even going against the best policy for weeding out trolls which is to just ignore them and they will eventually get bored and go away so this is my last response to this topic.

(formerly Evergreen7734 on AVEN)

Sorry Art, was not my intention really.

Thanks again for your suggestions. Later I will explain will not work, it is not for the last 16 yrs, and will be more pain to leave him. I do really love him, and what you called sacrifice and see as dysfunction relationship.

Best Regards VLB

You say you do not want to insult. Yet there you go again. I was very much inlove with my last two 'partners'. But in the end we came to the same conclusion; we were not sexally compatable. This was all before I knew asexuality existed as an orientation. Now that I know I am not alone in how I feel a new sence of belonging. A new contemtmemt. A new happiness. My last boyfriend and I are still very close. He is the one who introduced me to the fact that there were many many others out there like myself. My head in the ground? Are you assuming I have never been given the chance to experence this...coupling of bodies? Believe me, I have. But I did not -want- to do 'it'. It does not feel right to me. Such as sex with the same gender does not feel right to a hetrosexual. Or vise-versa. I have engaged in, and enjoyed, what you would call forplay. But it did not go beyond that. I do not wish to go into any further detail on the subject. I hope there is no 'bad blood' between us. I do not enjoy arguing, or belittling. I have said my piece. I hope I have gotten my side accross.

Communication. Calm comunication, is the key. That and trusting the one you love. Speak to him again about this, but reasure him about how you feel about him. I wish you both well.

Still Art, if you asking me to not be closed to this concept, try not to be also about what is heppenning to you.

Sexuality is a big part of our emotional life. If you are comfortable with that fine, but do not let fear of exploring interfere with your grow. Nobody is asexual per se. We are all sexual beings.

I like the metaphors. Mine is that: There is a goose with the neck stuck in the ground. He cannot look around and the only thing that he can sees is the darkness so he thinks that is all that there is to be seen.

artcatuk said:

It is not fear that has lead me to realize what I am. I have always felt this way. As for young, I am flattered. Actually I turn 25 this year. Even if there were no risks involved in the act of sex, I would not wish to partake in it. I can not understand what is so hard about that concept to grasp. I understand the thrill some get from say.... skydiving. I might even wonder how it feels to free-fall like that with the reasuring knowledge that the parachoute will help me land safely. The adrenalyn rush must be unbelievable! But I would never wish to do it. I would be physicly capable of it, yes. But I never wish to try it.

Verylost Baby said:

I do not want to insult, but we see things 360o ...

If I insult by saying what I think, it is for you to think why sounds an insult to you...

You said one thing that I realized already: fear.

Your "syndrome" has fear involved. Do you have many of them??

Why is important to you to avoid diseases, I mean, of course nobody wants that, but there are ways and ways to avoid it. What you personally are afraid of??

You started not to want to have sex because of fear of being sick, contracting AIDS or something?

Do you see that your mind is not separated from your body??

You are very young, not to want to express yourself sexually.

Why this is so damned wrong, ugly , bad, how come you get these feelings?

Love has no bounderies...Of course you get excited, and then, what you do?? Where goes your desires??

The relationship with my partner is a sick one, I told you already, I'm sick too. I can see that.

And you , can see that asexuality is just a word and in fact we are sexual beings??

VLB

artcatuk said:

I hope you are not intentionally insulting asexuals. How are we harming our bodies exactly? Surely it is the act of sex itself that causes more harm than good. Without engaging in that act the risk of contracting STDs is zero. The risk of 'tearing' down there is near zero. Our minds still get stimulated, but by things that are not sexual. Many of us (I include myself) are able to feel very deeply romanticly attracted to another. Simply...without there being any sex involved. So long as both involved understand the bounderies before the ralationship goes too far I see no harm being done.

Is the relationship you have with your partner not worth the sacrifice? That is not for me to judge. Just as it is not for you to judge how others feel and live thier lives.

verylostbaby said:

I do not want to be harsh, it is difficult for me to be in the relationship that I am for so long and have to read that it is just the way it is. I have to accept or leave him. I came here to understand. Not to be convinced, but understand why you think it is normal and how you think it is not affecting you or others. Harsh is to say to you the very truth, that maybe some studies can corroborate ( I did not research this yet) , that someway somehow, your response to the word is radical, definitive, and final, and you are doing more harm than good to your body. Your mind is the key , of course, and everybody is diferent, but what you have in common is getting you apart from the world, your disease is bitter cold and I really feel for you. Without accepting this, I'm being abstinent for the past years, and confused, it is not enough to have a wonderful partner without kisses, hugs, romance, sex and the whole deal. This does not make me less or more than anybody, just human. Best of luck to us all. VLB

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I would like to say that I do not believe in the following definition of a nonlidoist( same as asexual): "A sexual person is someone who does not experience sexual attraction." I think it's more than that. No sexual fantasies, no sexual drive, no sexual attraction, not into romantic relationships, no kissing, no masturbation ("Masturbater aka Solo Sexual"), none of that. This isn't some kind of religion open only to 'pure' asexuals; the 'no sexual attraction' definition is just a more useful one than yours.

Take me; I'm a 47 year old male virgin, and I've never felt any desire to have sex with anyone. I've felt like an alien among humans, and it was a revelation to me to read about asexuality and know that there are other people who are similar to me in that way. I like having people who can understand and share my experiences, and perhaps this is a way to meet someone I could spend time with who would also want the kind of totally platonic involvement I would.

But I do in fact sexually fantasize and masturbate. I don't want anything I'd fantasize to ever be real, the whole thing is purely solitary for me; in terms of how I relate to people, how it's affected my life, my orientation is asexual. And I certainly wouldn't want the people who I've finally found who share that with me, to throw me out just because I don't fit someone's concept of 'true' asexuality.

There are at least a few asexual rams

Of course I'm in the wrong place, but you cannot say that I do not have a right to be here, remember , I do not have sex for the last 06 years, and for the 10 years left, very little. I'm maybe in the other side of your safe world, I represent the ones you damage, you hurt on the way, (I do not mean you "you", but you asexual said people).

So now , if I cannot understand your ways, you are saying that you are ok., the problem should be me , the whole asexual world, including this nwgrp is well and truly centered (God help us now) I'm the one is not allright...that is what you are saying??? That is my problem now: Some others like me are maybe here watching and wondering how they got to love a low drive, asexual, dysfunction person and how they can help. It is also my problem when I see escapism, instead of straight answer to questions posted.

I still want to know which two animals are those, the asexual ones...

what are you doing here??? You have big problems can`t you see them?

Hi iillina:

First, I do not think that supressing a natural instinct is such a pleasure. Those ideas contradict themselves. We are animals, social animals but still , hormone oriented, not only to sex and procriate, but to all emotions and afections, denying that is denying life itself. Avoiding contact with another being is a response to the world of your conflicted mind. Your body is just the receptor of whatever is going on with your self, this is so not compatible with the lame theory that : "we are just diferent: . You are not diferent, you are the same, biological, social, fisiologically, the diference in you is this place that you found to hide your emotions, to say to the world, " I DO NOT HAVE A PROBLEM, I'M JUST DIFERENT"

For me is "just nor enough" of a explanation. That you do not feel desires, romanticism, arousals, and are denying ultimely ORGASM, I know already, I live with one of you, but say that this is healthy, it is a completely diferent thing. and if it is not healthy it is sickness.

Even the way you mention sex (the stick in a whole) , a poor comparison, says to me that the way you see it, a mecanic act, and that is what I try to understand here, why you people hide your emotions, how you see the sexual act, I'm puzzled by this idea day by day...

I live with a wonderful guy that is sick, and I cannot just abandon him to some other partner, it is like if he had cancer or any other disease, he needs me now.

Really curios now about these two animals that you'd mention, how they get here through the evolutive chain??? By insemination? Which animals are that??

VLB

Verylost, there are a few things you need to realise. Asexuals are out there, simply because you're writing to quite a few of them right now, there are quite a few more at AVEN and whenever I publish my Israeli Asex forum anywhere, at least 1-2 new people join and say "hey, I'm not alone! I want to join your community!" and we're talking about Israeli people here, we have a small population.

Second, asexuality is not a disorder, because a disorder is a situation where a person suffers. If a person suffers then they might have something called HSDD or another disorder, and should see a doctor about that. But we don't.

It's not that we're missing something. Try to talk to a straight man about guys as lovers. He'll tell you one of the following: a. guys don't interest me sexually, I'm straight. b. sex with guys is repulsive for me, personally, because I'm straight. An asexual man would say similar things as the straight man, but he'd say the same things about girls as well. All this only refers to the sexual part - as you have already seen, asexuals do often seek romantic relationships.

Now: I think, like the others, that it's very sad when someone defines their relationship using the ritual of putting a stick in a hole. As joyful and passionate as that may be to you, it's a physical "game". You don't live with someone for their sexual organs, you live with them because they're wonderfun human beings and you want them to be happy. Well, your partner is happy that way and you should be happy for him! Bringing stress into his life by demanding something that he doesn't like or making him feel like he's sick just because he's content with his life defies the principle that you want him to be happy.

If you truly can't live with that, then the whole deal was never real and you should separate. If you trust each other VERY much, you can go and have sex with other people, with his agreement. Some couples do that, even sexual ones. There are also products that you can buy that will help you get satisfied by yourself. If he's willing to have sex with you rarely, that might be the best deal. Both of you give up a bit for the other. But be prepared to have very few of it, and that your partner won't enjoy it.

Good luck with your relationship.

p.s. you say that we were made to procreate by nature. Nature also made us hunters that don't have computers or tvs or showers or microwave ovens. We grew up since then, and now we can be what we want, not what nature supposedly wanted us to be a million years ago. By the way, research in some species of animals (at least 2) showed that there are asexual animals as well.

On 3/12/06, Verylost Baby < verylostbaby@...> wrote: I do love someone that is different than me, that is sick and does not know it.

This whole asexual thing is ok, can be, for you people who are happy being who you are, without having fluids exchanges of any sort with another human being, without making others suffers because of your choice and so on...

Live and let the others live...

I'm here not to make a point, I'm here because, this perverted idea is my reality, every day, I wait for a change in our relationship, and no way out... Everything else is fine, we manage our lives in such a way that I could not ask for anybody else but him, but why has to be without sex???

I do just think that many of you, a majority, is not asexual per se, there is no such a thing, we were genetically made to procriate and mate, if our psyches says NO, please does not blame nature, but society...

I do accept asexual people, I do not accept this concept that it is natural, nature way (of what????) some people are just diferent ....Many of you are not happy, many like the 23yrs old girl can be convinced that she was born like that (lol) when something could be wrong with her in another level...

Asexuality is not normal or natural. (PERIOD)

artcatuk <catoncanvas@... > wrote:

You are just afraid of anyone who is different to you. Many of us have had our hormones checked, and the results have come back 'normal'. Yet we still desire to NOT have sex. It is just the way we are. Try opening your mind to the possability that other people are DIFFERENT to you, and to eachother. I am perfectly happy being asexual. IF it is caused by some imbalance in MY hormone levels, I do not wish to have them 'corrected'. The thought of myself engaging in such an act sickens me. But I do not in any way look down on my sexual friends. They are all very prescious to me. They understand and accept me for who I am, and never try to change me.

Well...that's my 'two cents'. I hope you and your partner can come to some understanding.

*Edit - Had recent blood-test results back. All normal.*

--- In [email protected] , Verylost Baby

People sometimes cannot face their own demons...Also hormonal deficiencies can cause lost of libido, as well as hypertension, and many other ailments. All sickness.

Kate Haws said:

Asexuality is not sickness. I don`t like that idea. You should maybe change partner if the relationship is not enough for you. In fact I think myself that it is nature`s way to decrease human amount

Verylost Baby said:

Hi Anell:

I think we are in a reversal paralell, I have this assexual partner for 16 yrs , that seems to be happy being like that and making my life miserable for so many years... I'm brazilian and really confused about how to escape of this cage that I found myself in, since I do love him in so many ways... we do not have sex for the last 6 years, and I hate this assexual concept , just think that people who doesn't know themselves , escape to this "theory". We all have libido, if it does not manifest it is a disfunction of some kind... I was very sexual active before we met, now I think I'm also sick, not just him.

anell_olivia said:

Well, I am 23 yrs old, and I think that I am asexual. I feel no sexual desire toward no one. Neither do I feel attraction toward any sex (male/female). I have no desire of getting married in the future. I just dream of finding a guy best friend, who have my same condition and share as couples, but without sex, or those romanticism that could have....I am very confuse still, about this, but my desire doesn't have anything to do with sex, but to have a partner to share with...I am Spanish, Dominican, living in NJ haft of my life in this country actually, and I would accept any suggestion about asexuality because I am still about it...think u all...!

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Hi Amber, I understand exactly what you are saying. I have a good friendship with my co-worker who has become asexual later in life. We do work together and do some activities together. We also take care of one another when one of us is ill. We laugh so hard we are just down right ugly. Prior to this friendship I felt desperately lonely.

Going to activities is helpful but all of the activities, things and money is not enough for me. I want a human connection. I have a strong connection with my mother and of course this is not the only connection I want. I have a very good friend from the internet who I have not yet met. At one time I had a love affair on the internet that lasted several years. It was very fulfilling and yet, I wanted it to be in my life beyond the internet. I wanted someone to go to the park with me, to dinner, exercise, hike or whatever.

Jen

I'm looking for that special someone to make my life complete. Whether he's a he, she's a she, he wants to be a she, or she wants to be a he........lol Lets face it I HATE BEING ALONE..........:(

Hi Carol, I'm from California, USA and have been celibate most of my life. I am 49 years old until April.

I am considering some fruit gardening this year.

Jen

I went to put my gardening group on daily digest and lo and behold,I arrived here! I'm 53 and I've been celibate for the past 10 yrs. I love men and think their conversatiions are stellar. Maybe I'll get a good penpal from here...........Anybody ever heard of Saskatchhewan, Canada? It's snowing like mad today so I'm reaching out for human contact via the computer Take care all...........Carol

Yahoo! Groups Links

Hi Anell, I don't have attraction to either gender either. I have zero sexual interests. I've fallen in love with one woman and one man in my life but of course not sexually. The woman I fell in love with is from Dominica Republican but she wanted to be sexual so this did not work out. She now lives in New York and cannot accept a non-sexual relationship so we don't so much as chat anymore because it makes her angry with me. I think it's sad but that's the way it is. She is my age. The man I fell in love with is from Yugoslavia and is also my age but he later changed and wanted a sexual relationship too. I don't talk to him anymore either, mostly because he seemed fixated on sexual conversation.

You are a very young woman and I do hope you find someone who is a good connection for you and is fulfilling. Jen

Well, I am 23 yrs old, and I think that I am asexual. I feel no sexual desire toward no one. Neither do I feel attraction toward any sex (male/female). I have no desire of getting married in the future. I just dream of finding a guy best friend, who have my same condition and share as couples, but without sex, or those romanticism that could have....I am very confuse still, about this, but my desire doesn't have anything to do with sex, but to have a partner to share with...I am Spanish, Dominican, living in NJ haft of my life in this country actually, and I would accept any suggestion about asexuality because I am still about it...think u all...!

Hi Elizabeth, I like the cerebral contact too. I must say I like the emotional, spiritual and physical affection too. Affection is simply that, nothing even close to sexuality. I think both online and offline relationships can be wonderfully satisfying.

Jen

I live in the MD/DC area and have posted before about liking cerebral stimulation rather than physical. I am eager to meet others who are into cerebral, psychological stimulation. I used to actually visit chatrooms and engaged in online relationships with women that were more meaningful than real life situations. It made me realized that I could be in love with someone I never met physically, and desire someone but only for the psychological and mental stimulation I was receiving. I long to have such a relationship again. The feelings I felt seemed so deep for my online partner that I did want to go further but accepted that online probably worked much better for us. I have even had higher quality relationships with men. I don't feel as pressured, I know I can back away anytime I want. I know a lot of people feel that online relationships are not healthy, or that the people involve are out of touch with reality. That could be true to a degree. But I have to admit I actually felt whole again, and really enjoyed time spent. I decided to back off for a while from my online life cause my offline life needed more tending to, and I was getting bored/burntout. I am thinking about trying it again though. So give me a shout-out if you have had similar experiences or just want to comment on what I've wrote.

An Amoeba Waiting To Happen

It's not a sickness. People who want to pull down their pants and bump uglies have a very difficult time grasping a different way of living, thinking, feeling and accepting.

Jen

Asexuality is not sickness. I don`t like that idea. You should maybe change partner if the relationship is not enough for you. In fact I think myself that it is nature`s way to decrease human amount

Hi Anell:

I think we are in a reversal paralell, I have this assexual partner for 16 yrs , that seems to be happy being like that and making my life miserable for so many years... I'm brazilian and really confused about how to escape of this cage that I found myself in, since I do love him in so many ways... we do not have sex for the last 6 years, and I hate this assexual concept , just think that people who doesn't know themselves , escape to this "theory". We all have libido, if i! t does not manifest it is a disfunction of some kind... I was very sexual active before we met, now I think I'm also sick, not just him.

Well, I am 23 yrs old, and I think that I am asexual. I feel no sexual desire toward no one. Neither do I feel attraction toward any sex (male/female). I have no desire of getting married in the future. I just dream of finding a guy best friend, who have my same condition and share as couples, but without sex, or those romanticism that could have....I am very confuse still, about this, but my desire doesn't have anything to do with sex, but to have a partner to share with...I am Spanish, Dominican, living in NJ haft of my life in this country actually, and I wou! ld accept any suggestion about asexuality because I am still about it...think u all...!

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It has the name (verylost baby). Lost is correct, because you are so unfulfilled in life that you feel the need to come here to stir up arguments and insult people.

Ignore this butt hook.

Jen

I do love someone that is different than me, that is sick and does not know it.

This whole asexual thing is ok, can be, for you people who are happy being who you are, without having fluids exchanges of any sort with another human being, without making others suffers because of your choice and so on...

Live and let the others live...

I'm here not to make a point, I'm here because, this perverted idea is my reality, every day, I wait for a change in our relationship, and no way out... Everything else is fine, we manage our lives in such a way that I could not ask for anybody else but him, but why has to be without sex???

I do just think that many of you, a majority, is not asexual per se, there is no such a thing, we were genetically made to procriate and mate, if our psyches says NO, please does not blame nature, but society...

I do accept asexual people, I do not accept this concept that it is natural, nature way (of what????) some people are just diferent ....Many of you are not happy, many like the 23yrs old girl can be convinced that she was born like that (lol) when something could be wrong with her in another level...

Asexuality is not normal or natural. (PERIOD)

You are just afraid of anyone who is different to you. Many of us have had our hormones checked, and the results have come back 'normal'. Yet we still desire to NOT have sex. It is just the way we are. Try opening your mind to the possabi! lity that other people are DIFFERENT to you, and to eachother. I am perfectly happy being asexual. IF it is caused by some imbalance in MY hormone levels, I do not wish to have them 'corrected'. The thought of myself engaging in such an act sickens me. But I do not in any way look down on my sexual friends. They are all very prescious to me. They understand and accept me for who I am, and never try to change me.

Well...that's my 'two cents'. I hope you and your partner can come to some understanding.

*Edit - Had recent blood-test results back. All normal.*

People sometimes cannot face their own demons...Also hormonal deficiencies can cause lost of libido, as well as hypertension, and many other ailments. All sickness.

Kate Haws said:

Asexuality is not sickness. I don`t like that idea. You should maybe change partner if the relationship is not enough for you. In fact I think myself that it is nature`s way to decrease human amount

Verylost Baby said:

Hi Anell:

I think we are in a reversal paralell, I have this assexual partner for 16 yrs , that seems to be happy being like that and making my life miserable for so many years... I'm brazilian and really confused about how to escape of this cage that I found myself in, since I do love him in so many ways... we do not have sex for the last 6 years, and I hate this assexual concept , just think that people who doesn't know themselves , escape to this "theory". We all have libido, if it does not manifest it is a disfunction of some kind... I was very sexual active before we met, now I think I'm also sick, not just him.

anell_olivia said:

Well, I am 23 yrs old, and I think that I am asexual. I feel no sexual desire toward no one. Neither do I feel attraction toward any sex (male/female). I have no desire of getting married in the future. I just dream of finding a guy best friend, who have my same condition and share as couples, but without sex, or those romanticism that could have....I am very confuse still, about this, but my desire doesn't have anything to do with sex, but to have a partner to share with...I am Spanish, Dominican, living in NJ haft of my life in this country actually, and I would accept any suggestion about asexuality because I am still about it...think u all...!

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Whoohoo, I'm with ya.

Jen

Please correct me if I'm wrong, as I hate making faulse assumptions about people. And PLEASE don't take offence at what I say now. Are you one of these people who believes that the whole of what we are is our bodies? That our desisions and attitudes are just a series of chemical and elictrical inpulses? I certainly am not, personally. This is my body, yes. But it is not the whole of who I am. -I- do NOT want to EVER engage in intercourse (sorry if that word is offensive to anyone. I do not mean to cause any). My body does not control me. -I- control it's actions (externally if nothing else. Internally my body loves to cause me suffering. But that is another subject all together). -I- am the one who falls 'in live'. NOT my body. ...If that makes any sence. Sorry, I'm not verty litterate in explaining myself.

I am 24, been in 2 very loving relationships, and still never wanted to have the 'i' word with either of them. Love does NOT = sex, as far as I'm concerned. Just because the one you love does not want to have sex with you does NOT mean that they don't love you with all that they are. But I'm sure you already know that.

Good luck to the both of you. I mean that. :) 6 years?! Wow, you are very patiant. This is clearly something you feel worth the sacrifice. But I understand your frustrations. I'm sorry I can not be of any help.

Take some meds to lower or disolve your drive to bump uglies.

Jen

Verylost, there are a few things you need to realise. Asexuals are out there, simply because you're writing to quite a few of them right now, there are quite a few more at AVEN and whenever I publish my Israeli Asex forum anywhere, at least 1-2 new people join and say "hey, I'm not alone! I want to join your community!" and we're talking about Israeli people here, we have a small population.

Second, asexuality is not a disorder, because a disorder is a situation where a person suffers. If a person suffers then they might have something called HSDD or another disorder, and should see a doctor about that. But we don't.

It's not that we're missing something. Try to talk to a straight man about guys as lovers. He'll tell you one of the following: a. guys don't interest me sexually, I'm straight. b. sex with guys is repulsive for me, personally, because I'm straight. An asexual man would say similar things as the straight man, but he'd say the same things about girls as well. All this only refers to the sexual part - as you have already seen, asexuals do often seek romantic relationships.

Now: I think, like the others, that it's very sad when someone defines their relationship using the ritual of putting a stick in a hole. As joyful and passionate as that may be to you, it's a physical "game". You don't live with someone for their sexual organs, you live with them because they're wonderfun human beings and you want them to be happy. Well, your partner is happy that way and you should be happy for him! Bringing stress into his life by demanding something that he doesn't like or making him feel like he's sick just because he's content with his life defies the principle that you want him to be happy.

If you truly can't live with that, then the whole deal was never real and you should separate. If you trust each other VERY much, you can go and have sex with other people, with his agreement. Some couples do that, even sexual ones. There are also products that you can buy that will help you get satisfied by yourself. If he's willing to have sex with you rarely, that might be the best deal. Both of you give up a bit for the other. But be prepared to have very few of it, and that your partner won't enjoy it.

Good luck with your relationship.

p.s. you say that we were made to procreate by nature. Nature also made us hunters that don't have computers or tvs or showers or microwave ovens. We grew up since then, and now we can be what we want, not what nature supposedly wanted us to be a million years ago. By the way, research in some species of animals (at least 2) showed that there are asexual animals as well.

On 3/12/06, Verylost Baby < verylostbaby@...> wrote: I do love someone that is different than me, that is sick and does not know it.

This whole asexual thing is ok, can be, for you people who are happy being who you are, without having fluids exchanges of any sort with another human being, without making others suffers because of your choice and so on...

Live and let the others live...

I'm here not to make a point, I'm here because, this perverted idea is my reality, every day, I wait for a change in our relationship, and no way out... Everything else is fine, we manage our lives in such a way that I could not ask for anybody else but him, but why has to be without sex???

I do just think that many of you, a majority, is not asexual per se, there is no such a thing, we were genetically made to procriate and mate, if our psyches says NO, please does not blame nature, but society...

I do accept asexual people, I do not accept this concept that it is natural, nature way (of what????) some people are just diferent ....Many of you are not happy, many like the 23yrs old girl can be convinced that she was born like that (lol) when something could be wrong with her in another level...

Asexuality is not normal or natural. (PERIOD)

artcatuk <catoncanvas@... > wrote: You are just afraid of anyone who is different to you. Many of us have had our hormones checked, and the results have come back 'normal'. Yet we still desire to NOT have sex. It is just the way we are. Try opening your mind to the possability that other people are DIFFERENT to you, and to eachother. I am perfectly happy being asexual. IF it is caused by some imbalance in MY hormone levels, I do not wish to have them 'corrected'. The thought of myself engaging in such an act sickens me. But I do not in any way look down on my sexual friends. They are all very prescious to me. They understand and accept me for who I am, and never try to change me.

Well...that's my 'two cents'. I hope you and your partner can come to some understanding.

*Edit - Had recent blood-test results back. All normal.*

--- In [email protected] , Verylost Baby

People sometimes cannot face their own demons...Also hormonal deficiencies can cause lost of libido, as well as hypertension, and many other ailments. All sickness.

Kate Haws said:

Asexuality is not sickness. I don`t like that idea. You should maybe change partner if the relationship is not enough for you. In fact I think myself that it is nature`s way to decrease human amount

Verylost Baby said:

Hi Anell:

I think we are in a reversal paralell, I have this assexual partner for 16 yrs , that seems to be happy being like that and making my life miserable for so many years... I'm brazilian and really confused about how to escape of this cage that I found myself in, since I do love him in so many ways... we do not have sex for the last 6 years, and I hate this assexual concept , just think that people who doesn't know themselves , escape to this "theory". We all have libido, if it does not manifest it is a disfunction of some kind... I was very sexual active before we met, now I think I'm also sick, not just him.

anell_olivia said:

Well, I am 23 yrs old, and I think that I am asexual. I feel no sexual desire toward no one. Neither do I feel attraction toward any sex (male/female). I have no desire of getting married in the future. I just dream of finding a guy best friend, who have my same condition and share as couples, but without sex, or those romanticism that could have....I am very confuse still, about this, but my desire doesn't have anything to do with sex, but to have a partner to share with...I am Spanish, Dominican, living in NJ haft of my life in this country actually, and I would accept any suggestion about asexuality because I am still about it...think u all...!

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Get the fuck off our list!

Of course I'm in the wrong place, but you cannot say that I do not have a right to be here, remember , I do not have sex for the last 06 years, and for the 10 years left, very little. I'm maybe in the other side of your safe world, I represent the ones you damage, you hurt on the way, (I do not mean you "you", but you asexual said people).

So now , if I cannot understand your ways, you are saying that you are ok., the problem should be me , the whole asexual world, including this nwgrp is well and truly centered (God help us now) I'm the one is not allright...that is what you are saying??? That is my problem now: Some others like me are maybe here watching and wondering how they got to love a low drive, asexual, dysfunction person and how they can help. It is also my problem when I see escapism, instead of stra! ight answer to questions posted.

I still want to know which two animals are those, the asexual ones...

what are you doing here??? You have big problems can`t you see them?

Hi iillina:

First, I do not think that supressing a natural instinct is such a pleasure. Those ideas contradict themselves. We are animals, social animals but still , hormone oriented, not only to sex and procriate, but to all emotions and afections, denying that is denying life itself. Avoiding contact with another being is a response to the world of your conflicted mind! . Your body is just the receptor of whatever is going on with your self, this is so not compatible with the lame theory that : "we are just diferent: . You are not diferent, you are the same, biological, social, fisiologically, the diference in you is this place that you found to hide your emotions, to say to the world, " I DO NOT HAVE A PROBLEM, I'M JUST DIFERENT"

For me is "just nor enough" of a explanation. That you do not feel desires, romanticism, arousals, and are denying ultimely ORGASM, I know already, I live with one of you, but say that this is healthy, it is a completely diferent thing. and if it is not healthy it is sickness.

Even the way you mention sex (the stick in a whole) , a poor comparison, says to me that the way you see it, a mecanic act, and that is what I try to understand here, why you people hide your ! emotions, how you see the sexual act, I'm puzzled by this idea day by day...

I live with a wonderful guy that is sick, and I cannot just abandon him to some other partner, it is like if he had cancer or any other disease, he needs me now.

Really curios now about these two animals that you'd mention, how they get here through the evolutive chain??? By insemination? Which animals are that??

VLB

Verylost, there are a few things you need to realise. Asexuals are out there, simply because you're writing to quite a few of them right now, there are quite a few more at AVE! N and whenever I publish my Israeli Asex forum anywhere, at least 1-2 new people join and say "hey, I'm not alone! I want to join your community!" and we're talking about Israeli people here, we have a small population.

Second, asexuality is not a disorder, because a disorder is a situation where a person suffers. If a person suffers then they might have something called HSDD or another disorder, and should see a doctor about that. But we don't.

It's not that we're missing something. Try to talk to a straight man about guys as lovers. He'll tell you one of the following: a. guys don't interest me sexually, I'm straight. b. sex with guys is repulsive for me, personally, because I'm straight. An asexual man would say similar things as the straight man, but he'd say the same things about girls as well. All this only refers to the sexual part - as you have already seen, asexuals do often seek romantic relationships.

Now: I think, like the others, tha! t it's very sad when someone defines their relationship using the ritual of putting a stick in a hole. As joyful and passionate as that may be to you, it's a physical "game". You don't live with someone for their sexual organs, you live with them because they're wonderfun human beings and you want them to be happy. Well, your partner is happy that way and you should be happy for him! Bringing stress into his life by demanding something that he doesn't like or making him feel like he's sick just because he's content with his life defies the principle that you want him to be happy.

If you truly can't live with that, then the whole deal was never real and you should separate. If you trust each other VERY much, you can go and have sex with other people, with his agreement. Some couples do that, even sexual ones. There are also products that you can buy that will help you get satisfied by yourself. If he's willing to have sex with you rarely, that might be the best d! eal. Both of you give up a bit for the other. But be prepared to have very few of it, and that your partner won't enjoy it.

Good luck with your relationship.

p.s. you say that we were made to procreate by nature. Nature also made us hunters that don't have computers or tvs or showers or microwave ovens. We grew up since then, and now we can be what we want, not what nature supposedly wanted us to be a million years ago. By the way, research in some species of animals (at least 2) showed that there are asexual animals as well.

On 3/12/06, Verylost Baby < verylostbaby@...> wrote: I do love someone that is different than me, that is sick and does not know it. &nbs! p; This whole asexual thing is ok, can be, for you people who are happy being who you are, without having fluids exchanges of any sort with another human being, without making others suffers because of your choice and so on...

Live and let the others live...

I'm here not to make a point, I'm here because, this perverted idea is my reality, every day, I wait for a change in our relationship, and no way out... Everything else is fine, we manage our lives in such a way that I could not ask for anybody else but him, but why has to be without sex???

I do just think that many of you, a majority, is not asexual per se, there is no such a thing, we were genetically made to procriate and mate, if our psyches says NO, please does not blame nature, but society...

! I do accept asexual people, I do not accept this concept that it is natural, nature way (of what????) some people are just diferent ....Many of you are not happy, many like the 23yrs old girl can be convinced that she was born like that (lol) when something could be wrong with her in another level...

Asexuality is not normal or natural. (PERIOD)

artcatuk <catoncanvas@... > wrote: You are just afraid of anyone who is different to you. Many of ! us have had our hormones checked, and the results have come back 'normal'. Yet we still desire to NOT have sex. It is just the way we are. Try opening your mind to the possability that other people are DIFFERENT to you, and to eachother. I am perfectly happy being asexual. IF it is caused by some imbalance in MY hormone levels, I do not wish to have them 'corrected'. The thought of myself engaging in such an act sickens me. But I do not in any way look down on my sexual friends. They are all very prescious to me. They understand and accept me for who I am, and never try to change me.

Well...that's my 'two cents'. I hope you and your partner can come to some understanding.

*Edit - Had recent blood-test results back. All normal.*

--- In [email protected] , Verylos! t Baby

People sometimes cannot face their own demons...Also hormonal deficiencies can cause lost of libido, as well as hypertension, and many other ailments. All sickness.

Kate Haws said:

Asexuality is not sickness. I don`t like that idea. You should maybe change partner if the relationship is not enough for you. In fact I think myself that it is nature`s way to decrease human amount

Verylost Baby said:

Hi Anell:

I think we are in a reversal paralell, I have this assexual partner for 16 yrs , that seems to be happy being like that and making my life miserable for so many years... I'm brazilian and really confused about how to escape of! this cage that I found myself in, since I do love him in so many ways... we do not have sex for the last 6 years, and I hate this assexual concept , just think that people who doesn't know themselves , escape to this "theory". We all have libido, if it does not manifest it is a disfunction of some kind... I was very sexual active before we met, now I think I'm also sick, not just him.

anell_olivia said:

Well, I am 23 yrs old, and I think that I am asexual. I feel no sexual desire toward no one. Neither do I feel attraction toward any sex (male/female). I have no desire of getting married in the future. I just dream of finding a guy best friend, who have my same conditio! n and share as couples, but without sex, or those romanticism that could have....I am very confuse still, about this, but my desire doesn't have anything to do with sex, but to have a partner to share with...I am Spanish, Dominican, living in NJ haft of my life in this country actually, and I would accept any suggestion about asexuality because I am still about it...think u all...!

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We don't need your explanations. Geeze, your English is lousy too. Hurted? ROFL

Sorry Art, was not my intention really.

Thanks again for your suggestions. Later I will explain will not work, it is not for the last 16 yrs, and will be more pain to leave him. I do really love him, and what you called sacrifice and see as dysfunction relationship.

Best Regards VLB

You say you do not want to insult. Yet there you go again. I was very much inlove with my last two 'partners'. But in the end we came to the same conclusion; we were not sexally compatable. This was all before I knew asexuality existed as an orientation. Now that I know I am not alone in how I feel a new sence of belonging. A new contemtmemt. A new happiness. My last boyfriend and I are ! still very close. He is the one who introduced me to the fact that there were many many others out there like myself. My head in the ground? Are you assuming I have never been given the chance to experence this...coupling of bodies? Believe me, I have. But I did not -want- to do 'it'. It does not feel right to me. Such as sex with the same gender does not feel right to a hetrosexual. Or vise-versa. I have engaged in, and enjoyed, what you would call forplay. But it did not go beyond that. I do not wish to go into any further detail on the subject. I hope there is no 'bad blood' between us. I do not enjoy arguing, or belittling. I have said my piece. I hope I have gotten my side accross.

Communication. Calm comunication, is the key. That and trusting the one you love. Speak to him again about this, but reasure him about how you feel about him. I wish you both well.

Still Art, if you asking me to not be closed to this concept, try not to be also about what is heppenning to you.

Sexuality is a big part of our emotional life. If you are comfortable with that fine, but do not let fear of exploring interfere with your grow. Nobody is asexual per se. We are all sexual beings.

I like the metaphors. Mine is that: There is a goose with the neck stuck in the ground. He cannot look around and the only thing that he can sees is the darkness so he thinks that is all that there is to be seen.

artcatuk said:

It is not fear that has lead me to ! realize what I am. I have always felt this way. As for young, I am flattered. Actually I turn 25 this year. Even if there were no risks involved in the act of sex, I would not wish to partake in it. I can not understand what is so hard about that concept to grasp. I understand the thrill some get from say.... skydiving. I might even wonder how it feels to free-fall like that with the reasuring knowledge that the parachoute will help me land safely. The adrenalyn rush must be unbelievable! But I would never wish to do it. I would be physicly capable of it, yes. But I never wish to try it.

Verylost Baby said:

I do not want to insult, but we see things 360o ...

If I insult by saying what I! think, it is for you to think why sounds an insult to you...

You said one thing that I realized already: fear.

Your "syndrome" has fear involved. Do you have many of them??

Why is important to you to avoid diseases, I mean, of course nobody wants that, but there are ways and ways to avoid it. What you personally are afraid of??

You started not to want to have sex because of fear of being sick, contracting AIDS or something?

Do you see that your mind is not separated from your body??

You are very young, not to want to express yourself sexually.

Why this is so damned wrong, ugly , bad, how come you get these feelings?

Love has no bounderies...Of course you get excited, and then, what you do?? Where goes your desires??

The relationship with my partner is a sick one, I told you already, I'm sick too. I can see that.

And you , can see that asexuality is just a word and in fact we are sexual beings??

VLB

artcatuk said:

I hope you are not intentionally insulting asexuals. H! ow are we harming our bodies exactly? Surely it is the act of sex itself that causes more harm than good. Without engaging in that act the risk of contracting STDs is zero. The risk of 'tearing' down there is near zero. Our minds still get stimulated, but by things that are not sexual. Many of us (I include myself) are able to feel very deeply romanticly attracted to another. Simply...without there being any sex involved. So long as both involved understand the bounderies before the ralationship goes too far I see no harm being done.

Is the relationship you have with your partner not worth the sacrifice? That is not for me to judge. Just as it is not for you to judge how others feel and live thier lives.

verylostbaby said:

I do not want to be harsh, it is difficult for me to be in the relationship that I am for so long and have to read that it is just the way it is. I have to accept or leave him. I came here to understand. Not to be convinced, but understand why you think it is normal and how you think it is not affecting you or others. Harsh is to say to you the very truth, that maybe some studies can corroborate ( I did not research this yet) , that someway somehow, your response to the word is radical, definitive, and final, and you are doing more harm than good to your body. Your mind is the key , of course, and everybody is diferent, but ! > what you have in common is getting you apart from the world, your disease is bitter cold and I really feel for you. Without accepting this, I'm being abstinent for the past years, and confused, it is not enough to have a wonderful partner without kisses, hugs, romance, sex and the whole deal. This does not make me less or more than anybody, just human. Best of luck to us all. VLB

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