Haven for the Human Amoeba

Sex No, Thank You Some individuals dont feel the urge The Shorthorn: Brandon Leirer When it comes to dating and relationships, weve always had two choices: males or females. Some choose both. But last week on 20/20, I was introduced to a fourth option: neither.

As a longtime fan of British singer Morrissey, Id heard of people claiming to be disinterested in sex altogether. But, I always figured he was just being odd or British. Now it seems his claim was legitimate.

Most of the world is in it for sex. Its often an integral part of our relationships, whether we like to admit to it or not.

Even abstinence makes an impact on how a couple relates.

Now we have a group of people taking sex out of the equation completely? This doesnt seem like a neighborly thing to do.

According to the group interviewed on 20/20, asexuality is a biological truth. They are members of the Asexual Visibility and Education Network, which they say has more than 6,000 members worldwide. The group works to spread asexual awareness and establish a community for fellow asexuals. The group says asexuals enjoy platonic relationships with various people but have no sexual drive.

Its hard enough to find a significant other in the world. Now we have to deal with people taking themselves out of the competition altogether? Theyre not going to participate at all?

What would happen to life as we know it if several sexual people chose to avoid physical relationships?

Overcrowding would certainly be less of an issue. Fewer people having sex means fewer babies.

Work and school would be easier for the nonsexual people. Not having to worry about your appearance and who may or may not be checking you out frees up a lot of brainpower.

Imagine the progress the scientific community could achieve if they focused all of their erectile-dysfunction-curing energy toward diseases such as AIDS and cancer. Id love to never see another commercial about smiling Bob and his big, new dose of confidence.

Honestly, the world might be better off if some people stopped reproducing. I can think of at least a dozen people Id rather not see bring children into the world.

Perhaps asexuals do have the right idea.

Jessica Tedder is an English senior and columnist for The Shorthorn 2006 | The Shorthorn Online http://www.theshorthorn.com/new/archives/2006/spring/032906/o02.asp

Sexless And Proud

Asexuals Say They're Misunderstood in A Sex-Obsessed World //

Karl Hodgetts and Victoria Glancy are engaged but are not sure whether they will consummate their marriage. (ABC News)

March 23, 2006 David Jay has had plenty of girlfriends. But despite the 23-year-old Californian's success in dating, he's a virgin and he plans to stay that way. He's not joining the priesthood or taking any vow of celibacy; he said he simply has no interest in having sex ever.

"I'm sure that life is really, really great when it's all about sex. But life is also really, really great when it's not about sex," he told "20/20's" JuJu Chang.

Keith Walker of Texas was married for four years, but said he had sex only a handful of times. "I really had no real interest or desire for sex. It was certainly nothing that I would ever think to do."

Nancy Mulligan, a divorcee from Washington state, said her seven-year marriage was never consummated. "We did other things. We'd watch out for each other. We were affectionate with each other," she said.

var oDiv = document.getElementById('columnad'); var embedDiv = document.getElementById('embed_links'); if(oDiv.offsetWidth > 160 & oDiv.offsetHeight > 300) { embedDiv.style.width = "238px"; } else { embedDiv.style.width = "360px"; } Victoria Glancy and Karl Hodgetts are preparing for that sort of marriage with their summer wedding. They're prepared to live happily but sexlessly ever after.

"I don't really see any difference between our relationship and other people's relationships, except you know, we don't have sex," Glancy said. No Libido No Problem

Who are these people? From different ages and walks of life, they share one thing in common not low libido no libido. They call themselves "asexual" and they proclaim that they are not attracted to men or women.

David Jay said his lack of libido is nothing new. He said he's never experienced attraction to either sex. "I realized that I was asexual because when I was young, all of my friends started being attracted to people, and I had no idea what they were talking about," he said.

It was the same way for Nancy Mulligan, who felt isolated for years. "I thought I was the only one in the world. I had just kind of settled into the rut that I was different and decided to do the best I could with it," she said.

But now asexuals are building a community through a Web site asexuality.org. It has chat rooms, sells T-shirts and claims it has 6,000-plus members worldwide.

Jay is the Web site's founder, and the leader of what some call a new asexuality movement. He explains what's behind the group. "We're told that you need sex to be happy. We're told that the rules are that if you have a relationship, sex has to fit into it this way. And it's kind of fun to break that rule," he said. David Jay describes himself as asexual. He said he has no sexual interest in women or men, and has created a Web site, asexuality.org, to provide support and information to other asexuals. (ABC News)

Asexuality Is 'Not a Choice' But some experts question if asexuality even exists. There's been virtually no research on the subject. Psychologists disagree on how to define it. And there's no certainty on what might influence it. Do hormones, genetics, personal experiences play a part? With no clinical or scientific conclusions on the subject, asexuals create their own definition.

And that definition is a far cry from celibacy, Jay pointed out. "It's not a choice. Celibacy is a choice, whereas asexuality is just the way that you are. Much like being gay is not a choice, or being straight or being right-handed," he said. Some studies show that asexual behavior does exist in the animal world. Dr. Anthony Bogaert of Brock University in Ontario, who has conducted one of the few studies of human asexuality said he found as much as 1 percent of the population may be asexual. "They may still have physiological arousal experiences, vaginal lubrication, erections, but they may not be able to, or [connect] that arousal to men, women or both," Bogaert said. Living without that connection can be a challenge in a world fixated on sex. "What I mind is when the idea gets enforced that people need sex. That without sex, you're somehow broken. And of course, we can be happy without sex," Jay said. Sex Therapist Questions Label But Joy Davidson, a certified sex therapist, believes Jay and his fellow asexuals may be shortchanging themselves with the asexual label. "Sex is a fabulous, enormously pleasurable aspect of life. And your saying you don't miss it is like someone in a sense who's color blind saying, 'I don't miss color.' Of course, you don't miss what you've never had," Davidson said.

Davidson cited a litany of factors that may be at the root of an asexual life. "There may be something, maybe something physiological, endocrine, maybe something that has to do with trauma, or abuse, or repression, or severe religiosity, that has predisposed you to shutting down the possibility of being sexually engaged," she said.

var oDiv = document.getElementById('columnad'); var embedDiv = document.getElementById('embed_links'); if(oDiv.offsetWidth > 160 & oDiv.offsetHeight > 300) { embedDiv.style.width = "238px"; } else { embedDiv.style.width = "360px"; }

But the asexuals Chang spoke with for "20/20" said they're perfectly happy as they are. They said they're used to people questioning their identity. They've even questioned it themselves. For years Victoria Glancy, who wasn't attracted to men, assumed she was a lesbian. "I have slept with a couple of women, and it was just sort of, 'Oh, well, OK, we've done that now, so we don't have to ever do it again, right,'" she said. Glancy ultimately decided that she's asexual a label Davidson has called problematic. "You might as well label yourself not curious, unadventurous, narrow-minded, blind to possibilities. That's what happens when you label yourself as sexually neutered," Davidson said. Some Asexuals Can Have a Change of Heart Jay said his group is not trying to paint anyone into a corner. "The thing about the asexual community is that we're not a place people come to to stop exploring themselves. We don't want to slap a label on people and then have that confine them," he said. It's true that even the most vocal asexuals can have a change of heart. To their astonishment, Victoria Glancy and her fianc, Karl Hodgetts, recently discovered that their passions under the covers had been ignited. Glancy said she and Hodgetts had been getting very close to having sex recently. And Hodgetts is open to that possibility. "I just feel completely comfortable with Victoria. I don't think I've ever felt so comfortable with someone. And so I'm willing to, you know, try things," he said. So are Glancy and Hodgetts just ammunition for critics who say asexuals simply haven't found the right partners for themselves? That doesn't matter to Glancy, because, she said, there's a possibility she won't want to have sex or have it more than once.

"I could have sex with Karl one time and go, 'Oh, OK, saw what that was like,' and then not like it," she said. At first, Glancy said, she felt a bit uncomfortable acknowledging her sexual attraction to her fianc.

var oDiv = document.getElementById('columnad'); var embedDiv = document.getElementById('embed_links'); if(oDiv.offsetWidth > 160 & oDiv.offsetHeight > 300) { embedDiv.style.width = "238px"; } else { embedDiv.style.width = "360px"; }

"When we were first kind of fooling around, and I'm like, 'Oh, I'm not supposed to like this.' But then that's stupid. I mean, you're just are who you are," she told Chang. Although they hadn't yet had sex when Chang spoke with them, Glancy and Hodgetts removed themselves from the asexuality Web site. For the remaining members, giving voice to asexuality is still a proud mission. Chang asked Jay: "If I had a pill that I could give you to make you sexual, would you want it?" "I would not take a pill to become a sexual person. I'm having way too much fun as an asexual person," he said.

Copyright 2006 ABC News Internet Ventures http://abcnews.go.com/2020/Sex/story?id=1759069&page=4

Hey does anyone know any good movies for asexuals or about asexuals. I want to check them out. Thanks.

40 year old virgin?

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thi s is just great. a bunch more people who don't think that sex is the be all and end all of existence. I don' tknow if I'm just burned out sexually and have had enough because it doens't mean that much to me, or if I was alwasys just underdeveloped sexually and hormonally. there's not much evidence to the latter, and I revere intellectuality and emotoinality more than sexuality, but I cannot figure out how to be a whole being wihtout including all in the spectrum of physical life. I am a 53 yr old woman, pagan, metaphysical studying counseling. this al l reminds me of the problem we have at pagan festivals at places where nudity is allowed (naturist camps.) seems every guy thinks that just being nude means one wants sex all the time. the women don't seem to have tha t problem of thinking that. Personally I just enjoy being nude outdoors and feel the air on parts that don't usually feel the air. plus nudity means something spiritual in pagan religion. Has anyone else on this list studied kundalni? I have a theory about other uses of sexual energy than sex. I also have had the problem of finding a man I get alon g with, except there's thatpressure for sex. then we don't get alon g anymore. I just fig ure he's missing out on somethin gmore important ; but usually they don't agree with that. when I put out singles ads, I alwasy say I don't start relationship with sex. I feel fairy asexual by definitons here posted but how can I say that sex would be a major or any part of a relationship. seems to me there' smore important things. I get few if any responses anywhere. I don't know if it's because every guy wants to start a relatoinship with sex and determine everything of the relationship's value based on "performance" (my performance was never very good, and I didn't care) or, what? There are a couple of good books I have read which could explain some of the overt emphasis on sex in this basically puritan culture, one is The PUritan Origins of American SEx, and its companion volume The PUritan Originas of the American Self. They are eye openers. They describe partially, the time in this country's history when men didnt' marry for sex and kids and the whole urban dream thing. they married for political liaisons and could have sex with others if they wanted. this particualrly amongst the elite. Let's just say the puritans seem to have been much more perverted than most people think. anyway, I'm sick of the emphasis on sex, it was never that important to me as part of my identity, I value other things and go from there. [email protected] wrote: There are 11 messages in this issue.

Topics in this digest:

1. Re: New member From: "aljri7_2000" 2. THE 20/20 SHOW GAVE ME HOPE From: "gr8jerry2003" 3. Asexual movies From: "imjiro2" 4. Introduction From: Mary Reese 5. Re: 20/20 Friday Night, storyline ASEXUALS From: "alzeem638" 6. New here From: "e.c." 7. Re: New here From: Contemplative One 8. Sex No, Thank You From: Contemplative One 9. Sexless And Proud From: Contemplative One 10. Asexual movies From: Palatinus 11. Re: Sex No, Thank You From: "iillina z"

I don't know if I'd consider myself "asexual", as I do have sexual feelings. But I've decided to become celibate since all of my relationships end because of sex. Or lack of sex on my part. I have a low sex drive, and boyfriends don't stick around. I've had some wonderful relationships with men, and the sexual aspect always destroys my relationships. I don't give it up enough, and when I do I feel like I have to perform even when I don't feel like it, so I get very resentful.

I'd like to find a man who is my "best friend", who can give me a hug without feeling me up, whom I can cuddle with and not worry about him jumping me, whom I can walk in front of up a flight of stairs and not have him grab my butt, whom I can go shopping with and not have him drag me to the lingerie department, and most of all, whom is truly a "friend" and not just saying he's a friend in order to get into my pants.

Does anyone like this exist in the South Jersey/Philadelphia area?

I AM 46 YEARS OLD AND NEVER HAD SEX. THAT FACT DOES NOT DISTURB ME. THE WORLD HOWEVER DOES NOT UNDERSTAND IT. AS A RESULT I AM FAIRLY RECLUSIVE. I ONLY HAVE A FEW FRIENDS AND THEY DO NOT ASK WHY I AM NOT ROMANTICALLY INVOLVED. THEY MAY THINK THAT I AM GAY AND THAT USED TO DISTURB ME, NOW I JUST ACCEPT WHAT THEY MAY THINK. IN THIS WORLD WERE ONE IS SUPPOSED TO BE ROMANTICALLY INVOLVED IN SOME WAY, I HAVE ALWAYS DODGED THE QUESTIONS BECAUSE PEOPLE DO THINK THAT SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH ME. I AM ACTUALLY A VERY ROMANTIC NON SEXUAL PERSON AND I ALWAYS THOUGHT IT ODD. I DO LIKE TO HAVE A SOLE MATE, A NON SEXUAL PARTNER, BUT THAT POSSIBILITY SEEMED HOPELESS UNTIL I SAW THE 20/20 SHOW AND IMMEDIATELY JOINT THIS GROUP.

Hey does anyone know any good movies for asexuals or about asexuals. I want to check them out. Thanks.

I just joined this group and wanted to introduce myself. My name is Mary and I am a 60 year old lady who thought for the last 50 years I was the only person in the world who didn't want sex. I thought I was the world's oldest living virgin. Wow! I just happened on this list and thought there might be people like me. I love men but have no inclination to bed them. In fact there is nothing that I would rather not do. Often I wish I could have found a guy who felt the same way as I do love cuddles and sometimes get lonesome. Guess at my age though that's common. Anyone hi everyone. Are there others out there like me, really? Mary

On 25 Mar 2006, Karin said:

20/20 Friday Night, storyline ASEXUALS, sounds interesting.

Which Friday night? Last night, or next week?

J8

when was this group created?

Welcome to the group. The group was founded Oct. 11, 2000

"e.c." wrote: when was this group created?

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[This message contained attachments]

Sex No, Thank You Some individuals dont feel the urge The Shorthorn: Brandon Leirer When it comes to dating and relationships, weve always had two choices: males or females. Some choose both. But last week on 20/20, I was introduced to a fourth option: neither.

As a longtime fan of British singer Morrissey, Id heard of people claiming to be disinterested in sex altogether. But, I always figured he was just being odd or British. Now it seems his claim was legitimate.

Most of the world is in it for sex. Its often an integral part of our relationships, whether we like to admit to it or not.

Even abstinence makes an impact on how a couple relates.

Now we have a group of people taking sex out of the equation completely? This doesnt seem like a neighborly thing to do.

According to the group interviewed on 20/20, asexuality is a biological truth. They are members of the Asexual Visibility and Education Network, which they say has more than 6,000 members worldwide. The group works to spread asexual awareness and establish a community for fellow asexuals. The group says asexuals enjoy platonic relationships with various people but have no sexual drive.

Its hard enough to find a significant other in the world. Now we have to deal with people taking themselves out of the competition altogether? Theyre not going to participate at all?

What would happen to life as we know it if several sexual people chose to avoid physical relationships?

Overcrowding would certainly be less of an issue. Fewer people having sex means fewer babies.

Work and school would be easier for the nonsexual people. Not having to worry about your appearance and who may or may not be checking you out frees up a lot of brainpower.

Imagine the progress the scientific community could achieve if they focused all of their erectile-dysfunction-curing energy toward diseases such as AIDS and cancer. Id love to never see another commercial about smiling Bob and his big, new dose of confidence.

Honestly, the world might be better off if some people stopped reproducing. I can think of at least a dozen people Id rather not see bring children into the world.

Perhaps asexuals do have the right idea.

Jessica Tedder is an English senior and columnist for The Shorthorn 2006 | The Shorthorn Online http://www.theshorthorn.com/new/archives/2006/spring/032906/o02.asp

Yahoo! Messenger with Voice. Make PC-to-Phone Calls to the US (and 30+ countries) for 2/min or less.

[This message contained attachments]

Sexless And Proud

Asexuals Say They're Misunderstood in A Sex-Obsessed World //

Karl Hodgetts and Victoria Glancy are engaged but are not sure whether they will consummate their marriage. (ABC News)

March 23, 2006 David Jay has had plenty of girlfriends. But despite the 23-year-old Californian's success in dating, he's a virgin and he plans to stay that way. He's not joining the priesthood or taking any vow of celibacy; he said he simply has no interest in having sex ever.

"I'm sure that life is really, really great when it's all about sex. But life is also really, really great when it's not about sex," he told "20/20's" JuJu Chang.

Keith Walker of Texas was married for four years, but said he had sex only a handful of times. "I really had no real interest or desire for sex. It was certainly nothing that I would ever think to do."

Nancy Mulligan, a divorcee from Washington state, said her seven-year marriage was never consummated. "We did other things. We'd watch out for each other. We were affectionate with each other," she said.

var oDiv = document.getElementById('columnad'); var embedDiv = document.getElementById('embed_links'); if(oDiv.offsetWidth > 160 & oDiv.offsetHeight > 300) { embedDiv.style.width = "238px"; } else { embedDiv.style.width = "360px"; } Victoria Glancy and Karl Hodgetts are preparing for that sort of marriage with their summer wedding. They're prepared to live happily but sexlessly ever after.

"I don't really see any difference between our relationship and other people's relationships, except you know, we don't have sex," Glancy said. No Libido No Problem

Who are these people? From different ages and walks of life, they share one thing in common not low libido no libido. They call themselves "asexual" and they proclaim that they are not attracted to men or women.

David Jay said his lack of libido is nothing new. He said he's never experienced attraction to either sex. "I realized that I was asexual because when I was young, all of my friends started being attracted to people, and I had no idea what they were talking about," he said.

It was the same way for Nancy Mulligan, who felt isolated for years. "I thought I was the only one in the world. I had just kind of settled into the rut that I was different and decided to do the best I could with it," she said.

But now asexuals are building a community through a Web site asexuality.org. It has chat rooms, sells T-shirts and claims it has 6,000-plus members worldwide.

Jay is the Web site's founder, and the leader of what some call a new asexuality movement. He explains what's behind the group. "We're told that you need sex to be happy. We're told that the rules are that if you have a relationship, sex has to fit into it this way. And it's kind of fun to break that rule," he said. David Jay describes himself as asexual. He said he has no sexual interest in women or men, and has created a Web site, asexuality.org, to provide support and information to other asexuals. (ABC News)

Asexuality Is 'Not a Choice' But some experts question if asexuality even exists. There's been virtually no research on the subject. Psychologists disagree on how to define it. And there's no certainty on what might influence it. Do hormones, genetics, personal experiences play a part? With no clinical or scientific conclusions on the subject, asexuals create their own definition.

And that definition is a far cry from celibacy, Jay pointed out. "It's not a choice. Celibacy is a choice, whereas asexuality is just the way that you are. Much like being gay is not a choice, or being straight or being right-handed," he said. Some studies show that asexual behavior does exist in the animal world. Dr. Anthony Bogaert of Brock University in Ontario, who has conducted one of the few studies of human asexuality said he found as much as 1 percent of the population may be asexual. "They may still have physiological arousal experiences, vaginal lubrication, erections, but they may not be able to, or [connect] that arousal to men, women or both," Bogaert said. Living without that connection can be a challenge in a world fixated on sex. "What I mind is when the idea gets enforced that people need sex. That without sex, you're somehow broken. And of course, we can be happy without sex," Jay said. Sex Therapist Questions Label But Joy Davidson, a certified sex therapist, believes Jay and his fellow asexuals may be shortchanging themselves with the asexual label. "Sex is a fabulous, enormously pleasurable aspect of life. And your saying you don't miss it is like someone in a sense who's color blind saying, 'I don't miss color.' Of course, you don't miss what you've never had," Davidson said.

Davidson cited a litany of factors that may be at the root of an asexual life. "There may be something, maybe something physiological, endocrine, maybe something that has to do with trauma, or abuse, or repression, or severe religiosity, that has predisposed you to shutting down the possibility of being sexually engaged," she said.

var oDiv = document.getElementById('columnad'); var embedDiv = document.getElementById('embed_links'); if(oDiv.offsetWidth > 160 & oDiv.offsetHeight > 300) { embedDiv.style.width = "238px"; } else { embedDiv.style.width = "360px"; }

But the asexuals Chang spoke with for "20/20" said they're perfectly happy as they are. They said they're used to people questioning their identity. They've even questioned it themselves. For years Victoria Glancy, who wasn't attracted to men, assumed she was a lesbian. "I have slept with a couple of women, and it was just sort of, 'Oh, well, OK, we've done that now, so we don't have to ever do it again, right,'" she said. Glancy ultimately decided that she's asexual a label Davidson has called problematic. "You might as well label yourself not curious, unadventurous, narrow-minded, blind to possibilities. That's what happens when you label yourself as sexually neutered," Davidson said. Some Asexuals Can Have a Change of Heart Jay said his group is not trying to paint anyone into a corner. "The thing about the asexual community is that we're not a place people come to to stop exploring themselves. We don't want to slap a label on people and then have that confine them," he said. It's true that even the most vocal asexuals can have a change of heart. To their astonishment, Victoria Glancy and her fianc, Karl Hodgetts, recently discovered that their passions under the covers had been ignited. Glancy said she and Hodgetts had been getting very close to having sex recently. And Hodgetts is open to that possibility. "I just feel completely comfortable with Victoria. I don't think I've ever felt so comfortable with someone. And so I'm willing to, you know, try things," he said. So are Glancy and Hodgetts just ammunition for critics who say asexuals simply haven't found the right partners for themselves? That doesn't matter to Glancy, because, she said, there's a possibility she won't want to have sex or have it more than once.

"I could have sex with Karl one time and go, 'Oh, OK, saw what that was like,' and then not like it," she said. At first, Glancy said, she felt a bit uncomfortable acknowledging her sexual attraction to her fianc.

var oDiv = document.getElementById('columnad'); var embedDiv = document.getElementById('embed_links'); if(oDiv.offsetWidth > 160 & oDiv.offsetHeight > 300) { embedDiv.style.width = "238px"; } else { embedDiv.style.width = "360px"; }

"When we were first kind of fooling around, and I'm like, 'Oh, I'm not supposed to like this.' But then that's stupid. I mean, you're just are who you are," she told Chang. Although they hadn't yet had sex when Chang spoke with them, Glancy and Hodgetts removed themselves from the asexuality Web site. For the remaining members, giving voice to asexuality is still a proud mission. Chang asked Jay: "If I had a pill that I could give you to make you sexual, would you want it?" "I would not take a pill to become a sexual person. I'm having way too much fun as an asexual person," he said.

Copyright 2006 ABC News Internet Ventures http://abcnews.go.com/2020/Sex/story?id=1759069&page=4

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Hey does anyone know any good movies for asexuals or about asexuals. I want to check them out. Thanks.

40 year old virgin?

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but we're not sexual people who CHOOSE not to get involved in that. we don't want it in the first place. there are some other mistakes there, i should e-mail the reporter.

Sex No, Thank You Some individuals don't feel the urge The Shorthorn: Brandon Leirer When it comes to dating and relationships, we've always had two choices: males or females. Some choose both. But last week on "20/20," I was

=== message truncated ===

Ahem, No.

There isn't a single asexual in that movie.

Palatinus wrote:

Hey does anyone know any good movies for asexuals or about asexuals. I want to check them out. Thanks.

40 year old virgin?

LOL How 'bout Mary Poppins? She and Bert were pretty platonic. ;) Mary On Thursday, March 30, 2006, at 01:18 PM, Adam Ophir Shapira wrote:

Ahem, No.

There isn't a single asexual in that movie.

Palatinus wrote:

Hey does anyone know any good movies for asexuals or about asexuals. I want to check them out. Thanks.

40 year old virgin?

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I am going to cut and paste segments from a previous AVEN thread on this topic:

Finding Neverland - J.M. Barrie is widely believed to have been asexual, isn't he? And there are shades of that in the film if you look for them.

The Man Who Wasn't There - a Coen brothers film that is shot entirely in black and white and is a noir picture centered around a mundane, asexual barbar named Ed Crane aptly played by Billy Bob Thorton (No seriously Billy Bob Thorton). Hey, in the movie he turns down sex from Scarlett Johansen and hadn't had sex with his wife in several years.

Being There - based on the book by Jerzy Kosinski, Peter Sellers plays Chauncy Gardener (Chance the Gardener) an innocent soul who wonders out into the real world for the first time. He is oblivious to the sexual advances of Shirley McClaine and someone ascends to the job of a Allan Greenspan like figure.

The Re-Animator Trilogy - Ok hear me out on this one. Although this is a poor horror movie franchise there is reason to believe that the mad scientist Herbert West (played by Jeffery Combs) is asexual. Then again I guess Jason Vorhees was anti-sexual since he killed anyone who tried to have sex. However, West seems disgusted and uninterested in sex and the female form unless they were deceased and he needed to re-animate them into a zombie.

Life is Beautiful (a love story, true but subtle and the big picture is more profound) That film has one of the best sex scenes ever. Couple goes into a house, and leaves with a child just seconds later (even though, logically, that takes place years later).

LOL How 'bout Mary Poppins? She and Bert were pretty platonic. ;) Mary On Thursday, March 30, 2006, at 01:18 PM, Adam Ophir Shapira wrote:

Ahem, No.

There isn't a single asexual in that movie.

Palatinus wrote:

Hey does anyone know any good movies for asexuals or about asexuals. I want to check them out. Thanks.

40 year old virgin?

Yahoo! Groups Links

SPONSORED LINKS Abstinence Romance relationship

YAHOO! GROUPS LINKS

Visit your group "havenforthehumanamoeba" on the web.

To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to: [email protected]

Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.

So what planet are they on?

(Filed: 31/03/2006)

Dr Who in a clinch with his assistant is the latest in a long line of ludicrous adjustments forced on our favourite characters by PC modernisers, protests Tom Leonard

Betrayed with a kiss. That's what some older Dr Who fans must have been thinking yesterday as the sci-fi series became the latest childhood cultural icon to fall victim to the modernisers.

Caught canoodling: Dr Who and his assistant The pictures of the current Dr Who kissing the current Dr Who girl were released by the BBC to build up some excitement around the next series, which begins next month.

"They've always been a little more than friends," said one tabloid newspaper knowingly of the couple. Rubbish they have. For most of Dr Who's history, there has been a minimum of a 20-year age gap - sometimes a lot more - between the Time Lord and his female assistant. The relationship - one of the most asexual double acts on television - was essentially that of father and daughter.

But Dr Who has been getting younger. Now, there is just 11 years separating the actors David Tennant and Billie Piper, and the forces of progress have struck. For many, another cherished childhood memory has been tarnished. Dr Who never kissed anyone, least of all his assistant. But then nor did Rupert Bear wear trainers, Noddy sleep without Big Ears and Winnie the Pooh have a girl for a best friend. But they do now.

You can imagine the discussion in the BBC executive meeting that led up to this latest plot twist - the expressions of bafflement that any young man sharing a phone-box with Billie Piper wouldn't eventually try his luck, and that any modern audience could possibly believe that he wouldn't.

Whether it is Bleak House or Hector's House, the corporation - along with other broadcasters - wheels out a favourite catchphrase whenever it is tampering with famous characters or stories: it is about making it "relevant to a modern audience".

Dr Who's writer, Russell T Davies (who created the controversial gay drama Queer As Folk) said he would do precisely that when the BBC announced the show's return, three years ago.

He has since added a bisexual time traveller called Captain Jack, who has already raised intergalactic eyebrows by kissing the doctor himself. Earlier this week, Davies said he was even happy to re-write the Time Lord as a woman.

Christopher Robin is now a girl An enforced sex change - always male to female - is a popular way of "updating" a children's character in a PC direction.

Last year, Disney announced that the next animated outing for Winnie the Pooh would feature a female Christopher Robin. Nancy Kanter, a Disney executive, said "the feeling was that these timeless characters needed a breath of fresh air that only the introduction of someone new could provide". How a "timeless" character should need a breath of fresh air wasn't explained.

Thomas the Tank Engine wasn't so much given a sex change as lots of new lady engines to bring out the railway industry's feminine side. After the stories were accused of sexism, a series of female trains were introduced such as Mavis, Daisy and - ugh - a pink one called Lady.

The other option with a character that isn't perceived to fit in with modern sensibilities is to write him or her out completely, as the BBC is doing in a new Robin Hood series. There will be no Friar Tuck, because, said insiders, he "is a bit of a laughing stock". Fat is no laughing matter nowadays.

Political correctness also spelt the end, a few years ago, of the Warner Bros cartoon character Speedy Gonzales. The fastest mouse in Mexico had bested Sylvester the Cat and Daffy Duck countless times in his 50-year career but was deemed to be an offensive ethnic stereotype of Mexicans.

Another much-loved American television import has also been trying to be more socially responsible. Last year, the producers of Sesame Street announced that Cookie Monster, one of the series' most famous characters, would henceforth be eating healthy foods and advocating biscuits only as a "sometimes food".

Cow pies are not even occasional nibbles for the Dandy character Desperate Dan who had his "edges smoothed out" two years ago. They included his gut and his gun.

As for Noddy, he's had more anti-sexist, anti-elitist and anti-racist makeovers than the rest of children's literature put together.

The petty criminal golliwogs were replaced by goblins, followed in 1992 by the BBC's introduction of a new character called Dinah Doll who was described as a "black, assertive, ethnic minority female".

Noddy: too middle-class Accusations that he was too middle class prompted book and television rewrites. Still sharing a bed with Big Ears? Well, what do you think. They live in separate houses now.

The forces that are modernising classic children's characters are also at work on adult ones. The latest series of Miss Marple introduced the famously schoolmarmish spinster to the daring idea that she had had a lover - a soldier who had died on the Western Front.

"She was too good a brand not to re-make but we had to do something different," explained Michelle Buck, the controller of Granada drama. "These things are bound to reflect the times in which they are made."

Novelist Jilly Cooper says that while she "couldn't care less what they do to Noddy", the re-sexing of Christopher Robin is "one of the silliest things I've ever heard". "Why? Of course it's all down to political correctness, which is so ghastly and narrow and anti-joy. My great mantra is to hold fast to what is good. Desperate Dan was the worst. They got rid of his stubble, his gun and his paunch. We like good thugs."

Brian Cant, one of the stalwarts of children's television in the Seventies, has no problem with a kiss in Dr Who (in which he appeared twice) but objects to stories and characters being changed out of political correctness.

"You've got to have a little licence to let things grow over time,'' he says, ''but taking characters out because, say, they're fat, is wrong. It's the silly people who make rules for us."

And while children are nowadays subjected to far more sex on television, some of the innocence has gone out of children's programmes, he said.

"Some of the things we were doing were very slow,'' Cant says, ''but there was charm and time for people to enjoy things without having things bashed at you. There's a lot of over-paced stuff now."

Clayton Hickman, editor of Dr Who Magazine, points out that the time-travelling pair kiss only because one of them is possessed by an evil alien.

Still, he agrees that the series "has been sexualised". He adds: "The doctor seems to have discovered sex. But the relationship seems romantic rather than sexual. As long as it remains that way, I don't have a problem with it."

For some, the modernisers can do what they like. Lesley Milne, widow of Christopher Milne, the inspiration for Christopher Robin, said she "didn't care" what Disney did to "bowdlerise" the Pooh bear characters. "I don't like any of the Disney characters anyway and I don't really like Christopher Robin, either, dear," she says. "They can do what they like with them."

Next year will see the arrival of a new, animated version of Enid Blyton's Famous Five stories. The producers, who - ominously perhaps - also own the rights to Agatha Christie and Noddy, have warned of sweeping changes as the books are brought into the 21st century with plot lines such as environmental issues. And lashings of fair trade, sugar-free ginger beer?

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Copyright of Telegraph Group Limited 2006.

Finding Neverland - J.M. Barrie is widely believed to have been asexual, isn't he? And there are shades of that in the film if you look for them.

Yes, I loved it

love to children and fantasy more important than love and sex!!!

Yahoo!; (spam); Yahoo! Mail

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Strangely or not enough, I write for a website wehre most of the people are celibate or asexual in some way. mysticwitch.com we have me, and a 31 yr old female virgin by choice, a fairly asexual male, and another who just doens't consider (as far as I know) sex itself ot be important. Now arent' we smugly spiritual!

[email protected] wrote: There are 6 messages in this issue.

Topics in this digest:

1. Re: Digest Number 681 From: eve cheshier 2. Re: Introduction From: Kristen 3. Re: Asexual movies From: Adam Ophir Shapira 4. Re: Asexual movies From: Mary Reese 5. Re: Asexual movies From: William Molina 6. So what planet are they on? From: Contemplative One

thi s is just great. a bunch more people who don't think that sex is the be all and end all of existence. I don' tknow if I'm just burned out sexually and have had enough because it doens't mean that much to me, or if I was alwasys just underdeveloped sexually and hormonally. there's not much evidence to the latter, and I revere intellectuality and emotoinality more than sexuality, but I cannot figure out how to be a whole being wihtout including all in the spectrum of physical life. I am a 53 yr old woman, pagan, metaphysical studying counseling. this al l reminds me of the problem we have at pagan festivals at places where nudity is allowed (naturist camps.) seems every guy thinks that just being nude means one wants sex all the time. the women don't seem to have tha t problem of thinking that. Personally I just enjoy being nude outdoors and feel the air on parts that don't usually feel the air. plus nudity means something spiritual in pagan religion. Has anyone else on this list studied kundalni? I have a theory about other uses of sexual energy than sex. I also have had the problem of finding a man I get alon g with, except there's thatpressure for sex. then we don't get alon g anymore. I just fig ure he's missing out on somethin gmore important ; but usually they don't agree with that. when I put out singles ads, I alwasy say I don't start relationship with sex. I feel fairy asexual by definitons here posted but how can I say that sex would be a major or any part of a relationship. seems to me there' smore important things. I get few if any responses anywhere. I don't know if it's because every guy wants to start a relatoinship with sex and determine everything of the relationship's value based on "performance" (my performance was never very good, and I didn't care) or, what? There are a couple of good books I have read which could explain some of the overt emphasis on sex in this basically puritan culture, one is The PUritan Origins of American SEx, and its companion volume The PUritan Originas of the American Self. They are eye openers. They describe partially, the time in this country's history when men didnt' marry for sex and kids and the whole urban dream thing. they married for political liaisons and could have sex with others if they wanted. this particualrly amongst the elite. Let's just say the puritans seem to have been much more perverted than most people think. anyway, I'm sick of the emphasis on sex, it was never that important to me as part of my identity, I value other things and go from there. [email protected] wrote: There are 11 messages in this issue.

Topics in this digest:

1. Re: New member From: "aljri7_2000" 2. THE 20/20 SHOW GAVE ME HOPE From: "gr8jerry2003" 3. Asexual movies From: "imjiro2" 4. Introduction From: Mary Reese 5. Re: 20/20 Friday Night, storyline ASEXUALS From: "alzeem638" 6. New here From: "e.c." 7. Re: New here From: Contemplative One 8. Sex No, Thank You From: Contemplative One 9. Sexless And Proud From: Contemplative One 10. Asexual movies From: Palatinus 11. Re: Sex No, Thank You From: "iillina z"

I don't know if I'd consider myself "asexual", as I do have sexual feelings. But I've decided to become celibate since all of my relationships end because of sex. Or lack of sex on my part. I have a low sex drive, and boyfriends don't stick around. I've had some wonderful relationships with men, and the sexual aspect always destroys my relationships. I don't give it up enough, and when I do I feel like I have to perform even when I don't feel like it, so I get very resentful.

I'd like to find a man who is my "best friend", who can give me a hug without feeling me up, whom I can cuddle with and not worry about him jumping me, whom I can walk in front of up a flight of stairs and not have him grab my butt, whom I can go shopping with and not have him drag me to the lingerie department, and most of all, whom is truly a "friend" and not just saying he's a friend in order to get into my pants.

Does anyone like this exist in the South Jersey/Philadelphia area?

I AM 46 YEARS OLD AND NEVER HAD SEX. THAT FACT DOES NOT DISTURB ME. THE WORLD HOWEVER DOES NOT UNDERSTAND IT. AS A RESULT I AM FAIRLY RECLUSIVE. I ONLY HAVE A FEW FRIENDS AND THEY DO NOT ASK WHY I AM NOT ROMANTICALLY INVOLVED. THEY MAY THINK THAT I AM GAY AND THAT USED TO DISTURB ME, NOW I JUST ACCEPT WHAT THEY MAY THINK. IN THIS WORLD WERE ONE IS SUPPOSED TO BE ROMANTICALLY INVOLVED IN SOME WAY, I HAVE ALWAYS DODGED THE QUESTIONS BECAUSE PEOPLE DO THINK THAT SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH ME. I AM ACTUALLY A VERY ROMANTIC NON SEXUAL PERSON AND I ALWAYS THOUGHT IT ODD. I DO LIKE TO HAVE A SOLE MATE, A NON SEXUAL PARTNER, BUT THAT POSSIBILITY SEEMED HOPELESS UNTIL I SAW THE 20/20 SHOW AND IMMEDIATELY JOINT THIS GROUP.

Hey does anyone know any good movies for asexuals or about asexuals. I want to check them out. Thanks.

I just joined this group and wanted to introduce myself. My name is Mary and I am a 60 year old lady who thought for the last 50 years I was the only person in the world who didn't want sex. I thought I was the world's oldest living virgin. Wow! I just happened on this list and thought there might be people like me. I love men but have no inclination to bed them. In fact there is nothing that I would rather not do. Often I wish I could have found a guy who felt the same way as I do love cuddles and sometimes get lonesome. Guess at my age though that's common. Anyone hi everyone. Are there others out there like me, really? Mary

On 25 Mar 2006, Karin said:

20/20 Friday Night, storyline ASEXUALS, sounds interesting.

Which Friday night? Last night, or next week?

J8

when was this group created?

Welcome to the group. The group was founded Oct. 11, 2000

"e.c." wrote: when was this group created?

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Sex No, Thank You Some individuals dont feel the urge The Shorthorn: Brandon Leirer When it comes to dating and relationships, weve always had two choices: males or females. Some choose both. But last week on 20/20, I was introduced to a fourth option: neither.

As a longtime fan of British singer Morrissey, Id heard of people claiming to be disinterested in sex altogether. But, I always figured he was just being odd or British. Now it seems his claim was legitimate.

Most of the world is in it for sex. Its often an integral part of our relationships, whether we like to admit to it or not.

Even abstinence makes an impact on how a couple relates.

Now we have a group of people taking sex out of the equation completely? This doesnt seem like a neighborly thing to do.

According to the group interviewed on 20/20, asexuality is a biological truth. They are members of the Asexual Visibility and Education Network, which they say has more than 6,000 members worldwide. The group works to spread asexual awareness and establish a community for fellow asexuals. The group says asexuals enjoy platonic relationships with various people but have no sexual drive.

Its hard enough to find a significant other in the world. Now we have to deal with people taking themselves out of the competition altogether? Theyre not going to participate at all?

What would happen to life as we know it if several sexual people chose to avoid physical relationships?

Overcrowding would certainly be less of an issue. Fewer people having sex means fewer babies.

Work and school would be easier for the nonsexual people. Not having to worry about your appearance and who may or may not be checking you out frees up a lot of brainpower.

Imagine the progress the scientific community could achieve if they focused all of their erectile-dysfunction-curing energy toward diseases such as AIDS and cancer. Id love to never see another commercial about smiling Bob and his big, new dose of confidence.

Honestly, the world might be better off if some people stopped reproducing. I can think of at least a dozen people Id rather not see bring children into the world.

Perhaps asexuals do have the right idea.

Jessica Tedder is an English senior and columnist for The Shorthorn 2006 | The Shorthorn Online http://www.theshorthorn.com/new/archives/2006/spring/032906/o02.asp

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Sexless And Proud

Asexuals Say They're Misunderstood in A Sex-Obsessed World //

Karl Hodgetts and Victoria Glancy are engaged but are not sure whether they will consummate their marriage. (ABC News)

March 23, 2006 David Jay has had plenty of girlfriends. But despite the 23-year-old Californian's success in dating, he's a virgin and he plans to stay that way. He's not joining the priesthood or taking any vow of celibacy; he said he simply has no interest in having sex ever.

"I'm sure that life is really, really great when it's all about sex. But life is also really, really great when it's not about sex," he told "20/20's" JuJu Chang.

Keith Walker of Texas was married for four years, but said he had sex only a handful of times. "I really had no real interest or desire for sex. It was certainly nothing that I would ever think to do."

Nancy Mulligan, a divorcee from Washington state, said her seven-year marriage was never consummated. "We did other things. We'd watch out for each other. We were affectionate with each other," she said.

var oDiv = document.getElementById('columnad'); var embedDiv = document.getElementById('embed_links'); if(oDiv.offsetWidth > 160 & oDiv.offsetHeight > 300) { embedDiv.style.width = "238px"; } else { embedDiv.style.width = "360px"; } Victoria Glancy and Karl Hodgetts are preparing for that sort of marriage with their summer wedding. They're prepared to live happily but sexlessly ever after.

"I don't really see any difference between our relationship and other people's relationships, except you know, we don't have sex," Glancy said. No Libido No Problem

Who are these people? From different ages and walks of life, they share one thing in common not low libido no libido. They call themselves "asexual" and they proclaim that they are not attracted to men or women.

David Jay said his lack of libido is nothing new. He said he's never experienced attraction to either sex. "I realized that I was asexual because when I was young, all of my friends started being attracted to people, and I had no idea what they were talking about," he said.

It was the same way for Nancy Mulligan, who felt isolated for years. "I thought I was the only one in the world. I had just kind of settled into the rut that I was different and decided to do the best I could with it," she said.

But now asexuals are building a community through a Web site asexuality.org. It has chat rooms, sells T-shirts and claims it has 6,000-plus members worldwide.

Jay is the Web site's founder, and the leader of what some call a new asexuality movement. He explains what's behind the group. "We're told that you need sex to be happy. We're told that the rules are that if you have a relationship, sex has to fit into it this way. And it's kind of fun to break that rule," he said. David Jay describes himself as asexual. He said he has no sexual interest in women or men, and has created a Web site, asexuality.org, to provide support and information to other asexuals. (ABC News)

Asexuality Is 'Not a Choice' But some experts question if asexuality even exists. There's been virtually no research on the subject. Psychologists disagree on how to define it. And there's no certainty on what might influence it. Do hormones, genetics, personal experiences play a part? With no clinical or scientific conclusions on the subject, asexuals create their own definition.

And that definition is a far cry from celibacy, Jay pointed out. "It's not a choice. Celibacy is a choice, whereas asexuality is just the way that you are. Much like being gay is not a choice, or being straight or being right-handed," he said. Some studies show that asexual behavior does exist in the animal world. Dr. Anthony Bogaert of Brock University in Ontario, who has conducted one of the few studies of human asexuality said he found as much as 1 percent of the population may be asexual. "They may still have physiological arousal experiences, vaginal lubrication, erections, but they may not be able to, or [connect] that arousal to men, women or both," Bogaert said. Living without that connection can be a challenge in a world fixated on sex. "What I mind is when the idea gets enforced that people need sex. That without sex, you're somehow broken. And of course, we can be happy without sex," Jay said. Sex Therapist Questions Label But Joy Davidson, a certified sex therapist, believes Jay and his fellow asexuals may be shortchanging themselves with the asexual label. "Sex is a fabulous, enormously pleasurable aspect of life. And your saying you don't miss it is like someone in a sense who's color blind saying, 'I don't miss color.' Of course, you don't miss what you've never had," Davidson said.

Davidson cited a litany of factors that may be at the root of an asexual life. "There may be something, maybe something physiological, endocrine, maybe something that has to do with trauma, or abuse, or repression, or severe religiosity, that has predisposed you to shutting down the possibility of being sexually engaged," she said.

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But the asexuals Chang spoke with for "20/20" said they're perfectly happy as they are. They said they're used to people questioning their identity. They've even questioned it themselves. For years Victoria Glancy, who wasn't attracted to men, assumed she was a lesbian. "I have slept with a couple of women, and it was just sort of, 'Oh, well, OK, we've done that now, so we don't have to ever do it again, right,'" she said. Glancy ultimately decided that she's asexual a label Davidson has called problematic. "You might as well label yourself not curious, unadventurous, narrow-minded, blind to possibilities. That's what happens when you label yourself as sexually neutered," Davidson said. Some Asexuals Can Have a Change of Heart Jay said his group is not trying to paint anyone into a corner. "The thing about the asexual community is that we're not a place people come to to stop exploring themselves. We don't want to slap a label on people and then have that confine them," he said. It's true that even the most vocal asexuals can have a change of heart. To their astonishment, Victoria Glancy and her fianc, Karl Hodgetts, recently discovered that their passions under the covers had been ignited. Glancy said she and Hodgetts had been getting very close to having sex recently. And Hodgetts is open to that possibility. "I just feel completely comfortable with Victoria. I don't think I've ever felt so comfortable with someone. And so I'm willing to, you know, try things," he said. So are Glancy and Hodgetts just ammunition for critics who say asexuals simply haven't found the right partners for themselves? That doesn't matter to Glancy, because, she said, there's a possibility she won't want to have sex or have it more than once.

"I could have sex with Karl one time and go, 'Oh, OK, saw what that was like,' and then not like it," she said. At first, Glancy said, she felt a bit uncomfortable acknowledging her sexual attraction to her fianc.

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"When we were first kind of fooling around, and I'm like, 'Oh, I'm not supposed to like this.' But then that's stupid. I mean, you're just are who you are," she told Chang. Although they hadn't yet had sex when Chang spoke with them, Glancy and Hodgetts removed themselves from the asexuality Web site. For the remaining members, giving voice to asexuality is still a proud mission.

=== message truncated ===

Hi everyone. Nice to see activity in this site. I am a guy 55, who has been celibate for almost 20 years. Like others in here, I have no desire or need for the sex act. Wish that there were more of us. Wish that it was an everyday common thing for people to want a relationship with others without genital contact. I am no virgin. I just never figured out why anyone wants or needs to do it.

Anything but Vanilla

One Celled Sex

By Danniel D.D. Oickle Print this story It seems I have talked about so much sex that its no wonder I always have it on the brain. I spend time wondering about the sex lives of those I meet, hoping to find something original or even a little bizarre to write about. Well, I recently bumped into a guy I knew in high school named Patrick. We used to laugh about him and call him Pat. You know like the Saturday Night Live skit about the person they couldnt figure out if it was a girl or boy? Well, he was very similar, except, we knew he was a guy.

We used to think he would never get laid. You know those Most likely to. votes you made in high school? I was Most likely to be on Broadway, my friend JEM was Most likely to manage a hostile takeover, and my friend Sarah was Most likely to get knocked up at grad. Well Pat was voted Most Likely to Die a Virgin. Of all of us, Sarah seems to be the only one who didnt live up to the Most Likely vote.

Pat, on the other hand, seems to be living up to his title with no problems. When I bumped into him on Elgin Street, he yelled out a hello and ran over to me. All I could think at first was: What is this fat woman doing? Then it hit me Its PAT! He started to talk with me and I found out about his comic book collection, his action figure collection, and his complete series of Star Trek (including the rare unreleased episodes). Now dont get me wrongIm not saying that liking these things is wrong. Anything in small doses is great, but if it becomes an obsession? Nothing good can come out of a tacky obsession.

Now these things are not the reason he is a virgin. Unlike the new movie The 40 Year Old Virgin, Pat didnt strike out and give up. He just isnt interested in sex. He is completely asexual. This is not the Forever Virgin syndrome which is when the person is sexual but just never had the right opportunity. An asexual person is one who is completely non-sexual. That is quite different.

Now back to Pat. He is a virgin. He is unsexy. He looks like a he-she and makes you wonder. He has little to no interest in sex. They are rare, but usually there are reasons for it. People with Downs Syndrome often, though not always, are asexual. Other mental illnesses can cause it as well. But sometimes, like in Pats case, he is just missing a sex drive.

It is not his looks or his pastimes, his collections or his clothes; it is just a distinct lack of sex drive. I find this fascinating. Since I am a very sexual person, I find it so interesting to come across someone who is the complete opposite. As I was talking to him, I found out he moved out last year and got his own place, and that he is so happy not to have to share the remote with his mother.

I then asked him about a girlfriend. He said: Oh no with a frown. So I laughed and said: Oh sorry, how about a boyfriend? He looked at me with big eyes: Um no I live there by myself. No roommates. I almost choked. Here I am asking about boyfriends and girlfriends and he thinks I mean roommates. And he was in my sex-ed class. I figured he should understand sex, but one should never assume. So I asked him where he works, and he said he is a mail clerk. OK. Boring, but someone has to do it. I then told him about my sex columnoh dear. He goes: Why would you write about that?

I said: Because its a topic that affects everyone. He looked at me and frowned: Nawits only to make babies. I think I then choked up my Timmys Coffee all over him.

Not everyone is sexual. 99% of the population is, but not everyone. Some people have a low sex drive, or dont have one at all. I called a doctor friend of mine to ask if there is anything medically wrong with these people, and she said there could be chemical or hormonal imbalances or mental problems caused my illness or abuse. In the end, they could be put on medication to correct the chemical problems and therapy for the mental ones, but thats only if they want to. Pat, and others like him, though dont feel like they are missing anything, so they will never go to a doctor to get fixed. And in the end, if it isnt hurting them and they dont care, is there anything even in need of fixing?

If you have any ideas for a column, please write me at: purpleplace @ hotmail.com.

To Be Publications Inc. http://www.tobe.ca/tobe/content.jsp?sid=40694260737813544114931846817&ctid=1000009&cnid=1000764

Hi Jim, I was just going through my mail again. I've been ill for around 2 months and was hospitalized for 2 weeks recently. I am now home recovering. I'll be glad to be able to move about freely again.

Anyway, I used this email to re-enter because it's just so true. I love it.

Jen

This poem was written by a sexual person, who was in a non-sexual intimate relationship with an asexual person (me). Shared with permission of the author:

The brave ones ask directly, "But what do you *do* together? I mean, you know, sexually?" The shy ones pretend we aren't there and chatter when we leave "Well," they speculate, "What do you think they do together? I mean, you know, sexually?"

Either way, I respond with kindness; they don't know that the questions show lack and limitations in their own lives.

They assume that two people so loving must make love - and of course we do - but not in any of the ways expected by those who ask, "What do you do together? I mean, you know, sexually?"

The really brave ones with no sense of privacy ask "Well, do you do anything, you know, genitally?"

The worst ones, though, ask, "Isn't it sad that you can't make love?"

Sometimes I want to laugh. Usually I want to rant.

What's sad is that they pry without understanding

It's so redundant.

Again and again I say - insofar as making love loving very intensely touching very deeply - We do. As for sex - We don't.

We touch each other in ways that are meaningful to us.

And to the ones who cluck in sympathy, I have nothing more to say.

Written by Kiesa Kay

hey everyone; i am so glad i have found a group for people like me. i used to think i was strange or odd because i just wasn't into that sort of stuff. i am 31 and for most of my life i have been perceived as gay. i am not and though i accepted the scrutiny, i still thought something was teribly wrong with me. i have accepted who i am and hope to find some new friends here.

Duane

Welcome Duane,

On Tuesday, April 11, 2006, at 05:13 PM, Duane Vincent wrote:

hey everyone; i am so glad i have found a group for people like me. i used to think i was strange or odd because i just wasn't into that sort of stuff. i am 31 and for most of my life i have been perceived as gay. i am not and though i accepted the scrutiny, i still thought something was teribly wrong with me. i have accepted who i am and hope to find some new friends here.

Duane

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Hi All:

I am putting a very different point of view here. I am looking for Marriage of Convenience with a Lady near to my age. I am Indian origin, gay guy, 27 y/o. I am kind of under pressure to get married and if you understand indian culture, you wont be surprised.

I am sane guy, who is proffessional and studying accounts. I am looking for a lady with whom I can honestly share my feeling , more like a freind rather than wife.

I beleive that there must be some1 in similar situation as me. if u r in such a siatuation, please do get in contact with me. I am in London (studying) but I am indian originally.

If you have any questions or wanna know more abut me feel free to contat me.

Thanks a lot for your time,

Regards

Of course you will find

hey everyone; i am so glad i have found a group for people like me. i used to think i was strange or odd because i just wasn't into that sort of stuff. i am 31 and for most of my life i have been perceived as gay. i am not and though i accepted the scrutiny, i still thought something was teribly wrong with me. i have accepted who i am and hope to find some new friends here.

Duane

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welcome

hey everyone; i am so glad i have found a group for people like me. i used to think i was strange or odd because i just wasn't into that sort of stuff. i am 31 and for most of my life i have been perceived as gay. i am not and though i accepted the scrutiny, i still thought something was teribly wrong with me. i have accepted who i am and hope to find some new friends here.

Duane

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i m new member of ur group

Hi everyone

I am on AVEN and joined this group a while ago but really haven't posted since I joined.

I just wanted to say hi to everyone. I know this isn't meant for a singles list but what the heck, I might just find my nonsexual soulmate on here. I am looking for a woman or man, who is asexual like me, willing to get to know each other, and see if we can be life mates. I wouldn't mind being single for the rest of my life but I would love to share my life with someone without the drama of sex..and where else to find those type of people but here...

A little about me: 33 yr old female great personality, caring, loves to cuddle, road trips, nature, reading, cultural events, fairs, etc.

You can message me on Yahoo IM as rere25 or just reply to me from this...but send it directly to me instead of the group so that we don't bother the other members.

Thanks Rena

Hello I´m new here. After over thirty years I´m slowly and unwillingly coming to the insight that I´ve probably been partly asexuall most of my life and totaly asexuall at least the past fifteen years. For me it has always been a curse. It´s as though somthing essentially human has been denied me. I am amazed on reading how young people in this forum take being asexuall with such ease. I am full of awe. This was unthinkable. For me not getting an erektion was a katastrofee. I wanted to be close to a woman but no relationship could last due to my, in my eyes, impotency. All women I have met have wanted to have sex, and in relation to thier desires I felt small and worthless as a man. I wanted to be with them but I usually had no sexuall desire what so ever. I´ve gone in therapy several times, I´ve torn my brain apart to find a solution or reason. I´ve done all the hormon tests. Nothing. When I found people like you all on the net, I relized something that I´ve thought many times but paid no heed to, yeah I´m most probably asexuall. I´ve been married and I have children. Now I´m divorced, to a certain extent due to my lack of desire. I have fallen in love a couple of times, I like women. And though they atrakt me they dont rouse me. I´ve had this `problem´ all my life but until now I´ve allways thougt that something fysikaly or mentaly has been wrong with me. Now reading that you people exist I do not see myself as a freak anymore. But I still have great troubles accepting it. How do you do it? JR from Sweden

This evening someone told me that I'm not asexual. I said yes I am asexual--I think I would know a thing like that. He said, "No, you're *very* sexual." This is not a person who has ever indicated the slightest interest in wanting me to be sexual *with him*, so I don't think that's what this is about. But when I asked him on what basis he was saying that I'm "very sexual," he started talking about how I "care very deeply about people." Huh?? How on earth does that equate with being "very sexual"??? What's this guy talking about?????

Jim Sinclair jisincla@... www.jimsinclair.org

I don't know if I'm a,b,c or d.

There has been gaps in my life of doing with out sex. After age of 40 that part of my life departed. I'm so busy with my life now doing in home care. Yes I'm married and we both feel the same way cause we are both busy with are own lives. We have are own rooms and do our daily living actively apart but we are a family each one of us are a part of each other. Cause my client lives with us.

So being with out is not a sin and in some ways it help you understand a life mate better.

You can love someone and touch their soul in way that is far better then sex and have real trust.

From someone that is watch the world go down hill.

LeslieKay,

He probably wants you.

This evening someone told me that I'm not asexual. I said yes I am asexual--I think I would know a thing like that. He said, "No, you're *very* sexual." This is not a person who has ever indicated the slightest interest in wanting me to be sexual *with him*, so I don't think that's what this is about. But when I asked him on what basis he was saying that I'm "very sexual," he started talking about how I "care very deeply about people." Huh?? How on earth does that equate with being "very sexual"??? What's this guy talking about?????

Jim Sinclair jisincla@... www.jimsinclair.org

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