Haven for the Human Amoeba

Oh? Since when?

Wait, I thought this was an asexual site. Asexuals cannot have sex and have no desire to do so.

Hi all, I have just discovered this in the past month. I am amazed to finally

see who i really am. I am married with kids, have never ever had a desire for sex and have done it all my life to please others. I am pleased to find and meet other people that feel the way i do. I

also am pleased to find out i am not "frigid"or " a freak" Is there anyone else that is either married or in a relationship and

having sex to save it( well not too much sex actually now)

Yes. 11 years now, three children. I pretty much just have sex because it makes my husband happy. It's a chore not unlike mowing the lawn, doing the dishes, or folding clothes. It's caused a lot of problems over the course of my marriage; my husband has blamed it on everything from frigidity, to hormone problems, to me not loving him, to him not being physically attractive, and to me 'being on the the internet'. Every time I've brought up my lack of desire to discuss, it's ended in arguments and hurt feelings.

After awhile I just decided that I'd have sex with him to make him happy as a sacrifice; I love him very much as a person, I just don't desire him. I've never desired /anyone/, not as far back as I can remember. I've learned how to fake sexual interest pretty well, and while I dislike having to fake anything with him, it keeps things together at home.

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Since when? What? Man, I thought this was for asexuals. I don't get it. What do you mean since when? Asexuals do not have sex or desire for it. It's a fact. What did you think an asexual was?

v&#92;:* {behavior:url(#default#VML);} o&#92;:* {behavior:url(#default#VML);} w&#92;:* {behavior:url(#default#VML);} .shape {behavior:url(#default#VML);} st1&#92;:*{behavior:url(#default#ieooui) } Oh? Since when?

Wait, I thought this was an asexual site. Asexuals cannot have sex and have no desire to do so.

Hi all, I have just discovered this in the past month. I am amazed to finally see who i really am. I am married with kids, have never ever had a desire for sex and have done it all my life to please others. I am pleased to find and meet other people that feel the way i do. I also am pleased to find out i am not "frigid"or " a freak" Is there anyone else that is either married or in a relationship and having sex to save it( well not too much sex actually now)

Yes. 11 years now, three children. I pretty much just have sex because it makes my husband happy. It's a chore not unlike mowing the lawn, doing the dishes, or folding clothes. It's caused a lot of problems over the course of my marriage; my husband has blamed it on everything from frigidity, to hormone problems, to me not loving him, to him not being physically attractive, and to me 'being on the the internet'. Every time I've brought up my lack of desire to discuss, it's ended in arguments and hurt feelings.

After awhile I just decided that I'd have sex with him to make him happy as a sacrifice; I love him very much as a person, I just don't desire him. I've never desired /anyone/, not as far back as I can remember. I've learned how to fake sexual interest pretty well, and while I dislike having to fake anything with him, it keeps things together at home.

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Well, considering everything that I've looked into before I even began considering this might be the "category" for me, stated that asexuals, non-sexuals and anti-sexuals had LOW to zero sex drives. So, since the definition has been in use for a while, I'd say I'm fairly certain when I answer: quite some time.

That's what I think an asexual is. I apologize if I've had to make you re-evaluate your own personal definitions, but that's for you to handle on your own. Your definitions don't define me, and I'm pretty sure they don't define others either.

*smiles*

Layna

Since when? What? Man, I thought this was for asexuals. I don't get it. What do you mean since when? Asexuals do not have sex or desire for it. It's a fact. What did you think an asexual was?

Oh? Since when?

Wait, I thought this was an asexual site. Asexuals cannot have sex and have no desire to do so.

Hi all, I have just discovered this in the past month. I am amazed to finally

see who i really am. I am married with kids, have never ever had a desire for sex and have done it all my life to please others. I am pleased to find and meet other people that feel the way i do. I

also am pleased to find out i am not "frigid"or " a freak" Is there anyone else that is either married or in a relationship and

having sex to save it( well not too much sex actually now)

Yes. 11 years now, three children. I pretty much just have sex because it makes my husband happy. It's a chore not unlike mowing the lawn, doing the dishes, or folding clothes. It's caused a lot of problems over the course of my marriage; my husband has blamed it on everything from frigidity, to hormone problems, to me not loving him, to him not being physically attractive, and to me 'being on the the internet'. Every time I've brought up my lack of desire to discuss, it's ended in arguments and hurt feelings.

After awhile I just decided that I'd have sex with him to make him happy as a sacrifice; I love him very much as a person, I just don't desire him. I've never desired /anyone/, not as far back as I can remember. I've learned how to fake sexual interest pretty well, and while I dislike having to fake anything with him, it keeps things together at home.

Yahoo! Messenger with Voice. <http://us.rd.yahoo.com/mail_us/taglines/postman3/*http:/us.rd.yahoo.com /evt=39666/*http:/messenger.yahoo.com> PC-to-Phone calls for ridiculously low rates.

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I completely agree with you Layna. That was the definition I had thought was most accurate. I have always thought that you can have sex to have children or try to save a marriage, but if there is no drive or desire then you are still an asexual.

Kristen

v&#92;:* {behavior:url(#default#VML);} o&#92;:* {behavior:url(#default#VML);} w&#92;:* {behavior:url(#default#VML);} .shape {behavior:url(#default#VML);} st1&#92;:*{behavior:url(#default#ieooui) } Well, considering everything that Ive looked into before I even began considering this might be the category for me, stated that asexuals, non-sexuals and anti-sexuals had LOW to zero sex drives. So, since the definition has been in use for a while, Id say Im fairly certain when I answer: quite some time.

Thats what I think an asexual is. I apologize if Ive had to make you re-evaluate your own personal definitions, but thats for you to handle on your own. Your definitions dont define me, and Im pretty sure they dont define others either.

*smiles*

Layna

Since when? What? Man, I thought this was for asexuals. I don't get it. What do you mean since when? Asexuals do not have sex or desire for it. It's a fact. What did you think an asexual was?

Oh? Since when?

Wait, I thought this was an asexual site. Asexuals cannot have sex and have no desire to do so.

Hi all, I have just discovered this in the past month. I am amazed to finally see who i really am. I am married with kids, have never ever had a desire for sex and have done it all my life to please others. I am pleased to find and meet other people that feel the way i do. I also am pleased to find out i am not "frigid"or " a freak" Is there anyone else that is either married or in a relationship and having sex to save it( well not too much sex actually now)

Yes. 11 years now, three children. I pretty much just have sex because it makes my husband happy. It's a chore not unlike mowing the lawn, doing the dishes, or folding clothes. It's caused a lot of problems over the course of my marriage; my husband has blamed it on everything from frigidity, to hormone problems, to me not loving him, to him not being physically attractive, and to me 'being on the the internet'. Every time I've brought up my lack of desire to discuss, it's ended in arguments and hurt feelings.

After awhile I just decided that I'd have sex with him to make him happy as a sacrifice; I love him very much as a person, I just don't desire him. I've never desired /anyone/, not as far back as I can remember. I've learned how to fake sexual interest pretty well, and while I dislike having to fake anything with him, it keeps things together at home.

Yahoo! Messenger with Voice. PC-to-Phone calls for ridiculously low rates.

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Kristen a.k.a. Mags (that makes me Mags, the Mag-nificent)

In a message dated 5/3/2006 11:49:51 P.M. Eastern Standard Time, ultrix@... writes:

Yes. 11 years now, three children. I pretty much just have sex because it makes my husband happy. It's a chore not unlike mowing the lawn, doing the dishes, or folding clothes. It's caused a lot of problems over the course of my marriage; my husband has blamed it on everything from frigidity, to hormone problems, to me not loving him, to him not being physically attractive, and to me 'being on the the internet'. Every time I've brought up my lack of desire to discuss, it's ended in arguments and hurt feelings.

After awhile I just decided that I'd have sex with him to make him happy as a sacrifice; I love him very much as a person, I just don't desire him. I've never desired /anyone/, not as far back as I can remember. I've learned how to fake sexual interest pretty well, and while I dislike having to fake anything with him, it keeps things together at home.

That must be terrible for you. In past relationships, as far back as my late teens, (I'm 31 now) I've done exactly as you described. I'd fake it just to keep the peace. I would do it because I felt that I had to. Then there were times where I would pick a fight just so I wouldn't be expected to have sex that night. I would even get anxiety attacks thinking about sex, but when asked what was wrong, I would blame the anxiety on something else. And then of course, there were those moments when I knew sex was inevitable because he'd be getting cranky and talking about "If you don't do it, I'll find someone else who will." In those cases, I would dread the deed so much that I would have to drink several glasses of wine to prepare myself for it. (Sex was less disgusting for me if I drank first,) Just thinking about sex now is making me cringe. I've been single for a year and a half. I finally couldn't put up with the repulsion I felt every time my last BF came near me, so I finally left him. Of course there were other reasons too, like his inability to keep a job, his constant need to go to bars and beat up other patrons, and his going into my purse to "borrow" money. I think I stayed with him as long as I did because I was lonely and pathetic and I wanted to "mold" him into the ideal man. How naive and stupid I was, but that's not me anymore. I refuse to do something I loathe just to satisfy another person. I find it degrading and subhuman. If I have to stay single the rest of my life because of my lack of sex drive, then so be it. Maybe it's a hormone problem, maybe it's poor body image, maybe it's due to past negative sexual experiences. I don't know or care what it is. No amount of drugs, hormones, or therapy is going to erase this absolute REVULSION I have towards sex. I don't want it. I doubt I will ever want it. PERIOD. I am very affectionate. I love hugs and kisses, but anything beyond that makes my stomach turn.

In a message dated 5/3/2006 11:58:45 P.M. Eastern Standard Time, spiritualism7@... writes:

Wait, I thought this was an asexual site. Asexuals cannot have sex and have no desire to do so.

Wonderful ... another person thinking they can pigeonhole another person into a category. Definitions 1 and 2 obviously relate to non-humans. Definition 3 is what you should read. Interest and desire are what asexuals lack. They are still capable of having sex, and some do it to keep the peace with their spouses. It doesn't mean they LIKE it, it means they tolerate it, much like tolerating a screaming child in a movie theater or tolerating the breath of a person that just ate red snapper sauteed in garlic.

a·sex·u·al (https://secure.reference.com/premium/login.html?rd=2&u=http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=asexual) ( P ) _Pronunciation Key_ (http://dictionary.reference.com/help/ahd4/pronkey.html) (-sksh-l) adj. 1. Having no evident sex or sex organs; sexless. 2. Relating to, produced by, or involving reproduction that occurs without the union of male and female gametes, as in binary fission or budding. 3. Lacking interest in or desire for sex.

&nbsp;I have just discovered this in the past month. I am amazed to finally

see who i really am. I am married with kids, have never ever had a desire for sex and have done it all my life to please others. I am pleased to find and meet other people that feel the way i do. I also am pleased to find out i am not "frigid"or " a freak" Is there anyone else that is either married or in a relationship and having sex to save it( well not too much sex actually now)

I'll jump into the fray here.&nbsp; I am also a new member and I'm pretty much in the same position.&nbsp; I'm 40 years old, have been married for 17 years and have two children.&nbsp; I've always had a low sex drive and, quite frankly, sex has probably been the biggest disappointment in my life.&nbsp; I just didn't understand what the obsession our society has with sex.

In the last few years, I've realized that my low sex drive has basically turned into no sex drive.&nbsp; My husband has actually come to some acceptance of this, to give him credit.&nbsp; He no longer approaches me for sex.&nbsp; About once a month&nbsp;I will initiate sex just to keep the marriage going.&nbsp; I basically view it about the same as doing dishes--something that has to be done.&nbsp;

I'm glad to have found this group and know that I am not alone in my feelings.&nbsp; It only makes sense that if sexual addicts exist, that people with no sex drive would exist also.&nbsp; I've spent too much of my life wondering what was wrong with me.&nbsp; It's nice to find people who truly understand.

Lori

How cool it is that there are so many people who are coming out of the closet to exclaim that sex is not the greatest thing on earth! The sad thing is that we all wind up with incompatible mates, or no mate at all! Kind of like being gay, and having to marry a member of the opposite sex! Except: gays don't usually have it this bad. Gays can usually find each other! My heart goes out to those of you who have to pretend to enjoy sex in order to make the mate happy.

Yes, I can very well relate to you. I am married and while I wish it were sexless, it isn't. Just like you said, it like a chore that needs to be done, and I admit it is easier to please him "his way" than making sure all the floors are spotless. (3 level house) Anyway. I was brought up to act a certain way, and also being very attractive when young, had expectations put upon me. I just thought if I played along, I would get "into" it. At least I have two daughters that I love. One likes guys, and the other, I think, is asexual. Neither date at this time.

My husband only married me to have sex. Very strict, traditional culture he came from. I married him because I didn't want to be an old lady without any family around, and felt he would be around for the long haul.

Karin

[email protected], "dappel30" <Dappel30@...> wrote:

Hi all, I have just discovered this in the past month. I am amazed to finally see who i really am. I am married with kids, have never ever had a desire for sex and have done it all my life to please others. I am pleased to find and meet other people that feel the way i do. I also am pleased to find out i am not "frigid"or " a freak" Is there anyone else that is either married or in a relationship and having sex to save it( well not too much sex actually now)

Marriages in China - without sex December 14, 2004

Hong Kong - A matchmaking bureau has been set up in eastern China offering platonic marriages to people who want a spouse but don't want the sex, a news report said Monday.

The service in Nanjing has been so successful it has attracted customers from hundreds of kilometres away in northern China, according to the Hong Kong edition of the China Daily.

The director of the agency said the service was very popular with people who did not want to live alone but were put off marriage by the prospect of sex.

"Because of physical or mental problems, some people need a type of no-sex marriage," the newspaper quoted him saying. "The agency is simply providing services for them."

http://www.asiansexgazette.com/asg/china/china02news49.htm

Good points Illina, I think we are just learning each other as a community, and I am sure that we have as many varieties in our life styles as any other group of people. Don't forget the sexual community runs the gammit from A to Z and I am sure so do we. All that matters in the end is a non interest in sex. Mary

you can solve su-do-ku puzzles and not like it one bit but do it anyway. hey, i do that, mainly to prove that it's too easy and dull. you can eat the liver and onion dish that your parents made you even though you really don't like the taste of it. and you can have sex (technically) even though you really don't need it or even when it grosses you out. but you won't, unless you have a good reason to (such as a good relationship to be saved, but that last statement could be disputed).

I think we need something like this here in the states. Or maybe it already exists on all the myriad dating/relationship/find me a spouse sites that are everywhere.

Marriages in China - without sex

December 14, 2004

Hong Kong - A matchmaking bureau has been set up in eastern China offering platonic marriages to people who want a spouse but don't want the sex, a news report said Monday.

The service in Nanjing has been so successful it has attracted customers from hundreds of kilometres away in northern China, according to the Hong Kong edition of the China Daily.

The director of the agency said the service was very popular with people who did not want to live alone but were put off marriage by the prospect of sex.

"Because of physical or mental problems, some people need a type of no-sex marriage," the newspaper quoted him saying. "The agency is simply providing services for them."

http://www.asiansexgazette.com/asg/china/china02news49.htm

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If you find it Layna let me know

I think we need something like this here in the states. Or maybe it already exists on all the myriad dating/relationship/find me a spouse sites that are everywhere.

Marriages in China - without sex December 14, 2004

Hong Kong - A matchmaking bureau has been set up in eastern China offering platonic marriages to people who want a spouse but don't want the sex, a news report said Monday.

The service in Nanjing has been so successful it has attracted customers from hundreds of kilometres away in northern China, according to the Hong Kong edition of the China Daily.

The director of the agency said the service was very popular with people who did not want to live alone but were put off marriage by the prospect of sex.

"Because of physical or mental problems, some people need a type of no-sex marriage," the newspaper quoted him saying. "The agency is simply providing services for them."

http://www.asiansexgazette.com/asg/china/china02news49.htm

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I'm not sure I'm going to be out there purposefully looking, but if I stumble upon something I will let the entire group know. =)

If you find it Layna let me know

----- Original Message -----

I think we need something like this here in the states. Or maybe it already exists on all the myriad dating/relationship/find me a spouse sites that are everywhere.

Marriages in China - without sex

December 14, 2004

Hong Kong - A matchmaking bureau has been set up in eastern China offering platonic marriages to people who want a spouse but don't want the sex, a news report said Monday.

The service in Nanjing has been so successful it has attracted customers from hundreds of kilometres away in northern China, according to the Hong Kong edition of the China Daily.

The director of the agency said the service was very popular with people who did not want to live alone but were put off marriage by the prospect of sex.

"Because of physical or mental problems, some people need a type of no-sex marriage," the newspaper quoted him saying. "The agency is simply providing services for them."

http://www.asiansexgazette.com/asg/china/china02news49.htm

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Hi there, I've been lurking for a while and guess its time to introduce myself... I'm Samantha, I recently turned 33, and also recently realised I'm asexual. I thought I was sexually dysfunctional, but when I put all the pieces together I finally had to admit the truth to myself. I have always known something was different wth me sexually. Its funny, I have a really open mind about sex- everyone else's- and if I had a libido I'd consider myself bisexual. But the truth is I'd be happy if I knew I could go the rest of my life without the pressure of my husband wanting sex. Yep I'm married- we've been together over 10 years. He has a "healthy" sex drive but does not consider sex the most important thing in life. Sometimes I give him hand-jobs and maybe once every 6 months I'll submit to intercourse. But I have to draw the line or else I'll end up resenting him. Its not an ideal situation but I think I'm lucky because most men would have given me an ultimatum by now. He says he's just glad we are together. He saw the pain his mom went through when his dad cheated on her and vowed never to be like that, so I think in his own way he has his own issues with sex. As for me, I do masturbate, but its not pleasureable. Its more like scratching an itch, I don't know how else to describe it. I've tried taking "aphrodesiacs" and even viagra. I felt strange "down there" but not in a good way at all. Also I was diagnosed with dysthymia as a child. The most common description is "low-grade depression" but its worse, you just feel "blah" all the time. I'm sure these two problems are tied together. In my younger days I experimented with drugs, and found my body does not react to cocaine or extasy. This leads me to theorize that I'm missing some sort of brain receptor or chemicals...maybe this is why I have no libido? Who knows? In any event I am happy to have found some kindred spirits, and I hope nothing I wrote here is considered "too much information"~ I'm a very open person and don't have many taboos. I guess that is all for now. I hope you all are having a good weekend. hugs sam

Why have a personals website for asexual people? Many asexual people desire loving caring relationships.

In a world where sexual intimacy is promoted as the norm, and sex is assumed to be an extremely important thing and an 'expected' part of having a relationship, asexual people seeking relationships usually find themselves in situations where they are expected to be sexual.

Many asexual people often feel pressured to fake sexual attraction or interest in order to fit in or they fade into the background when sex comes into the conversation.

If an asexual person doesn't play along and pretend they have sexual thoughts and feelings, it is usually difficult for them to find satisfying close meaningful relationships with others.

Finding friends where you are accepted as an asexual person is still relatively rare - and it is especially difficult for asexual people when seeking out a relationship.

These personals hope to make this task a little easier for asexual people.

http://www.asexualove.net/index.html

Um...asexuals do not have sex. If someone has sex, they cannot be asexual. That is only one requirement to being asexual, also known as nonlibidoist.

Dappel30@... wrote: I am very happy to have heard other stories such as mine. i have done it for the whole marriage to make him happy and in the long run neither of us is happy. He doesnt approach me for it ever , he has decided that i am the one that needs to initiate and that never happens. He doesnt understand and basically doesnt want to. when ever this comes up we just fight, so i avoid it like the plague. i cringe at the thought of it. I have had many years of anxiety issues and now realize they were all due to sex. I would have an anxiety attack thinking about him coming home and having to have sex. for many years i could only have sex if i had been drinking alcohol, and its sad as i cant drink anymore. i do not want the marriage to end but i see that he is distant and unattached. we have gone thru counselling but the asexuality hasnt been brought up yet together. he wont care anyway, as he just wants to do it. i dont know where my future will go.

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Asexuals do not *want* to have sex. There is a difference. As several other people have pointed out, you can do it without *wanting* to do it.

Um...asexuals do not have sex. If someone has sex, they cannot be asexual. That is only one requirement to being asexual, also known as nonlibidoist.

_/&#92; q"-"p /&#92;_ SG-chan

Choose your uke Bishonen and get going! Submissive Seto Submissive Sessho Submissive Aoshi Anyone X Seto

Technically, if you do it, you are no longer considered asexual. Now, if it's a rape thing, then that's totally different. But doing it without wanting it? Lame excuse.

Asexuals do not *want* to have sex. There is a difference. As several other people have pointed out, you can do it without *wanting* to do it.

Um...asexuals do not have sex. If someone has sex, they cannot be asexual. That is only one requirement to being asexual, also known as nonlibidoist.

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Technically, if you do it, you are no longer considered asexual. Now, if it's a rape thing, >then that's totally different. But doing it without wanting it? Lame excuse.

I see.&nbsp; So wanting to keep my family together is a lame excuse???&nbsp; I think you need to open up your views a little more.&nbsp; I have no desire for sex, yet I continue to do so for the good of my marriage.&nbsp; I also have no desire to ever cook another meal in my life, yet I continue to do that as well. We all do things we'd rather not do.&nbsp; That doesn't change the fact that I consider myself to be asexual.&nbsp; Asexuality has to do with desire, not the physical act.&nbsp;

If I had it all to do again, would I get married?&nbsp; I don't know.&nbsp; I wouldn't have to deal with the pressure of having sex, but I also wouldn't have my wonderful boys.&nbsp; They make it all worthwhile.

Lori

Technically, if you do it, you are no longer considered asexual. Now, if it's a rape thing, then that's totally different. But doing it without wanting it? Lame excuse.

Does this mean also that a gay person who's had sex with someone of the opposite sex, for reasons of curiosity or bowing to social pressure or being in denial about being gay, but who's never actually felt sexual attraction or arousal toward people of the opposite sex, and has felt sexual attraction and arousal only toward people of the same sex, is not really gay?

I've never felt sexual arousal or attraction toward anyone of any sex. And I've never had sex. I don't think that's because I'm "more asexual" than some of the people who have posted here about having sex. I think it's probably because I'm less influenced by social pressure to conform. I'm just more stubborn. :-)

Jim Sinclair jisincla@... www.jimsinclair.org