Haven for the Human Amoeba

When you say "new found asexuality" that sounds like it is not your sexual orientation, but rather a medical condition. I suggest you see a specialist in the matter. Also, I know that taking SSRI drugs like Paxil will destroy the sex drive.

People who are of the asexual sexual orientation are born that way. While they may marry and have sex because of social pressures, they don't become asexual after being heterosexual most of their lives.

Dennis.

Hi. I have been with my husband for 12 years and we have a 7 year old child. Since our meeting I have had a hysterectomy due to cancer, thyroid cancer removed and major back fusion surgery. Needless to say, it has not been a bed of roses for either of us. I used to blame my new found asexuality on menopause but the doctors say with my meds (estrogen) that should not be the cause. I just do not want sex. And of course, he does. It causes so much stress. I feel like a failure. He feels unattractive and that I do not love or care for him anymore. No, I do not feel the heart palpatations kind of love I used to feel but does anyone after 12 years. If you do, more power to you. The bottom line, a divorce would kill our 7 year old who has moved as many times as years and is autistic. So I do not know what to do. I can not keep putting myself thru something physically that I do not want as it is wearing on my already low self-esteem. He does not understand and maybe most men would not but I am here and its happened so what do I do now. Any suggestions for D? I am open.

Dennis Hawkins wrote:

People who are of the asexual sexual orientation are born that way. While they may marry and have sex because of social pressures, they don't become asexual after being heterosexual most of their lives.

Has that statement been proven, or is it just an un-questioned dogma?

If it *was* proven --- then when and how?

Its the same as it is for homosexuals. Like us, they are born with their sexual orientation, but they don't usually know they are different until puberty when the others start seeking heterosexual relationships and they (gays) seek or desire same sex relationships. In the case of asexuals, they desire NO sexual relationships.

In my case, and also for many gays, I denied that I was anything other than heterosexual and pretended to be the same for most of my life due to social pressure. Consequently, you are going to find many gays and asexuals married with children. Later, when these people admit that they are something besides heterosexual, other people perceive this as "switching" but its really just acknowledging the truth.

There is scientific evidence that gays are born that way and as such, such evidence also indicates that all sexual orientations are formed at birth. Some people may go so far as to call gays and asexuals a birth defect. Either way, the evidence is there.

Dennis.

Dennis Hawkins wrote:

People who are of the asexual sexual orientation are born that way. While they may marry and have sex because of social pressures, they don't become asexual after being heterosexual most of their lives.

Has that statement been proven, or is it just an un-questioned dogma?

If it *was* proven --- then when and how?

Yahoo! Groups Links

Dennis Hawkins wrote:

There is scientific evidence that gays are born that way and as such, such evidence also indicates that all sexual orientations are formed at birth. Some people may go so far as to call gays and asexuals a birth defect. Either way, the evidence is there.

Dennis.

I want to know *what* scientific evidence?

I don't know about gays -- but with asexuals -- there are many asexuals who *themselves* see it as having been a change (rather than a coming out).

I don't know what the scientific evidence is regarding gays -- but even if I did know -- that wouldn't necessarily mean it also applies to asexuals.

Also -- when I asked if it was scientifically proven -- I also asked if so, then when and how?

When was it proven? And how? Until I am told when and how this was proven --- it's just one of those many scientific studies that everyone quotes but nobody can cite percisely.

Thank-you so much for sharing. I know how hard it is to be so open about private matters with strangers. Ihope it does not take me 20 years to get out but I don't want to hurt our son. Its a hard position. but I am unhappy too. debra

DEBRA (Who Else?)

How about if I have never liked it but have just done it to get the other sex? I really can not remember a time of really enjoying it? I have asked the doctors and they just say you have always been like this. No more is ever said. But maybe you are right. Deb

DEBRA (Who Else?)

Hello Debra,

I am new to this group and have been trying to get grounded on the topic and such.

I was married and I have two kids (and according to my 16 year old, I didn't have sex then either, I was artificially inseminated by aliens with the fathers sperm - once you get to know me better you will see that we view the world with humor)

After we divorced, I was told my by x that he knew the marriage was over, when I said to him, "why is that the only time you touch me is when you want sex?" Now, mind you, I had just had my second baby, I was doing all the housework and I had a job and I was still "recovering" (and you know what that means if you have had a baby!)

I wanted to share that part so that you would understand the next questions.

Why do you think it would hurt your son? Why do you have to conform to the definitions of society?

Both my kids were (and are) happier and healthier when my x decided to leave (he was and is a smoker) not to mention the stress of his frustration and anger. Not to say we didn't have some tough times. Really tough times. But we made it through. Even the x. He is "happily re-married" to a lady who seems a lot like I used to be - only more "affectionate." And I have to agree with him. If that was what he was looking for, he wasn't going to get it from me. And now we are all better off!

You take as long as you need to take and don't worry about the time. It does all work out in the end, if you do what you know to be right. Your son may surprise you . . .

BB June

Thank-you so much for sharing. I know how hard it is to be so open about private matters with strangers. Ihope it does not take me 20 years to get out but I don't want to hurt our son. Its a hard position. but I am unhappy too. debra

DEBRA (Who Else?)

---

Do you Yahoo!? Get on board. You're invited to try the new Yahoo! Mail Beta.

Then you probably are an asexual.

I remember frenching my girlfriend when I was about 20, not because I wanted to, but because the guys told me that's what I was supposed to do. During the process, I kept thinking "When is this going to be over." I couldn't stand it and just wanted it to end. I was putting on a show for her benefit. Not only that, but I must have been doing something wrong because other people would stare.

That one was falling in love with me so I had to dump her. I've never really gone out with anybody since either. I was happy to hear that she eventually married another guy about 8 years later.

After 20, there hasn't been nearly as much social pressure to get married as there was in my late teens. Now I'm hearing from old friends that say they are jealous of me because I never married. Considering all the crap they have to put up with, I'm not all that quick to disagree with them.

Dennis.

How about if I have never liked it but have just done it to get the other sex? I really can not remember a time of really enjoying it? I have asked the doctors and they just say you have always been like this. No more is ever said. But maybe you are right. Deb

DEBRA (Who Else?)

Adam,

I don't have time to do a lot of research for you, but basically there was a study where sexual orientation was traced to a specific cluster of neurons in the brain. It was significantly different between gay and straight men. I believe that this was done by studying the brains of deceased men, but you'll have to look it up to be sure. Try google.

As to whether asexuality is a sexual orientation by itself or the lack of one, I don't know. However, its too similar to homosexuality not to draw a parallel.

Dennis.

Dennis Hawkins wrote:

There is scientific evidence that gays are born that way and as such, such evidence also indicates that all sexual orientations are formed at birth. Some people may go so far as to call gays and asexuals a birth defect. Either way, the evidence is there.

Dennis.

I want to know *what* scientific evidence?

I don't know about gays -- but with asexuals -- there are many asexuals who *themselves* see it as having been a change (rather than a coming out).

I don't know what the scientific evidence is regarding gays -- but even if I did know -- that wouldn't necessarily mean it also applies to asexuals.

Also -- when I asked if it was scientifically proven -- I also asked if so, then when and how?

When was it proven? And how? Until I am told when and how this was proven --- it's just one of those many scientific studies that everyone quotes but nobody can cite percisely.

Yahoo! Groups Links

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Please unsubscribe me

thank you

Hi Jen

Would you mind explaining your comment ROFL......what does it mean???

Eileen

Yep Mary, I'm making changes in my place right now so I can go to there classes and be ready for a home study.

Jen

Jen if you want children you'd better get going. Some states have an age requirement on adoption.

Please cut and paste the questions, erase my answers, and add your own. 1. Name: Jen

2. Gender: Female

3. Age: 50

4. Location: Northern California

5. Have you ever had sex? This is an invasive question that I would not ask anyone.

6. What gender, if any, are you attracted to? Doesn't matter. I need to feel comfortable and safe.

7. Are you open about your non-sexuality? Actually at my age I now fall into the "old maid" category. Also at my age there are many widows out there so there is little interest in my peer group. Hey the older you get the easier it is. Also, sometimes if the topic arises.

8. Are you married? No & never have been. For most people this requires bumping uglies and I refuse.

9. Do you have or want children? I want children or at least one child. I would prefer a male child. I am considering doing fost-adopt or at least applying for it.

10. Do you like ANY human contact? You bet! I don't want to be touched by just anyone though. I do love affection or shared human contact that has NO sexual content. I even enjoy romance but not sexual energy.

11. Are you bothered by your asexuality? No not personally but it does bother me that it has caused me to be alone most of the time.

12. Do you date? ROFL, no. I wouldn't date anyone unless I was sure I was dating a non-sexual.

13. Have you ruled out possible medical/psychological reasons for your disinterest in sex? It could be ruled in or out and it doesn't really matter to me. I'm simply not having a bump ugly session in my life. Yuck! I'd much rather do something pleasurable and fun.

--- Eileen Haynes <flubbertom3@...> :

Hi Jen

Would you mind explaining your comment ROFL......what does it mean???

Hi... it's an expression like LOL. It means 'Rolling On the Floor, Laughing'

Yahoo!; (spam); Yahoo! Mail

http://login.yahoo.com/config/mail?.intl=gr

I was going to say something too, but didn't bother. You have to wonder = how these people managed to subscribe themselves in the first place.

I se= e this every now and then on my lists. Unless they give me a good technic= al reason why they can't unsubscribe themselves, I just change their permi= ssions so that they can't post any more. I had one guy threaten to sue me= , but since it isn't my job to unsubscribe people and I'm not required to = do it, he had no legal grounds to do so. He screamed and hollered for abo= ut a year (none of which actually got to the list) and then finally changed=

his email address -- all because he was too stupid to read the unsubscrib= e directions at the bottom of each and every post.

There used to be a lis= t called clueless_user_list that list owners could transfer memberships of= clueless users to. Basically, all these clueless people would sit there = and post nothing but "unsubscribe me" to the list. Again, at the bottom o= f every post, there were clear instructions for getting off. Yet, they wo= uld continue for months to pester each other with "Unsubscribe me or I'll = sue you" messages. Nobody was reading it except other clueless users. Mo= st would eventually figure it out, but some never did.

Dennis.

On 4 Jul = 2006 at 4:28, Kassil the Erratic wrote:

...There is a link at the bot= tom of /every single message/ allowing you to unsubscribe. When you subs= cribe to a list, you get an email telling you how to unsubscribe should you= choose to do so. Please use these if you wish to unsubscribe.

I'll= give you credit, though. Unlike roughly 95% of the people who post message= s like this to mailing lists, you spelled unsubscribe correctly.

-K= assil, frustrated computer geek/nerd

On 7/4/06, Eileen Haynes <flubber= tom3@...> wrote: Please unsubscribe me

thank you

T= alk is cheap. Use Yahoo! Messenger to make PC-to-Phone calls. Great rates s= tarting at 1=A2/min.

Please unsubscribe me

If you click on the attachment at the bottom, it will open in your web browser and explain how to unsubscribe. It's in HTML format. If you prefer, you can read the text in "raw" format. How you do that will depend on your e-mail client.

HTH

PS to all the other rude people: not everyone is reading this stuff in HTML. That's Yahoo's fault, not the readers. You can also blame AOL for being one of the first to bring that crap HTML into e-mail.

Therese Shellabarger - Civis Mundi - tlshell@...

Dennis Hawkins wrote:

There is scientific evidence that gays are born that way and as such, such evidence also indicates that all sexual orientations are formed at birth. Some people may go so far as to call gays and asexuals a birth defect. Either way, the evidence is there.

Dennis.

I want to know *what* scientific evidence?

There isn't any because science has barely gotten to know that there are assexuals. Studying will take time and money. If you are interested, then do it yourself.

Therese Shellabarger - Civis Mundi - [email protected]

I can not keep putting myself thru something physically that I do not want as it is wearing on my already low self-esteem. He does not understand and maybe most men would not but I am here and its happened so what do I do now. Any suggestions for D? I am open.

You could suggest that your husband do what my grandfather did under very similar circumstances. He got a mistress. My grandmother didn't seem to mind but I never asked.

BTW, my grandmother also had a hysterectomy, which makes me wonder if that's part of the problem. She claimed she didn't feel like a real woman afterwards and everyone said it was all in her head. Since she had already had plenty of children, the only person left to object was her husband, and like I said, he found his own solution.

Therese Shellabarger - Civis Mundi - tlshell@...

My email client is set for text. The instructions are still very clear. What is rude is when people send those unsub messages to the list and not to the moderator directly. Of course, that would mean that they would have to read the instructions and if they did that, they wouldn't need help.

Dennis.

PS to all the other rude people: not everyone is reading this stuff in HTML. That's Yahoo's fault, not the readers. You can also blame AOL for being one of the first to bring that crap HTML into e-mail. Yahoo! Groups Links

Well, this is controversial, but what if you let him have a mistress?

Nic

That is what I told my husband to do. So far he will not do so. I think he is crazy but hey what do I know.. Thanks for your input. Its about the best I have gotten. Thanks, Debra

DEBRA (Who Else?)