Re: [Haven for the Human Amoeba] My First Post
Hey everyone,
I just wanted to say "hello" and introduce myself. My name is Liz and I'm an author from New Hampshire. I'm 20 years old and seriously thinking about pursuing this "asexual" lifestyle. Since I was in middle school I've had nearly no interest in relationships. My main focus in being with people is having the fabulous group of friends I have. I've never tried to date, nor have I been asked out. Or I wasn't in high school. When I was 17 I decided I was going to be a sort of "nun" though I never pursued creating a group of Like Me's.
I thought about being a lesbian because I do find some women attractive, but even in lesbian relationships there is usually sex involved. Simply put, sex doesn't interest me. I do like people, though, and wouldn't mind finding an asexual man to spend my life (or some amount of it) with. After doing research I know that voluntary celibate marriages are/were common, especially before 100 years ago.
Although I kind of want a "celibate relationship" I know that I run the chance of never finding someone up to my standards. That's perfectly fine with me, it's just a wish. I find guys charming and attractive, just not sexually.
I've never discussed these ideas of mine with anyone before, and I'm kind of surprised I'm doing it now. I've confessed to one other person that I find women attractive, but because I've never dated and make it known I have no interest in dating my friends know I'm essentially asexual, though I'm sure they don't know there's a word for it.
Anyway, thanks for reading my message.
Liz
Let me welcome you as well!! I can definitely relate to everything you're saying. You should do a few web searched on asexuality and get a sense of what's out there.
Hey everyone,
I just wanted to say "hello" and introduce myself. My name is Liz and I'm an author from New Hampshire. I'm 20 years old and seriously thinking about pursuing this "asexual" lifestyle. Since I was in middle school I've had nearly no interest in relationships. My main focus in being with people is having the fabulous group of friends I have. I've never tried to date, nor have I been asked out. Or I wasn't in high school. When I was 17 I decided I was going to be a sort of "nun" though I never pursued creating a group of Like Me's.
I thought about being a lesbian because I do find some women attractive, but even in lesbian relationships there is usually sex involved. Simply put, sex doesn't interest me. I do like people, though, and wouldn't mind finding an asexual man to spend my life (or some amount of it) with. After doing research I know that voluntary celibate marriages are/were common, especially before 100 years ago.
Although I kind of want a "celibate relationship" I know that I run the chance of never finding someone up to my standards. That's perfectly fine with me, it's just a wish. I find guys charming and attractive, just not sexually.
I've never discussed these ideas of mine with anyone before, and I'm kind of surprised I'm doing it now. I've confessed to one other person that I find women attractive, but because I've never dated and make it known I have no interest in dating my friends know I'm essentially asexual, though I'm sure they don't know there's a word for it.
Anyway, thanksfor reading my message.
Liz
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Re: My First Post
Let me welcome you as well!! I can definitely relate to everything you're saying. You should do a few web searched on asexuality and get a sense of what's out there.
On , veggieheadliz said:Hey everyone,
I just wanted to say "hello" and introduce myself. My name is Liz and I'm an author from New Hampshire. I'm 20 years old and seriously thinking about pursuing this "asexual" lifestyle. Since I was in middle school I've had nearly no interest in relationships. My main focus in being with people is having the fabulous group of friends I have. I've never tried to date, nor have I been asked out. Or I wasn't in high school. When I was 17 I decided I was going to be a sort of "nun" though I never pursued creating a group of Like Me's.
I thought about being a lesbian because I do find some women attractive, but even in lesbian relationships there is usually sex involved. Simply put, sex doesn't interest me. I do like people, though, and wouldn't mind finding an asexual man to spend my life (or some amount of it) with. After doing research I know that voluntary celibate marriages are/were common, especially before 100 years ago.
Although I kind of want a "celibate relationship" I know that I run the chance of never finding someone up to my standards. That's perfectly fine with me, it's just a wish. I find guys charming and attractive, just not sexually.
I've never discussed these ideas of mine with anyone before, and I'm kind of surprised I'm doing it now. I've confessed to one other person that I find women attractive, but because I've never dated and make it known I have no interest in dating my friends know I'm essentially asexual, though I'm sure they don't know there's a word for it.
Anyway, thanksfor reading my message.
Liz
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I've actually written two books under the pen name of Marie Logan. One is a book of spells, fittingly titled "Marie's Book of Spells." The second is a compilation of poetry called "Car Chases & Fake Bologna." I'm having issues with my website right now, but I'll be sure to give out the link once I've got everything working properly.
You can find the books online at Amazon.com and Bn.com. Sorry, I didn't want this to end up as an ad.
I have done some research online about asexuality. I've read some interesting stories I can relate to. There really isn't an incredible amount out there, but that's okay. But there's a hundred people or so in this group so that's saying something!
As far as "get to know me" stuff goes, I like Buffy/Angel and Harry Potter. I'm a supernatural/comedy/adventure movie fan. I consider myself a photographer, though not professionally. I love talking to people online, so drop me a line if you have AIM (BaronessBizarro) or Y! (witchiemarie)
Thanks for being here, guys!
Liz
Re: [Haven for the Human Amoeba] Re: My First Post
One is a book of spells, fittingly titled "Marie's Book of Spells." Are you Wiccan? Love and insurrection, --Nothing [Vivez sans temps mort.]
MSN Photos is the easiest way to share and print your photos: http://photos.msn.com/support/worldwide.aspx
Re: My First Post
Hey everyone,
I just wanted to say "hello" and introduce myself. My name is Liz and I'm an author from New Hampshire. I'm 20 years old and seriously thinking about pursuing this "asexual" lifestyle. Since I was in middle school I've had nearly no interest in relationships. My main focus in being with people is having the fabulous group of friends I have. I've never tried to date, nor have I been asked out. Or I wasn't in high school. When I was 17 I decided I was going to be a sort of "nun" though I never pursued creating a group of Like Me's.
I thought about being a lesbian because I do find some women attractive, but even in lesbian relationships there is usually sex involved. Simply put, sex doesn't interest me. I do like people, though, and wouldn't mind finding an asexual man to spend my life (or some amount of it) with. After doing research I know that voluntary celibate marriages are/were common, especially before 100 years ago.
Although I kind of want a "celibate relationship" I know that I run the chance of never finding someone up to my standards. That's perfectly fine with me, it's just a wish. I find guys charming and attractive, just not sexually.
I've never discussed these ideas of mine with anyone before, and I'm kind of surprised I'm doing it now. I've confessed to one other person that I find women attractive, but because I've never dated and make it known I have no interest in dating my friends know I'm essentially asexual, though I'm sure they don't know there's a word for it.
Anyway, thanks for reading my message.
Liz
Heya... ;) as I've probably said to death already in the club so far, I happen to think celibate marriages are are a great idea. I sometimes call myself asexual, but I don't always like the title. I'm attracted to women, and some forms of intimacy and such. I just draw the line at intercourse. With the right person, I still might experiment, but I don't need it to, to be happy.
Hey everyone,
I just wanted to say "hello" and introduce myself. My name is Liz and I'm an author from New Hampshire. I'm 20 years old and seriously thinking about pursuing this "asexual" lifestyle. Since I was in middle school I've had nearly no interest in relationships. My main focus in being with people is having the fabulous group of friends I have. I've never tried to date, nor have I been asked out. Or I wasn't in high school. When I was 17 I decided I was going to be a sort of "nun" though I never pursued creating a group of Like Me's.
I thought about being a lesbian because I do find some women attractive, but even in lesbian relationships there is usually sex involved. Simply put, sex doesn't interest me. I do like people, though, and wouldn't mind finding an asexual man to spend my life (or some amount of it) with. After doing research I know that voluntary celibate marriages are/were common, especially before 100 years ago.
Although I kind of want a "celibate relationship" I know that I run the chance of never finding someone up to my standards. That's perfectly fine with me, it's just a wish. I find guys charming and attractive, just not sexually.
I've never discussed these ideas of mine with anyone before, and I'm kind of surprised I'm doing it now. I've confessed to one other person that I find women attractive, but because I've never dated and make it known I have no interest in dating my friends know I'm essentially asexual, though I'm sure they don't know there's a word for it.
Anyway, thanks for reading my message.
Liz
Introduction
hello everybody! I'm also new to this group. I thought I'd introduce myself as well. My name is Alice and I'm 20 years old. I'm attending college in New York and I've just recently discovered that I'm asexual. I've always known there was something different about me, but I had never put the peaces together. I developed crushes on boys all throughout school (and still today), but the crushes aren't sexual or intimate. I've only really been in one relationship, and I am not looking to be in another in the near future. My closest friend throughout the years had programmed in my head that I must've had some psychological problem and major sexual repression. Since I didn't have alot of boyfriends in school, there were occaisonal rumors that I was gay (I have nothing against homosexuality, but I really hate it when people think they know you and make assumptions). My own father for a while thought I was gay. So it was to my pleasant surprise when I stumbled on to an asexual page. I realized that there was nothing 'wrong' with me; it isn't a disorder, it's who I am. And I feel so reassured now to know that I'm not the only one out there: )
Re: Introduction
hello everybody! I'm also new to this group. I thought I'd introduce myself as well. My name is Alice and I'm 20 years old. I'm attending college in New York and I've just recently discovered that I'm asexual. I've always known there was something different about me, but I had never put the peaces together. I developed crushes on boys all throughout school (and still today), but the crushes aren't sexual or intimate. I've only really been in one relationship, and I am not looking to be in another in the near future. My closest friend throughout the years had programmed in my head that I must've had some psychological problem and major sexual repression. Since I didn't have alot of boyfriends in school, there were occaisonal rumors that I was gay (I have nothing against homosexuality, but I really hate it when people think they know you and make assumptions). My own father for a while thought I was gay. So it was to my pleasant surprise when I stumbled on to an asexual page. I realized that there was nothing 'wrong' with me; it isn't a disorder, it's who I am. And I feel so reassured now to know that I'm not the only one out there: )
From one newbie to another, yay for us! I know exactly what you're talking about. Sounds like the same story as mine.
Since all I do is think, I've figure out a few things for myself just within the last few days. I would consider myself asexual. It's as simple as that. I'm attracted to many guys, in the way that they're beautiful and entertaining and make me happy. When I was in high school there was an abstinence club called "the waiting game" and the advisors for it were a husband and wife who taught at the school. They had a celibate marriage and confessed they'd only had sex in order to have kids.
I would love to have a one on one relationship with a guy. I think there's a major difference between a regular friendship and a "relationship" even without sex. I don't know about you, but I don't cuddle with my best friends, and cuddling is a very comfortable thing. That's just my thoughts. Hope I made sense!
And to answer that other question, no, I'm not "Wiccan." But I am a Witch and I have "my own sect." My website's working again, so if you want to see more about my books and/or Witchcraft, go to http://www.witchsplace.com
hello everybody! I'm also new to this group. I thought I'd introduce myself as well. My name is Alice and I'm 20 years old. I'm attending college in New York and I've just recently discovered that I'm asexual. I've always known there was something different about me, but I had never put the peaces together. I developed crushes on boys all throughout school (and still today), but the crushes aren't sexual or intimate. I've only really been in one relationship, and I am not looking to be in another in the near future. My closest friend throughout the years had programmed in my head that I must've had some psychological problem and major sexual repression. Since I didn't have alot of boyfriends in school, there were occaisonal rumors that I was gay (I have nothing against homosexuality, but I really hate it when people think they know you and make assumptions). My own father for a while thought I was gay. So it was to my pleasant surprise when I stumbled on to an asexual page. I realized that there was nothing 'wrong' with me; it isn't a disorder, it's who I am. And I feel so reassured now to know that I'm not the only one out there: )
Re: Introduction
From one newbie to another, yay for us! I know exactly what you're talking about. Sounds like the same story as mine.
Since all I do is think, I've figure out a few things for myself just within the last few days. I would consider myself asexual. It's as simple as that. I'm attracted to many guys, in the way that they're beautiful and entertaining and make me happy. When I was in high school there was an abstinence club called "the waiting game" and the advisors for it were a husband and wife who taught at the school. They had a celibate marriage and confessed they'd only had sex in order to have kids.
I would love to have a one on one relationship with a guy. I think there's a major difference between a regular friendship and a "relationship" even without sex. I don't know about you, but I don't cuddle with my best friends, and cuddling is a very comfortable thing. That's just my thoughts. Hope I made sense!
And to answer that other question, no, I'm not "Wiccan." But I am a Witch and I have "my own sect." My website's working again, so if you want to see more about my books and/or Witchcraft, go to http://www.witchsplace.com
naissur9 said:hello everybody! I'm also new to this group. I thought I'd introduce myself as well. My name is Alice and I'm 20 years old. I'm attending college in New York and I've just recently discovered that I'm asexual. I've always known there was something different about me, but I had never put the peaces together. I developed crushes on boys all throughout school (and still today), but the crushes aren't sexual or intimate. I've only really been in one relationship, and I am not looking to be in another in the near future. My closest friend throughout the years had programmed in my head that I must've had some psychological problem and major sexual repression. Since I didn't have alot of boyfriends in school, there were occaisonal rumors that I was gay (I have nothing against homosexuality, but I really hate it when people think they know you and make assumptions). My own father for a while thought I was gay. So it was to my pleasant surprise when I stumbled on to an asexual page. I realized that there was nothing 'wrong' with me; it isn't a disorder, it's who I am. And I feel so reassured now to know that I'm not the only one out there: )
that abstinence club sounds interesting if you've found the right person. Unfortunately, if such a club had existed at my high school, I know it would've been made fun of: ( Hooray for your discovery! I don't know about you, but it felt so good to finally declare that I was an asexual. It was like clouds of mysteries, confusion, and uncertainties were lifted: ) As for cuddling, I've been rather indifferent to it. I haven't cuddled in perhaps four years or so, and I don't really remember my emotional reactions from it (think I liked it?). All I know is, I've been definately living happily without it.
From one newbie to another, yay for us! I know exactly what you're talking about. Sounds like the same story as mine.
Since all I do is think, I've figure out a few things for myself just within the last few days. I would consider myself asexual. It's as simple as that. I'm attracted to many guys, in the way that they're beautiful and entertaining and make me happy. When I was in high school there was an abstinence club called "the waiting game" and the advisors for it were a husband and wife who taught at the school. They had a celibate marriage and confessed they'd only had sex in order to have kids.
I would love to have a one on one relationship with a guy. I think there's a major difference between a regular friendship and a "relationship" even without sex. I don't know about you, but I don't cuddle with my best friends, and cuddling is a very comfortable thing. That's just my thoughts. Hope I made sense!
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Re: [Haven for the Human Amoeba] Contact me if you like kinky sex.
White female looking for a guy. Color doesn't matter, as long as you want to have fun and can be discrete. Check my home page for contact details. http://www.female-personals.com/mandy
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Re: [Haven for the Human Amoeba] spam
isn't there someone here who can delete all these messages from these over-sexed spam idiots?
It's a small price to pay for using a free service that's open for anyone to join. We could set it up to exclude people, but I think it's better how it is now. Fortunately, those "spam idiots" write idiotic messages that fool no one.
isn't there someone here who can delete all these messages from these over-sexed spam idiots?
Do You Yahoo!? Yahoo! Health - Feel better, live better http://health.yahoo.com
need visibility
It's a small price to pay for using a free service that's open for anyone to join. We could set it up to exclude people, but I think it's better how it is now. Fortunately, those "spam idiots" write idiotic messages that fool no one.
steven_n_g said:isn't there someone here who can delete all these messages from these over-sexed spam idiots?
Do You Yahoo!? Yahoo! Health - Feel better, live better http://health.yahoo.com
hey yall i was talking with one of my psy friend about boston marriage, of course, i didnt tane to talk much about my "sexuality" being asexuality. *i am a closeted asexual, but half closeted lesbian, strange!*
she didnt believe there would be "lesbians live together without sex"
well, maybe we can sent a statement to different univ psy dept a statement with AVEN website
cause we need visibility...
francis
It's a small price to pay for using a free service that's open for anyone to join. We could set it up to exclude people, but I think it's better how it is now. Fortunately, those "spam idiots" write idiotic messages that fool no one.
steven_n_g said:isn't there someone here who can delete all these messages from these over-sexed spam idiots?
Do You Yahoo!? Yahoo! Health - Feel better, live better http://health.yahoo.com
Re: [Haven for the Human Amoeba] need visibility
hey yall i was talking with one of my psy friend about boston marriage, of course, i didnt tane to talk much about my "sexuality" being asexuality. *i am a closeted asexual, but half closeted lesbian, strange!*
she didnt believe there would be "lesbians live together without sex"
well, maybe we can sent a statement to different univ psy dept a statement with AVEN website
cause we need visibility...
francis
Rob Fisch said:It's a small price to pay for using a free service that's open for anyone to join. We could set it up to exclude people, but I think it's better how it is now. Fortunately, those "spam idiots" write idiotic messages that fool no one.
steven_n_g said:isn't there someone here who can delete all these messages from these over-sexed spam idiots?
Do You Yahoo!? Yahoo! Health - Feel better, live better http://health.yahoo.com
Read up on the AVEN forum. The kinsey institute is doing an asexuality study. I'm coordinating with them on it..
hey yall i was talking with one of my psy friend about boston marriage, of course, i didnt tane to talk much about my "sexuality" being asexuality. *i am a closeted asexual, but half closeted lesbian, strange!*
she didnt believe there would be "lesbians live together without sex"
well, maybe we can sent a statement to different univ psy dept a statement with AVEN website
cause we need visibility...
francis
Rob Fisch said:It's a small price to pay for using a free service that's open for anyone to join. We could set it up to exclude people, but I think it's better how it is now. Fortunately, those "spam idiots" write idiotic messages that fool no one.
steven_n_g said:isn't there someone here who can delete all these messages from these over-sexed spam idiots?
Do You Yahoo!? Yahoo! Health - Feel better, live better http://health.yahoo.com
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Another introduction
Hello,
Another Haven newbie. I've read the archives from the start of June and this list looks like a great place for discussion.
So let's see... I'm am a 22 year old Computer Science student (graduated, about to start postgraduate research) from the UK.
I don't consider myself to be gendered, I've been accused of having 'too much gender' rather than no gender but the categories don't mean anything to me, I guess I don't NOT identify as any gender but I don't specifically identify as one either. I'm not really into genderbending or anything like that but I do live androgynously (in a passive rather than active way) -- I don't tell people what gender I am and they assume they know (and yes I get people thinking I'm both of the binary options). I'm only bringing this up because the list description says it's for "Men and Women" and I'm wondering if I'm being excluded *g*
On to asexuality. To me it's about not experiencing sexual attraction to other people. I've never been sexually attracted to people but when I was younger I did have a sexuality.
When I was 12 I discovered masturbation, the orgasms felt like this amazing intense reality changing thing and so I thought about incredible reality changing things whenever I masturbated. I've no idea which came first, the masturbation or the sexuality but I very quickly got to a point where thinking about big ideas, reading about them in certain kinds of science fiction and seeing them or things like them on TV got me sexually aroused. I have direct experience of what it's like to have a sex drive, to be aroused, to be sexually turned on, to be horny but it was never about people. My ultimate sexual fantasies were things like imagining a parallel universe based around one different decision at some point in life -- what would have happened had I gone to grammer school not a comprehensive, what if I'd been in a different tutor group -- or an intricate impossible transformation into something or someone else (it wasn't the other thing it was the transformation between the things).
I'd been expecting myself to eventually become sexual but by the time I was 16 I was convinced that I'd broken myself by masturbating before I was old enough to have my sexuality (I've since met people who were sexual towards people when aged 10 and so I don't necessarily stand by that). I also wasn't finding masturbation to be amazing, intense or reality changing but I was still driven to do it a lot (like the junkie trying to recreate their first drug experience perhaps? The addiction analogy really rings true... more a compulsion I suppose). I guess I was very sexual, just not towards people.
At 17 I started trying to corrupt my sexuality towards being gay (fantasising about being straight never worked for me but many of my fantasies involved imagining alternate versions of myself I wanted to be and I tried to channel that towards being gay).
My first experience of sex was massively dissapointing. I believed the hype, I thought sex would be the ultimate experience and an expression of love and generally wonderful. In reality it was masturbation performed by someone else who hadn't had years of practise getting me off. It wasn't very good and I realised that the best it could possibly be was as good as masturbation. Worse still to keep myself aroused during sex I ended up resorting to my fetishes, trying to incorporate the other person into one of my favourite fantasies. I felt dishonest and horrible.
There were aspects to sex that I liked, I really enjoy using my tongue in sex and I enjoyed getting the same back -- but this enjoyment was entirely non-sexual. I know if I'm aroused or not or if something is specifically arousing me. It was the sensation of it and the other person's reaction that I enjoyed. At times I've had and enjoyed asexual sex, one that didn't involve my arousal or sexual attraction to the other person.
Since then I've gradually become less and less sexual to the point where nothing really turns me on at all, occasionally I have low sex drive, more often none at all. I've never been sexually attracted towards other people but now I'm never horny about anything else (although I think I'd still be here if my sexuality hadn't faded away, I didn't have the desire to seek out people to read SF to me while having sex or anything like that, sex and other people just had nothing to do with it).
So I guess I have an interesting perspective of always being asexual but also knowing exactly what having a high sex drive and being sexually aroused feels like.
OK I'm going to cover some other things in seperate messages.
Nat.
http://36.livejournal.com/ Just because I think they're all out to gender me doesn't mean it isn't true
Asexual attraction
So I don't experience sexual attraction towards people, but I can see aesthetic beauty in others. My preference for that seems to be boyish looking people: femmey young guys, some types of geeks, transmen especially pre-hormones, genderqueers, some types of lesbians and soft butch women. My general reaction is to want to look, maybe I'll even talk to them to see if they're interesting (gives me an excuse to look) but obviously I don't have any sex drive pushing me to do these things. I like looking at pictures of kittens too but that's not sexually motivated, neither is the way I feel when I see a beautiful sunset. I like beauty and maybe what I see as beauty other people can't see at all.
I also develop crushes towards people. Towards the way they think, their personality, their sense of humour. I have completely 'fallen for people' after reading their website or during our first conversation. The crush doesn't neccesarily mean I want to couple with them, but I want to talk to them a lot, read everything they've ever written, have big discussions with them, maybe I'll try to impress them somehow so they'll keep talking to me (actively pursuing a friendship or an intellectual relationship of somekind).
Maybe there's a little of the second in the first. If I see someone who's a femmey young guy or that certain kind of (boy) geek who looks like they're being theirself, not conforming to something or trying to make theirself more attractive to others, maybe I think they'd be the sort of person whose mind I develop crushes on, and so on.
If I'm attracted to or crushing on someone then what I want to do is be around them or talk to them. Attraction isn't enough though, if I talk to them and find they're not the sort of person I crush over then that's it, they're back on a par with anyone else in the population. Oh and appearance has nothing to do with crushes, I crush over people online who I've never seen and in person with people who don't fit into any of my attractive people categories.
Crushes can develop into something more. I have a variety of different kinds of relationships that I might form with other people. The intimate kinds generally grow from crushes.
None of this stuff equates to sex and every time I've attempted to bring sex into this sort of thing it hasn't gone well or felt honest.
Nat.
http://36.livejournal.com/ Just because I think they're all out to gender me doesn't mean it isn't true
Asexual relationships
I think someone asked if another had been part of a monogamous asexual relationship, well I have.
We'd read each other's websites (they were sort of humourous along with expression of feelings, theories and opinions) and both had the same kind of obsessive crush with each other (but hadn't said so). We'd met through a transgender list and a week later there was a weekend long get together for the members of the list. She'd only been there a week but I (and one other) pursuaded her to take the plunge and go. She was attractive to me when I saw her and she told me months later that the way I looked then was what she aspired to be. We kept each other warm at the station and sat opposite to each other on the train. I was trying to impress her, she couldn't believe I was interested in her. At the hotel we stuck to each other and held hands. When it was time to go to bed we slept in different rooms, I'd stated that I absolutely had to have my own bed so I was away elsewhere and she was sharing. Eventually I sought out her room as I could hear them talking. They invited me to join them in bed, there were four of us. All four of us talked into the early hours of the morning. She and I talked about deeply personal things we'd never said to anyone else and cried and hugged together in the dark. In the very early hours of the morning we decided to try to sleep. When I woke up I was looking into her eyes (she later told me that she'd stayed awake all night staring into my eyes, inching towards me until our foreheads were together, when I woke up and smiled it was the best moment of her life).
That day we talked about how we felt about each other and cried. When we were out with the others we had to be together, felt terrible if we weren't. We slept together again that night and talked again. She was living with her parents who were disowning her for being trans.
On the final day we hung to each other. As we started to go home we both cried and didn't stop until we decided she was coming home with me (several hours later). On that train journey home we hugged and rubbed noses (like eskimos or cats). That was as sexual as we got for about nine months (after which we started kissing).
We lived together in my tiny room with a single bed for about a year, afterwhich we rented a house with two rooms and pushed both beds together in the biggest room.
She told me she'd never been sexually attracted to people either (and she didn't feel gendered, she just identified as one of the binary choices because it was less hassle), she'd never been sexually aroused, the only thing she'd fantasised about was someone who'd hold her and touch her affectionately.
When we'd been together for a year we exchanged rings, we knew we'd always be in each other's lives.
After almost two and a half years together she fell in love with someone else. I don't have any issues with polyamory and I really liked this person but she felt deeply guilty because she missed the other person so much when she wasn't there and thought she inflicted it on me. She thought I'd be jealous or angry but I found I just wanted her to be happy, I didn't need to possess her. I set about trying to get the two of them together and now they're happily together. It turns out that she has to be monogamous, she tried poly and it didn't work for her, so only her new partner is allowed to touch her sensually.
We both still wear each other's rings and we vowed that we'll always be a part of each other's lives. The relationship we have is much deeper than friends, like siblings and best friends rolled into one. I've seen something similar portrayed in fiction as 'blood brothers'. I know she's happy with the other person, I see her a lot. I still deeply deeply love her.
I form other types of relationships too. I'll often sleep with people I feel close to and we'll hold each other as we fall asleep, some of those are a deeper-than-friends kind of relationship where we act like close friends but talk about how we love each other (in some way) and sleep together.
I can be in love with or feel love for lots of people at the same time. I love intimacy (physical and emotional) but I don't need it. I don't need to possess anyone I love. I could imagine being an asexual partner of a sexual polyamorous person. I think asexual group relationships are the most romantic thing I can imagine (see the AVEN forum for a description of a real existing group marriage).
My current relationship with my former partner and the loving relationships I form with others don't seem to be recognised in our culture. We have struggled to find the words to describe what we have together. It's really deep and important to us but we found we couldn't even describe the basics (things like 'life partner', and 'relationship' have connotations attached to them). I suppose what we had before was a 'boston marriage' (although neither of us were lesbian women so...). We were at one point telling people that we completed each other and that we were 'closer than lovers' (we also used terms like 'gestalt entity' which Jennifer Reitz's group marriage was described as too).
I hope you found that interesting. For your information, I mostly identify as 'queer' in that my relationships are non-conventional and are formed regardless of gender (or in some really complex way to do with gender).
Nat.
http://36.livejournal.com/ Just because I think they're all out to gender me doesn't mean it isn't true
Re: [Haven for the Human Amoeba] Asexual relationships
Paranoid Gynandroid wrote:
I hope you found that interesting. For your information, I mostly identify as 'queer' in that my relationships are non-conventional and are formed regardless of gender (or in some really complex way to do with gender).
Oh and I form radically different types of relationships with different people. I might feel the same depth of emotion for the person with whom I express love as 'close friends who sleep together sometimes' as I do with the person who I spend all my time being affectionate with. I don't seem to have this one type of relationship I want to form with partners (and I know from talking to them that lots of people do have that specific requirement).
Nat.
http://36.livejournal.com/ Just because I think they're all out to gender me doesn't mean it isn't true
Another Newbie
Hi!
Well, this is a very interesting place - the sort of place that I can relate too.
I've never been sexual and I'm very confident I never will be. Even when I was a teenager, I felt none of the hormonal urges that others around me were having. There was ridicule directed at me, but, by and large, I really did feel superior to others. While they spent all their time planning their next hump (as well as unduring all the indignaties it would bring them) I indulged in other, more interesting pursuits. As I grew older, I noticed that others were ruining their lives with their relentless pursuit of their next sexual partner. Here they are, trying one wasted effort after another to remain sexually attractive while I lived (live) a life of asexual perfection.
I am pleased to discover there are others who feel as I do.
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Re: [Haven for the Human Amoeba] Another Newbie
Hi!
Well, this is a very interesting place - the sort of place that I can relate too.
I've never been sexual and I'm very confident I never will be. Even when I was a teenager, I felt none of the hormonal urges that others around me were having. There was ridicule directed at me, but, by and large, I really did feel superior to others. While they spent all their time planning their next hump (as well as unduring all the indignaties it would bring them) I indulged in other, more interesting pursuits. As I grew older, I noticed that others were ruining their lives with their relentless pursuit of their next sexual partner. Here they are, trying one wasted effort after another to remain sexually attractive while I lived (live) a life of asexual perfection.
I am pleased to discover there are others who feel as I do.
Good to see you!! I can definitely relate to your experience, though for me it's not an issue of superiority. Sexuality is a worthwhile and fulfilling activity for those who feel the need to engage in it, and they aren't missing out any more than we are. Anyhoo, this forum has died down a little in the past month, if your looking for some more community you might want to try http://www.asexuality.org
or
http://www.livejournal.com/community/asexuality/
though the amoebas will probably pick up in a few weeks, it tends to wax and wane..
Welcome!!
-DJ
Hi!
Well, this is a very interesting place - the sort of place that I can relate too.
I've never been sexual and I'm very confident I never will be. Even when I was a teenager, I felt none of the hormonal urges that others around me were having. There was ridicule directed at me, but, by and large, I really did feel superior to others. While they spent all their time planning their next hump (as well as unduring all the indignaties it would bring them) I indulged in other, more interesting pursuits. As I grew older, I noticed that others were ruining their lives with their relentless pursuit of their next sexual partner. Here they are, trying one wasted effort after another to remain sexually attractive while I lived (live) a life of asexual perfection.
I am pleased to discover there are others who feel as I do.
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Re: Interesting Website
Found this website just now. Going to explore!
Wheeeeeeeeeeee!
Link: http://www.asexualpals.com/
Bye,
Liz
Found this website just now. Going to explore!
Wheeeeeeeeeeee!
Link: http://www.asexualpals.com/
Bye,
Liz
I came across that website a few weeks ago. It's a pity there's a $15 fee a month. I wish there'd be a free ad service out there specifically for asexuals.
alice.