Haven for the Human Amoeba

Life is not an imense high school...

Thank god for that.

And yes, I HAVE had some therapy, only thing is my fears about women have only gotten reinforced.

Have you ever had a female therapist? If not, maybe you should try it. I read that if one has problems with one gender, then one should pick a therapist who represents that gender. The reason is that we can use "transference" to work out our issues.

Therese Shellabarger / The Roving Reporter - Civis Mundi tlshell@... / http://www.concentric.net/~tlshell

here's some more reasons.. its been going around the Incel maillist I'm on with majordomo...

http://www.salon.com/sex/feature/2003/10/01/marlowe/index_np.html

Most men still haven't been through the liberation process, so it's hardly surprising that things are somewhat f*ck*d up. Personally, I can do without the authority stuff, I had enough of it while growing up...I enjoy being autonomous *much* better, the only thing I wish is that I could live in an egalitarian relationship. (-:

Therese Shellabarger / The Roving Reporter - Civis Mundi tlshell@... / http://www.concentric.net/~tlshell

Glenn said:

Not that I've ever noticed. I see men get women all the time. Those ones you see are the exceptions.. not the rule.

Hardly. I know a great number of people who are in relationships. Plus, everybody I know is the result of a relationship. :)

This does not surprise me. How so?

Based on the attitude you generally show in your posts.

thats the critical information that I'm missing... not to mention this sick game called dating has the flaw of having absolutely no provision for self-correction... I fail to meet a woman's expectations and I'm right back to Square Zero.

A less disgreeable personality would do wonders.

It's because if a man comes out and says that he only wants companionship, he's usually lying. A man who genuinely wants only companionship doesn't need to come out and say it. that only gives me all the more reason to stay away from women and more proof that they hate men by default...

Strange. I don't get that impression at all from my female friends.

if they're going to regard me as a liar when I'm telling the truth..then they are genetically INCAPABLE of being entrusted with my heart.

There's the attitude again. Not to mention that you missed my point. You don't come out and *tell* them that all you want is companionship. You just act the part. Telling them merely puts them on alert. It's no different than a bigot who says "Some of my best friends are ...".

The problem isn't with women. The source of the problem is your own misanthropic attitude. I bet you don't have a lot of male friends either.

The problem isn't with women. The source of the problem is your own misanthropic attitude. I bet you don't have a lot of male friends either.

I think we're wasting time and not only that, but if this guy actually does date women, with his crummy attitude, we're encouraging a potential serial killer. So let's just leave him alone and let him live that way, OK?

I have seen the life on this planet and that's why I'm looking elsewhere. - Fox Mulder, X-Files

On 1 Oct 2002, 18:49 +00:00, Master Eiji said:

And yes, I HAVE had some therapy, only thing is my fears about women have only gotten reinforced.

Have you ever had a female therapist? If not, maybe you should try it. I read that if one has problems with one gender, then one should pick a therapist who represents that gender. The reason is that we can use "transference" to work out our issues. my therapist IS female..

Sex is also for pleasure and to further develop a bond between two people living together. The pleasure encourages people to have sex often enough that kids could happen, but that doesn't mean that sex is 100% for making kids. In real life, one could have sex many times during the month and not have a pregnancy because conditions have to be right with both the male and the female. Gay/lesbian sex is pleasure/bonding without pregnancy.

oh please... I thought we evolved beyond such barbarity.

There's the attitude again. Not to mention that you missed my point. You don't come out and *tell* them that all you want is companionship. You just act the part. Telling them merely puts them on alert. It's no different than a bigot who says "Some of my best friends are ...".

well.. I take one's word seriously.. and if my word isnt good enough..then go figure.

The problem isn't with women. The source of the problem is your own misanthropic attitude. I bet you don't have a lot of male friends either.

you would be misinformed then... I do have a number of friends... all of them are male. I just figure that around them I can be myself.. something a woman wouldnt let me ever do, because just being myself to them would be "offensive"

The problem isn't with women. The source of the problem is your own misanthropic attitude. I bet you don't have a lot of male friends either.

you would be misinformed then... I do have a number of friends... all of them are male. I just figure that around them I can be myself.. something a woman wouldnt let me ever do, because just being myself to them would be "offensive"

This does not surprise me.

Greetings:

My name is Taigi Smith and I am a Producer at CBS NEWS. I am in the process of doing a story about "Sexless Marriage" and I would love to speak to people who are VOLUNTARILY CELIBATE IN THEIR MARRIAGES. I have spoken to many people who are not happy being celibate, but I would really like to speak to a husband and wife who are celibate by choice and doing okay. The initial reasons for becoming celibate can vary. I would love to speak to you if you have found ways to be happy in a celibate marriage. I can be reached via e-mail at cgm@.... I welcome an opportunity to speak with you.

Best Wishes, Taigi Smith, CBS NEWS

you would be misinformed then... I do have a number of friends... all of them are male. I just figure that around them I can be myself.. something a woman wouldnt let me ever do, because just being myself to them would be "offensive"

This does not surprise me.

why does it surprise you anyway?

On 5 Oct 2002, 01:42 +00:00, Glenn said:

I think we're wasting time and not only that, but if this guy actually does date women, with his crummy attitude, we're encouraging a potential serial killer. So let's just leave him alone and let him live that way, OK? Actually no I dont... I have been offered to go out with some girls before, but I always say no to them.. as civily as I can, of course.. I only get this way when they wont take no for an answer.

---

I have seen the life on this planet and that's why I'm looking elsewhere. - Fox Mulder, X-Files

I tend to agree with this quote... I also agree with "Q" on humans... a grieviously savage child-race.

Affective Expression People with APD may exhibit little affect due to the fear that showing their emotions will make them vulnerable to rejection or humiliation (Kantor; Millon & Everly). To observers, avoidants may appear tense & anxious (Millon & Everly). Some ppl said I come accross this way.. but I really dont belive them

Self-perception Avoidants tend to have low self-esteem & believe that they are unworthy of being ín successful relationships. They are also very self-conscious, frequently lonely & see their accomplishments as being of little or no worth (Millon & Everly).

I can certinally relate to this.... mostly because my accomplisments (if any at all) dont have any real affect on the world.. that its a waste of effort.

Primary Defense Mechanism To cope with their unhappiness, people with APD often escape into fantasy which ís "a `safe' medium ín which to discharge affection, aggression or other impulses that would otherwise be inappropriate, uncomfortable or impossible to achieve ín reality," (Millon & Everly). Avoidants will tend to read, watch TV or daydream to escape from reality.

I wonder if playing Star Wars Galaxies consitutes "Escapism"

Hey everyone,

You know, just because I'm asexual doesn't mean that I'm not looking for close, emotional realtionships. I've been told that I'm attractive...and it's frustating when cute heterosexual guys make sexual advances.

Is there any one out there, who lives in the South East, who is looking for an "asexual" partner?

I just started Graduate School, am into fun activities, music & theatre, playing games, travelling, etc.

Please email me if you're interested in hanging out...

"Athena"

Hey,

I just came across your message, and what you said about not paying attention to sex and gender shed light on my own outlook. Thanks for making me realize this! I've finally come to accept my A- sexuality, and reading your note, among others, was inspiring.

Eva

A good way to put it would be biseuxal in theory, asexual in practice; my own sex drive is so weak that there's no point in making a distinction. :-D

Yeah, well put. Sounds like something i wrote for my self-intro when i joined a GLBT list out of curiosity a long time ago - something about being bisexual or asexual depending on which way one looked at it. Though the jury is out as to whether i should perhaps consider myself pansexual or agendered instead. (As in, i'm indifferent to the sex & gender of the people i form relationships with.)

Or - as is usually the case - not bother myself too much with labels like that.

JC

community can go to events, gay/lesbian bars, etc., but what do assexuals do? And while I'm on the topic, can one be both gay or lesbian and assexual?

No reason why not. I'm both bisexual and asexual. Asexual because I'm not particularly interested in sex, having a very low sex drive. Bisexual, because I can and do find both sexes attractive. (My preference is for the opposite sex, but it is not exclusive.)

I am perfectly capable of having and enjoying sex. But I am also capable of going for long periods of time without it. (For me it's been getting on 11 years.) I don't spend any time or energy looking for it, nor do I think about it a lot. On the other hand, I can enjoy looking at attractive people (of either sex). And I am potentially able to form attachments to either sex, though in the case of same-sex attachments, it is at this point theoretical.

I do have a girlfriend, sort of. A close friend of the opposite sex with whom I share interests in movies and science-fiction. We each know things about the other that we tell virtually no one else. (Eg, she's a post-operative male-to-female transsexual, a fact she keeps a closely guarded secret in real life.) We enjoy spending time together, and we go out together every so often. Physically, though, we're barely at the holding-hands stage.

Hi!

Well, unfortunately I live in California... and I'm female... but other than that, I, too, am looking for a close emotional relationship! :-)

I had thought my longing for a long-term relationship with someone I truly loved and cared about would be impossible to fulfill since realizing that I'm asexual, but now that I've found this community, I hope that isn't so. Good luck with your search!

-M

Hey everyone,

You know, just because I'm asexual doesn't mean that I'm not looking for close, emotional realtionships. I've been told that I'm attractive...and it's frustating when cute heterosexual guys make sexual advances.

Is there any one out there, who lives in the South East, who is looking for an "asexual" partner?

I just started Graduate School, am into fun activities, music & theatre, playing games, travelling, etc.

Please email me if you're interested in hanging out...

"Athena"

Hi Eva, i sent you a mail to your e mail address and it did not get to you, could you please e mail me to my hot mail address, i check out this more often,so i might get your e mail address since the one you gave me did not work, i will send you back the long message i wrote you before.

take care, alex

subiluliuma@...

-----Thought for today

There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra than on Alzheimer's research.

This means that by 2020, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them

Hi, I am in Atlanta, GA- but a female. Where are you from? Ria

Hi, I am in Atlanta, GA- but a female. Where are you from? Ria

What are you replying to?

Therese Shellabarger / The Roving Reporter - Civis Mundi tlshell@... / http://www.concentric.net/~tlshell

Dear Group, I have suspicions that my boyfriend may be asexual, and it is causing tremendous strain. We have been together the past year and we have never had sex. He is almost 30, and has had sex with one girl back in college. He had another relationship between her and me for two years, but they never slept together. When I try to ask why he doesn't want to, I never get a clear answer, if any at all. I'm not sure even he knows. I feel rejected and unloved, he's stressed that he always disappoints me. I could use your help to figure this out. I just want to understand. And if it is the case, I want to help him understand so he doesn't beat himself up for it. How did you first know you were asexual? Do you feel disgust, fear, or simply indifference when it comes to sex? Are intimate feelings felt, and they're just not sexual? Are there any outside causes for this, or is it just a way of being? Is it temporary? Any advice you guys could give me would be extremely helpful. Thank you so much, K

In a message dated 10/31/03 5:33:15 PM Central Standard Time, [email protected] writes:

Wishing everyone here a safe and happy Halloween!

Hey, you too! Rozilla

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Wishing everyone here a safe and happy Halloween!

Hello everyone! I'm a newbie here, and have recently discovered that there was a word for asexuality....from my sociology textbook *laugh*.

Wow! What textbook is that? I tried to write a research paper on asexuality for a communication studies course in 1987, and could not find ANY published references. I even stumped the librarian at the Kinsey Institute.

Jim Sinclair jisincla@...