Haven for the Human Amoeba

First of all, nothing wrong with effeminate! Secondly, not all gay guys are obvious. I have a very good gay friend who looks and acts very average male and is neither aggressive nor effeminate. As I recall, the actor Rock Hudson shocked members of the public when they found out he was gay.

Same with Robert Reed (the dad on the original Brady Bunch tv series).

There is a large GLBT (gay-lesbian-bisexual-transgendered) population at work. Not all of them are obvious. In fact, one guy I know, from his mannerisms (very masculine) is one of the last guys anyone would suspect to be gay. And he is.

In public, I self-identify as bisexual, which sometimes surprises the straights; on the other hand, my gay/lesbian friends are seldom surprised by this...

glenn -- who was once described by a lesbian friend as "bisexual in theory, asexual in practice"...

In public, I self-identify as bisexual, which sometimes surprises the straights; on the other hand, my gay/lesbian friends are seldom surprised by this...

glenn -- who was once described by a lesbian friend as "bisexual in theory, asexual in practice"...

Wow, that actually sounds a lot like me. I especially love your friend's "bisexual in theory, asexual in practice" quote, too - that suits me to a T! Brilliant :-).

-Em

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I have had many gay friends (some who complain about mismatched trousers and some who don't) and they do make good 'girlfriends'. The only problem is that while you may be close when he is not dating, the minute another boy comes along, the asexual girl gets tossed to the wayside. I suppose it could work, but it's rare. I've never met a gay man who stuck around through thick and thin like Will on 'Will and Grace', for instance. A relationship like that is one in a million.

Hello,

It has been a long time since I last sent a message ... I was wondering, are there any European members on this group?

Or are most of you members from overseas (from my point of view)?

Hi, I am from the UK.

Hello,

It has been a long time since I last sent a message ... I was wondering, are there any European members on this group?

Or are most of you members from overseas (from my point of view)?

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And I'm another one. :-) Unless the "bisexual in theory" part means I am equally likely to form close *emotional* relationships with people of any gender. If it means some kind of proto- sexuality, then I've got none. That seems impossible for most people to grasp. :-(

I understand what you mean completely. I am potentially able to form close emotional relationships with people of either gender. And for a while I was dating someone for pretty much that reason: the emotional closeness. (Unfortunately, it didn't last...)

glenn

Hi, Well nice! I am from Belgium ... (so, the UK is from my point of view also overseas, but indeed, much much closer than America).

Hi, I am from the UK.

-- who was once described by a lesbian friend as "bisexual in theory, asexual in practice"...

Indeed, Like some others on this group, I was wondering too what you meant by "bisexual in theory". I still often ask myself from time to time whether I am lesbian or hetero. People around me only think in those categories and then, I try to find an answer ..., but each time, at the end I have to come to the conclusion that this is the wrong question, because it starts from the asumption that you are sexual, and I am not. A better question is to ask to what gender I am attracted to. And attraction needs to be defined then as the fact that I am most at ease with, most close to, ... not bodily attraction, not as being-in- love with.

A better question is to ask to what gender I am attracted to. And attraction needs to be defined then as the fact that I am most at ease with, most close to, ... not bodily attraction, not as being-in-love with.

And the answer to that is... ?

:)

A physical attraction (one that might even resemble sexual attraction) doesn't have to specifically result in sex to be satisfying. That's something the rest of the world doesn't seem to know. Maybe saying something like gynophilia (heh) is better than my saying heterosexual yet not sexual male? Hmm. Maybe I'll stick with just saying I'm straight. As long as women aren't banging down the doors for sex, maybe the semantics aren't a big deal for me.

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In a message dated 11/19/03 2:17:40 PM Central Standard Time, kilraven@... writes:

I have virtually no sex drive. I can go for extremely long periods of time (right now, it's 11 years and counting) without it. My activities are not motivated by the quest for or the desire for sex. I am indifferent to sex. Sex is not relevant in my lifestyle. Therefore, I call myself "asexual". I am not ashamed of it in the least.

glenn

=== I am the same way. I've never had a sex drive. As a teenager, guys would bug me and bug me to date them...then I finally would (just to shut them up) then they would break up with me because I didn't want to kiss them or fool around. One guy said "dating you is like dating my sister." What did he want? I told him eight times that I didn't want to go out with him.

Now, I find myself 33, with 3 kids and married to a guy with a real high sex drive. It is a nightmare for both of us.

If I had heard the term "asexual" when I was younger, I might of identified with it and things would have turned out different. But, I just tried to live my life like a normal sexual person. (even though sometimes it is torture).

Someday, I wont have to have sex ever again. I'm just trying to wait it out.

~Rose

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as if women werent confusing enough...

just after I swear off women for good.. I get asked out for coffee by a single lady at my church this sunday...

one more reason I keep away from the opposite sex... the duplicity.

A physical attraction (one that might even resemble sexual attraction) doesn't have to specifically result in sex to be satisfying. That's something the rest of the world doesn't seem to know. Maybe saying something like gynophilia (heh) is better than my saying heterosexual yet not sexual male? Hmm. Maybe I'll stick with just saying I'm straight. As long as women aren't banging down the doors for sex, maybe the semantics aren't a big deal for me.

Well, I am a woman and I feel most at ease in the presence of women. I sometimes call myself "feminophile". But then again, that -phile- part is not meaning that I fall in love with women. I fall in love with nobody ... But I have good friendships with women, sharing a lot of warmth (emotionally, not bodily).

I find it important to have a word for me. People are always "labelled", mostly by hetero or homo, but both are wrong. I don't like to define myself by what I am not (not hetero, not lesbian); I prefer to define myself by what I am (feminophile - as explained above). I also sometimes use the word "gynandric", because I feel not emotionally attracted to all women. Mostly, women that I like are women (gyn-) who also have a good "man-like" (andric) part in them. Women who are androgyn (the man that I like have also high "women-characteristics" if you know what I mean). I like better gynandric because this expresses better that I feel mostly more attracted to women than by men ...

Also, gynandric means also that I am a good mixture of women- and man- characteristics myself (as I see myself). This word has a double meaning for me, so, always right ...

I find it important to have a word, because language is important in giving things a name. When people don't have a word for it, it also means that it is considered not to exist ... I don't call myself asexual because of shame, but to express that asexuality IS something that exists and for which I would like to get recognition.

I just KNOW that I'm going to regret asking this, but tell me: What duplicity? There's nothing duplicitous about asking someone out for coffee. Or is there...?

as if women werent confusing enough...

just after I swear off women for good.. I get asked out for coffee by a single lady at my church this sunday...

one more reason I keep away from the opposite sex... the duplicity.

as if women werent confusing enough...

just after I swear off women for good.. I get asked out for coffee by a single lady at my church this sunday...

one more reason I keep away from the opposite sex... the duplicity.

And the duplicity you cite was what exactly?

How is drinking a cup of coffee with a woman going to harm you?

I have seen the life on this planet and that's why I'm looking elsewhere. - Fox Mulder, X-Files

On 19 Nov 2002, 18:42 +00:00, Master Eiji said:

as if women werent confusing enough...

just after I swear off women for good.. I get asked out for coffee by a single lady at my church this sunday...

one more reason I keep away from the opposite sex... the duplicity.

And the duplicity you cite was what exactly? that they start noticing me when I swear off them completly... like that cartoon where a cat gives up trying to eat birds and then has several land on his shoulders (and him saying "I picked a fine time to go on a diet")

How is drinking a cup of coffee with a woman going to harm you? well.. lets just say its a serious thing to break an oath..

It's hardly duplicitous...don't they always say that a potential mate will come around once you stop looking? That's what I was always told. It never happened to me, but apparently it's commonplace. You're acting as if all women were aware of you swearing them off and have now come up with some plan to torture you.

I guess you just told her then that you can't go for coffee 'coz you just swore off women? Honesty *is* the best policy and that way she can't accuse you of wasting her time.

I'm just curious as to why you're finding her confusing. Is she one of the ones that made you swear off of women? Or just lucky enough to come along in the wake of it?

as if women werent confusing enough...

just after I swear off women for good.. I get asked out for coffee by a single lady at my church this sunday...

one more reason I keep away from the opposite sex... the duplicity.

Just a heads-up: Some folks over at AVEN just finished filming an episode on asexuality for the Canadian discovery channel, scheduled to come out sometime in October of next year. We had a asexual mini-conference before the shoot, it went pretty well. Yay asexual visibility!!

-AVENguy

he finds all women confusing. he thinks they have this inborn thing against him personally.

Sarae Montgomery We're all mad here!

I guess you just told her then that you can't go for coffee 'coz you just swore off women? Honesty *is* the best policy and that way she can't accuse you of wasting her time.

I'm just curious as to why you're finding her confusing. Is she one of the ones that made you swear off of women? Or just lucky enough to come along in the wake of it?

as if women werent confusing enough...

just after I swear off women for good.. I get asked out for coffee by a single lady at my church this sunday...

one more reason I keep away from the opposite sex... the duplicity.

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tlshell@c... said:

On 19 Nov 2002, 18:42 +00:00, Master Eiji said:

as if women werent confusing enough...

just after I swear off women for good.. I get asked out for coffee by a single lady at my church this sunday...

one more reason I keep away from the opposite sex... the duplicity.

And the duplicity you cite was what exactly? that they start noticing me when I swear off them completly... like that cartoon where a cat gives up trying to eat birds and then has several land on his shoulders (and him saying "I picked a fine time to go on a diet")

Actually I think you may have just been given a valuable lesson: stop trying so hard! If you relax and do nothing, women will notice you. At least that's the impression I get.

Therese Shellabarger / The Roving Reporter - Civis Mundi tlshell@... / http://tlshell.cnc.net/

Actually I think you may have just been given a valuable lesson: stop trying so hard! If you relax and do nothing, women will notice you. At least that's the impression I get.

well.. they may start seeking me out.. but I say its too little too late..

you snooze you lose.. PERMANENTLY!

tlshell@c... said:

Actually I think you may have just been given a valuable lesson: stop trying so hard! If you relax and do nothing, women will notice you. At least that's the impression I get.

well.. they may start seeking me out.. but I say its too little too late..

you snooze you lose.. PERMANENTLY!

I don't think it works that way in this case. It's "You give up, you lose." I don't know you personally, so I can't say for sure, but if you were doing this for years, and never noticed that women didn't like your approach and you didn't vary your technique to find something that works (including not doing anything at all aside from being available), then it's not their fault you didn't find anyone...it's just your bad luck and nobody's fault.

Therese Shellabarger / The Roving Reporter - Civis Mundi tlshell@... / http://tlshell.cnc.net/

I don't think it works that way in this case. It's "You give up, you lose." I don't know you personally, so I can't say for sure, but if you were doing this for years, and never noticed that women didn't like your approach and you didn't vary your technique to find something that works (including not doing anything at all aside from being available), then it's not their fault you didn't find anyone...it's just your bad luck and nobody's fault.

for openers.. in my exp there's no such thing as "luck". second of all.. I have had only a few "encounters" of that nature.. and only ended up getting dumped and ended up being totally in the dark as to what went wrong... this sick game called dating is totally stacked against the males these days.. and I think women have very little idea as to how much power they hold over men..(which scares me even more than the ones who ARE aware of that power.. and I tend to easily remember one brittish Lord's lesson on power and absolute power.)

well.. they may start seeking me out.. but I say its too little too late..

you snooze you lose.. PERMANENTLY!

It sounds like you don't really want to give this woman a chance and would have made up any excuse to not see her whether you just 'swore off women' or not. Why can't you just be her friend? maybe that's all she wants, no duplicity, case closed.