Haven for the Human Amoeba

Dana, why don't you visit:

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/celibaterelationship/

if you haven't already?

Dana, I would not get too hung up on definitions. People in these lists get bogged down on whether it is called asexuality, celibacy, abstinence, anti-sexuality, or what have you? You might hang around. There just might be somebody who shares your SQ (sexual quotient). I do.

Or, you might try the group: "celibaterelationship".

jay

Hi Recently joined your group in search of comradery. I now understand , by reading your definations of what an asexual is that I am probably not one, although I have absolutely no sexual desire. I have in the past been a " full blown' Hetrosexual woman and have indulged and enjoyed almost every aspect of my sexuality. I beleive that I have become burnt out.....I have no interst in sex what so ever, yet I still desire a close relationship with another human being just not a sexual one.......so with that I am going to remove myself from the group and wish you all the very best........

---

Do You Yahoo!? Yahoo! Movies - coverage of the 74th Academy Awards®

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

i want to add that because one is attracted to another person, it doesn't have to be sexual. That is how i am, i am attracted to people, but know that a sexual relationship with them would not work. I also do not feel one needs to be totally void of physical stimuli to be non-sexual. I love hugs and things like that, but nothing more. Definetly continue to grow and explore who you are!! I have seen that with in this group, we are trying to figure out a definition of asexuality. I don't think one definition can cover us all. Of course, the definition of heterosexuality and homosxuality and bisexuality does not cover all the poeple either!!

this past week I went down to Cancun for Spring Break. To say that sex is easily obtained is an understatement. During one of many conversations my friends and I had about sex and 'hooking up' at spring break I finally decided to come out. What I got was a response, "Yah right, that's only the liquor talking" Which might've been the case, but the fact that people can't accept us asexuals as normal human beings upset me. I'm glad I didn't hook up down there, though the oppurtunity arrived plenty of times. However after that experience I don't really feel like 'coming out' or telling anyone what my sexual preferences are anymore. I'm glad you guys are still out there supporting me. Peter

Forget what I said about the Yahoo group: "celibaterelationship" It is down for some reason. Frozen. It will not accept posts anymore. I think that Yahoo has bit off way more groups to sponsor than it can chew.

jay

SNIP

Or, you might try the group: "celibaterelationship".

jay

Dana Scofield said:

Hi Recently joined your group in search of comradery. I now understand , by reading your definations of what an asexual is that I am probably not one, although I have absolutely no sexual desire. I have in the past been a " full blown' Hetrosexual woman and have indulged and enjoyed almost every aspect of my sexuality. I beleive that I have become burnt out.....I have no interst in sex what so ever, yet I still desire a close relationship with another human being just not a sexual one.......so with that I am going to remove myself from the group and wish you all the very best........

---

Do You Yahoo!? Yahoo! Movies - coverage of the 74th Academy Awards®

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Jaylan - I tried to look for the "celibaterelationship" group, but nothing popped up. The closest thing to it I found was the "celibate support group." I read some of their past messages and they seemed okay. Was that the group you were talking about?

The post below was sent about two days earlier. So Yahoo is constipated when it comes to processing posts. This post is sent 8:14 A.M. Central U.S. time, on Tuesday. jay

Forget what I said about the Yahoo group: "celibaterelationship" It is down for some reason. Frozen. It will not accept posts anymore. I think that Yahoo has bit off way more groups to sponsor than it can chew.

jay

SNIP

Or, you might try the group: "celibaterelationship".

jay

Dana Scofield said:

Hi Recently joined your group in search of comradery. I now understand , by reading your definations of what an asexual is that I am probably not one, although I have absolutely no sexual desire. I have in the past been a " full blown' Hetrosexual woman and have indulged and enjoyed almost every aspect of my sexuality. I beleive that I have become burnt out.....I have no interst in sex what so ever, yet I still desire a close relationship with another human being just not a sexual one.......so with that I am going to remove myself from the group and wish you all the very best........

---

Do You Yahoo!? Yahoo! Movies - coverage of the 74th Academy Awards®

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Well I just got back from Cancun. OMG was it fun!! Apart from all the drinking and tanning, and I also realized that in fact I am an asexual. In fact I 'came out' and told my friends one nite while we were lying in bed. They just laughed it off and said that it was only the liquor that was talking. I might've been drunk but I still felt really bad after they didn't accept my asexuality as a real part of me. I'm glad someone out there in the world realizes that there are people out there that aren't looking for sex, even in the biggest mating area on the planet. Believe me, I had plenty of oppurtunity to have sex, but it just didn't apeal to me. I guess last week was my turning point. I just wanted to share that with you guys.

----- Forwarded message from Samantha <frembgen2@...> ----- Date: Tue, 26 Mar 2002 10:38:39 -0700 From: Samantha <frembgen2@...> Reply-To: Samantha <frembgen2@...> Subject: samantha again... To: djay@...

Hey... Not sure if you remember me but I emailed you after discovering your website about two or three months ago. I'm a psychiatrist-in-training and I described to you my own asexual history, which includes romance but no sex (thus coining the term heteroromantic), and you had replied that you were glad to see someone in the mental health field among our ranks. :-). ..also I joined the yahoo group (which I have been wayyyy to busy at work to keep up with lately). Anyway, there's a faculty member (Richard Lane, MD) at the university where I am working who is well known in neuropsychiatry research with many publications, etc, ...and to make a long story short...

His area of specialty is alexithymia (the lack of the ability to identify, express, and possibly feel emotion) and in a conversation with him I brought up the topic of asexuality... He expressed a significant interest in this, wondering about asexuals who might also be alexithymic. I have given him the website info, so he may write to this address. I just wanted to let you know in advance. I am here to help in anyway promote the public awareness of asexuality and I, too, am curious how many asexuals are alexithymic -vs- emotional. I can't help but wonder if the percentage of alexithymics is higher in the asexual subpopulation than in the general population.

Alright... glad you're out there! Samantha

----- End forwarded message -----

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

I've had the same experience. You can't just tell someone, you have to prove that asexuality is legit. Put yourself in your friend's position, the idea of asexuality is coming completely out of left field, and they don't know what to do with it or how seriously to take it.

-DJ

Well I just got back from Cancun. OMG was it fun!! Apart from all the drinking and tanning, and I also realized that in fact I am an asexual. In fact I 'came out' and told my friends one nite while we were lying in bed. They just laughed it off and said that it was only the liquor that was talking. I might've been drunk but I still felt really bad after they didn't accept my asexuality as a real part of me. I'm glad someone out there in the world realizes that there are people out there that aren't looking for sex, even in the biggest mating area on the planet. Believe me, I had plenty of oppurtunity to have sex, but it just didn't apeal to me. I guess last week was my turning point. I just wanted to share that with you guys.

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Once again, here is the URL for the celibate relationship group:

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/celibaterelationship/

Lately, I 've been trying to explain to some people what asexuality is. Strange enough, although I think I'm rather clear, they "translate" my words into "low libido", "frigidity" and "problem". I clearly say that my asexuality is no problem for me (and that this doesn't limit my possible feelings for people), but, they explain this that, "those who think that this is not a problem, have even a much bigger problem than they realise".

What I wonder, someone tell me, how would you explain to them the difference between asexuality and "low libido / frigidity"? (because for me this in not the same).

What I wonder, someone tell me, how would you explain to them the difference between asexuality and "low libido / frigidity"? (because for me this in not the same).

Personally, I wouldn't try to explain it to them, but I know others may disagree with me. As long as you know that you are happy with who you are, and understand that those words (low libido, frigidity) denote unhappiness of some kind, then you're just fine.

X.

I have came out to be a lesbian to many people, for many years (note, i am only 21yo and of course most of the people i came out to are gay) i am still attracted to women, and wanting relationship with women in an assexual ways, but i am afraid to come out to my friends, even teh gay ones because assexuality doesnt exist in current culture. i hate those idiots when they say i must try before i decide i dont like it. coming out is hard, it will take a while before the society recognise this "new" "sexuality"

this past week I went down to Cancun for Spring Break. To say that sex is easily obtained is an understatement. During one of many conversations my friends and I had about sex and 'hooking up' at spring break I finally decided to come out. What I got was a response, "Yah right, that's only the liquor talking" Which might've been the case, but the fact that people can't accept us asexuals as normal human beings upset me. I'm glad I didn't hook up down there, though the oppurtunity arrived plenty of times. However after that experience I don't really feel like 'coming out' or telling anyone what my sexual preferences are anymore. I'm glad you guys are still out there supporting me. Peter

this is what i come up , in response to those idiots who tell me i should try everything before i know myself tell them, "if you dont like to eat cockroach, i dont like to have sex" "sex is just not something i ever concern"

Lately, I 've been trying to explain to some people what asexuality is. Strange enough, although I think I'm rather clear, they "translate" my words into "low libido", "frigidity" and "problem". I clearly say that my asexuality is no problem for me (and that this doesn't limit my possible feelings for people), but, they explain this that, "those who think that this is not a problem, have even a much bigger problem than they realise".

What I wonder, someone tell me, how would you explain to them the difference between asexuality and "low libido / frigidity"? (because for me this in not the same).

of course i am not watching it. one of my friends was talking about it the other day. he thought it was a mission impossible to live with sex or masturbation for 40 days. i was blusting laughing out loud. i just don't understand "normal" people!!!

I have finally come to the grim acceptance that I am asexual in nature. I can get turned on by looking at others but I have never wanted to be intimate romantically with them. I have questioned my sexuality and I am not homosexual. There was no abuse in my childhood that I am aware of. I am not repressed. Quite simply I am just not interested in sexual relations with another.

It has taken me a long time to finally accept this knowledge. I have done a great deal of needless soul-searching. I feel deep down, I always knew but I think I wanted the approval and acceptance of my peers and society at large. We live in a highly sexualised world and those who are not of the "norm" are looked at with some suspicion and distaste.

Well, I am not sexual and I guess I never will be. There will be times when I still get down about this but the knowledge that this Community is here comforts me no end. So thank you for being here and I hope to spend many a happy hour here.

Love and Light to you all,

Jonathan XXXXXxxxx.

Welcome, good to hear from you. I can definitely relate, it's hard because the sexual norm isn't something that people talk about, it's not like GLBT people that are openly discriminated against. There's so much stigma attached to sex that sexuals can't understand just getting by without it.

-DJ

I have finally come to the grim acceptance that I am asexual in nature. I can get turned on by looking at others but I have never wanted to be intimate romantically with them. I have questioned my sexuality and I am not homosexual. There was no abuse in my childhood that I am aware of. I am not repressed. Quite simply I am just not interested in sexual relations with another.

It has taken me a long time to finally accept this knowledge. I have done a great deal of needless soul-searching. I feel deep down, I always knew but I think I wanted the approval and acceptance of my peers and society at large. We live in a highly sexualised world and those who are not of the "norm" are looked at with some suspicion and distaste.

Well, I am not sexual and I guess I never will be. There will be times when I still get down about this but the knowledge that this Community is here comforts me no end. So thank you for being here and I hope to spend many a happy hour here.

Love and Light to you all,

Jonathan XXXXXxxxx.

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Exactly. "Don't knock it 'till you've tried it" sounds like a wonderful philosophy, and I in no way mean to say that sex, for sexual people, is great. I just happen to have other things to do with my time.

this is what i come up , in response to those idiots who tell me i should try everything before i know myself tell them, "if you dont like to eat cockroach, i dont like to have sex" "sex is just not something i ever concern"

bostongirl10y said:

Lately, I 've been trying to explain to some people what asexuality is. Strange enough, although I think I'm rather clear, they "translate" my words into "low libido", "frigidity" and "problem". I clearly say that my asexuality is no problem for me (and that this doesn't limit my possible feelings for people), but, they explain this that, "those who think that this is not a problem, have even a much bigger problem than they realise".

What I wonder, someone tell me, how would you explain to them the difference between asexuality and "low libido / frigidity"? (because for me this in not the same).

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Oscar Wilde once wrote "Try everything at least once in life - except incest and Morris Dancing". He obviously had a distaste for Morris Dancing - so those like myself with a distaste for sex - take up Morris Dancing and substitute "except incest and Morris Dancing" with "except SEX". As for "coming out" - I would love to tell my friends that I am assexual but they think I'm weird enough without adding a concept they cannot understand. I am looked upon as slightly eccentric and they can accept my blue hair (or sometimes pink - even though I'm 50 this year) my stage work and all the other weird things I do as amusing and "just Isobel being Isobel" but I know they would not - accept is not the right word - understand assexuality - they would think it was just me trying to be even more different than everybody else - this month's fad. I would love to have men friends because I enjoy their company and conversation, but sex rears its ugly head every time. The men I get on best with are my friend's husbands but then I have to be careful that my friends don't think I'm coming on to their men and so I would never see them without their wives being there. Is there anyone else out there in this club from UK?

OK, sorry everyone for more theory. I'm on a kick (esp w/ everyone coming out.)

So as I'm prepping for these forums I'm forced to ask myself why asexuality is important. Why should a roomfull of sexual people care about asexual issues? Certainly not for my sake. Maybe for the sake of the other asexual people, self- conscious and otherwise, that are out there, but even that is a fairly questionable population. The fact of the matter is that, even if they have no idea that it exists (or rather, because of it) talking about asexuality is extremely important for sexual people. Here's why:

The fact that we identify as asexual means not only that we don't want to have sex with people, but that not havign sex with people is somehow difficult to do. The fact that we've formed identities around asexuality, that it's something we think about, means that being asexual is difficult in our society. The model of sexuality that society gives us does not account for asexuality, it assumes that everyone will be sexual and that sex will play a certain, somewhat set role in their life. We, as asexuals are confusing because we defy the social notion of sexuality by saying that sex WON'T play a role in our lives. By talking about asexuality we force sexual to realize that the model of sexuality that they have been given is full of shit. And for all of the problems that sexual people have with sexuality, its a realization that they could certainly use having.

-DJ

I too am amused at this movie. Since i never masturbate, this would be easy for me! In fact it has been months since I even got a noticeable erection. In addition both my gay friends and straight still seem to show pity for me. My best gay friend has even accepted the challenge to finally break me out of my sexless state. Seriously I doubt that, but I told him that if he can find the right guy I definately will give him a try! In the past I have accepted female dates AND even tried sex with women but as the clothes came off them I had no ability to attain excitement. Somehow I tend to think that guys will have no more luck! That's asexual!

theres not exactly discriminations against asexuals, since we dont fuck, we dont even have the "sin" that straight peopel conduct (note: homosexual sex is god forbitted, according to those idiots) anyway, there is discrimination someway; neither society, straight or GLBT would recgonize asexual, or not yet. that pisses me off, i dont understnad why cant they be liberal to let me be asexual as i am p.s. i am a half closet lesbian, completely closeted asexual (label? doesnt exist for me, "homo-asexual" will do) like jonathan, i love girls dearly; admire pretty people, but i always did, always will think the bed is for sleeping, not for "gross" activities playing card games on the bed would be fine, anything more than that just gross me out. o well, sexuals think asexuals are weird (and otherwise)

Welcome, good to hear from you. I can definitely relate, it's hard because the sexual norm isn't something that people talk about, it's not like GLBT people that are openly discriminated against. There's so much stigma attached to sex that sexuals can't understand just getting by without it.

-DJ

I have finally come to the grim acceptance that I am asexual in nature. I can get turned on by looking at others but I have never wanted to be intimate romantically with them. I have questioned my sexuality and I am not homosexual. There was no abuse in my childhood that I am aware of. I am not repressed. Quite simply I am just not interested in sexual relations with another.

It has taken me a long time to finally accept this knowledge. I have done a great deal of needless soul-searching. I feel deep down, I always knew but I think I wanted the approval and acceptance of my peers and society at large. We live in a highly sexualised world and those who are not of the "norm" are looked at with some suspicion and distaste.

Well, I am not sexual and I guess I never will be. There will be times when I still get down about this but the knowledge that this Community is here comforts me no end. So thank you for being here and I hope to spend many a happy hour here.

Love and Light to you all,

Jonathan XXXXXxxxx.

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i suppose asexual movement is like day one of gay movement. i had never been intersted in sex, and yet, i just found a label that fits me better not long ago. (i still affectionate about women, never in a sexual way) basicly, we can take what the gay movement statements and change the GBLT into sexuals. asexuality is something we are born with, mot because of abstincy. or because people believed in family and straight, they are married, but abstinct soon after, after they realise they really dont like sex

its also hard to do, because "by theory" there is 2% total population that is asexuals. since this is still a new concepts, we yet to wait and see more peopel come out and say "i really dont believe in sex" what we can do now? website would be good, so there are way to let people that asexuality exists, those website exists, otherwise we will not be here. we can strat talking about asexuality around people, so peopel start recgonising this new topic

they are just going to think "i will grow out of it, when i meet THE person", but i seriously doubt, unless i am seriously drugged

anyway, i cannot think of what we can do more to move this forward

OK, sorry everyone for more theory. I'm on a kick (esp w/ everyone coming out.)

So as I'm prepping for these forums I'm forced to ask myself why asexuality is important. Why should a roomfull of sexual people care about asexual issues? Certainly not for my sake. Maybe for the sake of the other asexual people, self- conscious and otherwise, that are out there, but even that is a fairly questionable population. The fact of the matter is that, even if they have no idea that it exists (or rather, because of it) talking about asexuality is extremely important for sexual people. Here's why:

The fact that we identify as asexual means not only that we don't want to have sex with people, but that not havign sex with people is somehow difficult to do. The fact that we've formed identities around asexuality, that it's something we think about, means that being asexual is difficult in our society. The model of sexuality that society gives us does not account for asexuality, it assumes that everyone will be sexual and that sex will play a certain, somewhat set role in their life. We, as asexuals are confusing because we defy the social notion of sexuality by saying that sex WON'T play a role in our lives. By talking about asexuality we force sexual to realize that the model of sexuality that they have been given is full of shit. And for all of the problems that sexual people have with sexuality, its a realization that they could certainly use having.

-DJ

ya, same!! i think people with clothes are more attractive. i hate to see people naked. what do you have that i dont have, on your naked body anyway? everyone is the same, beside the face and the head, that is what i find attractive. o well, there must be peopel like naked objects, or else playboy wouldnt have all their business

I too am amused at this movie. Since i never masturbate, this would be easy for me! In fact it has been months since I even got a noticeable erection. In addition both my gay friends and straight still seem to show pity for me. My best gay friend has even accepted the challenge to finally break me out of my sexless state. Seriously I doubt that, but I told him that if he can find the right guy I definately will give him a try! In the past I have accepted female dates AND even tried sex with women but as the clothes came off them I had no ability to attain excitement. Somehow I tend to think that guys will have no more luck! That's asexual!