Gross!!
Oh yes I agree, the possible reason that I find sex so unappealing is because my primary attraction is homosexual, and I find the concept of oral and anal sex so disturbing! The disease and disgust factor really does turn me off. As for women I do agree that they look a lot better clothed, than naked. I am really curious to see if I ever feel that lust or love so many rave about! At least I do not behave stupidly to get some tail!!
low-libido
About low-libido / frigidity versus asexuality:
Do your answers mean that the only difference is that to asexuals, their absence of sexual attraction is not a problem for them?
An explication: it is important to me to be able to explain the difference. I'm trying to organise a group for asexual women. I get rather a lot of reactions of interested women (much more than I had expected), but, according to me, most of them are not asexual. Most of them do experience sexual attraction, have sexual desire to an other, but have a problem in their sexual relation. They expect kind of help from me or the group (which at this moment doesn't exist yet). I try to explain them what I mean by asexuality "no sexual attraction, not to men, not to women no desire to have a sexual relation, wanting no sexual contact, ". Obviously, a lot of people recognise them in these words. Only, they wish to change this. And they find it a problem. Also, my plans of forming a group is known by the media. The last weeks, I got a lot of questions from journalists, radio- and TV- programs, to give an interview on the subject of asexuality (and the group). Till now, I did not do this (all kinds of reasons). But, the journalists make articles and programs anyway. And, then there is the same problem. They translate my words in what they understand of it and they understand it wrong! They interview also "specialists" (sexuologists, psychiatrists, ...)
I think "not experiencing sexual attraction" is maybe poly- interpretable? Or, is the only difference that asexuals don't see this as a problem? But then, a homosexual who has difficulty accepting his way-of-being, you do not call him a heterosexual. So, why would you call someone who has difficulty accepting his asexual-way-of-being a non-asexual? So, I wonder, what is the real difference between a low-libido- person, and an asexual? As I said, I do not think it is the same, but I find it very hard to explain this difference!
Also, maybe I do want to give info to the journalists, but at this moment, I do not want to do this alone. So, anyone interested in co- writing an article on asexuality? (Or, other suggestions?)
What we can do about it.
i suppose asexual movement is like day one of gay movement. i had never been intersted in sex, and yet, i just found a label that fits me better not long ago. (i still affectionate about women, never in a sexual way) basicly, we can take what the gay movement statements and change the GBLT into sexuals. asexuality is something we are born with, mot because of abstincy. or because people believed in family and straight, they are married, but abstinct soon after, after they realise they really dont like sex
its also hard to do, because "by theory" there is 2% total population that is asexuals. since this is still a new concepts, we yet to wait and see more peopel come out and say "i really dont believe in sex" what we can do now? website would be good, so there are way to let people that asexuality exists, those website exists, otherwise we will not be here. we can strat talking about asexuality around people, so peopel start recgonising this new topic
they are just going to think "i will grow out of it, when i meet THE person", but i seriously doubt, unless i am seriously drugged
anyway, i cannot think of what we can do more to move this forward
djay@w... said:OK, sorry everyone for more theory. I'm on a kick (esp w/ everyone coming out.)
So as I'm prepping for these forums I'm forced to ask myself why asexuality is important. Why should a roomfull of sexual people care about asexual issues? Certainly not for my sake. Maybe for the sake of the other asexual people, self- conscious and otherwise, that are out there, but even that is a fairly questionable population. The fact of the matter is that, even if they have no idea that it exists (or rather, because of it) talking about asexuality is extremely important for sexual people. Here's why:
The fact that we identify as asexual means not only that we don't want to have sex with people, but that not havign sex with people is somehow difficult to do. The fact that we've formed identities around asexuality, that it's something we think about, means that being asexual is difficult in our society. The model of sexuality that society gives us does not account for asexuality, it assumes that everyone will be sexual and that sex will play a certain, somewhat set role in their life. We, as asexuals are confusing because we defy the social notion of sexuality by saying that sex WON'T play a role in our lives. By talking about asexuality we force sexual to realize that the model of sexuality that they have been given is full of shit. And for all of the problems that sexual people have with sexuality, its a realization that they could certainly use having.
-DJ
Don't underestimate the power of bringing it up in conversation. You don't have to come out as asexual, just bring it up as a possibility. I do this everytime someone complains to me about their love life. For those that don't know, I am the resident sexual. But my attempots at spreading understanding of asexuality have prompted some really cool conversations, and may have changed a few people's perceptions of how sex and sexuality can work. My finace has also taken to discussing the possibility with people if the oppourtunity comes up. I'm feeling a growing awareness among my friends and peers about the possibility of asexuality. It's wonderful.
Other responses:
People with clothes on are sexy, I agree. For me this is mostly because it can accentuate the good aspects and hide the bad, from a purely physical attraction standpoint. Clothing made simply to reveal the human form is often repulsive to me-they might as well be naked, so why put it on? But naked people can also be Beautiful, if the art is done in celebration of the human form, and not for gratuitous sexuality. For this reason I subscribe to playboy, It walks that thin line between Pornography and art, and it does so with taste and style. (In my opinion)
Re: [Haven for the Human Amoeba] low-libido
About low-libido / frigidity versus asexuality:
Do your answers mean that the only difference is that to asexuals, their absence of sexual attraction is not a problem for them?
An explication: it is important to me to be able to explain the difference. I'm trying to organise a group for asexual women. I get rather a lot of reactions of interested women (much more than I had expected), but, according to me, most of them are not asexual. Most of them do experience sexual attraction, have sexual desire to an other, but have a problem in their sexual relation. They expect kind of help from me or the group (which at this moment doesn't exist yet). I try to explain them what I mean by asexuality "no sexual attraction, not to men, not to women no desire to have a sexual relation, wanting no sexual contact, ". Obviously, a lot of people recognise them in these words. Only, they wish to change this. And they find it a problem. Also, my plans of forming a group is known by the media. The last weeks, I got a lot of questions from journalists, radio- and TV- programs, to give an interview on the subject of asexuality (and the group). Till now, I did not do this (all kinds of reasons). But, the journalists make articles and programs anyway. And, then there is the same problem. They translate my words in what they understand of it and they understand it wrong! They interview also "specialists" (sexuologists, psychiatrists, ...)
I think "not experiencing sexual attraction" is maybe poly- interpretable? Or, is the only difference that asexuals don't see this as a problem? But then, a homosexual who has difficulty accepting his way-of-being, you do not call him a heterosexual. So, why would you call someone who has difficulty accepting his asexual-way-of-being a non-asexual? So, I wonder, what is the real difference between a low-libido- person, and an asexual? As I said, I do not think it is the same, but I find it very hard to explain this difference!
Also, maybe I do want to give info to the journalists, but at this moment, I do not want to do this alone. So, anyone interested in co- writing an article on asexuality? (Or, other suggestions?)
About low-libido / frigidity versus asexuality:
Do your answers mean that the only difference is that to asexuals, their absence of sexual attraction is not a problem for them?
First off, I'd say that there's a difference between a lack of libido and a lack of sexual attraction. Second, I don't think that being low-libido and being asexual are mutually exclusive.
In terms of the structure of your group, it's a difficult situation. You want to be as opened as possible (sexual intensity is a spectrum, right?) but at the same time you don't want it to be focused on sexual stuff. If the group is full of people who consider their lack of sexuality a problem, that that's an issue.
I'd start by asking them why it's so important that they be sexual. If they want to be more sexual than they are then they obviously equate sex with something that they want, and I think it would be beneficial to question that equation. Sexual or otherwise, everyone's been in a situation where they felt they had to be sexual in a way they didn't want to be in order to get something they wanted (intimacy, power, social acceptance etc.) So you can build a group around that experience, maybe.
I'd love to help co-author an article.
-BRC
An explication: it is important to me to be able to explain the difference. I'm trying to organise a group for asexual women. I get rather a lot of reactions of interested women (much more than I had expected), but, according to me, most of them are not asexual. Most of them do experience sexual attraction, have sexual desire to an other, but have a problem in their sexual relation. They expect kind of help from me or the group (which at this moment doesn't exist yet). I try to explain them what I mean by asexuality "no sexual attraction, not to men, not to women no desire to have a sexual relation, wanting no sexual contact, ". Obviously, a lot of people recognise them in these words. Only, they wish to change this. And they find it a problem. Also, my plans of forming a group is known by the media. The last weeks, I got a lot of questions from journalists, radio- and TV- programs, to give an interview on the subject of asexuality (and the group). Till now, I did not do this (all kinds of reasons). But, the journalists make articles and programs anyway. And, then there is the same problem. They translate my words in what they understand of it and they understand it wrong! They interview also "specialists" (sexuologists, psychiatrists, ...)
I think "not experiencing sexual attraction" is maybe poly- interpretable? Or, is the only difference that asexuals don't see this as a problem? But then, a homosexual who has difficulty accepting his way-of-being, you do not call him a heterosexual. So, why would you call someone who has difficulty accepting his asexual-way-of-being a non-asexual? So, I wonder, what is the real difference between a low-libido- person, and an asexual? As I said, I do not think it is the same, but I find it very hard to explain this difference!
Also, maybe I do want to give info to the journalists, but at this moment, I do not want to do this alone. So, anyone interested in co- writing an article on asexuality? (Or, other suggestions?)
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What's in a kiss?
I was watching a show on the Discovery health channel on kissing, and have come to realize that most people fondly remember a "first kiss". I can't remember the first time I kissed anyone, and never have gotten anything from one other than germs. Perhaps a measure of asexuality is a lack of a "spark" when kissing? Any ideas here?
Re: What's in a kiss?
I was watching a show on the Discovery health channel on kissing, and have come to realize that most people fondly remember a "first kiss". I can't remember the first time I kissed anyone, and never have gotten anything from one other than germs. Perhaps a measure of asexuality is a lack of a "spark" when kissing? Any ideas here?
its all about the germs. kissing is not more than exchanging spits... and of course, according to "normal peopel", "human fluids taste good" this about that, it just gross me out i think its veyr polite to kiss someone on cheek. a french kiss is just really gross. and of course "normal people" like to know how their partner feels/tastes like at every inch on their body gross gross gross we are just too logical
I was watching a show on the Discovery health channel on kissing, and have come to realize that most people fondly remember a "first kiss". I can't remember the first time I kissed anyone, and never have gotten anything from one other than germs. Perhaps a measure of asexuality is a lack of a "spark" when kissing? Any ideas here?
Re: [Haven for the Human Amoeba] Re: What's in a kiss?
its all about the germs. kissing is not more than exchanging spits... and of course, according to "normal peopel", "human fluids taste good" this about that, it just gross me out i think its veyr polite to kiss someone on cheek. a french kiss is just really gross. and of course "normal people" like to know how their partner feels/tastes like at every inch on their body gross gross gross we are just too logical
maximmumjunk said:I was watching a show on the Discovery health channel on kissing, and have come to realize that most people fondly remember a "first kiss". I can't remember the first time I kissed anyone, and never have gotten anything from one other than germs. Perhaps a measure of asexuality is a lack of a "spark" when kissing? Any ideas here?
I don't know, personally I've never really tried it, but I can see how it might have a certain charm. I don't know, I'm caught right now between how I actually don't want physicality in my relationships and how I'm just reacting to the oversexualization of the human body and of physical contact. Kissing (even mouth kissing) isn't an inherintly sexual thing (though frenching seems to cross a line.) As to the "first kiss" mentality, I'd say that it has alot to do with how sexuality is romanticized. The "first kiss" is the first shot at a whole range of sexual relationships which are (in theory) unlike anything experienced so far. It's utter tripe but it keeps the natives happy, at least until college when dating finally breaks down.
-DJ
its all about the germs. kissing is not more than exchanging spits... and of course, according to "normal peopel", "human fluids taste good" this about that, it just gross me out i think its veyr polite to kiss someone on cheek. a french kiss is just really gross. and of course "normal people" like to know how their partner feels/tastes like at every inch on their body gross gross gross we are just too logical
maximmumjunk said:I was watching a show on the Discovery health channel on kissing, and have come to realize that most people fondly remember a "first kiss". I can't remember the first time I kissed anyone, and never have gotten anything from one other than germs. Perhaps a measure of asexuality is a lack of a "spark" when kissing? Any ideas here?
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[Haven for the Human Amoeba] Re: What's in a kiss?
I don't know, personally I've never really tried it, but I can see how it might have a certain charm. I don't know, I'm caught right now between how I actually don't want physicality in my relationships and how I'm just reacting to the oversexualization of the human body and of physical contact. Kissing (even mouth kissing) isn't an inherintly sexual thing (though frenching seems to cross a line.) As to the "first kiss" mentality, I'd say that it has alot to do with how sexuality is romanticized. The "first kiss" is the first shot at a whole range of sexual relationships which are (in theory) unlike anything experienced so far. It's utter tripe but it keeps the natives happy, at least until college when dating finally breaks down.
-DJ
its all about the germs. kissing is not more than exchanging spits... and of course, according to "normal peopel", "human fluids taste good" this about that, it just gross me out i think its veyr polite to kiss someone on cheek. a french kiss is just really gross. and of course "normal people" like to know how their partner feels/tastes like at every inch on their body gross gross gross we are just too logical
maximmumjunk said:I was watching a show on the Discovery health channel on kissing, and have come to realize that most people fondly remember a "first kiss". I can't remember the first time I kissed anyone, and never have gotten anything from one other than germs. Perhaps a measure of asexuality is a lack of a "spark" when kissing? Any ideas here?
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I personally think kissing is no big deal, a lot of cultures use it as we Americans use the handshake. Then again, there are a lot of prostitues out there who strictly enforce a 'no-kissing on the mouth' rule, which is completely bizarre. I remeber my first kiss, but now that I look back at it, its such a triviality. Is that even a real word? Peter
Kissing
A lot of people feel that kissing is more intimate than sex. It is certainly not painful and less messy than sex (although I have never really derived pleasure from a kiss). My first kiss was disgusting and disappointing and that wasn't even a french kiss. I can sort of understand the 'no kissing on the mouth' rule for prostitutes because they are doing their job and not looking to become attached to their clients. There's just something about having your face that close to someone else's face that is the most intimate, vulnerable position in which one can put oneself. People can detatch mentally and emotionally from sex, but you can't really detatch from a kiss. Remember when you were a kid and people would ask how far you'd gotten in terms of baseball? (1st base, 2nd base, etc.) Whoever invented that way to gauge sexual experience had their priorities mixed up.
love but no sex
if anyone had watched the HBO channel, they have a show called real sex. i watch it once in a while by accidents(eg. nothign else is on) i just completely dont understand what the "normal" people think.
there was one show, in this sex conference, they brought up a point "love and sex are two different"; there was a group of males and females, they are dating around, have gfs, but they also fuck everyone else in the group their claims are that sex is just like any other activities. instead of watching a film or playing tennis, they have sex.
i agree with "love and sex are two different things" you just dont FUCK someone you love. i always think sex is for someone that is bored out of their mind. there is nothing else they can do beside play around with human fluids. gross and gross
anyway, i think the perception of sex make all of us here who we are. i never understand what's so special about sex.
Some fun
I'm having alot of fun gearing up for the asexualiy forums I'm giving this week. I made ten posters, thought I'd share them with everyone:
Asexualize your mind. (Reference to a local campus thing.)
Sexual Revolution, Round 2. Ding.
Get in touch with your inner amoeba.
Is dating dying?
Dispelling the common misconception that sex matters.
FUCK SEX.
Keep your politics off of my sexuality.
Why you should give a fuck about not.
Radical love politics. (A reference to radical sex politics, which is a thing related to queer politics.)
Does getting some get you what you want?
Hope you enjoy!!
-DJ
Re: Some fun
I'm having alot of fun gearing up for the asexualiy forums I'm giving this week. I made ten posters, thought I'd share them with everyone:
Asexualize your mind. (Reference to a local campus thing.)
Sexual Revolution, Round 2. Ding.
Get in touch with your inner amoeba.
Is dating dying?
Dispelling the common misconception that sex matters.
FUCK SEX.
Keep your politics off of my sexuality.
Why you should give a fuck about not.
Radical love politics. (A reference to radical sex politics, which is a thing related to queer politics.)
Does getting some get you what you want?
Hope you enjoy!!
-DJ
I like these, they are good. I am confused though, are you asexuality forums at school? And if they are, what school is this?
I'm having alot of fun gearing up for the asexualiy forums I'm giving this week. I made ten posters, thought I'd share them with everyone:
Asexualize your mind. (Reference to a local campus thing.)
Sexual Revolution, Round 2. Ding.
Get in touch with your inner amoeba.
Is dating dying?
Dispelling the common misconception that sex matters.
FUCK SEX.
Keep your politics off of my sexuality.
Why you should give a fuck about not.
Radical love politics. (A reference to radical sex politics, which is a thing related to queer politics.)
Does getting some get you what you want?
Hope you enjoy!!
-DJ
Re: [Haven for the Human Amoeba] Re: Some fun
I like these, they are good. I am confused though, are you asexuality forums at school? And if they are, what school is this?
djay@w... said:I'm having alot of fun gearing up for the asexualiy forums I'm giving this week. I made ten posters, thought I'd share them with everyone:
Asexualize your mind. (Reference to a local campus thing.)
Sexual Revolution, Round 2. Ding.
Get in touch with your inner amoeba.
Is dating dying?
Dispelling the common misconception that sex matters.
FUCK SEX.
Keep your politics off of my sexuality.
Why you should give a fuck about not.
Radical love politics. (A reference to radical sex politics, which is a thing related to queer politics.)
Does getting some get you what you want?
Hope you enjoy!!
-DJ
These are two that I'm giving at Wesleyan University in Middletown Connecticut, which is where I go to school. I've spoken to queer groups at a few other schools..
-BRC
I like these, they are good. I am confused though, are you asexuality forums at school? And if they are, what school is this?
djay@w... said:I'm having alot of fun gearing up for the asexualiy forums I'm giving this week. I made ten posters, thought I'd share them with everyone:
Asexualize your mind. (Reference to a local campus thing.)
Sexual Revolution, Round 2. Ding.
Get in touch with your inner amoeba.
Is dating dying?
Dispelling the common misconception that sex matters.
FUCK SEX.
Keep your politics off of my sexuality.
Why you should give a fuck about not.
Radical love politics. (A reference to radical sex politics, which is a thing related to queer politics.)
Does getting some get you what you want?
Hope you enjoy!!
-DJ
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Re: Some fun
I'm having alot of fun gearing up for the asexualiy forums I'm giving this week. I made ten posters, thought I'd share them with everyone:
Asexualize your mind. (Reference to a local campus thing.)
Sexual Revolution, Round 2. Ding.
Get in touch with your inner amoeba.
Is dating dying?
Dispelling the common misconception that sex matters.
FUCK SEX.
Keep your politics off of my sexuality.
Why you should give a fuck about not.
Radical love politics. (A reference to radical sex politics, which is a thing related to queer politics.)
Does getting some get you what you want?
Hope you enjoy!!
-DJ
I especially this one
FUCK SEX very funny.
[Haven for the Human Amoeba] say hello to the New Guy
I'm having alot of fun gearing up for the asexualiy forums I'm giving this week. I made ten posters, thought I'd share them with everyone:
Asexualize your mind. (Reference to a local campus thing.)
Sexual Revolution, Round 2. Ding.
Get in touch with your inner amoeba.
Is dating dying?
Dispelling the common misconception that sex matters.
FUCK SEX.
Keep your politics off of my sexuality.
Why you should give a fuck about not.
Radical love politics. (A reference to radical sex politics, which is a thing related to queer politics.)
Does getting some get you what you want?
Hope you enjoy!!
-DJ
hullo there!
i'm really pleased to have found a place where i can comfortably discuss my (lack of ) sexuality.
DJ brought up the topic of the asexuality forums he's giving. Do you have anymore material concerning these you could share with us? it sounds quite interesting.
also... does anyone know of research that's been done on this orientation? i looked through my Uni's catalogues today and found zip-all, i must confess
settlin' in,
byron
===== +--------------------------------------------------------+ | RIP Elizabeth Bowes-Lyon, Her Majesty the Queen Mother | | ~ Go Leeds U - Down With the Poncy Scum Gits ~ | | ~littera scripta manet ~ the written word abides~ | | ~~B. Elliott Walker ~ b_elliott_walker@... ~~ | +--------------------------------------------------------+
Music, Movies, Sports, Games! http://entertainment.yahoo.ca
more new materials
hullo there!
i'm really pleased to have found a place where i can comfortably discuss my (lack of ) sexuality.
DJ brought up the topic of the asexuality forums he's giving. Do you have anymore material concerning these you could share with us? it sounds quite interesting.
also... does anyone know of research that's been done on this orientation? i looked through my Uni's catalogues today and found zip-all, i must confess
settlin' in,
byron
===== +--------------------------------------------------------+ | RIP Elizabeth Bowes-Lyon, Her Majesty the Queen Mother | | ~ Go Leeds U - Down With the Poncy Scum Gits ~ | | ~littera scripta manet ~ the written word abides~ | | ~~B. Elliott Walker ~ b_elliott_walker@... ~~ | +--------------------------------------------------------+
Music, Movies, Sports, Games! http://entertainment.yahoo.ca
there are minimal amount of materials available these days you know, asexuality "doesnt exist"
If DJ can post the lecture that you are giving on this site, that would be great
hi walker, welcome to the "weirdo" club!
francis
hullo there!
i'm really pleased to have found a place where i can comfortably discuss my (lack of ) sexuality.
DJ brought up the topic of the asexuality forums he's giving. Do you have anymore material concerning these you could share with us? it sounds quite interesting.
also... does anyone know of research that's been done on this orientation? i looked through my Uni's catalogues today and found zip-all, i must confess
settlin' in,
byron
===== +--------------------------------------------------------+ | RIP Elizabeth Bowes-Lyon, Her Majesty the Queen Mother | | ~ Go Leeds U - Down With the Poncy Scum Gits ~ | | ~littera scripta manet ~ the written word abides~ | | ~~B. Elliott Walker ~ b_elliott_walker@y... ~~ | +--------------------------------------------------------+
Music, Movies, Sports, Games! http://entertainment.yahoo.ca
Friendship with the opposite sex
I am wondering how much success people here have had in friendships with the opposite sex, when they are heterosexual. I seem to be having quite a trying time not to adopt the attitude that it would be better to be alone. It is insanity to do the same thing many times over whilst expecting a different result.
Re: Friendship with the opposite sex
I am wondering how much success people here have had in friendships with the opposite sex, when they are heterosexual. I seem to be having quite a trying time not to adopt the attitude that it would be better to be alone. It is insanity to do the same thing many times over whilst expecting a different result.
I am wondering how much success people here have had in friendships with the opposite sex...
Almost all my true friends are the opposite sex! I have had great success in having genuine friendships with men all my life. But I think this depends a lot on the person, you know? I have enough masculinity in my mental character for men to find me a great companion. As for being alone...well, I am a loner, so I like lots of time alone.
X.
Re: [Haven for the Human Amoeba] Friendship with the opposite sex
I am wondering how much success people here have had in friendships with the opposite sex, when they are heterosexual. I seem to be having quite a trying time not to adopt the attitude that it would be better to be alone. It is insanity to do the same thing many times over whilst expecting a different result.
What does heterosexuality have to do with it? I've found it's not that difficult at all to make friends, though it gets difficult to develope one's friendships past a certain point. What's the problem?
I am wondering how much success people here have had in friendships with the opposite sex, when they are heterosexual. I seem to be having quite a trying time not to adopt the attitude that it would be better to be alone. It is insanity to do the same thing many times over whilst expecting a different result.
Crossovers etc.
For thought:
1)I just went to a panel on polyamory yesterday, which seems to throw around alot of ideas relevant to thinking about asexuality. Polyam people basically think that monogomy is wrong, you don't have a set amount of love (sexual or otherwise) to give, so why limit your love to one person? This seems EXTREMELY relevant to us folk, who don't really have ACCESS to a concept of monogomy (sort of, but its shaky. How do you cheat on someone in an asexual monogomous relationship?) The psychology of it also works great (with a little tinkering) when applied to situations that we deal with. The fact that a friend of yours has a new sexual relationship does not, inherintly, mean that you need to get the back burner. That's just culturally (and somewhat biologically) programmed. Basically polyam is relevant because monogomy just doesn't work around asexual people. If I'm a valid, emotionally capable person (and I hope that I am) then my friends can cheat on their respective others with me without being sexual, and the entire basis of monogomy begins to fall apart. So we better learn how to start thinking without it.
2) The big forum's today. I'll let you know how it goes. Basically my plan is to introduce the concept of "sexual importance." Sex isn't inherintly THAT important, it's just that it's given alot of cultural signifigance. This makes the lives of alot of asexual people difficult, because we want things that are considered "sexual" but we don't want to have to be sexual to get them. So the topic of discussion is: when is a time when you felt you had to be sexual even though you didn't want to to get something that you wanted?
Time for more posterin'
-DJ
Re: Friendship with the opposite sex
What does heterosexuality have to do with it? I've found it's not that difficult at all to make friends, though it gets difficult to develope one's friendships past a certain point. What's the problem?
I am wondering how much success people here have had in friendships with the opposite sex, when they are heterosexual. I seem to be having quite a trying time not to adopt the attitude that it would be better to be alone. It is insanity to do the same thing many times over whilst expecting a different result.
At the risk of sounding stand-offish or aloof, I wish to comment on the likelihood of solitary life to be rather a step forward from depending emotionally upon relationships with others. I do not mean to belittle the bonds that people share, which are special and unique in every case, but if one can feel content with one's own presence and be happy in that event, then it should be an indication of high confidence and self-esteem, and not a sign of being "anti-social". Just my opinion.
Re: Friendship with the opposite sex
At the risk of sounding stand-offish or aloof, I wish to comment on the likelihood of solitary life to be rather a step forward from depending emotionally upon relationships with others. I do not mean to belittle the bonds that people share, which are special and unique in every case, but if one can feel content with one's own presence and be happy in that event, then it should be an indication of high confidence and self-esteem, and not a sign of being "anti-social". Just my opinion.
At the risk of sounding stand-offish or aloof, I wish to comment on the likelihood of solitary life to be rather a step forward from depending emotionally upon relationships with others. I do not mean to belittle the bonds that people share, which are special and unique in every case, but if one can feel content with one's own presence and be happy in that event, then it should be an indication of high confidence and self-esteem, and not a sign of being "anti-social". Just my opinion.
I agree 100% with this.
Re: Crossovers etc.
For thought:
1)I just went to a panel on polyamory yesterday, which seems to throw around alot of ideas relevant to thinking about asexuality. Polyam people basically think that monogomy is wrong, you don't have a set amount of love (sexual or otherwise) to give, so why limit your love to one person? This seems EXTREMELY relevant to us folk, who don't really have ACCESS to a concept of monogomy (sort of, but its shaky. How do you cheat on someone in an asexual monogomous relationship?) The psychology of it also works great (with a little tinkering) when applied to situations that we deal with. The fact that a friend of yours has a new sexual relationship does not, inherintly, mean that you need to get the back burner. That's just culturally (and somewhat biologically) programmed. Basically polyam is relevant because monogomy just doesn't work around asexual people. If I'm a valid, emotionally capable person (and I hope that I am) then my friends can cheat on their respective others with me without being sexual, and the entire basis of monogomy begins to fall apart. So we better learn how to start thinking without it.
2) The big forum's today. I'll let you know how it goes. Basically my plan is to introduce the concept of "sexual importance." Sex isn't inherintly THAT important, it's just that it's given alot of cultural signifigance. This makes the lives of alot of asexual people difficult, because we want things that are considered "sexual" but we don't want to have to be sexual to get them. So the topic of discussion is: when is a time when you felt you had to be sexual even though you didn't want to to get something that you wanted?
Time for more posterin'
-DJ
The fact that a friend of yours has a new sexual relationship does not, inherintly, mean that you need to get the back burner. That's just culturally (and somewhat biologically) programmed.
Nevertheless, sexual jealousy is a huge problem, because of the intimacy factor. When you really love and care about someone and they do something so intimate and personal with some one else, how can this not bother you? Explain this to me, please. We're talking about feelings here and not just some theory.
Re: [Haven for the Human Amoeba] Re: Crossovers etc.
The fact that a friend of yours has a new sexual relationship does not, inherintly, mean that you need to get the back burner. That's just culturally (and somewhat biologically) programmed.
Nevertheless, sexual jealousy is a huge problem, because of the intimacy factor. When you really love and care about someone and they do something so intimate and personal with some one else, how can this not bother you? Explain this to me, please. We're talking about feelings here and not just some theory.
Is sex really THAT intimate and personal? I feel like it varies a good deal. Besides, if someone I love is having intimate and personal relationships then that is making them more fulfilled, which (in the end) makes my relationship with them richer. Right now I'm generally happy for my friends when they have sex (depending on what kind and how they react to it), though I'm also not in any superintimate relationships.
The fact that a friend of yours has a new sexual relationship does not, inherintly, mean that you need to get the back burner. That's just culturally (and somewhat biologically) programmed.
Nevertheless, sexual jealousy is a huge problem, because of the intimacy factor. When you really love and care about someone and they do something so intimate and personal with some one else, how can this not bother you? Explain this to me, please. We're talking about feelings here and not just some theory.
Re: [Haven for the Human Amoeba] Re: Friendship with the opposite sex
stevie_satx said:At the risk of sounding stand-offish or aloof, I wish to comment on the likelihood of solitary life to be rather a step forward from depending emotionally upon relationships with others. I do not mean to belittle the bonds that people share, which are special and unique in every case, but if one can feel content with one's own presence and be happy in that event, then it should be an indication of high confidence and self-esteem, and not a sign of being "anti-social". Just my opinion.
I agree 100% with this.
I think that it's very important to recognize that not everyone needs relationships. There is stuff that relationships do emotionally that can be done other ways. HOWEVER I don't think that relationships should be written off as weak either. I think that they can be an extremely challenging and important part of people's lives (I know that they are in mine.) While not needing relationships is definitely valid to talk about it's also a little dangerous in an asexual context. Are we not having relationships because we actually don't want them or because we're told that we can't. I think that there are genuinely anti-social people who are worse off for it, AND there are people who have fulfilling solitary lives. It's important to distinguish.
At the risk of sounding stand-offish or aloof, I wish to comment on the likelihood of solitary life to be rather a step forward from depending emotionally upon relationships with others. I do not mean to belittle the bonds that people share, which are special and unique in every case, but if one can feel content with one's own presence and be happy in that event, then it should be an indication of high confidence and self-esteem, and not a sign of being "anti-social". Just my opinion.
I agree 100% with this.
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