Haven for the Human Amoeba

I believe "playing" in bed is healthy. One person taking the lead/initiating/assertive for a while is healthy. Aggression and S&M members equal domestic violence. Remember in the 70-80 the professionals handed every over-stressed, mad individual a stiraphome bat, stood them infront of a Bobo the clown and instructed them to take out their aggression? Today children still play with those sticks but research has deturmined those thearapy sessions not only a failure and waste of money but they actually made the clients more angry and aggressive. Relationships are a big enough challenge without promoting abuse in them.

Sign up for FREE email from Potosi Online at http://www.potosionline.com/ Daily News, Weather, Business Links, and so much more.....

Promote your group and strengthen ties to your members with email@... by Everyone.net http://www.everyone.net/?btn=tag

Yes, I know what you're talking about. My cousin's disturbed stepson went to a "psychiatrist" who advocated that he have a stuffed animal to pummel out his frustrations and my cousin had the common sense to put her foot down and say that beating on stuffed animals could lead to real animal abuse and anything else that was handy whenever his temper flared up.

Personally, I would never be comfortable with BDSM or any little power games in bed. After being verbally abused for practically all of my adolescence, I'm not about to volunteer myself to be at a disadvantage physically and/or psychologically.

I believe "playing" in bed is healthy. One person taking the lead/initiating/assertive for a while is healthy. Aggression and S&M members equal domestic violence. Remember in the 70-80 the professionals handed every over-stressed, mad individual a stiraphome bat, stood them infront of a Bobo the clown and instructed them to take out their aggression? Today children still play with those sticks but research has deturmined those thearapy sessions not only a failure and waste of money but they actually made the clients more angry and aggressive. Relationships are a big enough challenge without promoting abuse in them.

I think its inappropriate to assume you know the minds of the rest of all humanity. I don't think I need sex to be intimate, but I can easily see how some people might get some kind of genuine intimacy from it. Its sometimes, (in theory) about sharing something normally very personal and private, about working together to bring mutual feelings of pleasure, about trust... hell, that sounds intimate to me. Its just not my personally preferred method of intimacy.

Sex, including BDSM, has nothing at all to do with intimacy...we've just been brainwashed into thinking it does. Real intimacy is caring and being there for someone.

steven_n_g said:

So... I'm curious, how is pain intimate? The reason I ask is first of all, that I'm not really thinking about intimacy (or anything deep really) when I'm in pain. Also, I ask out of curiosity because one of the primary reasons that I feel that sex bothers me is that it feels like it was "invented by someone else". Its been done before. Its got no imagination, no uniqueness which is important to me for intimacy. So I'm trying to understand all the ways in which sex, love-making, and intimacy can be not-so-generic. Someone personal to the couple, rather than "using someone else's moves" or whatever. Also, I'm not going to outright say that bondage/ bdsm is always unhealthy in a relationship. That's too big a generalization, I suspect. I'd rather look at the motives behind it. But whatever works, for each person, I say. Me, I'll wait until my imagination has been stimulated.

still_i_fall said:

About BDSM, I'm inclined to agree with the idea that it's unhealthy at the least-- I think it's generally a reaction formation response to an inability to let go of control. To really be comfortable in a casually non-controlling, intimate relationship you have to understand why you can't let go of control-- not just beat down the urge to control with brute force. That compulsion may get beaten to a bloody pulp, but it will still be there, and will still block the way to a comfortably loving relationship in which each person can let go of control without being constantly aware that they are doing so. The interesting thing about S&M though is while the masochist pretends to have no control, in fact as long as it is consensual, the individual has *complete* control. The sadist is simply allowed to hurt the individual to a certain extent, which I see as perfectly acceptable. It is trust on the part of the masochist that as (s) he is bound that the sadist will honor his/her requests.

Besides, it is a common male fanasty to have sex with an individual who is unconscious if not dead. For a sadist, they are free to act upon a submissive person who will actually enjoy the act. None of this strikes me as sick.

While *very* different than S&M, it isn't uncommon for one of my good friends and I to hurt ourselves in the other's presence, and this is an action *out* of intimacy...

--Nothing

Marjorie Myer wrote:

Where did you find a gay and a straight test at? I did the straightacting quiz and got a # 4 feminist 14 points.

Where is the straight-acting quiz?

One place for a gay/straight test is:

http://www.burlyadventurer.com/quiz/index.tcl?gay

I am grateful for finding this list... I have a "front". I don't remember what they're called when a gay guy has a female friend that poses for straight image.

I am not sure either. Would you be called a "faghag" ? In your case the gay guy then acts the part of being straight?

jay

They've hit the nail on the head, by George!

I took that test that you mentioned, and I came up asexual! They were 13.75% sure of it. In the description, they said they were hesitant to even include that category, but they did anyway. Wow! I feel so much more confident in my choice to accept this as my sexuality! *sarcasm* It' s amazing how they can tell that just by a few questions about what parts of Abraham Lincoln I find disturbing. . . . .

Attention Ladies! (and perhaps gentlemen, but mostly ladies):

Here's a little short story about what happened to me last night if anyone's interested. I went out to a bar with a guy friend whom I do not know very well. I stated about 20 times that I wasn't interested in dating. Afterwords, he dropped me off at my place and asked to use the bathroom because he had consumed many beers. I let him in and he said he wanted to see my bedroom. I didn't want to be rude so I gave him the grand tour of my place and he said my room had a lot of "character," whatever that means. Then I quickly whisked him out of my room in case he had any ideas about what we could do (even though I said we were just friends). Then he said he wanted to go to the beach so we walked to the beach. It was about 3:00 in the morning. I was getting a little suspicious at this point. Plus, he kept going on and on with that "You just need to find the right person" crap. I wanted to keep walking around so that things didn't get awkward, and thus, intimate. He insisted on sitting down on a bench. Of course, he puts his arm around me. ( I was starting to see that coming) Then I lied that I was cold and that we should keep walking. I think he could tell I was getting really nervous so he asked me if he was coming on too strong. I said yes. I think he was starting to get the point. I walked him back to his car and then he gave me a good-bye hug. As we were pulling apart, he paused and I think he was trying to kiss me. I pulled away quickly, perhaps being a little too blatant about how I didn't want to get that close. He said good-bye in a melancholy manner. I don't know if he'll ever contact me again. I couldn't help thinking that if I had gone out to a bar and the beach with my girlfriends, I wouldn't be uncomfortable. Gee, could that be because they are not trying to get with me? Why do guys have to be like that? There are so few straight men who understand the definition of 'friends.' Arrgh! Does this happen to anyone else on a regular basis? This was slightly unusual for me because I don't socialize that often with people I hardly know.

I just needed to let that out. Most people don't understand why that situation would make me uncomfortable. I don't understand why people can't just hang out as people instead of 'man and woman.' I just want a friend! Why is that so hard to comprehend!

I took the test again as a man, answered all the questions exactly the same way as I did as a woman and came up gay with an 88% certainty. Interesting. If the answers of an asexual woman correlate to being a very gay man, what does that tell you?

I so feel for the girl who had the experience with the guy who came on strongly as if it was his right. I would love to have male friends and so enjoy male company but it is out of the question because as soon as I become friends with a guy he thinks there are other things on the agenda and is hurt when I tell him there's not. He seems to find it an insult that I don't find him sexually attractive and when I explain it's not just him - he then kind of freaks - asexuality not being in the normal male dictionary - and so ends another potential friendship. I do understand how uncomfortable she felt when he started to put his arms around her. Why do most guys think that is OK? and their God given right?

grrr. that's why I dont' have many straight male friends, and I'm male myself. I've found that striaght female friends tend to work alot better, though being in a gay-friendly campus probably helps. There are a few who don't believe me on some level, and will express it in one way or another. Lukily I don't think any are attracted to me, they just dont' respect my asexuality so they feel free to poke at any uncomfortabilities around sexuality that I have.

They've hit the nail on the head, by George!

I took that test that you mentioned, and I came up asexual! They were 13.75% sure of it. In the description, they said they were hesitant to even include that category, but they did anyway. Wow! I feel so much more confident in my choice to accept this as my sexuality! *sarcasm* It' s amazing how they can tell that just by a few questions about what parts of Abraham Lincoln I find disturbing. . . . .

Attention Ladies! (and perhaps gentlemen, but mostly ladies):

Here's a little short story about what happened to me last night if anyone's interested. I went out to a bar with a guy friend whom I do not know very well. I stated about 20 times that I wasn't interested in dating. Afterwords, he dropped me off at my place and asked to use the bathroom because he had consumed many beers. I let him in and he said he wanted to see my bedroom. I didn't want to be rude so I gave him the grand tour of my place and he said my room had a lot of "character," whatever that means. Then I quickly whisked him out of my room in case he had any ideas about what we could do (even though I said we were just friends). Then he said he wanted to go to the beach so we walked to the beach. It was about 3:00 in the morning. I was getting a little suspicious at this point. Plus, he kept going on and on with that "You just need to find the right person" crap. I wanted to keep walking around so that things didn't get awkward, and thus, intimate. He insisted on sitting down on a bench. Of course, he puts his arm around me. ( I was starting to see that coming) Then I lied that I was cold and that we should keep walking. I think he could tell I was getting really nervous so he asked me if he was coming on too strong. I said yes. I think he was starting to get the point. I walked him back to his car and then he gave me a good-bye hug. As we were pulling apart, he paused and I think he was trying to kiss me. I pulled away quickly, perhaps being a little too blatant about how I didn't want to get that close. He said good-bye in a melancholy manner. I don't know if he'll ever contact me again. I couldn't help thinking that if I had gone out to a bar and the beach with my girlfriends, I wouldn't be uncomfortable. Gee, could that be because they are not trying to get with me? Why do guys have to be like that? There are so few straight men who understand the definition of 'friends.' Arrgh! Does this happen to anyone else on a regular basis? This was slightly unusual for me because I don't socialize that often with people I hardly know.

I just needed to let that out. Most people don't understand why that situation would make me uncomfortable. I don't understand why people can't just hang out as people instead of 'man and woman.' I just want a friend! Why is that so hard to comprehend!

------------------------ Yahoo! Groups Sponsor

To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to: havenforthehumanamoeba-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/

I have gotten to the point where I try to avoid female friends if at all possible. Having 3 women think they could somehow change my sexuality just after I started university hasnt helped. I still cant see where along the line that they mistook my friendship for something more. I am scared about the future as well, I dont know what would happen in the workplace, do I dare make friends or just try to blend into the background? I still wonder why some people consider that their way is the only way, that what may be very enjoyable for them, must be enjoyable for others. I still live with the dream that one day I might meet an asexual partner, and not have to analyse my actions in order to make sure I dont do something that will trigger any sexual response with people I converse with. Has there been anyone from this group who has an asexual relationship now or in the past? Are the chances of meeting such a person that great?

They've hit the nail on the head, by George!

I took that test that you mentioned, and I came up asexual! They were 13.75% sure of it. In the description, they said they were hesitant to even include that category, but they did anyway. Wow! I feel so much more confident in my choice to accept this as my sexuality! *sarcasm* It' s amazing how they can tell that just by a few questions about what parts of Abraham Lincoln I find disturbing. . . . .

Attention Ladies! (and perhaps gentlemen, but mostly ladies):

Here's a little short story about what happened to me last night if anyone's interested. I went out to a bar with a guy friend whom I do not know very well. I stated about 20 times that I wasn't interested in dating. Afterwords, he dropped me off at my place and asked to use the bathroom because he had consumed many beers. I let him in and he said he wanted to see my bedroom. I didn't want to be rude so I gave him the grand tour of my place and he said my room had a lot of "character," whatever that means. Then I quickly whisked him out of my room in case he had any ideas about what we could do (even though I said we were just friends). Then he said he wanted to go to the beach so we walked to the beach. It was about 3:00 in the morning. I was getting a little suspicious at this point. Plus, he kept going on and on with that "You just need to find the right person" crap. I wanted to keep walking around so that things didn't get awkward, and thus, intimate. He insisted on sitting down on a bench. Of course, he puts his arm around me. ( I was starting to see that coming) Then I lied that I was cold and that we should keep walking. I think he could tell I was getting really nervous so he asked me if he was coming on too strong. I said yes. I think he was starting to get the point. I walked him back to his car and then he gave me a good-bye hug. As we were pulling apart, he paused and I think he was trying to kiss me. I pulled away quickly, perhaps being a little too blatant about how I didn't want to get that close. He said good-bye in a melancholy manner. I don't know if he'll ever contact me again. I couldn't help thinking that if I had gone out to a bar and the beach with my girlfriends, I wouldn't be uncomfortable. Gee, could that be because they are not trying to get with me? Why do guys have to be like that? There are so few straight men who understand the definition of 'friends.' Arrgh! Does this happen to anyone else on a regular basis? This was slightly unusual for me because I don't socialize that often with people I hardly know.

I just needed to let that out. Most people don't understand why that situation would make me uncomfortable. I don't understand why people can't just hang out as people instead of 'man and woman.' I just want a friend! Why is that so hard to comprehend!

Hey everyone. I've been lurking here for a while without posting.. I'm a 20 yr old guy - I'd previously identified myself as bisexual, but now I feel like I've lost interest in sex - not that I consider that to be a bad thing. I've never really particularly enjoyed sex all that much anyway and I reckon that there's more important things that you can dedicate your time to, anyway... So I guess I'm not really asexual by nature but by decision. It's been refreshing to see that their are others who think in a similar way to me, I have to say. Most of my friends seem to think that there is something wrong with someone who doesn't want sex; but I'm content for them to take their paths and for me to take mine.

Anyhoo, I just wanted to comment on the subject of guys coming on strongly. I feel that a guy who only views women as potential sexual partners and not friends is missing out on a lot- in my experience, some of the most rewarding friendships I have had have been nonsexual friendships with women. There is, I think, a kind of culture among some guys that you should 'try it on' with any woman who you get on well with -- I remember talking to my dad about a female friend of mine from university, and he was trying to encourage me to ask her out -- and I said I didn't want to and his only response to this was 'why, do you not fancy her?'. He didn't seem to understand that I might be content to leave a friendship as it is.

I think that a friendship is a lot more stable than a relationship ever can be - with a relationship all kinds of things like jealousy and possesiveness rear their ugly heads. And if a relationship doesn't work out, it seems doubtful that you can ever go back to plain old friendship - you can be on good terms, but I doubt it could be exactly the same.. You might try explaining that you prefer the secure nature of friendships to the often chaotic nature of relationships rather than declaring yourself asexual straight away. Of course, a few guys might not want anything more to do with you, but a few (perhaps a minority -- I don't know) will be receptive and will see your point. The concept of asexuality is not really a well known one in society -- it might possibly be best to discuss that when you know each other better. Sorry if this post's a bit long!! I have a tendency to ramble at times.

I so feel for the girl who had the experience with the guy who came on strongly as if it was his right. I would love to have male friends and so enjoy male company but it is out of the question because as soon as I become friends with a guy he thinks there are other things on the agenda and is hurt when I tell him there's not. He seems to find it an insult that I don't find him sexually attractive and when I explain it's not just him - he then kind of freaks - asexuality not being in the normal male dictionary - and so ends another potential friendship. I do understand how uncomfortable she felt when he started to put his arms around her. Why do most guys think that is OK? and their God given right?

I'd just like to put in a good word for the guys of the world... I have a number of male friends. Some of them aren't interested in a relationship, or are already in another one, and therefore are quite content to just be friends. Others would be interested in something more, but I've never had to tell anyone no more than once, and I didn't have to be rude. As I'm one of those people who could go for an exlcusive relationship without sex, I will always tell someone who wants to get into a relationship (if I think it might actually work out) that I'm asexual-- nobody's had a problem with it yet, though admittedly being 17 and very... erm.. *cough* different, I haven't met too many people strange enough to create mutual attraction. :-P

I can second that myself, as well. There are still guys that do show some respect. Of course, there's the opposite extreme, like myself, who not only doesn't come on strong, but doesn't come on. Or something like that. Probably because I think that whomever I might like isn't going to go for my odd concept of a relationship. :)

I'd just like to put in a good word for the guys of the world... I have a number of male friends. Some of them aren't interested in a relationship, or are already in another one, and therefore are quite content to just be friends. Others would be interested in something more, but I've never had to tell anyone no more than once, and I didn't have to be rude. As I'm one of those people who could go for an exlcusive relationship without sex, I will always tell someone who wants to get into a relationship (if I think it might actually work out) that I'm asexual-- nobody's had a problem with it yet, though admittedly being 17 and very... erm.. *cough* different, I haven't met too many people strange enough to create mutual attraction. :-P

Hey, there's never any harm in asking... :-)

I can second that myself, as well. There are still guys that do show some respect. Of course, there's the opposite extreme, like myself, who not only doesn't come on strong, but doesn't come on. Or something like that. Probably because I think that whomever I might like isn't going to go for my odd concept of a relationship. :)

icewindgale said:

I'd just like to put in a good word for the guys of the world... I have a number of male friends. Some of them aren't interested in a relationship, or are already in another one, and therefore are quite content to just be friends. Others would be interested in something more, but I've never had to tell anyone no more than once, and I didn't have to be rude. As I'm one of those people who could go for an exlcusive relationship without sex, I will always tell someone who wants to get into a relationship (if I think it might actually work out) that I'm asexual-- nobody's had a problem with it yet, though admittedly being 17 and very... erm.. *cough* different, I haven't met too many people strange enough to create mutual attraction. :-P

Another uncomfortable situation, however, is when you go to a club or bar with some female friends just to hang out, drink and have fun and they pick up on guys and you're stuck either having to talk to one or a few of them without wanting to or standing there by yourself looking stupid...

They've hit the nail on the head, by George!

I took that test that you mentioned, and I came up asexual! They were 13.75% sure of it. In the description, they said they were hesitant to even include that category, but they did anyway. Wow! I feel so much more confident in my choice to accept this as my sexuality! *sarcasm* It' s amazing how they can tell that just by a few questions about what parts of Abraham Lincoln I find disturbing. . . . .

Attention Ladies! (and perhaps gentlemen, but mostly ladies):

Here's a little short story about what happened to me last night if anyone's interested. I went out to a bar with a guy friend whom I do not know very well. I stated about 20 times that I wasn't interested in dating. Afterwords, he dropped me off at my place and asked to use the bathroom because he had consumed many beers. I let him in and he said he wanted to see my bedroom. I didn't want to be rude so I gave him the grand tour of my place and he said my room had a lot of "character," whatever that means. Then I quickly whisked him out of my room in case he had any ideas about what we could do (even though I said we were just friends). Then he said he wanted to go to the beach so we walked to the beach. It was about 3:00 in the morning. I was getting a little suspicious at this point. Plus, he kept going on and on with that "You just need to find the right person" crap. I wanted to keep walking around so that things didn't get awkward, and thus, intimate. He insisted on sitting down on a bench. Of course, he puts his arm around me. ( I was starting to see that coming) Then I lied that I was cold and that we should keep walking. I think he could tell I was getting really nervous so he asked me if he was coming on too strong. I said yes. I think he was starting to get the point. I walked him back to his car and then he gave me a good-bye hug. As we were pulling apart, he paused and I think he was trying to kiss me. I pulled away quickly, perhaps being a little too blatant about how I didn't want to get that close. He said good-bye in a melancholy manner. I don't know if he'll ever contact me again. I couldn't help thinking that if I had gone out to a bar and the beach with my girlfriends, I wouldn't be uncomfortable. Gee, could that be because they are not trying to get with me? Why do guys have to be like that? There are so few straight men who understand the definition of 'friends.' Arrgh! Does this happen to anyone else on a regular basis? This was slightly unusual for me because I don't socialize that often with people I hardly know.

I just needed to let that out. Most people don't understand why that situation would make me uncomfortable. I don't understand why people can't just hang out as people instead of 'man and woman.' I just want a friend! Why is that so hard to comprehend!

I do have male friends, and a few of the best guys in the world too, but here's the thing. You can't meet guys as friends in a bar/club situation because these are all pick-up places and/or meat markets and they're just looking for sex or a relationship. I've met my friends through others or mostly through work situations.

I so feel for the girl who had the experience with the guy who came on strongly as if it was his right. I would love to have male friends and so enjoy male company but it is out of the question because as soon as I become friends with a guy he thinks there are other things on the agenda and is hurt when I tell him there's not. He seems to find it an insult that I don't find him sexually attractive and when I explain it's not just him - he then kind of freaks - asexuality not being in the normal male dictionary - and so ends another potential friendship. I do understand how uncomfortable she felt when he started to put his arms around her. Why do most guys think that is OK? and their God given right?

I wish I could find an asexual relationship or celibate one! There are just not that many of us out there!

I have gotten to the point where I try to avoid female friends if at all possible. Having 3 women think they could somehow change my sexuality just after I started university hasnt helped. I still cant see where along the line that they mistook my friendship for something more. I am scared about the future as well, I dont know what would happen in the workplace, do I dare make friends or just try to blend into the background? I still wonder why some people consider that their way is the only way, that what may be very enjoyable for them, must be enjoyable for others. I still live with the dream that one day I might meet an asexual partner, and not have to analyse my actions in order to make sure I dont do something that will trigger any sexual response with people I converse with. Has there been anyone from this group who has an asexual relationship now or in the past? Are the chances of meeting such a person that great?

empfindsamer_stil said:

They've hit the nail on the head, by George!

I took that test that you mentioned, and I came up asexual! They were 13.75% sure of it. In the description, they said they were hesitant to even include that category, but they did anyway. Wow! I feel so much more confident in my choice to accept this as my sexuality! *sarcasm* It' s amazing how they can tell that just by a few questions about what parts of Abraham Lincoln I find disturbing. . . . .

Attention Ladies! (and perhaps gentlemen, but mostly ladies):

Here's a little short story about what happened to me last night if anyone's interested. I went out to a bar with a guy friend whom I do not know very well. I stated about 20 times that I wasn't interested in dating. Afterwords, he dropped me off at my place and asked to use the bathroom because he had consumed many beers. I let him in and he said he wanted to see my bedroom. I didn't want to be rude so I gave him the grand tour of my place and he said my room had a lot of "character," whatever that means. Then I quickly whisked him out of my room in case he had any ideas about what we could do (even though I said we were just friends). Then he said he wanted to go to the beach so we walked to the beach. It was about 3:00 in the morning. I was getting a little suspicious at this point. Plus, he kept going on and on with that "You just need to find the right person" crap. I wanted to keep walking around so that things didn't get awkward, and thus, intimate. He insisted on sitting down on a bench. Of course, he puts his arm around me. ( I was starting to see that coming) Then I lied that I was cold and that we should keep walking. I think he could tell I was getting really nervous so he asked me if he was coming on too strong. I said yes. I think he was starting to get the point. I walked him back to his car and then he gave me a good-bye hug. As we were pulling apart, he paused and I think he was trying to kiss me. I pulled away quickly, perhaps being a little too blatant about how I didn't want to get that close. He said good-bye in a melancholy manner. I don't know if he'll ever contact me again. I couldn't help thinking that if I had gone out to a bar and the beach with my girlfriends, I wouldn't be uncomfortable. Gee, could that be because they are not trying to get with me? Why do guys have to be like that? There are so few straight men who understand the definition of 'friends.' Arrgh! Does this happen to anyone else on a regular basis? This was slightly unusual for me because I don't socialize that often with people I hardly know.

I just needed to let that out. Most people don't understand why that situation would make me uncomfortable. I don't understand why people can't just hang out as people instead of 'man and woman.' I just want a friend! Why is that so hard to comprehend!

So... whats the difference between an asexual relationship and a celibate one? Aren't they both going to just come down to a no sex relationship?

I wish I could find an asexual relationship or celibate one! There are just not that many of us out there!

firmyau said:

I have gotten to the point where I try to avoid female friends if at all possible. Having 3 women think they could somehow change my sexuality just after I started university hasnt helped. I still cant see where along the line that they mistook my friendship for something more. I am scared about the future as well, I dont know what would happen in the workplace, do I dare make friends or just try to blend into the background? I still wonder why some people consider that their way is the only way, that what may be very enjoyable for them, must be enjoyable for others. I still live with the dream that one day I might meet an asexual partner, and not have to analyse my actions in order to make sure I dont do something that will trigger any sexual response with people I converse with. Has there been anyone from this group who has an asexual relationship now or in the past? Are the chances of meeting such a person that great?

empfindsamer_stil said:

They've hit the nail on the head, by George!

I took that test that you mentioned, and I came up asexual! They were 13.75% sure of it. In the description, they said they were hesitant to even include that category, but they did anyway. Wow! I feel so much more confident in my choice to accept this as my sexuality! *sarcasm* It' s amazing how they can tell that just by a few questions about what parts of Abraham Lincoln I find disturbing. . . . .

Attention Ladies! (and perhaps gentlemen, but mostly ladies):

Here's a little short story about what happened to me last night if anyone's interested. I went out to a bar with a guy friend whom I do not know very well. I stated about 20 times that I wasn't interested in dating. Afterwords, he dropped me off at my place and asked to use the bathroom because he had consumed many beers. I let him in and he said he wanted to see my bedroom. I didn't want to be rude so I gave him the grand tour of my place and he said my room had a lot of "character," whatever that means. Then I quickly whisked him out of my room in case he had any ideas about what we could do (even though I said we were just friends). Then he said he wanted to go to the beach so we walked to the beach. It was about 3:00 in the morning. I was getting a little suspicious at this point. Plus, he kept going on and on with that "You just need to find the right person" crap. I wanted to keep walking around so that things didn't get awkward, and thus, intimate. He insisted on sitting down on a bench. Of course, he puts his arm around me. ( I was starting to see that coming) Then I lied that I was cold and that we should keep walking. I think he could tell I was getting really nervous so he asked me if he was coming on too strong. I said yes. I think he was starting to get the point. I walked him back to his car and then he gave me a good-bye hug. As we were pulling apart, he paused and I think he was trying to kiss me. I pulled away quickly, perhaps being a little too blatant about how I didn't want to get that close. He said good-bye in a melancholy manner. I don't know if he'll ever contact me again. I couldn't help thinking that if I had gone out to a bar and the beach with my girlfriends, I wouldn't be uncomfortable. Gee, could that be because they are not trying to get with me? Why do guys have to be like that? There are so few straight men who understand the definition of 'friends.' Arrgh! Does this happen to anyone else on a regular basis? This was slightly unusual for me because I don't socialize that often with people I hardly know.

I just needed to let that out. Most people don't understand why that situation would make me uncomfortable. I don't understand why people can't just hang out as people instead of 'man and woman.' I just want a friend! Why is that so hard to comprehend!

It's asexual for me, because I don't want sex. It's celibate for him, because although he has no problem without it, he'd be quite happy if I changed my mind.

So... whats the difference between an asexual relationship and a celibate one? Aren't they both going to just come down to a no sex relationship?

hmm.. possibilities: An asexual relationship is one w/ another asexual person, and a celibate relationship is one w/ a sexual person?

-DJ

So... whats the difference between an asexual relationship and a celibate one? Aren't they both going to just come down to a no sex relationship?

athenayu9 said:

I wish I could find an asexual relationship or celibate one! There are just not that many of us out there!

firmyau said:

I have gotten to the point where I try to avoid female friends if at all possible. Having 3 women think they could somehow change my sexuality just after I started university hasnt helped. I still cant see where along the line that they mistook my friendship for something more. I am scared about the future as well, I dont know what would happen in the workplace, do I dare make friends or just try to blend into the background? I still wonder why some people consider that their way is the only way, that what may be very enjoyable for them, must be enjoyable for others. I still live with the dream that one day I might meet an asexual partner, and not have to analyse my actions in order to make sure I dont do something that will trigger any sexual response with people I converse with. Has there been anyone from this group who has an asexual relationship now or in the past? Are the chances of meeting such a person that great?

empfindsamer_stil said:

They've hit the nail on the head, by George!

I took that test that you mentioned, and I came up asexual! They were 13.75% sure of it. In the description, they said they were hesitant to even include that category, but they did anyway. Wow! I feel so much more confident in my choice to accept this as my sexuality! *sarcasm* It' s amazing how they can tell that just by a few questions about what parts of Abraham Lincoln I find disturbing. . . . .

Attention Ladies! (and perhaps gentlemen, but mostly ladies):

Here's a little short story about what happened to me last night if anyone's interested. I went out to a bar with a guy friend whom I do not know very well. I stated about 20 times that I wasn't interested in dating. Afterwords, he dropped me off at my place and asked to use the bathroom because he had consumed many beers. I let him in and he said he wanted to see my bedroom. I didn't want to be rude so I gave him the grand tour of my place and he said my room had a lot of "character," whatever that means. Then I quickly whisked him out of my room in case he had any ideas about what we could do (even though I said we were just friends). Then he said he wanted to go to the beach so we walked to the beach. It was about 3:00 in the morning. I was getting a little suspicious at this point. Plus, he kept going on and on with that "You just need to find the right person" crap. I wanted to keep walking around so that things didn't get awkward, and thus, intimate. He insisted on sitting down on a bench. Of course, he puts his arm around me. ( I was starting to see that coming) Then I lied that I was cold and that we should keep walking. I think he could tell I was getting really nervous so he asked me if he was coming on too strong. I said yes. I think he was starting to get the point. I walked him back to his car and then he gave me a good-bye hug. As we were pulling apart, he paused and I think he was trying to kiss me. I pulled away quickly, perhaps being a little too blatant about how I didn't want to get that close. He said good-bye in a melancholy manner. I don't know if he'll ever contact me again. I couldn't help thinking that if I had gone out to a bar and the beach with my girlfriends, I wouldn't be uncomfortable. Gee, could that be because they are not trying to get with me? Why do guys have to be like that? There are so few straight men who understand the definition of 'friends.' Arrgh! Does this happen to anyone else on a regular basis? This was slightly unusual for me because I don't socialize that often with people I hardly know.

I just needed to let that out. Most people don't understand why that situation would make me uncomfortable. I don't understand why people can't just hang out as people instead of 'man and woman.' I just want a friend! Why is that so hard to comprehend!

------------------------ Yahoo! Groups Sponsor

To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to: havenforthehumanamoeba-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/

Hmm, well if that's the definition, I'd certainly prefer an asexual to celibate relationship, since it probably wouldn't work out too well if I was with a really sexual woman.

It's asexual for me, because I don't want sex. It's celibate for him, because although he has no problem without it, he'd be quite happy if I changed my mind.

steven_n_g said:

So... whats the difference between an asexual relationship and a celibate one? Aren't they both going to just come down to a no sex relationship?

I can't help but wonder whether anyone else has been through a similar situation. I am a member of the Church of Latter-Day's Saints. I am also asexual. However, the Church believes that, in order to fulfill all of God's commandments, one must be married - and intimate relations with one's wife are a requirement of this. Frankly, the thought of intimate relations with <i>anyone</i> makes me sick - although, physiologically, there is no reason why I cannot perform this function; the entire problem is psychological. So... what do I do? I'm not sure. I have conversations with my Bishop, I talk with the elders, but to no avail. I have, thus far, only admitted to being impotent - a blatant lie. (Already, my faith crumbles.) I <i>want</i> to be a good Christian, I try so hard to be righteous... Nevertheless, there appears to be no S-R link to becoming aroused - indeed, there is no response whatsoever for me to develop such connections... So, what do I do?

That's an open-ended question, I'd really appreciate hearing from anyone else who has experienced similar difficulties. In all honesty, I would describe myself as a man at the end of his tether. At home, my parents are going through a messy divorce. In College, I need to get perfect grades to get into the Universities I want to. And now, at Church, I am trying to cope with separation from all the other young men, all of whom are dating. I have lived as a gifted outcast, have been socially inept for the entirety of my life, and I now I am being placed apart due to my lack of orientation. How can I count on acceptance when all I have ever encountered in my life is segregation?

I am not writing to gather sympathies, or to debate, or to find friends. I write of a compulsion to know that I am not alone - so please, don't be too critical. :-)

- Jordan

I'm not saying this is the right choice for you, though maybe it is, maybe it isn't. Somewhere out there, there must be a doctor or psychologist or sexual therapist, etc, who has heard of this sort of asexual situation. YOu say its just psychological? Well... if you want it "fixed", meaning, you'd prefer to be able to not get sick at the thought of intimacy, maybe talking to an expert on psychological issues would help. since that seems to be where you said the route of the problem was (psychological). Nothing wrong with looking for help from what I would hope would be the experts on the situation.

I can't help but wonder whether anyone else has been through a similar situation. I am a member of the Church of Latter-Day's Saints. I am also asexual. However, the Church believes that, in order to fulfill all of God's commandments, one must be married - and intimate relations with one's wife are a requirement of this. Frankly, the thought of intimate relations with <i>anyone</i> makes me sick - although, physiologically, there is no reason why I cannot perform this function; the entire problem is psychological. So... what do I do? I'm not sure. I have conversations with my Bishop, I talk with the elders, but to no avail. I have, thus far, only admitted to being impotent - a blatant lie. (Already, my faith crumbles.) I <i>want</i> to be a good Christian, I try so hard to be righteous... Nevertheless, there appears to be no S-R link to becoming aroused - indeed, there is no response whatsoever for me to develop such connections... So, what do I do?

That's an open-ended question, I'd really appreciate hearing from anyone else who has experienced similar difficulties. In all honesty, I would describe myself as a man at the end of his tether. At home, my parents are going through a messy divorce. In College, I need to get perfect grades to get into the Universities I want to. And now, at Church, I am trying to cope with separation from all the other young men, all of whom are dating. I have lived as a gifted outcast, have been socially inept for the entirety of my life, and I now I am being placed apart due to my lack of orientation. How can I count on acceptance when all I have ever encountered in my life is segregation?

I am not writing to gather sympathies, or to debate, or to find friends. I write of a compulsion to know that I am not alone - so please, don't be too critical. :-)

- Jordan

While I'm not personally religious, I have alot of friends who struggle with reconciling their religious faith and their sexual orientation. There's probably alot of literature out that for lesbian/bi/gay LDS people that might be useful to look over. A good portion of it won't apply, but at least some will be personally useful in terms of reconciling your sexual needs (in this case, not being sexual) with your religious ones. Doing a quick internet search I found http://www.affirmation.org/ ,don't know how good it is.

I wrote an article resently on asexuality, queer theory and religion, I'll repost it at the bottom of this message, you might find it interesting. Here's the gyst of my advice (even though I'm not religious I have spent alot of time thinking about this stuff, so hopefully it will be useful.)

First and foremost, God will love you whether or not you have sex. I'm not that educated in christian or LDS theory, but everything I've seen supports this:our relationship with God is both intimate and strong. Intimate, strong relationships don't write down all the rules at the beginning and then contractually obey, they continually communicate, dialogue and redefine. Look at the commandments: what's REALLY important in them. You don't want to have sex, so maybe that means you don't want to have a traditional marraige, but maybe you can accomplish the same things asexually through a nontraditional relationship. I would argue that you can still be as emotionally close and intimate with someone as if you were having sex with them. There are documented cases of people nonsexually getting together, becoming extremely close, living together and even raising children (look up the book "Boston Marraiges"). It taks work to figure out, but it's all extremely worthwhile and you wind up avoiding alot of the bullshit inherint in dating. Get creative, and remember that, generally speaking, sex doesn't matter. It's what sex DOES (emotionally or otherwise) that matters, and anything that sex does can be done other ways..

-DJ

I can't help but wonder whether anyone else has been through a similar situation. I am a member of the Church of Latter-Day's Saints. I am also asexual. However, the Church believes that, in order to fulfill all of God's commandments, one must be married - and intimate relations with one's wife are a requirement of this. Frankly, the thought of intimate relations with <i>anyone</i> makes me sick - although, physiologically, there is no reason why I cannot perform this function; the entire problem is psychological. So... what do I do? I'm not sure. I have conversations with my Bishop, I talk with the elders, but to no avail. I have, thus far, only admitted to being impotent - a blatant lie. (Already, my faith crumbles.) I <i>want</i> to be a good Christian, I try so hard to be righteous... Nevertheless, there appears to be no S-R link to becoming aroused - indeed, there is no response whatsoever for me to develop such connections... So, what do I do?

That's an open-ended question, I'd really appreciate hearing from anyone else who has experienced similar difficulties. In all honesty, I would describe myself as a man at the end of his tether. At home, my parents are going through a messy divorce. In College, I need to get perfect grades to get into the Universities I want to. And now, at Church, I am trying to cope with separation from all the other young men, all of whom are dating. I have lived as a gifted outcast, have been socially inept for the entirety of my life, and I now I am being placed apart due to my lack of orientation. How can I count on acceptance when all I have ever encountered in my life is segregation?

I am not writing to gather sympathies, or to debate, or to find friends. I write of a compulsion to know that I am not alone - so please, don't be too critical. :-)

- Jordan

------------------------ Yahoo! Groups Sponsor

To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to: havenforthehumanamoeba-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/

More on this subject: I happen to feel everything happens for a reason. I'm not really religious, so I'm more likely to look for "natural" reasons, based on physics, biology, etc. Anyway, asexuality has, in my opinion, got to have a reason for it to happen or exist. I'm "philosophically" asexual. I chose it... while I recognize attraction from a straight male point of view, sex isn't the way I choose to express it. Other people (no one in particular) might be asexual from some kind of abuse. Others might potentially have a hormonal difference. I don't know all the possible biological and psychological causes... but my point is, if you're asexual, if sex makes you sick, there's got to be a reason for it. If you don't want to be asexual, its best to figure out what that reason is... tha'ts the first step.

While I'm not personally religious, I have alot of friends who struggle with reconciling their religious faith and their sexual orientation. There's probably alot of literature out that for lesbian/bi/gay LDS people that might be useful to look over. A good portion of it won't apply, but at least some will be personally useful in terms of reconciling your sexual needs (in this case, not being sexual) with your religious ones. Doing a quick internet search I found http://www.affirmation.org/ ,don't know how good it is.

I wrote an article resently on asexuality, queer theory and religion, I'll repost it at the bottom of this message, you might find it interesting. Here's the gyst of my advice (even though I'm not religious I have spent alot of time thinking about this stuff, so hopefully it will be useful.)

First and foremost, God will love you whether or not you have sex. I'm not that educated in christian or LDS theory, but everything I've seen supports this:our relationship with God is both intimate and strong. Intimate, strong relationships don't write down all the rules at the beginning and then contractually obey, they continually communicate, dialogue and redefine. Look at the commandments: what's REALLY important in them. You don't want to have sex, so maybe that means you don't want to have a traditional marraige, but maybe you can accomplish the same things asexually through a nontraditional relationship. I would argue that you can still be as emotionally close and intimate with someone as if you were having sex with them. There are documented cases of people nonsexually getting together, becoming extremely close, living together and even raising children (look up the book "Boston Marraiges"). It taks work to figure out, but it's all extremely worthwhile and you wind up avoiding alot of the bullshit inherint in dating. Get creative, and remember that, generally speaking, sex doesn't matter. It's what sex DOES (emotionally or otherwise) that matters, and anything that sex does can be done other ways..

-DJ

I can't help but wonder whether anyone else has been through a similar situation. I am a member of the Church of Latter-Day's Saints. I am also asexual. However, the Church believes that, in order to fulfill all of God's commandments, one must be married - and intimate relations with one's wife are a requirement of this. Frankly, the thought of intimate relations with <i>anyone</i> makes me sick - although, physiologically, there is no reason why I cannot perform this function; the entire problem is psychological. So... what do I do? I'm not sure. I have conversations with my Bishop, I talk with the elders, but to no avail. I have, thus far, only admitted to being impotent - a blatant lie. (Already, my faith crumbles.) I <i>want</i> to be a good Christian, I try so hard to be righteous... Nevertheless, there appears to be no S-R link to becoming aroused - indeed, there is no response whatsoever for me to develop such connections... So, what do I do?

That's an open-ended question, I'd really appreciate hearing from anyone else who has experienced similar difficulties. In all honesty, I would describe myself as a man at the end of his tether. At home, my parents are going through a messy divorce. In College, I need to get perfect grades to get into the Universities I want to. And now, at Church, I am trying to cope with separation from all the other young men, all of whom are dating. I have lived as a gifted outcast, have been socially inept for the entirety of my life, and I now I am being placed apart due to my lack of orientation. How can I count on acceptance when all I have ever encountered in my life is segregation?

I am not writing to gather sympathies, or to debate, or to find friends. I write of a compulsion to know that I am not alone - so please, don't be too critical. :-)

- Jordan

------------------------ Yahoo! Groups Sponsor

To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to: havenforthehumanamoeba-unsubscribe@y...

Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/

I have to agree that most guys are assholes when it comes to sex. Whether they're in a relationship or not. Most, but not all. All of my friends talk non stop about sex, whether someone is hot or not, who'd they like to bang, how they're gonna pick up chicks, what girls like, what girls hate. Frankly, its annoying. I know guys that are really committed to their girlfriends, I mean whipped, however given the oppurtunity, they will have sex with another person. Of course its a lot harder than most people think to 'pick up' girls. It does suck when you're at the bar with your buddies, then they all go their separate ways trying to score with chicks. I usually start walking around either talking to random people, or depending on my level of drunkeness start dancing. That's a big reason why I usually end up going home all alone, which sucks really bad when you're drunk. However I know that's usually not an option for most girls since the world out there is dangerous. I guess my point is, when you're friends ditch you, go out and have fun by yourself. Don't get mad, its not worth it.