Haven for the Human Amoeba

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Hello, I see that there are members here, but I have this daunting feeling that I'm the only person here who could actually be considered asexual. Please correct me if I'm wrong.

This topic picked my interest. I have been fairly happy without a physical relationship, thought I do feel a need for love. I would rather have someone with whom I can trust and feel good about than just go for the superficial thrill most seem to be looking for.

I've been reading a book on "Boston Marriages" (asexual lesbian relationships) and though I've never considered myself a lesbian, I do fit in with this category of people. I've never really had male friends, just a very small circle of female friends where I usually feel more of a rapport with one girl better than they others. There's one part of this Boston Marriage book where they discuss the meaning of being "just friends"...that somehow having sex with someone makes them more important than someone who isn't putting out. The idea of that is absurd but widely accepted. I've had many friends ditch me for their boyfriends, guys who were abusive or just controlling...guys they didn't even like but were simply there to cure the dreaded disease of singleness. All this because I'm "just a friend". I'm not interested in my friends "in that way", I'm not going to hit on them or anything, so I can always expect to be left in the dust. I guess I'm trying to understand this line of thinking. It's so foreign to me.

Could someone please explain what an asexual is?

"Asexual" simply means "nonsexual", in reference to people who find neither men nor women (nor horses, cats, dogs, or whatever else you'd like to joke about) sexually attractive.

Thank you for explaining, I wanted to know for sure because I've heard different things. I always thought it was the same as being celibate.

It can mean that, too, I suppose, but most people who really fit into the category are pretty much indifferent. Not all of course, like the Boston Marriage thing I posted about. They're "lesbians" but they're in asexual relationships. I don't really see how that's different from two single girls who are best friends, maybe someday I'll find someone to clarify.

What the heck. I'v never tried a chat room or a club before so I will start here. (assuming I have punched the correct computer buttons and it is working). So why do my female friends have to be in a relationship no matter how bad it is for them or how inappropriate the man is. And, has nature yet to create an asexual male? I really like men. They are great to look at and lean on (physically, not emotionally), they can teach you to repair things around the house, they can lift heavy objects, discuss things from a different angle and on... But, are there any that just want to be friends? Even my Gay male friends don't really want to hang out because a sexual relationship with another man is important to them. There must be more than 4 people on the planet who just plain don't care about sex or have no desire to have a relationship with man, woman, or, as one entry mentioned, animal.

Well, I have had no sex in over 8 years or so and do not miss it. Never did have much before that, and did not miss it.

I agree completely. I have one female friend in particular who is never, ever single and always emotionally hanging on to some guy who drives her (sometimes literally) insane. There is some almost intrinsic quality within women that makes them tolerate abuse. I've had a few gay male friends and they don't put up with any of that. I've also noticed that in most relationships that one person is the abuser while the other is abused. In fact, I can't really think of a relationship where this can't be seen on some level. I don't understand the importance of putting oneself in such a position. When I tell people that I don't have a boyfriend, they often say "why not?". The same reason I don't raise cattle, I guess. I just don't feel like it, I don't see the point. Since when do people need an excuse to NOT do something that they really don't physically need to do? I can understand someone asking "why not?" to statements like "I don't eat-ever" or "I don't breathe", but not for "I don't date" or simply " I don't have a boyfriend".

I don't really know any asexual men (the only one I've heard of is Morrissey, but I'm pretty sure he's gay). I don't know of many women either, and certainly no women I know in person. My friends accept my, uh, status now, but only after 4 years. Well, that's all I have to say right now. I'll check back in later.

<a href=http://dispatches.azstarnet.com/zoe/amoeba.htm target=new>http://dispatches.azstarnet.com/zoe/amoeba.htm</a>

I can't believe I found this club, I always thought I was the only one. Anyways, I'm a 21 yr asexual male from chicago if anyone wants to talk. I've never had a g/f, never had sex, and have been on only one date. That's when I realized i was an amoeba.

peter

Welcome Peter. I think there are many of us out there. I would hate to think that I am THAT abnormal. Its just a hard subject to broach with people so its hard to connect with each other. Not dating can be a problem. I really would like a man to join me in the activities I do with friends so that I am not always the only single person. I just don't meet men that are interested in a platonic relationship. Even the Gay men I know, want to date , they just want to date men. So, are you the computer wise one we need to get ourselves a web site so that more people join the dialog on the Yahoo site? By the way, I lived in Chicago about 20 years ago. It was cold and icy.

Wow, someone joined my club and I didn't even notice. I'm sorry about that. As strange as this may seem, I'm actually working on an "Asexual Manifesto". Hey, someone's got to do it :)

I will make a web site to go with it...I figure that asexual people are now in a situation that homosexuals found themselves in during past years (and present years, depending on where you live). I (obviously) don't date, and right now I have no social life because everyone I know is in a "serious relationship" which means they don't have time for the single people like me. I live alone, everyone I know lives with a boyfriend or girlfriend.

I'm tired of this and the only way I see to get around it is to make only asexual friends, but I've never even met anyone "like me". There's even a web site <a href=http://asexualpals.tripod.com/with target=new>http://asexualpals.tripod.com/with</a> asexual personal ads, but you have to pay by the month to join. I don't even know if there are any members. It's not exactly fair, but I can understand there being a lack of demand for such a thing.

that link was <a href=http://asexualpals.tripod.com/ target=new>http://asexualpals.tripod.com/</a>

Pardon me for sounding like a crossword puzzle, but can any of you think of a word for a male spinster? I don't want to say "bachelor" as that word is often accompanied by the word "swinging" and that's not the image I'm trying to create. Spinsters don't swing, but bachelors do. This disturbs me. Any ideas?

Not celibate? I actually asked a friend who makes her living as a fiction writer (of Erotica of all things) and she cannot come up with anything. Working on the web site I presume?

Right now life as an asexual for me is pretty okay. I mean most friends I hang out with don't have b/f's or g/f's so there's not too much pressure. But even if some of them do, its fine because when I go out to have fun, which usually involves some sport activity, its usually just the guys. And all we talk about is what we're doing. I guess sports sort of hides all sexual tension involved in the world. I guess that's why I don't go out to the bars and clubs, because it seems like everyone there is searching for something or someone. I wish this wasn't the case. Couldn't there be some bar where the only thing that mattered was how drunk you were?

Personally being asexual is a great lifestyle for me, I don't have to worry about diseases, dressing nice to impress people, and I can be myself. I just wish that the world knew that there is a way to break through the social constructs.

Oh and by the way, chicago is cold and icy for a few months, but I wouldn't trade it for all the sunshine in Hawaii.

That's wonderful! All of my friends are "attached". I think women are becoming more and more sexually agressive, because my girlfriends keep telling me, uh, things I don't need or want to know.

I don't go to bars and clubs much either. I like dancing, and I like to have a few drinks now and then, but I don't want anyone to try and pick me up. Fortunately (or unfortunately, depending on how you look at it), I'm not terribly attractive, so I don't get hit on as much as others might. I can go to a bar several times before someone tries to get me back to their hotel/apartment/whatever.

You have opened up my mind a little bit. I tend to associate sports with sexuality, and athletic guys with silly girls fawning over them. I have this tendency to stereotype people, so if anyone notices that, please call me on it and prove me wrong.

Hi, just wanted to introduce myself. I have never been attracted to men or women (or animals, hee hee). I am a virgin, not for religious reasons but because I have no desire; and I've only "dated" once if you wanna call it that. I think sparkle's term for it hits the nail right on the head. Though I have never been ashamed I am glad to meet others who share my asexuality :-) I hope to have many converstations with you all. Finally a group that understands that you don't have to have a man/woman to be fulfilled!!! Hmm can't think of any more to say for now. Hope to chat with you all soon. --girltech

Good morning everyone. I would like to discuss a certain aspect of asexual life. Hmm how to start. I am in a male dominated field and I have found that if you are one of only a handful of women in your group, men tend to hit on you aggressivley. I got so fed up with this that I made it known that I was fulfilled in my career and was not interested, PERIOD. Then it seemed as if the men began to see me as a challenge. It seemed as though my revelation made things worse. Men only tried harder to prove that they were "the one". If I have to hear one more man describe HOW DIFFERENT he is from everyone else one more time, I will scream. Now it is only as if I am a challenge that men want to conquer. I guess I am just trying to see if anyone else (male or female) has this or similar problems. Sorry about the long post but I am hoping to generate conversation and get the posts flowing.

Hope to hear from some of you soon!

--girltech

Men are sumb adn can`t take a hint.Just tell them you have someone in your life...or tell them they don`t interest you and you arent attracted to them! Or tell them you have no interest in sex(whether it is true or not,believe me if you tell a man you have no interest in sex he will leave you alone,since that is all they want)I think these guys are jsut looking for a lay and see you as a competition.Men are such idiots...I act cold to men,ao most of the time no one bothers me but sometimes there is a guy here and there who doesn`t take a hint.

Hey all... I just joined today, and I only joined since there was no anti-sex league on Yahoo that I could find (with apologies to Mr Orwell).

I guess I consider myself asexual is this: I can't stand anymore of this "all men want sex" gig, and I've had enough of everything being a male brings with it.....

I guess I wanted to find out if I was not alone.

Ah, yes! The challenge! I can see that being a problem but that's rarely been my experience. Though, yes, on occasion I've had the men tell me how they're DIFFERENT and they aren't like those other annoying guys who felt that I would be a raving man-eater after I took them for a test drive. But a lot of men do that, I suppose. Girls are conquests, not just girls. Women do that, too, but in another way. Most of the women I know are more interested in taking a guy who's already attached than they are in debauching a single guy. I don't know why that is. Frankly, I think I just hang out with the wrong crowd. :P