Haven for the Human Amoeba

Welcome, Eiji!

I have this bad habit...

In my mind I have separated the world into two categories: Men and Women. This shouldn't seem strange except that my personal "men" and "women" categories don't necessarily match the person's physical exterior. "Men" can be overbearing, sex-crazed, "Women" are calmer, more mental/emotional than physical. I often think that I never make friends with men, but I realize that I have quite a few guy friends. In my mind, however, these men are all women. They don't look at people as "conquests". They cry, -openly-. The male friends I've had have all been offended by masculinity. Anyway, your post reminded me of that, Eiji, because I've used the phrase "all men just want sex". I'm trying to consider their mental state and not their physical. I need another word for my own personal men and women categories. I've tried "feminine people" and "masculine people" but that takes too long to say :)

I've even known a few women who just want sex and treat men (or women) as conquests just the same. Actually, the woman I'm thinking of is the same who used to mock me for "not getting any". Grr.

Hey Foxfyre, I was wondering if you'd ever read SCUM Manifesto?

That's the thing, so many of my female friends (I actually don't know very many heterosexual males) , as I said, do not feel whole witout a man in their life. How many people , male and female, are having sex just because it is a part of a relationship and they want to have the relationship. I like men and would love to have a good male friend (hetero or homo) who would have as little interest in sex with me as I have interest in sex with him. I need a hiking buddie and it just is not safe to be in the wilderness with only another female. There are too many nuts out there. So, how does one get a circle of like friends when only a few of us have searched out this yahoo club?

That's what's wrong with our society, women see men as sex craved lunatics, and men see women as orifaces for their cravings. When a group of people don't fit into these stereotypes, such as gay or asexual people are looked at as wierd, and losers. In response to previous posts, all men are not scum, all women are not sluts, all women are not smart, all men are not stupid. If we keep generalizing men and women in terms of gender stereotypes, we're just as bad as the racists and homophobes. Why can't we just look at each person differently. For the women that are looking for a non sexual relationship with a male, its a lot easier than you think. Not every guy is thinking about sex 24/7. I have plenty of female friends and none of them are sexual, in fact, I've never had a sexual relationhip. You just have to keep your mind open. View men as friends first, and tell them right off the bat that you're not interested in sex. If the guy is worth having as a friend, he will stay friends with you and respect your wishes. If he doesn't, then he's obviously not a friend, but a sex craving lunatic. That's all for now.

Generalization of the sexes is a common problem. I think if we do that as asexuals we only alienate oursleves further because then we will only get to relate to asexuals of our own sex. I personally love relating to both men and women. I like the way that sparkle sees "men" and "women" but that theory still alienates the men because men is a bad word if you will. I think it's cool once you come up with the alternate terms u r looking for ;-). Anyway I guess that's my 2 cents for the day.

--Girltech

PS wow it's amazing how little info there is on asexuality, even on the web!

Maybe the word that the rest of the world uses for us can be: celibate. Maybe that's why there's no information online, or where ever. In my opinion there's a slight difference between celibacy and asexualism. Whenever I think of celibacy, I think of refraining from sex for religious purposes. In my case, I'm not really religious. I refrain from sex because I don't feel like doing it. What does everyone else think? Also has anyone here come out of the "closet" so to speak?

As far as the difference between celibacy and asexualism, I believe that celibacy suggests that you WANT to have sex but don't for what ever reason (yes, mostly religious reasons). If you look in a dictionary celebacy just means refraining from sex but I still think that asexualism fits our situation better. As you point out asexuals just plain aren't interested in sex. On coming out of the closet, I let everyone know pretty early on and what's weird is most ppl don't have a problem with it. They may rag you a little or try to "set you up" with others at first but most ppl are cool with it.

--Girltech

What do you mean 'early'? At what age did you know you that you were asexual? I think I found out like last year. I still haven't let anyone know yet however. I guess cuz I'm scared of how they'll react. Especially my guy friends. I'm afraid they'll think I'm gay in hiding or a wannabe priest or something. Plus they always joke around, so I'm not ready for that kind of abuse yet. However, congratulations on your 'coming out'.

I have never been interested in sex. Curious at first about what the fuss was about but I never wanted sex. While everyone asumes all teens to be a big raging hormone, I never was. I have never been interested in sex (now affection is a different story which sort of complicates matters). As far as coming out I have never said "I am an asexual" mostly because there wasn't a term for it ;-) All my friends know that I am not interested in sex and that is that. No big deal. I guess with you being a guy it would be a lot harder. If your friends give you too much trouble then they aren't worth having anyway.

--girltech

Hello Girltech and other members. I'm actually in an office with mostly women (and gay men). I live in an area with a lot of gay women who find me a challenge. I think I have made it clear that I am not interested and touched on the subject that I am not interested in sex at all. I think that makes me a challenge for gay women. I like men. I like to hang out with them. I like the fact that they can do things I may need help with, I like the way they look but sex just holds no appeal. I need to catch up on all the incoming and post some replies.

I too, would like some affection but there is no way a person is going to give that to someone without sex so give up. (I have). Everyone except us 11 members, likes sex I think.

Hi, everyone. I'm an 18-year-old male and have never had any interest in sex. I probably never will. Also, if anyone hasn't checked this site out, I strongly suggest it:

<a href=http://www.geocities.com/WestHollywood/Village/1563/ target=new>http://www.geocities.com/WestHollywood/Village/1563/</a>

Hi all. I just did a small page on my site about asexualism (it's a short FAQ). The URL is

<a href=http://www.geocities.com/tngirltech/asexual.htm target=new>http://www.geocities.com/tngirltech/asexual.htm</a>

I would like opinions and input. If you guys can think of more questions or anything that you get asked a lot that would be cool. You will get full credit of course.

I was also wondering if you guys considered yourselves "antisexual". I thought it was the same thing but it seems like "antisexual" refers more to those who HATE sex. So what do you guys think?

--Girltech

Hi, Girltech. Boy, can I realate to that. Especially those last two. As for the term "antisexual," here's the discription I've been givin:

"There are a various number of terms that can be considered what we are. The term "antisexual" is not in any dictionary. It is, however, an English word, following all rules of the English language in word formation. "Anti" is the prefix meaning "against." An antisexual is against sexual acts. This term does not include whether the person is against sex for everyone, for certain groups of people, or just themselves. 'Antisexual' in that respect is a very broad term." -Mary Iltzsch

So I guess it COULD mean one hates sex, but not necessarily. It can also be used simply as another word for our sexuality.

I was just reading through all the messages here and realized I do the same thing in terms of stereotyping people who like sports. The thing is, where I live that's how it always seems to be. Sports = sex. I really try hard not to over-generalize people so I really feel pretty bad about this. :(

As for bars, I don't drink, so none of that is a problem.

Thx for the quote on antisexualism, montgomery. The main reason I asked about it was because of the following link:

<a href=http://www.ktk.ru/~cm/go.htm target=new>http://www.ktk.ru/~cm/go.htm</a>

It seems a little extreme! And like I say, I'm not against sex, I"m just not interested.

And don't feel too bad, EVERYONE generalizes. It's just the way it is...maybe we can change it someday but it will take a while to unprogram what has been in the making for thousands of years. All we can do is try not to.

--Girltech

I am somewhat familiar with the Antisexual Stronghold and yes, they are extreme. I don't agree with them on many of their ideas. I respect all sexualities because, after all, that's how I want them to treat me.

I wasn't trying to show any disrespect, guess I should have been more clear. I was just trying to decide if 'antisexual' and 'asexual' are interchangable terms. It doesn't seem like it to me.

Wow we are starting to pick up new members! Pretty soon we can have an 'asexual pride parade' <grin>. Welcome new members, can't wait to hear ya'lls ideas.

--Girltech

Who else thinks there needs to be some better words to discribe this sexuality? LOL "Asexual" implies no sex organs and "antisexual" is far too broad (and sounds harsh).

There's also the term "nonsexual", which makes me uncomfortable despite its accuracy. It makes me think of "nonperson" or something.

Hehe, that is what I was getting at with the antisexual question. I totally agree with both of you guyss about it. Asexual may be a tad inaccurate but that is why we have figurative speech (like I say on my webpage). To me it seems to be the lesser of the evils so to speak. Maybe a linguistics expert will join the club and give us a hint on a better fitted term. Anyone know latin <grin>?

--Girltech

Yeah, "asexual" sounds pretty good. It's just that the technical meaning of the word means I have no genitals and last time I checked I did. LOL Maybe they could change the meaning to also include "one who has no interest in sexual intercourse." In any event, I've become interested in this and have been trying to find different Latin phrases that might be accurate.

How about "monosexual," the definition of "mono" being "one, single, alone." The fist of many terms I'm sure I'll end up cobbling together.

On a side note, I am very sad and frustrated that my sexuality isn't even recognized as being real. That's something I actually haven't really thought about before. *sigh*

Hello all:

I 'm really not sure if I fit in in this club. I am married & I seem to like sex more than my wife does. Consequently there are many times that I take all my clothes off & masturbate in front of a mirror. My body turns me on a great deal as it has since I was a teenager. I used to sneak up in our old barn & masturbate in this way. I do not masturbate like other guys do either. I rub against a pillow on my stomach & do not touch my penis at all. This does not turn me on to touch it. I have also had a male sexual partner in the past & I had made love chest to chest rather than a conventional homosexual way. I hope I am not being too graphic, but it is hard to describe fully without going into a little detail.

I am also more turned on by looking at male chests than anything else. I know you must consider this very wierd.

I'm sorry if this has offended anyone in any way.

You can see that I am a very confused individual sexually.

Zack

You seem to have some sort of fetish for male chests. I don't think there's really anything wrong with that, but I'm confused as to why you're choosing this forum to talk about it.