Haven for the Human Amoeba

ive just discovered that people who arent signed in to this group can actually read everything we say. By searching on google with my username I found some of my posts. Can we do something about that?

`Sex edition' of school paper might have positive effect

Jason Lempert Boca Raton Posted April 16 2007

An article in the "Strange But True" section of the South Florida Sun-Sentinel's Web site reported on a student newspaper in a New Hampshire high school that had a "sex edition" in the pages. Many parents of the students who attend this school were offended and outraged. But it stands to wonder whether these parents had a legitimate reason to be so disgusted.

Granted, some of the things reported were a bit obscene, but what if the writers of the paper were just trying to educate their peers in the field of sex? There is a large controversy in the nation regarding sexual education in schools. Some feel it is inappropriate to teach such a thing to teenagers. But consider this: Is it possible that if more schools taught sexual education as part of their curriculum, we might have fewer teenage pregnancies, and other poor sexual choices among the young people?

And what if, in these sexual education classes, students were exposed to the ideas of "alternative lifestyles" (i.e., homosexuality, asexuality, transgender, etc.)? Then perhaps future generations might be more understanding and open-minded to other cultures and ways of life.

According to the article in the Sun-Sentinel, the student newspaper's editor in chief said that "they wanted to educate students, nearly half of whom are already having sexual intercourse, according to a 2005 Youth Risk Behavior Survey at the high school."

There is no question this is a very sensitive and controversial topic. But it is an important one, and one that should not be dismissed like the students after the final bell at school.

Copyright 2007, Sun-Sentinel Co. & South Florida Interactive Inc. http://www.sun-sentinel.com/news/opinion/letters/sfl-pbmail763apr16,0,2373449.story?coll=sfla-news-letters

Students keep quiet to speak out against discrimination By: Gina Potthoff

The campus experienced for the second time this year eight hours of silence on National Day of Silence.

VISION, a group that represents gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, queer, asexual, intersex, questioning, ally at BGSU, celebrated the annual Day of Silence by not speaking from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. yesterday.

VISION members wore stickers that explained their silence was meant to echo the silence caused by the harassment, prejudice and discrimination of LGBT people and their allies.

At the end of the stickers it asks the question, "What are you going to do to end the silence?"

About 70 stickers were made for the average 40 to 50 members that attend weekly group meetings.

"Personally, I think these issues are prevalent and it's important to make voices heard," said Eric Crumrine, senior and outgoing president of the organization.

He calls the National Day of Silence a "general visibility creating awareness" of the LGBT community's presence in today's society.

The specific date of the event changes each year, but it is always on a designated Wednesday in April.

According to Crumrine, it is similar to the campus-wide Silent Solidarity except the National Day of Silence is a vow of silence that specifically symbolizes the silence of people within the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender community.

"Not talking wasn't difficult but not using the electronic stuff was hard," said Jessica Pollack, a junior who participated in this year's Silent Solidarity.

Pollack chose to participate in Silent Solidarity because she was interested in finding out what it was all about. But she didn't know about the National Day of Silence.

Silent Solidarity gets a lot more campus-wide attention, which makes raising awareness about VISION's involvement even more significant.

"It's really important for us to do because we have the ability," Crumrine said.

Crumrine said a lot of different groups across the country aren't allowed to celebrate the National Day of Silence, especially in high schools.

"The goal is advocacy to spread the word to show the problem in an obvious way and to feel what it's like on a day-to-day basis," Erik Sowers, a freshman holding the activism chair this year, said of VISION's involvement.

He had been involved with a similar organization in high school for the past three years and decided to get involved with VISION when he learned there was an open leadership position.

"This is a good way to bring these issues to attention to cause a change," Sowers said.

© - 2007 The BG News http://media.www.bgnews.com/media/storage/paper883/news/2007/04/19/Campus/Students.Keep.Quiet.To.Speak.Out.Against.Discrimination-2852857.shtml

hi everyone, just thought i would drop a line and see how your all doin. i'm doin great see yall later bye for now.

I am a 52 year old woman. I would like to correspond with some asexuals who are in my age group. Also I would like to actually meet and have friendships with asexuals who live in my area ( upstate NY). Is anyone out there?

Hi back. Just wondering if our archives are still public as that's probably what is stopping the chat on the list. Mary

hi everyone, just thought i would drop a line and see how your all doin. i'm doin great see yall later bye for now.

I am an asexual (that means with a very low sex drive) European male (53) with a strong liking for mature/older woman (55-68) and looking for the One Lady with whom I could live together and even marry. My Question is: Are there already such relationships and how do they work? I personally think that such a relationship (beside the romantic love that I am also looking for) could very rewarding for both parts: for the woman who has a loyal friend and companion and a "strong" helpful male for all the yardwork and many chores in the house. And for him? He is not single and lonely and useless anymore, but needed and loved! But does it work? Who made experiences with such a relationship??

As there seem to be a lot of autistic people here:

Please circulate widely:

Autism Network International presents AUTREAT 2007

Autreat is a retreat-style conference run by autistic people, for autistic people and our friends and families. It is an opportunity for autistic people and those with related developmental differences, our friends and supporters to come together, discover and explore autistic connections, and develop advocacy skills, all in an autistic-friendly environment. Autreat focuses on positive living with autism, NOT on causes, cures, or ways to make us more normal. We have an exciting lineup of presentations on a variety of subjects of interest to the Autistic community, including emotions, parenting, testing, self-advocacy skills, neurodiversity, autistic people in Japan, and more. Autreat has been approved to offer Continuing Education Units through the Center on Human Policy at Syracuse University.

Autreat 2007 will take place on Monday-Friday, June 25-29, 2007 at a small college campus in the Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, area. The campus has plenty of open space for walking, recreation, and enjoying the outdoors. Lodging is in a residence hall with two to four people per room. Registration includes a supervised activity program for children and teens under 18. For fee information, registration form, a list of workshops, and further autreat information, check out ANI's website at: http://www.ani.ac.

Sandeep Adhwaryu OPINION Coldplay Be Damned Denial of sex equals marital cruelty, says the SC. But can sex be legislated?

Shefalee Vasudev

In the US, the hottest, most shocking recent turnaround in the sexual revolution is academic Joan Sewell's book I'd Rather Eat Chocolate—Learning to Love my Low Libido. Her husband, Kip Sewell, a willing partner in the lady's confession of coldness in bed, shopped with her for photogenic bedwear for a photo shoot to promote her book. Kip even worked with the photographer of Britain's Observer newspaper to build up a prop erection with gaffer tape and scrunched up balls of cellophane and a sock for photographs of the two of them in bed. Joan's denial of sex to her husband, which her book documents in some detail, has clearly not resulted in separating them.

Amusing and slightly far-fetched though it might sound, the story is relevant for us because it runs contrary to the way we in India are currently looking at sexual denial in marriage. No less an institution than the Supreme Court has grappled with words such as coldness, sexual denial and lack of affection in recent divorce rulings.

Last month's SC ruling in the divorce case of senior IAS officers Samar and Jaya Ghosh has spawned a welcome debate on what constitutes cruelty in marriage. It is a rather insightful and well-argued document of judicial and philosophic wisdom by Justices B.N. Agarwal, P.P. Naolekar and Dalveer Bhandari. Except for the part that refers to "denial of sex" as a form of cruelty in marriage.

Consider what the court says: "Unilateral decision or refusal to have intercourse without physical incapacity or valid reason amounts to mental cruelty." The judgement seems to suggest that anyone who denies sex in marriage can only do so if he or she has a physically valid reason. Sex, the most volatile of exchanges in marriage, and perhaps the most complex, now has a charter to live up to.

What's also surprising about this ruling is that it does not regard "mere coldness, lack of affection, jealousy, selfishness or possessiveness" as cruelty. It adds: "Even less can mere incompatibility or differences in temperament, personality or opinion be elevated to the grounds of divorce."

Now, let's juxtapose these points. Suppose the reason behind sexual denial by one spouse has to do with differences in temperament, coldness, lack of affection, jealousy and possessiveness. Does that mean that the refusing partner now has a "valid reason" to deny sex? What does a person do if he/she is sexually put off by the spouse but has no physical reason—impotence, frigidity or instability of mind—to explain it? Should he or she still "discharge marital obligation" as the court necessitates?

The truth is there is no easy correlation between sex and divorce. Some couples do not have sex but do not divorce. They accept the snuffing out of sexual desire in marriage rather than harp on its waning sexual quotient. Others have sex and still divorce. There are those who divorce but continue having sex with each other even after. And finally, the best kept secret of Indian marriages—those who divorce because one has been forcing sex on the other. The same law that regards denial of sex as cruelty also recently accepted forced sex as marital rape.

Ultimately, the true nature of marital sexuality cannot be categorised by any court in the world as cruel vs kind. And if the courts decide to enter this intimate domain, they will need the services, not just of a "medical man" and a smart lawyer, but also a shrink and a sexologist, to decide a divorce case.

To the layman, these recent judgements come across as a case of a step forward, and a step backward. On the one hand, there is a clearly growing sensitivity on the part of the courts—"irretrievable breakdown of marriage" is now accepted as a ground for divorce.This makes it possible for an increasing number of couples to opt for divorce by mutual consent—the sanest way to end it on paper. And, rather unexpectedly, the Rajasthan High Court ruled last week that a married woman can live with her lover against her husband's wishes. Blasphemous surely according to our moral police, but it shows respect for personal freedom.

But then, on the other side of the swinging judicial pendulum, is the labelling of "denial of sex" as cruelty. However hard the courts try, bringing desire, fantasy and sexual exploration into definitions or rulings may just be impossible. Differentiating between sexual, asexual and platonic marriages is really an out-of-court settlement with life.

At the end of the day, while ostensibly and evidentially many marriages may go to dust because the sex is bad, or non-existent, taking sexual denial to the courts may not be the best idea. Eating chocolate is easier.

(The author is editor, Marie Claire India.)

© Outlook Publishing (India) Private Limited

http://www.outlookindia.com/full.asp?fodname=20070507&fname=Col+Shefalee+(F)&sid=1

You came to the right place to meet other asexuals. There are lots of us out there. I live in South FLorida.

Dennis.

asexuals who are in my age group. Also I would like to actually meet and have friendships with asexuals who live in my area ( upstate NY). Is anyone out there?

Hi - I am a woman in Houston, Texas who will be 55 in July. Do I count? I have also wanted to correspond with someone my age in Houston but have had no luck finding anyone. I would be very happy to correspond with you. Gotta go to work now. Hope to come home and find a message from you. BTW I am Mary.

We won't tell. Get more on shows you hate to love (and love to hate): Yahoo! TV's Guilty Pleasures list. http://tv.yahoo.com/collections/265

I think these types of relationships can and do exist and thrive. I am an asexual woman who is married to a man with a very strong sex drive. Many years ago I told him I was not going to submit to him any longer. I just could not stand it anymore. I told him he could divorce me but for reasons of his own he did not. Right now we have separate bedrooms but our relationship is working. It is not ideal but it is working for the time being. Keep looking. Your lady is out there.

Need Mail bonding? Go to the Yahoo! Mail Q&A for great tips from Yahoo! Answers users. http://answers.yahoo.com/dir/?link=list&sid=396546091

It's good to see this list active again. Welcome to the list eljaykay and others. Sorry I don't meet your criteria as I live in Southern California. Mary

I am a 52 year old woman. I would like to correspond with some asexuals who are in my age group. Also I would like to actually meet and have friendships with asexuals who live in my area ( upstate NY). Is anyone out there?

I am a 52 year old woman. I would like to correspond with some asexuals who are in my age group. Also I would like to actually meet and have friendships with asexuals who live in my area ( upstate NY). Is anyone out there?

I'm 45, and also in upstate NY.

J8

i was (am still) married for 21 years. i know the lack of sex is what drove him to leave. it was torture forcing myself to do it . i am saddened the relationship is over, but not at all sad that i no longer have to submit. hopefully one day i will meet a man with low sex (or no) drive.

Do you know www.aexuality.org ? There are many asexual people.. Peter

Dapp58@... wrote: i was (am still) married for 21 years. i know the lack of sex is what drove him to leave. it was torture forcing myself to do it . i am saddened the relationship is over, but not at all sad that i no longer have to submit. hopefully one day i will meet a man with low sex (or no) drive.

See what's free at AOL.com.

So why should we, of all people, make generalization that a certain group of people are miserable, that some technical issues in relationships have to be met or the consequences are bad?

Along similar lines, why make a generalization that "older" women as a group are likely to be asexual? The fact is (among women who are sexual in the first place), libido is very likely to *increase* after menopause. It's a common source of frustration in sexual relationships: the woman's libido increases right about the same time the man's libido and potency diminish.

tian.tizer (or whatever your name is), if you're looking for a non-sexual relationship, then you need to be looking for a partner who is also asexual, not just assuming that any woman over a certain age will automatically be asexual.

Jim Sinclair jisincla@... www.jimsinclair.org

Here! Here! The last relationship I was in ended when I was told that unless we were sleeping together, we weren't in a relationship. If sex defines a relationship, then why do they call it masterbation and not a relationship with ones hand? I know that sounds silly, but it's no sillier than being constantly told that you are somehow abnormal if you're not thinking about sex every three mintues of the day. Personally, I'd like to think asexuals are more highly evolved than the norm, as we have moved beyond the physical and are capable of genuinely loving without the constraints imposed upon us by a society that seeks to define itself by "hot or not" When I look at a person, it is as the whole person and not just the sum of their parts and it is offensive when someone challenges my asexuality because I find a particular actor or actress attractive. An appreciation for beauty hasn't been co-opted by the sexual community exclusively and yes, we can find someone attractive without wanting to bump ugly with them. Yes, I am an older woman and yes, I have no sex drive, but I didn't have a sex drive 25 yrs ago either. The only thing that has changed is that I've come to the end of my eggs, as someone much younger than I, jokingly put it.

Cheers!

Debbie

You know, I have to say.... I think these "normal" people are totally bizarre. It's like they think sex is something they're owed, to a point where a relationship doesn't count unless they get it.

Meanwhile: being considerate, perceiving the other person, respecting their boundaries, doing their fair share of the communication, and actually having their own identity independent of a position with respect to others are all items that seem to be "optional" on their little relationship laundry must-be lists.

They have a disease as far as I'm concerned. "Real" relationship = person I screw. That's kind of developmentally stunted. And I don't have anything against sexual people or sexuality in and of itself. It's just that all the people I meet who do happen to be sexual are stunted and so bizarrely fixated on pussy/penis like some wierd little child in an adult body who has to get theirs to upstage and get back at their mommie and daddy who got to have it when they didn't.

I've never heard anyone in the mental health community even try to address that. But you can be sure that the asexual has to be harrassed as "fearing connection", "witholding", etc. What am I witholding? You're adult identity? A good rub? You can't get these things yourself sexual person? What a joke! I think they're a joke. Why don't they go find a doughnut hole? They can pretend it's me. They won't know the difference. I'm just the object on which they've fixated their latest integration entitlement problem. The real issue is that if they saw themselves using a doughnut, they'd actually have to admit their problem to themselves and do the work. Whereas not using a doughnut, using me, forcing me to act like I like it lest I have no social connection allows them to further do no work whatsoever and put all their shit on me. Which is the whole point of being a sexual person -- they can do their individual integration work on another person, treating me as a subset of their own psyche, and they can make nice child objects to use in unequal power relationships that they can futher force/use to "take care" of their problem.

Ug!

Nic

to each his own i say... the problem for me now(seperated a yr) is that i look back on the 24 yrs together and i see it was all about the sex for him, it saddens me as i always wanted it to be so much more(as it was for me) and it couldnt be with such a sexual person. Is is fair for the sexual person to be denied? i guess not, but i thought our love/commitment was far more important than the instant gratification. but then again he equated sex to love so it was a lose/lose situation. i miss the companionship/friendship. but i will never allow myself to be used in that fashion again.

debbie, i can relate... i had no sex drive 25 yrs ago when i first met the x, though i didnt really know why and assumed it would arrive some day, alas it never did. I agree with all that you said. i truley loved the man--for Him. not for what i could get out of him, as that is how he loved me....i wanted to really be loved for ME and see that is impossible for the sexual man to ever do. why is it that a compromise is never enough?

what about for a person as myself... i want a relationship but i do not care for sex at all?