Haven for the Human Amoeba

Well, this site offers a questionnaire, which I will fill out. First, I will say, I am a happily single older woman who is looking for an empath friend to share some times with, but not a lot of time. I really value alone time. i enjoy gentle activities; walks, cloud watching, the quiet of away-places, books, art, meditation, bowling. I prefer soft instrumental music to lyrics and beats, though I know a lot of ballads by heart and enjoy singing to myself in the car. I know most all of the Siddha Yoga chants in Sanscrit and Hindi and have been a devotee for over 30 years.

I read sci-fi and fantasy and Tao and other zen-like things. I subscribe to magazines; Southwest Art, Watercolor, Science News, The Week. I care nothing for politics and will walk away if politics becomes the discussion. Having been a hermit most of my life, I have a love of silence and don't want or need to make conversation for more than 5 minutes at a time. However, I love to listen to people tell of their own adventures in the world, provided they don't go on for more than 45 minutes at a time.

However, I am a poet and a writer of fiction short stories and working on my third fiction novel. It is the spoken wordy conversation that I tend to avoid, not the written word. interesting.

I am not very active. I like bowling, but in general do not enjoy any sports, though I never miss watching the Olympics on TV during gymnastics and ice skating.

I enjoy TV; Big Bang Theory, Monk, Greys Anatomy, CSI (with Gibbs and Abby) and movies that are either hi-brow, have some humor, or message. I liked Pay It Forward, I Am Legend, Men Who Stare at Goats, Little Big Man, Rooster Cogburn (both versions), most old westerns.

1. Name/age: Susan 65

2. Gender: f

3. Race: cauc

4. Geographic Location: Colorado USA

5. Have you ever had sex? yes. married 30 yrs, celibate the last 10. then divorced and asexual another 15 yrs since.

6. What gender, if any, are you attracted to friendships? both. sex? no interest in sex at all. actually, want to avoid it altogether.

7. Are you open about your non-sexuality? yes

8. do you ever want to get married? NO

crave non-sexual romance? NO

10. Do you like ANY human contact? Being empathic, I tend to seek only gentle and sweet human contacts, or completely left brain.

11. Are you bothered by your asexuality? not at all.

12. Do you desire companionship? yes. Do you like to kiss? no. just on the cheek. but i am a hugger.

13. Have you ruled out possible medical/psychological reasons for your disinterest in sex? yes.... well, was so abused sexually during marriage my body will not relax when approached, and goes into panic.

14. Were you sexually molested as a child either by adults or other children? no. I really don't want to be the sounding board for others who have this problem either.

15. When did you first start to realize that you were different from other people in terms of your sexuality? 1975

Hello, folks....

I am a 49 year old male, and I am married.

Since I was little, I have always wanted to be married -- and have children. For some reason, though, I do not desire sex -- leaving adoption as the only option.

how do you explain asexuality to a spouse?

Dear Sir or Dear Madam

We are a multidisciplinary research group from G. D’Annunzio University of Chieti-Pescara (Italy) and we are carrying on a survey on gender identity transformations. We would greatly appreciate if you could help us spreading the following link to the online questionnaire throughout the members of your association

http://www.surveygizmo.com/s3/599123/gender-identity-survey

The survey is anonymous and is addressed at people over 15 years. Filling in the questionnaire will take about 15 minutes.

Best regards Mara Maretti Lara Fontanella Francesca Fortuna University of Chieti-Pescara Italy http://www.dmqte.unich.it//users/fontanella/gender_in_transition/survey.html

Hello, I was wondering if anyone else feels the way I do. I am an aromantic asexual, and would rather not be. I wish I was at least a romatic asexual. Then I could at least have some kind of committed relationship with a man or woman. That is not the case. I fear that I will be alone for the rest of my life and die alone. I will be known as a crazy cat lady. I wonder if this means that my asexuality is really a disorder because it causes me distress? I have not always felt this way, but lately have. I am Jewish, and I wish I wanted to get married and have kids. I feel so abnormal because I don't want those things. I would rather be lesbian that be asexual. Even that seems more "normal" to me than my asexuality.

Thanks for reading my post. Any comments are welcome.

my name is sharon and i also was a sick child and a loner i think you go through something like that it kind of makes you an recluse cause no one understands how you feel; then add being asexual your most definitely a freak of nature, aleast thats how i feel sometimes. i just wanted to reach out to you and tell you that your not alone and we are all here to listen and support each other so if you need a friend feel free to contact me at kandykane95828@.... ok ttyn

hey all. i'm a 47 year old male, impotent and fully non orgasmic. looking for others who live an sex and orgasm free lifestyle and abstain from all genital stimulation (particularly masturbation). thanks.

The secret of my success is ... http://alpha-photo.fr/com.page.php?ihotmailID=01j6

Pamela

Pam, if you are a legitimate member of this group, you have been hacked.

The secret of my success is ... http://alpha-photo.fr/co m.page.php?ihotmailID=01j6

---

Pamela

http://ankait.com/detail.php?id=34

I don't think it pays for me to stay in this group anymore, what w/ all the spam, & nobody posts anyway! :(

http://ankait.c om/detail.php?id=34

What is it like to be asexual?

Twenty-one-year-old Jenni Goodchild does not experience sexual attraction, but in an increasingly sexualised society what is it like to be asexual?

Are there asexuals among us? On the possibility of a “fourth” sexual orientation

Scientists believe that there may be a fourth sexual orientation in our species, one characterized by the absence of desire and no sexual interest in males or females, only a complete and lifelong lacuna of sexual attraction toward any human being (or non-human being). Such people are regarded as asexuals. Unlike bisexuals, who are attracted to both males and females, asexuals are equally indifferent to and uninterested in having sex with either gender. So imagine being a teenager waiting for your sexual identity to express itself, waiting patiently for some intoxicating bolus of lasciviousness to render you as dumbly carnal as your peers, and it just doesn’t happen.

What Does Asexuality Mean To You? Of all the myriad expressions of human sexuality, asexuality is probably among the least understood, although many people think they know exactly what it means; the opposite of being sexual. A few persistent themes can be seen in the way people think about asexuality; asexuality means you don’t have sex, right? You also don’t have romantic relationships (you can’t have those without sex!). You’re probably frigid and that’s why you’re asexual; maybe you’re afraid of sex or you’re refusing to face trauma. No healthy person rejects sexuality. You’re repressed. You’re not kinky or queer, that’s for sure.

Hi group! So happy to find you!

1. Name/age: PP Ager 50 - something!!

2. Gender: F

3. Race: cauc

4. Geographic Location: Southern UK

5. Have you ever had sex? yes... married 25 yrs - 3 kids in their twenties... celibate for the last 15... now happily divorced!

6. What gender, if any, are you attracted to friendships? Both of course, but really looking for male companionship

7. Are you open about your non-sexuality? Yes - as it is really an enforced celibacy for me for medical reasons.

8. do you ever want to get married? Not really!

9. crave non-sexual romance? YES

10. Do you like ANY human contact? Cuddles, giving pleasure , intellectual meeting of minds etc

11. Are you bothered by your asexuality? My celibacy has been a problem for me yes, but as I get older not so much.

12. Do you desire companionship? YES Do you like to kiss? Depends who I'm kissing ;o)

13. Have you ruled out possible medical/psychological reasons for your disinterest in sex? As I said before - I have a chronic condition which makes sexual contact very painful....

14. Were you sexually molested as a child either by adults or other children? No

15. When did you first start to realize that you were different from other people in terms of your sexuality? N/A

Thanks for reading! P x

Well, this site offers a questionnaire, which I will fill out. First, I will say, I am a happily single older woman who is looking for an empath friend to share some times with, but not a lot of time. I really value alone time. i enjoy gentle activities; walks, cloud watching, the quiet of away-places, books, art, meditation, bowling. I prefer soft instrumental music to lyrics and beats, though I know a lot of ballads by heart and enjoy singing to myself in the car. I know most all of the Siddha Yoga chants in Sanscrit and Hindi and have been a devotee for over 30 years.

I read sci-fi and fantasy and Tao and other zen-like things. I subscribe to magazines; Southwest Art, Watercolor, Science News, The Week. I care nothing for politics and will walk away if politics becomes the discussion. Having been a hermit most of my life, I have a love of silence and don't want or need to make conversation for more than 5 minutes at a time. However, I love to listen to people tell of their own adventures in the world, provided they don't go on for more than 45 minutes at a time.

However, I am a poet and a writer of fiction short stories and working on my third fiction novel. It is the spoken wordy conversation that I tend to avoid, not the written word. interesting.

I am not very active. I like bowling, but in general do not enjoy any sports, though I never miss watching the Olympics on TV during gymnastics and ice skating.

I enjoy TV; Big Bang Theory, Monk, Greys Anatomy, CSI (with Gibbs and Abby) and movies that are either hi-brow, have some humor, or message. I liked Pay It Forward, I Am Legend, Men Who Stare at Goats, Little Big Man, Rooster Cogburn (both versions), most old westerns.

1. Name/age: Susan 65

2. Gender: f

3. Race: cauc

4. Geographic Location: Colorado USA

5. Have you ever had sex? yes. married 30 yrs, celibate the last 10. then divorced and asexual another 15 yrs since.

6. What gender, if any, are you attracted to friendships? both. sex? no interest in sex at all. actually, want to avoid it altogether.

7. Are you open about your non-sexuality? yes

8. do you ever want to get married? NO

crave non-sexual romance? NO

10. Do you like ANY human contact? Being empathic, I tend to seek only gentle and sweet human contacts, or completely left brain.

11. Are you bothered by your asexuality? not at all.

12. Do you desire companionship? yes. Do you like to kiss? no. just on the cheek. but i am a hugger.

13. Have you ruled out possible medical/psychological reasons for your disinterest in sex? yes.... well, was so abused sexually during marriage my body will not relax when approached, and goes into panic.

14. Were you sexually molested as a child either by adults or other children? no. I really don't want to be the sounding board for others who have this problem either.

15. When did you first start to realize that you were different from other people in terms of your sexuality? 1975

Tim Gunn Says He Hasn’t Had Sex in 29 Years

Celibacy and asexuality have been in the news a lot this week, and the sex-free lifestyle got another big q-rating boost this week with Project Runway‘s Tim Gunn’s announcement that he has been sexless for the past thee decades.

Great article;thanks for sharing

I live in New England (US). Where are you? Any other folks out there who don't orgasm or masturbate?

Where u at?

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I met a guy who told me he was asexual and I took it as a challenge and started asking him over. He was happy to hang out with me and is, oddly enough, very affectionate. For the last month I'ave tried everything to interest him in sex -- timing it so I'm just getting out of the shower when he arrives, showing him my new sex toys right out of the package, wearing revealing tops and thongs that show when I bend over. I work out and have a dynamite body right now, but it doesn't do the trick! I've played music from soft to raunchy and said all kinds of sexy, wild things to him -- but there's no reaction below the waist for him. He thinks I have an "amazing" body. It still gets no reaction except amusement after all my efforts. He likes to kiss, but not deeply. Oddly enough, he doesn't find men anymore interesting sexually than women. What is wrong with him? -- So Frustrated, Fort Garry Dear Frustrated: What is wrong with you, girlfriend? Sex and affection are not about challenging someone's uninterested body part. Why are you knocking yourself out and buying unnecessary buzzing sex toys for this guy? He was meant to be a friend and nothing more. Unless you are practicing to be a sex therapist, this effort makes no sense. If this guy finds his asexuality a problem, he will do something about it. For now, he has no reason to seek help. He's got a gorgeous woman like you knocking herself to entertain him and arouse him for the last month. What a power trip! So what is your sex problem? What's the payback for you to miss out on sex in relationship with a guy. Have you felt that guys only want you for your dynamite body? Let the pendulum swing back to the middle now. Remove this guy from Obsessive Experiment to Casual Friend and look for a guy who's wonderful as a person, interested in sex, but willing to wait for a while so you can find out if you both really care. Then you have a chance at the whole enchilada. P.S. How do you know for sure he doesn't find men interesting, but is afraid to experiment?

Dispelling Common Myths about Asexuality

Welcome to the other AA - Asexuals Anonymous During my life I have run into a lot of people who are completely perplexed by me and it seems a lot of them think along the same mistaken lines when it comes to the topic of asexuality. I have decided to write an article, a bit of a wake up call to the world, to let non-asexuals know what asexuality really is, not what the pop psychologists think it is by basing their theories on apathetic amoebas...

1. Asexuality is just another word for celibacy. This is not the case. Celibacy is practiced by a person who generally does feel sexual attraction to others but refrains from sexual activity (often for religious or moral reasons but not always.) Asexuals are people who genuinely have no interest in any sexual activity with another person, regardless of circumstance.

2. Asexuality doesn't really exist in humans. Oh contraire, asexuality has been documented in humans going back to the infamous Kinsey report in the 1950's. Sure, the Kinsey scale only allowed for the measurement of attraction from heterosexual, to ambisexual, to homosexual, but there was a vague mention of asexuals who were labeled in the original research under "X" - meaning they didn't fit the above categories at all. Since then a few studies have been done that suggest that as much as 1 or 2% of the entire world population could be asexual - males and females.

3. Asexuals are just closeted homosexuals who don't want to face up to their sexuality. This one was always a kicker for me, something whispered behind my back since I hit puberty. My best friend through middle and high school insisted I must be a lesbian through an aggravating lack of understanding. I had my fun with this one... gave her the right answer (I'm asexual) before she threw that back in my face, "You are not!" After that I made up a boyfriend, made incredibly ambiguous statements, and told her I was every orientation I could think of just for chuckles. In any event, if I were a lesbian it would have been a lot easier to pretend to be straight if it were the case. Surely if I really wanted to I could have played straight. I could take notes on who the other chicks found appealing and merely tepidly agreed or I could have even reached a little farther out and picked someone whose voice or speech patterns I liked. It wouldn't have been that hard.

4. Asexuals are just people who have repressed their sexuality. Often times religion is tied into this one and I do understand why religion would screw with someone's head. I've seen plenty of churches do massive damage to young people by telling them they can never do anything right (everything's a sin so why even try anymore?) Celibacy is encouraged in many churches but celibacy is different from asexuality. An asexual who finds themselves married still won't want to have sex, that's what defines them, where as a celibate person would likely become sexual after marriage. Most would be quite surprised to know that many asexuals come from nonreligious backgrounds with loving supportive families.

5. Asexuality is the result of a shattered emotional state/ Female asexuals have just had bad experiences with men. Though this may be true in some cases it's certainly not true in all cases. A negative experience doesn't have to predate asexuality. In fact most asexuals probably feel they were born that way, not created later in life to be that way.

6. You just haven't met the right man (or woman) Asexuals are not all against love and relationships. Often times they do have relationships with others but the fact that they don't wish to engage in sex remains the same, regardless of whether they are single or not. Platonic relationships often fill the void for companionship. Should the rest of the world consider these relationships any less serious then the couples who are sexually involved with each other? Personally I don't think so as these couples form the same bonds, the same emotional responses, the same instinct to love and protect each other. A lack of sex doesn't mean a lack of genuine human attachment.

7. Asexuals are abnormal - they have something wrong with them. Not enough studies have been done on asexuals to prove or disprove that they are any different physically from a healthy sexually active person. Hormones (or the lack there of) may be involved but that doesn't mean they need to be "fixed." Asexuals are generally comfortable with their life, few seek to become sexualized (and those that do are automatically slapped with a Sexual Aversion Disorder Label which may have been unjustified.) If sex is not a problem in their lives then there's no reason to fix something that's not broken. If I 'cure' were found for asexuality I'm betting the majority of asexuals would probably ignore it and go on living their lives. Asexuality is after all just a big a part of someone's personality as sexual orientation is to someone who is sexual. It should be noted humans aren't the only ones who show asexual behavior. It's been documented on occasion in other mammals (which makes the psychological standpoint ridiculous.)

8. Asexuals are just naive about sex - if they try it they might like it. Asexuals are rarely naive, if you know any you might find they are remarkably perceptive and well educated on the mechanics of sex. This is easy to understand because a lot of asexuals are perplexed by the energy put forth by our peers that goes into sex or trying to achieve sex. It's not unusual for any of us to innocently and curiously look into it like any other subject of interest. Some asexuals may be capable of having a positive physical reaction to sex itself but that doesn't necessarily mean they will enjoy it or seek more of it. In fact many asexuals do experiment at least once. Some claim sex is mildly fun or interesting in the same way making model airplanes or reading a book is mildly fun or interesting. Generally they go back to the way they were.

9. Asexuals are just severe misanthropes who can't stand people enough to screw one. This may sometimes be true... Heaven knows I'm not particularly fond of a great many people, but that doesn't really enter the sex question. Even misanthropes have their scandalous affairs, driven by the same biological mechanisms that drives everyone else. Hell, even Mencken got married and I can't think of a worse misanthrope then him!

10. Asexuality is just an excuse not to deal with people who are attracted to you. I think sometimes the outside world takes on this attitude but it's not justified. Just because I, or someone else, feels no physical attraction to you, it doesn't mean this should be taken personally. Asexuals rarely feel attraction towards anyone. In fact a great many of them will be shocked to know anyone would feel that way towards them. You can see why many don't like to be touched in any way - they risk giving the wrong impression and that's never a good thing.

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I’m asexual.

That means I do not experience sexual attraction. In discussions about sexual minorities, asexuals are not usually talked about. We’re the invisible cousin of the LGBTQ world. Many people (I’m looking at you Dan Savage) like to claim we don’t exist, ignore us or make fun of us. Many people wonder why we need to talk about being asexual. But being ace (the slang term for asexual) is not easy in a hetero normative, sexual normative world.

For most of my life, I assumed I was heterosexual, even though I wasn’t sexually attracted to others. I thought, like many asexual people, that I was late bloomer or that I hadn’t met the right person. However, as I kept getting older and older, I started to sense that I was not a late bloomer and that I might, just might, not ‘bloom’ at all.

It all came to a head when I took a sexuality class. As I heard, for the first time, real, open discussion of sexuality, it hit me like a ton of bricks: I plain wasn’t interested. And most people had had sexual feelings way, way, before the age of 22. I wasn’t going to ‘bloom.’ During the class, the professor mentioned asexuality. As soon as I got home, I looked it up.

When I did that google search for ‘asexuality,’ the Asexuality Visibility and Education Network popped up. AVEN is the hub for the asexual community; it is where confused people are welcomed with discussion and virtual cake (which, in the asexual community is an in-joke since for aces ‘cake is better than sex’). It is where meet-ups are organized in cities across the globe. It is where asexual can discuss activism, the coming out process and Doctor Who. It is, in short, a refuge.

We need a refuge. Asexuals are different and to the sexual world, we offer a challenge. Many sexuals, when they learn about asexuality, want to know why we are asexual. Often times, there is an assumption that asexuality is a choice, like celibacy. Or it must be that we have been abused, molested, had a bad relationship or otherwise been ‘broken’ and that that ‘brokenness’ has made us ace. None of that is true. Asexuality is an orientation, not a choice. Some asexuals have been abused, but that is not why they are asexual. Asexuality is not a reaction to adverse life events, it is a fact I cannot change about myself. Suggesting that I can become sexual is equivalent to suggesting that a gay person can become straight.

Hello,

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Hello,

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